


Whispered Words For You

by loneackerman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dark Comedy, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, RivaMika Jam, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Denial, Separation Anxiety, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 97,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26812225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loneackerman/pseuds/loneackerman
Summary: Their military duties have ended but it was only the beginning where a life awaits them. Levi Ackerman was finally feeling the joy of having and finding a family where he and Mikasa Ackerman built. Until comes a time where good things must finally go, leaving Levi Ackerman isolated from the shitty world he believes.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Character(s), Mikasa Ackerman & Levi, Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 38
Kudos: 120





	1. A Sunny Day

**Author's Note:**

> Hey reader. It's gonna be my first time writing a fan-fic so please, bear with me.  
> Well, it's more of a dialogue story because I believe that the characters really wants to be chatty. LMAO  
> I don't know how much I will write this story, but so far, I'm kinda enjoying it. I might edit this if I find it to cringing, so again, please bear with me. Thanks... you guys. (:
> 
> Alsooo, English is not my first language, so please bear with my grammars. Heehee

\----------------------------------------------------------------

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

"Ah, shit!" Levi rolled his eyes, while trying to look for the alarm clock. It's already six in the morning, but the sun is still hiding from his morning view. He was trying to go back to sleep, trying to remember what was that beautiful dream all about.

But for a person like him, sleep is a luxury. He has been experiencing insomnia, for the past four years. So he tossed, tossed, and tossed the pillow before making his way to the kitchen.

Still trying to remember the beautiful dream he had before the alarm clock ruined it, he can't help but to smile a little before he finally noticed that he was already in his reality. This life right now.

He sighed. And finally made his way to the kitchen.

 _Gonna make scramble eggs for two._ His mind was still drifting away, but this was his life right now. He put the pan in the stove, and cracked two eggs. One for him, and one for

"Daddy?" A small squeak was now filling the silence the kitchen has to offer.  
"Hm?" Levi answered without looking to his son, still trying to wake himself up.  
"What are you making?"  
"Eggs." 

The little kid didn't bother to reply. He made his way to the counter table, without even bothering his father. At an early age, he understand that his father have never enjoyed anything but silence. So he knows what he must do.

"You're up early."  
"Uhuh. Daddy doesn't like sleepy heads."  
"Good." Levi placed the perfect eggs, one on his plate and one on his son's.  
"Uhm, daddy?"  
"Hm?"  
"Can you reach me one oranjee juice?"  
"Yeah." He moved his way towards the fridge to find a small tetra pack of Orange juice. Surprisingly, his morning frown curved a little upwards.  
"Daddy, thank you... Why are you smiling?"  
"Nothing."

They ate their breakfast silently, trying to waste time without even speaking to each other. At 6:30 am, Theo needs to prepare himself before going to school, and he must do it quickly because at 7:00 am sharp, he knows that his father is already waiting at the car. 

So he went immediately at his father's car learning that it was only 6:58 am, a little smirk was building on his happy face not until his father scowled.

"You're late."  
"Huh? Daddy it's still two minutes."  
"I know. Can't you be a little faster?"  
"... Yes daddy... Next time."

The drive to school was silent. Of course, it was always like this every morning but today's a bit different. Levi's normal mood is always annoyed, but today he was like building an annoying tension all over his body. He just ignored his frowning son and focused on the driveway. Indeed, the drive to school this morning is a little longer rather than the other days.

As soon as he parked their car at the school ground, he already heard two irksome people yelling his name. He sighed and closed his eyes, readying for another chatty day that he was getting annoyed to.

"Leeeeeeviiiiii!" Hange was shouting his name so loud that even the other people was looking at them.  
"Can't you be a little decent you shitty four eyes?"  
"Levi. Language. We already have kids." The tall man was soon approaching them as soon as he talked, but Levi kept on rolling his eyes.  
"What do you two want?"  
"Well, we wanna bond with you Levi! It's been a long time and there's a lot of story we wanna share... Well, is that right Erwin?!"  
" Tch. "  
"Come on, Levi. It's already been too long—"  
"Oh for fuck's sake. We are seeing each other for almost everyday chattering stupid conversation like this one." Annoyed, Levi held his son's shoulder telling him it's time to go to his respective class.  
"What's with the frowning face, Theo? You now looked like your dad! Sweet heart, you don't want to have wrinkles at a very young age!" Hange exclaims with a nervous laugh at her face, cupping her hands at Theo's cheeks.  
"Theo, why won't you go with Emily and Keith? They are also heading to class." Erwin glanced to the frowning little boy and smiled as he pushed his daughter and Hange's son softly.  
"Okay uncle Erwin and Aunt Hange, good bye."  
"Hey, Theooo? Not gonna say good bye to your cute daddy?"  
"Uh... Bye... Daddy." Theo nervously looked to his frowning father and his hands were soon pulled by Emily and Keith.

Erwin and Hange looked to each other with worried faces as they were pertaining Levi's stoic expression. They knew that something, again, was bothering Levi. But even before they could call Levi, he was already walking his way towards the car without even saying good bye.

"Levi, wait!" Erwin shouted so that Levi will hear.  
"What?"  
"Wanna have some tea?" Erwin was glancing towards Hange, sharing the same smirk.  
"I already have tea at my house."  
"We also wanna have some tea. So we going to your house?" Hange exclaimed excitingly.  
"No. Because you might break one of my furnitures."  
"So Levi, wanna come tea with us?"  
"I don't wa—"  
"There's a newly opened tea shop just a little far from here, I heard that they serve exclusive tea from Asia."

Asia. Asia? What was he hearing? Tea coming from Asia was so rare these days, it would even cost you a breakfast for two in an exchange for a small tea bag.

But other than that, he was remembering something. The raven hair that was similar to his. The gray eyes that was much darker than his blue gray eyes. The porcelain skin he adored every single day. And the scarred cheek, a reminder that even a strong female like her can be hurt. _Mikasa._

So Levi shook his head.

"It's expensive, Eyebrows."  
"It's okay, Levi. Actually I have gift cards from a friend." Erwin insisted.  
"Come on, Leeeevi! Tea is like drugs to you right??? So come on!"  
"Don't you two have anything to deal with? I still need to clean the house. Erwin, use your gift cards and treat your family... Wasting it on shitty glasses and me is not a good idea." He sighed and put his hands on his pocket, trying to shake off the loneliness his mind was creating.  
"Levi... Just once..." The excitement of Hange's face was already being replaced by the same sad face he saw himself in the mirror.  
"My wife and daughter never liked tea. It was a luxury gift from Sir Pyxis, he said to make good use of it. And by good use, Levi you're coming with us." Erwin was still standing next to him and his voice were already sounding concerned.

"Whatever. Just make sure the place is neat."

________________

Levi left his car on the school, accepting the offer to ride Erwin's stupid family van. He thought to himself, though it may looked stupid, still a good thing that it was huge so that he can be away from Hange as she was pissing him since the early morning.

"Hey Levi, Moblit and I are having trouble doing sex. Can you talk to Moblit for any tips?"  
"Goddamned it, keep your personal issues to yourself. Disgusting." Levi rolled his eyes to the intent he looked at Erwin and said: "Crazy woman, is she really coming with us?"  
"Yeah, yeah" Erwin lift his brows and chuckled lightly.  
"What's funny, Erwin? Are you sure you can satisfy your wife, huh?" Playfully said by Hange while pinching Erwin's back.  
"Of course, Hange. I'm confident enough, but why in walls are you asking questions like that?"  
"Moblit's gotten a little tired every time I try to ask if he wants to have a smoochy smut with me. He's like, uhm? Like trying to ignore my desires?"  
"The actual fuck, Hange. Of course the man is fucking tired, you already have like what? Four children while your eldest is only seven? And that tone you have right now seems you want to add another brat to the list." As usual, Levi rolled his eyes.

Both Erwin and Hange, chuckled... But nervously.

As soon as they arrived at the exclusive tea shop, Levi was stunned, his eyes were mesmerized by the tea shop he is seeing.

"Amazing, huh?"  
"Yeah, eyebrows. Didn't expect you have a nice taste."  
"Let's go and order ourselves some nice cup of tea."

Levi still ordered the same Black Tea, but that Black Tea was different, because the leaves were coming from Asia, a rare kind of brewed luxury. Erwin ordered a Special Hibiscus Tea paired with wild honey, making it as the tea shop's favorite. On the other hand, Hange ordered a Mango-Strawberry tea paired with a handful of bean mochi, plus an addition of exclusive Christmas cookies.

"You eating that all, shitty glasses?"  
"No, no, I'm sharing it with you and Erwin!"  
"I don't eat that shit. Tell Erwin to order thin biscuits for me."

As soon as Erwin arrived at their table, holding the luxurious goodies, Hange was already shouting and drooling. Levi sighed and was just wishing for the day to end.

And so they munch. Erwin was amazed, as he didn't know that there's much to the tea they were drinking, it was a vivid feeling, the feeling of not just delish but also satisfaction. Hange was also feeling the same but overreacting as the biscuit crumbs fell down at her lap, trying to collect it and put it back in her mouth.

While Levi, sat and sipped his tea.

_Don't turn it all inside  
I don't want to see you cry,  
I don't want to see you cry..._

He sighed not noticing the stares his two friends are giving him.

_Whispered kisses on your ears,  
Touch so soft and warm,  
Confessions of love for you is..._

He sighed another one and closed his eyes.

"Without words..."

Hange was about to open her mouth, until Erwin softly kicked her leg like he was trying to say: Just let Levi be.

_

After finishing their biscuits, the silence in their table have finally vanished when Hange started talking.

"The tea shop looks so extravagant, but the songs inside they are playing is making me shed a tear." Hange tried to pick her words carefully as Erwin shared a glance with her.  
"Eh, something good coming from your shitty mouth?" Levi rolled his eyes for the twentieth time.  
"This place was just so soothing, Erwin you really have good taste, I even loved the mochi and Christmas cookies!"  
"We could come again next time, what you say?"  
"It's expensive, Eyebrows. My retirement salary can't afford luxury shits like this."  
"Well yes, but I could ask sir Pyxis for gift cards again... If you won't mind."  
"Wait? Did Sir Pyxis gave that gift cards for free?"  
"Of course you stupid shit. That old bald man gave that cards to Erwin for free that's why it's called a gift."  
"Enough you two. We could ask Sir Pyxis again, if you guys would want to drink tea here at some other time."  
"How does he have those things? Is the old bald man robbing this shop?"  
"No..." Erwin chuckled. "But Sir Pyxis' sister runs this tea shop. Of course, Sir Pyxis have a lot of gift cards, and giving this cards to me is like nothing to him."  
"Yeah, because the old bald man prefers drinking pig piss rather than luxury teas."  
"Levi, language! Someone might hear us! I don't want my ass getting kick outside from this lovely tea shop!" Hange squeals.  
"Tch, what about I'll fucking kick your ass if you won't stop overreacting things."

There was a moment of silent, and Erwin and Hange chuckled seizing the moment. To their surprise, Levi lets a small upward curve on his mouth.

Wait, did he just smile? Or kinda smile? It doesn't matter, anyways. The three were just relaxing and finishing their cup of tea.

"Say, Levi..."  
"Hm?"  
"Your son... Theo? Uhm, why was he... Sad this morning?" Asked Hange as her eyes were building with concern.  
"Don't know." Without looking, Levi just shrugged.  
"Did anything happen this morning?" Erwin started to join the conversation, same eyes like Hange's.  
"Not really. Well... He was late."  
"Come on, Levi? We're not in the military anymore. Give your son a break..."  
"I don't want to talk about my son's tardiness. He's gonna be six this year, and it's about time he knows my rules."  
"Levi, your son is the most discipline kid I've ever seen in my life. He's just five and he's behaving like a matured grown up." Erwin raised his brows looking at Levi.

Levi paused while drinking his tea, enough to give Hange a startled face.

"Because that should be the way it is. I've also grown up without noticing how matured I was as a kid."  
"But Levi... Your son is not you..." Hange explained nervously while looking at Erwin.  
"Okay, enough. Why are we even talking about Theo? I was having a good cup of tea and—"  
"Exactly. Because the kid is growing cold just like his father. That's why I want to talk with you—"  
"Erwin, look. I don't want to hear your shitty advices about brats because I don't raise my kid the same way you guys raise your kids."

There was silence and tension in the air.

"Come on... Levi. Theo's growing to be really lonely... Even Keith can feel the same way we thought about Theo..."  
"The hell should he be lonely for? I already provided shelter for him. Cook good food every day, drive him to school every day, he even studies in a nice good school. And to mention I also clean our house three times a day, so what the hell is he sad for?" Irritated, Levi finished the remaining drops of his tea.

"It's because he needs a home not just a shelter, Levi."  
"I need to clean the house. I need to go back." As Levi was about to get up from the chair, Hange held his wrist.  
"Is this what Mikasa wants?"

Levi stopped when he heard her name. *It's been four years.* His fist was clenching but it was still enough to keep his stoic look. He gave Hange and Erwin a glare that was enough for them to understand that he was not getting pissed or irritated, but he was getting angry.

He stood up, and picked his coat from the chair. Then finally looked down at his two friends.

"I don't know. And I don't want to talk about it."

______________________________________________________________________________  
**About seven years ago**

"Hey, you alright honey?"  
"Yeah." He glanced at her cheerful morning look.  
"I love mornings now, you know?"  
"Hm?"  
"Because I get to see you first, Levi... Reminds me of how good life is." She leaned at him, chuckled softly, and kissed his cheeks.  
"I love you, Mikasa." He uttered the word perfectly, as he returned his kisses to his wife.  
"I love you too, Levi."  
"No. I really mean it. I really do love you. And I can't live like this anymore if I am to lose you."

Mikasa just giggled, staring at her husband's pretty face. 

-

"Mikasa Ackerman and Levi Ackerman" She pronounce the word like it was her reading her favorite Strawberry Shortcake in a fancy menu.  
"Anything funny?"  
"No, no..." She chuckled. "It's like we were married before—"  
"But we're married now."  
"Oh, Levi." She chuckled again, but this time, harder. "It's like we were married before even though it's not, but right now here we are busy in the married life."  
"Busy in the married life, huh." He smirked and said teasingly, "How about I want a sexy, good wife tonight?"

He looked at her from head to toe, like a hungry lion. In return, she raised her brows, and pulled his collar. Enough for her to kiss Levi hungrily.

"Mm, don't tease me you beautiful girl. I might not wait til evening,"  
"You are always impatient, you irksome pretty boy." She giggled lightly as she was pulling his tie ready to surrender herself to her hungry husband not when the doorbell rang.

"Ugh, fuck! Why does it have to be right now!"

She laughed at her husband's annoyed, lust-deprived face. She fixed the wrinkle on her blouse, making it a neat fold as she was also, indeed, being influenced by his husband's strange obsessive thing about neatness.

"Levi, fixed your polo, we don't want Erwin, Hange, Moblit, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Eren and Armin sees what we planned to do."  
"It's not their business if we plan to have sex right now at the living room."  
"Levi!"  
"Yeah, alright darling. Anything for you."

-

"Mikasa! Here are the pickles you told me you want. It's a good thing I remembered it when you said you were craving for it." Hange squeals as she was like seeing Mikasa for the first time.  
"Huh? Mikasa never liked Pickles since we were young." Eren argued.  
"But it's what Mikasa told me last week, right Mikasa?"  
"Yeah, thank you Hange. I was craving for it badly," she chuckled. "But you know, Levi told me it was disgusting, so I never asked him to buy it for me."  
"Levi, what are you? A ten years old still sticking tongue angry about vegetables?" The room was filled with laughter as Erwin throw the words that made Levi rolled his eyes.

It was a sunny day. Everyone was happily chattering around, enjoying every pure things the day had brought them. Of course, this was also Levi and Mikasa's second wedding anniversary.

"Ma...ma" The little boy from Hange's arm is uttering something as Hange screams excitedly.  
"Oh my goodness, Keith!!! Come on, just say the word!" Hange's eyes was glittering enough for Moblit to give her an assuring smile.  
"Keith? Seriously, Hange? You named your son after your crush?" Levi rolled his eyes, asking bored.  
"Well, Captain... Keith's a good name. And we even adore Sir Keith, right Eren?" Armin joined the conversation.  
"Really huh. So you all now are under the beardy bald's cult?"

Everyone broke again into laughter. It was a really happy day. Levi can see the glimmer in his wife's eye carefully not shedding a tear because of today's laughter. He too, was happy. Contented. This was the life he dreamed and craved. 

"Hey Hange, can Keith already walk?" Curiously, Eren asked Hange while looking to Moblit like he was asking for permission.  
"A bit, I think? Hey Moblit honey, can this munching baby walk already?"  
"Of course, let him walk towards uncle Eren."  
"Okay, Keith! Now come here to the best uncle in the world! And I will teach you a lot of moves your crazy mom wants to see, haha!" Eren exclaimed excitingly as he reached his arm to Keith.  
"Oi, brat don't startle the brat if you don't want to wake Erwin's tiny brat." Levi said trying to hide his smirk.  
"Oh come on, Captain! You're gonna startle the kids too with that tiny scary face of yours!" Jean laughed nervously thinking if he went to far.  
"Whatever, horse face. Go get yourself someone to fuck not just horses."

The laughter bursting was never ending. Levi can see himself smiling not realizing Mikasa's hand was squeezing his hand.

"You two want a moment?" Sasha asked Mikasa, with her eyes concerned.  
"No, no... I'm just happy. I just wished it's always like this. Did you love the food?"  
"Why are you even asking, Mika?! The food was like sent from God above! And you're right, I wish that this day would never end!" Sasha nodded her head excitedly and Mikasa chuckled softly while leaning to her husband's shoulder.  
"Get a room you two. I mean no, get two rooms you two... Because a room only means one?" Connie jumped at the conversation hoping his joke was really funny enough to make the former captain Levi laugh.  
"Stop shitting jokes, for the love of God." 

-

It was soon dinner time, and everyone seems to not get tired as the conversation was still filling the Ackerman's home.

There was Hange, still forcing Moblit to list down whatever their first born milestone have achieved this day... Enough to get Moblit knocked up with Keith at the sofa.

Eren and Jean, still fighting about who ate the last piece of cake that Eren hid in one of the Ackerman's cabinet. (Of course, they are fighting secretly because if Levi knows this, both of their asses will be kicked down in the middle of the road.)

Armin was busy helping the former Commander Erwin with his 5 month old baby girl, as Erwin's wife was busy with town work. They both laughed because Armin and Emily simply looked a like. 

Conny was still making knock-knock jokes, and other hilarious things such as trying to steal Sasha's cold mashed potato, enough to gave Conny a punch in his face. Conny was dumb founded, and Sasha's laughter just filled the air. 

"Hey Sasha and Connie! You'd really make a good couple!" Armin said happily.  
"Yuck!" Both Sasha and Connie exclaimed.

On the other hand, as quiet as she can be, she hid her large smile with the scarf that surrounds her neck. She thought that she would never experienced something like this again when she lost her parents... but today was really good. Enought for her to cherish and thank the heavens that she was with the right people. That she was with Levi Ackerman. Smiling fuzzily, Mikasa made her way to the kitchen. 

While Captain Levi, he was busy scrubbing the floors despite of today's event, cursing that Jean and Conny didn't leave their filthy shoes outside. 

-

Dinner was prepared and Mikasa called everyone to the table. Surprised, she giggled as Keith bumped into her legs as the kid was waddling, excited to walk.

"Hey sweet heart, you have a nice brown hair," she smiled gracefully as she picked Keith into her arms.

Keith was extremely giggling as he babbled a word to Mikasa: "p-pr... Pit-ti"  
Mikasa chuckled enough for everyone to see and everyone was definitely in awe.

"Keith! What did you say to your pretty aunt?" Hange squealed excitingly pulling Moblit to write notes.  
"He just said 'pitti' something like that. Does he... pity Mikasa... Because she has a shorty husband?" Conny bursted into laughter but was soon stopped as Levi gave him a deadpan look.  
"Fucking dumbass. Keith obviously said 'pretty' to my wife." Levi rolled his eyes for the nth time.  
"Oh, well, yeah Keith I approve you. Mikasa's uhm, er, really pretty with that black hair." Jean said nervously as Levi stared at him with a deadpan look same with Conny.  
"Hey Levi, I didn't know you were good at kids! Just look at Mikasa, it looked like Keith loves her already!" Hange said excitedly while grinning a full smile that infected everyone.

"Ugh, geez. Mikasa I'm starting to feel old, at least let me be an uncle later! Don't you and Captain Levi have sex every night?" Eren said it lightly like he was just talking to Jean.  
"Wait what? Mikasa? Captain Levi? You still don't touch each other?" It was Conny who butted in dumb founded.  
"Captain Levi, you're still clumsy to those things right?" Armin curiously said.

Levi's face was starting to get red. His stoic face is starting to get a little grumpy, yet everyone is still bursting laughter in the room.

Mikasa was just looking at Levi's face while chuckling lightly, because she knows that this ridiculous moment was enough to make her husband kicks Connie's dumb ass. She was still letting Keith play with her hair, but the exact moment she felt a ting of a dizzy sensation she called Hange.

"Hange, uhm, can you..." Mikasa didn't finish her words as she soon hold tightly to Hange's arms. Quickly, Moblit got Keith from her as everyone was in shocked.

"Hey, Mikasa? What happened? Is Keith heavy? Did he let a bomb?" Hange asked enough to reach her concern to Levi.  
"What happened?" Levi asked with a hint of fear in his voice.  
"Just dizzy... Please darling, can you give me a glass of water?"

Levi hurriedly fetch a glass of water and returned it to his wife. He was new to the feeling, he was new to feeling fear.

"What Hange? Is she okay? Is she sick?" Levi asked.  
"I still don't know... Is she always like this?"  
"No. It's the first time."  
"Hey, captain... Did you two already had sex?" Sasha asked quietly.  
"Fucking shit, everyone. Now is not the time to ask me your obvious dumb questions,"  
"No Levi. She looks really pale." Erwin bolted into the commotion.  
"I know eyebrows, now what am I gonna—"

Mikasa shook her head and started running to the bathroom. Everyone was stupefied of how weird the situation was, even Levi who's eyes are blinging with fear. Then Mikasa's sound of throwing up, made Hange's concerned look fade. She was now smirking.

"Ugh. Disgusting. Now I need to clean the fucking toilet."  
"Wait, why is she throwing up? Is she poisoned? Oh my god, we might be poisoned too—" Conny stopped talking as soon as Levi smacked his fist into Conny's dirty buzz cut head.  
"Goddamned it, you brat. The food is clean because I'm the one who fucking prepared it,"  
"Captain, answer me. Did you two really have sex already???" Sasha asked him again without hesitations.  
"Ugh," Levi sighed and rolled his eyes. "Of course, yes. What do you fucking brats think of me? Having erectile dysfunction, or gay, or impotent, or something? It's obvious, I married her two years ago and of course we fuck each other!" Irritated, Levi crossed his arms waiting for Mikasa to finish her event at the bathroom.  
"Did you pull out last month?" Erwin asked.  
"Huh? What the fuck, eyebrows?"  
"Just answer it."  
"Tch. No!"

Everyone was staring at each other. It was like a comedy bar, but with a bunch of stupid morons in Levi's eyes. Levi was tired and his mood has only one remaining bar enough to kick everyone out of his house. Then Mikasa got out of the bathroom.

"Why you guys so interested in our sex life?" She chuckled while wiping her mouth.  
"Okay, now tell me. What the hell happened to you? How are you feeling?" Levi escorted her all the way through the living room.  
"I'm just dizzy... And I threw up. And my stomach is uhm, I can't really describe."

Hange and Sasha went to Mikasa while everyone was still staring nervously.

"Please dear God, don't take my sister away, please I swear I—"  
"Oi, Eren. One more fucking nuisance from everyone, then I'll kick your ass out of my house."

Hange and Sasha sat beside Mikasa. They let her get comfortable at the couch before asking her questions.  
"Mikasa, when was the last time you had your period?" Hange asked seriously.  
"I uhm, last month? But I'm always irregular. Why?"  
"Is this the first time you felt dizzy?"  
"This was the first time I felt this extreme fatigue. Last week, I was only having a faint of dizziness, but it's not that hard to ignore."  
"Mika... You could be..." Sasha was carefully choosing the right words to say.

Before Sasha continue what she is going to say, Hange held her finger to the center of Mikasa's clavicle. She was trying to feel something, a thump that would make her assumptions 90% correct.

She was carefully feeling the thump until she felt it. Two thumps at the same time. Two beating hearts.

"Okay, you done being Dr. Quack quack, shitty glasses?" Levi asked as he was really feeling a heavy blurred of emotion.

Hange stood up from her sit and faced Levi. She was smiling crazily that even Moblit can't understand what was going on. It was a moment for everyone in the Ackerman's household. A mixed emotion of excitement, anxiety, embarrassment, and euphoria. Levi sighed and was about to say something until Hange stopped him.

"You're gonna be a father."

-

Levi's jaw dropped open. He was not used to the feeling, the feelings were still a little bit of a blur. The idea of parenthood to him is like looking at an abstract art. It was beautiful, but he has no idea. He was gasping for air the moment he shook his thoughts away from him, but he could not deny he was feeling happy, and a little warm. Trying to keep his stoic features, he tried to look at Mikasa with the same reaction on her face. 

"Hey, Levi..."  
"Hm?"  
"I love you."

Three words struck his head. It was like a lightning coming from above, but instead of feeling pain, he felt an overwhelming joy. His stoic features slightly fade and was quickly replaced by a growing smile. Still stunned by the moment, he forwarded and embraced his teary eyed wife repeating the same words his mind repeated all over.

"I love you too."

It was already a bit late after everyone ate dinner, everyone was trying to pack their things as good things comes to have an end. But it was Levi who talked this time that startled them.

"Why don't we enjoy a cup of tea?"

Everyone was shocked, because it was the first time that Levi invited them to do something he loves to do. So without any hesitation, Erwin called his wife telling her that he cannot go home tonight, because his best man is having a really severe seizure by inviting everyone to have tea with him.

"Idiots. Why do you need to overreact everything I say?"

Everyone just chuckled but the happiness was still on everyone's smile, because they now can feel... Levi's overwhelming joy. Being the observant, Armin just realized that the sparkle in Mikasa's eyes tonight was the first time he saw it ever since the day they meet. Armin held his hands to Eren's shoulder as Eren cannot stop crying cause he's soon gonna have a nephew/niece who might be stronger than him. 

"Oi, Eren. Quit the crap will you? Or you want me to kick you ass outside?"

Eren tried to compose himself as Jean was laughing heavily trying to annoy him. Hange already let Keith sleep heavily in Moblit's arm as they are trying to find a room to stay.

Not that surprisingly, but the Ackerman's household is big and very neat. It was a formal gift from the goverment, as it was their token for serving humanity as Humanity's Strongest two. 

So Mikasa lead Hange and Moblit along with little Keith to one of the four vacant rooms. Levi, as annoyed as usual, told everyone to just pick whatever room they want just make sure they won't leave any mess.

"Captain, can I and Sasha sleep on the master's room?" Connie asked.  
"No."  
"But you said we can pick any—"

Levi just gave a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes at Connie's dimwit mind. Mikasa chuckled considering it's always a funny scene whenever Connie was around til Sasha smacked Connie's ass.

"Ow! What's that for?"  
"You really are dumb, aye? If we're gonna sleep there, where is Mika and Captain would sleep?"  
"I bet, they're not gonna sleep. For sure they would smut or talk about baby things. They could use the living room, instead."

Sasha just pulled out Connie's ear leading them straight to the room where Armin picked.

"Sasha! You two gonna sleep here too?"  
"If it's okay with you Armin? Oh right, where's Eren and Jean?"  
"It's okay, and I'd love too! Well, Eren and Jean's gonna spend the night at the entertainment room. They were both flabbergasted when the Captain approved them staying in that room, so they take it as their only chance." Armin said while chuckling as he was reaching the linens to Sasha.

"Levi, I'm just gonna stay with Hange and Moblit." Erwin approached him as soon as he was leaving the guest room that Levi and Mikasa actually spared for him.  
"Don't like how I tidied the room for you?"  
"No, I'm not just you know... Emily's been a handful these days, so I'm not sure how to deal with it if my wife's not here. At least if I'm with Hange and Moblit, they could help me."  
"Hm, yeah. Paternal things." As he was leading Erwin upstairs.  
"You sounded like you're still a bachelor huh," Erwin teasingly approach Levi.  
"I do? Oh yeah, shit. I'm a father now." Levi stared at Erwin, while smirking a little curve to his lips.  
"Levi, watch your language okay? You need to be a good role model from now on."  
"Tch, whatever eyebrows."

Once they reached the room, he nodded and left. Having two crazy friends is an exhaustion for him. Having Mikasa's five crazy friends is already setting his body half the grave. Now he wonders what kind of madness will Mikasa and his unborn child bring him?

A madness I can die for, I guess.

It was finally quiet. Everyone already shut their room closed, and it was their time to finally be alone.

"What a beautiful lady."  
"Shut up, dipshit." Mikasa chuckled as he leaned towards Levi.  
"Language, my love. Don't want that kid of mine hears what their mommy says."

Mikasa just stared annoyingly at his sarcasm, somewhat irked how Levi was acting, but she was so so happy.

"It's like I'm being thrown again in the past,"  
"Hn?"  
"In a good past, well... Where mom and dad was still alive. We were always at the garden chatting happily. A complete family."

Levi pulled himself over and sat like he was gonna have a serious talk.

"Mikasa," he paused. "Even if we don't have that child, we're still a family."  
"Oh, sorry, I mean—"  
"Yeah, I know. You're just really overwhelmed with a lot of emotions, right?"  
"Yeah darling... I am." She looked at him gracefully while putting her hands at her lower abdomen.  
"But Mikasa," he paused again. Thinking of how he would compile every word he wants to say. "I never know what a father is looked like," he sighed. "I'm scared I might be—"

She put her fingers in his lips and shushed him. He was still staring at her, his face once so stoic now releasing a lot of emotions in just a single moment.  
"You're gonna be the best father. I, Mikasa Ackerman, swear to the God of heavens, that Levi Ackerman is gonna be the best and cool dad for this little thing over here."

Levi chuckled and leaned closer to his wife giving her the best kiss she deserved.

______________________________________________________________________________


	2. Just A Metaphor

His frustration lead him to buy a pack of cigarettes. Honestly, he thought of cigarettes as a disgusting, worthless, money snatcher thing. He often sees this when he was a kid, always dangling at Kenny's filthy lip.

At the age of 13, he bought himself a pack of it. The aroma was sweet, bitter, tangy, and strong. He put a cigarette between his lip. Before lighting it, he thought of it as a luxury, something that only powerful people have. Boys at his age never lit these things up, and he believed he was already powerful even before lighting a cigarette.

"Fucking disgusting." But still, Levi smoked it. He thought of himself about fighting the metaphor between not lighting and lighting one. But he was defeated. He let the thin stick between his lips, kill him slowly.

It was already an hour when Levi left Erwin and Hange from the tea shop. He walked towards the school, where he left his car parked. 

"About time. It's almost 11 am. Must pick the brat, must go home, and must clean the house." He uttered himself these words, standing beside his car, before really walking inside the school.

He finished four sticks of cigarette, before throwing the pack inside his car. He was about to go inside the school when he felt a vibration in his pocket.

**NEW TEXT MESSAGE**

**ERWIN:** Where are you?  
**LEVI:** ?  
**ERWIN:** Did you forget it's their exam day? It's been thirty minutes since they were dismissed.

Levi was staring dumbly at his phone. How did he forgot? No, not that. How did he not know? Once again, he rolled his eyes.

**ERWIN:** Hello?  
**LEVI:** I'm here outside the school, I'm picking him up.  
**ERWIN:** No need, I picked him along with Emily. I just need to ask permission if it's okay if he'll stay here with us. Emily and Keith want to play with each other and they decided to invite Theo as well.  
**LEVI:** Yeah, whatever.  
**ERWIN:** Levi.  
**LEVI:** Just message me where I can find you later to pick the brat up. I need to clean the house.

"Tch."  
He started his car and drove his way, but he was getting hungry, and he decided that he was not in the mood to cook anything for lunch. So he pulled over to Zachley's Diner, hoping he would find fresh salad and a fruit shake.

When his caesar salad and strawberry shake arrived at his table, the growling of his stomach was getting louder. 

"Enjoy your food sir, stay healthy and come back again." The waitress smilingly said.

He nodded. And sighed when the waitress left. "Healthy huh, I was just smoking non-stop a while ago."

Realizing that it was long ago when he eat outside, he thought of himself that it was good that never forgets table manners. So he cleaned the table he used, and tried to put the waste and leftovers to the trash. Until he heard someone calling his name.

"Levi!!!"  
_Please not Erwin or Hange again, god fucking damned it._ He thought to himself while rolling his eyes, but when he turned around, it was much worse.

"Hey Cap— uhm, Levi!" Said the horse faced Jean walking towards him with the green eyed idiot.  
"Levi! It's been a while since I last see you! How are you doing?" Eren excitingly said.  
"Fine."  
"Still grumpy as ever huh," Jean mockingly teased him.  
"Where's my favorite nephew??"  
"With Erwin's brat."  
"What are you doing here?" Curious as ever, Eren asked.

He sighed. "I just ate my lunch. About to leave. What about you two?"  
"Well, Jean's here to treat me because he lose like the dumb loser he was." Eren said happily while teasing Jean at his side.  
"So you guys are fucking now?"  
"Huh, what, no way in hell!" With both of their faces red, Jean denied and kicked Eren in his leg.  
"Hey Levi, can we sometime visit Theo? I'm sure he misses his favorite uncle huh."  
"Depends. If you won't mess my house."  
"Can we play again in your—"  
"No."  
"Come on, daddy. Don't you spend time and fun with my favorite nephew there?" 

His energy bar was literally draining that his impatience was taking him over. He grabbed his belt bag and was already attempting to leave. "Eren, Jean. I'll head out. I still need to clean the house."

Without hearing any of Eren and Jean's word, he left and drove his way all to his house.

-

As soon as he arrived his house, he changed to his cleaning apron preparing himself to scrub the floors.

Cleaning.

Scrubbing.

Mopping.

Brushing.

Waxing.

He cleaned and cleaned and cleaned until everything was shining so bright. 

It was his only get away.

After he was done, he bathed, changed to his normal shirt and sweat shorts before knocking himself in the sofa.

He was exhausted for today. But he still can't sleep. There was a lot of thoughts running wildly in his mind. He shut his eyes. But rambled thoughts were still there. He opened his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

His eyes wandered at the walls of his living room, and there he found her picture.

He got up. Fetched a pristine white rag, and wiped the picture for the third time this day. He held the picture in his arms, not trying to break any tears from his eyes.

"Mikasa," He was still embracing the picture as he returned to the sofa.

"It's been four years, huh..." He was now looking at the beautiful girl in the picture, trying to touch her face from the frame.

"You still stubborn, you beautiful woman...? You know I can't live without you... And here we are." He was gasping for air, as he was trying to hold those tears back from falling.

But the tears won't just hold back. His tears were falling down slowly from his pretty face, he closed his eyes but only to see a smiling face of the woman he loves the most.

It was a sunny afternoon, just like that happy day he remembered vividly. The only difference is that, he was all alone right now with the company of his tears and the picture of the woman who hold his heart. 

He fell asleep. And he dreamed of her again. He dreamed that she was calling him all over and over again.

_Levi._  
_Levi..._  
_Levi!_

But this time, it was a gush of wind who woke him. He sat down, realizing that the picture was already at the floor. For the fourth time, he wiped the picture and put it back at the wall.

**4 NEW TEXT MESSAGES**

**ERWIN:** What time would you fetch Theo?

**ERWIN:** Levi?

**ERWIN:** Are you cleaning or are you already dead?

_"Oh Erwin, how I wished I was dead."_

**ERWIN:** I'm gonna buy the kids an afternoon snack. If you're still alive, you can fetch him after the snack. Around 4-5 pm at Hange's.

He wondered what time is it.  
3:58 pm.  
Wait, he was knocked out for an hour. Then he realized something why a gush of wind woke him up although it was a sunny afternoon.

"Fine, Mikasa. I'll fetch that irksome child of _mine_ right now." 

-

The drive to Hange's place was just only about fifteen minutes. So at around 4:20 pm, Levi was already pulling the car out of Hange and Moblit's facade.

He walked towards the front door and knocked. But no one was answering. So he knocked again. Still, no answer.

"Agh, Hange you have like four kids and a husband plus you got Erwin and his brat inside your house, but no one's tryna open the door. Tch."

He was just standing and waiting for about two minutes then he heard the noisy chattering of kids. They must all be at the backyard. So Levi moved, luckily the small gate towards the backyard was open, "Dumb shitty glasses, leaving the locks unlocked" and he walked silently until he reached the corner of the house.

The corner where he was standing was a blind spot, so no one would think he was there. He just stood there and waited for a few seconds til he hear again the noisy chattering of the kids.

"Hey Emily, your dad brings the best pizza in the world!" Keith shouted like he was talking to a neighbor ten meters away from him.

"Ugh pizza, really eyebrows? You feeding my kid that shit?" He muttered silently enough for only him to hear it. 

"Thanks, Keith... You also have the best mom and dad," Emily paused shyly then continued "I mean, we're always playing at your big garden, and it's super awesome!"  
"How come I don't see your mom, Emily?" Keith curiously asked.  
"My mom is always super busy, plus she always have things to do. I just wished she could spend time to play with me." Emily sounded sad.  
"Aw, don't be sad Emy! We got my mom and dad right? And also my siblings! We could play and play and play... And right now we have a new member!"  
"Yes, you're really right!" Emily giggled.  
"Hey Theo, I hope you enjoyed playing with us! It's uhmm, a weird thing that we can see you playing cause you know, er, you're always reading???" Keith nervously said.

"Yeah. Thanks... You guys." How Theo uttered the words was exactly the same how Levi said those words, and it kinda surprised Levi.  
"Did you liked the pizza my dad brought, Theo?"  
"Uhm... Yeah Emily. It's the first time I tasted that thing."  
"WHAT?" Both Emily and Keith shouted.  
"Yeah... Thanks... To your, uhm daddy." Theo replied with a small smile on his face.  
"Aw, come on Theo. You're not joking right? Uhm can I ask, what does your uhm," Keith looked from his left and right, trying to spot if Hange and Erwin was there, then continued talking. "What does your dad does in your house? I mean uhm... Mr. Ackerman is really scary."

"Daddy? Well uhm, he... He cleans the house."  
"What does he do aside from cleaning Theo? My dad also cleans our house!" Emily giggled.  
"Well, he uhm... he also cook and do other chores, but daddy is the best at cleaning and being neat and organized."  
"Mr. Ackerman is sure weird for me..."  
"Is that explains why you don't wanna get dirtied playing in the garden? And Aunt Hange lent you a pair of clothes..." As curious as Emily can get, she was still staring at Theo.  
"Uhm, yeah. I don't want to bother daddy cleaning filthy clothes for me."  
"Filthy? What does that even mean?" Keith nervously asked.  
"Uhm, something like dirty? Daddy always say those things. He hates filthy things, I guess..."  
"How about your mommy, Theo? What does she do?" Emily asked again.

Levi was quietly eavesdropping the kids until he was surprised by Moblit sitting beside him.

"I followed you here because I saw your car outside. Erwin and Hange are—"  
"Shhh. I'm eavesdropping wait," Levi said.

"Yeah Theo! Where's your mommy? No one talked about her not even Uncle Erwin and my mom and dad." Keith seconded the question.

"I don't have a mommy." Theo blurted.

-

Levi was shocked, and he clearly didn't expect the words coming straight from his son. He's guessing that Theo might say that he does not know his mom, maybe something like his mom went away or anything... Not just that. He was obviously tensed, as Moblit caught him sweating nervously once he heard those words. 

Being the good and concerned father Moblit is, He tapped Levi's shoulder.

"Hey, captain. Erwin and Hange might be waiting for us inside."  
"Just Levi. Past formalities."

Levi can't really think of other words to say to Moblit, he can't even leave his position, his stoic face looks kind of a... Worried?

Moblit was gonna say something to convince Levi go inside until an older voice approached the kids that made them stay.

"Keith! I told you not to ask anything to people rudely right?" Hange exclaimed.  
"No mom! I wasn't being rude to Theo, right Theo?"  
"Aunt Hange, we, uhm... Just wanna know where Theo's mommy is?" Emily said nervously.  
"And mom, why would you even get mad when I asked someone rudely? Isn't that the way Mr. Ackerman talk to you guys?"  
"Keith! One more word and you're grounded!" Hange, now shouting angry.  
"Hange, what's going on?" Erwin was now involve with the conversation.  
"Dad! We just only asked Theo about his mommy..." Emily called to his dad.

Erwin sighed, thinking of another conversation how he would get rid of the curiosity of the kids.

"Well, Emily uhm, it's better if you ask Theo's daddy about his mommy. Right?" Erwin said while looking to Theo.  
"Mr. Smith, why are you all being nervous?" Theo said clearly.  
"Well, come here Theo! Let Aunt Hange fix your hair, don't wanna get your daddy annoyed when little Theo gets all dirty right?! Come here Emily, help me to comb Theo's hair." It was enough to have the conversation go away.

The kids' conversation was really a topic which the adults are trying to resolve for years. Everytime they think of it, and how to explain it to the kids, nothing was really resolve because it was Levi who always avoided that topic everytime. But it was always Levi's decision and nothing could interfere that which Erwin and Hange respects. Now that Hange thought it was over, Emily was combing Theo's raven hair while Hange was the one powdering and putting cologne all over Theo's body. Well, she was afraid that Levi might kick her ass for letting his son play dirty in the garden.

"You have nice hair, Theo! You uhmm, also have a pretty face too, but just keep on smiling okay." Emily blushed and giggled.  
Theo chuckled.  
"How come Theo have a pretty face? It should be handsome." Keith blurted, making his way on the conversation.  
"Well, Theo have a handsome face. It's just really pretty, it's like a barbie but the male version." Emily giggled again.  
"That sounds so gay, Emily. Hey mom, where did Theo gets that pretty face?" Keith asked his mother.  
"Well uhm, did you try to look at Levi? I mean, Theo's daddy?" Hange almost excitedly squeal, grinning his evil smile over her face.  
"No, Aunt Hange... Mr. Ackerman is really scary. Some of the other kids in the class are uhm, really scared when they see Theo's dad."  
"Huh? My daddy is not that scary, Emily... He's just sometimes..."  
"Yeah, he's a short guy, he's sure scary but, how come he be that super scary—" Keith was stunned when Hange smacked his head.  
"Come here Emily. Look closely to Theo's face. Now Theo, can you frown a little more?"  
"Huh, why Mrs. Berner?"  
"Call me Aunt Hange! Come on, Theo. Just frown a little."

When Theo frowned a little, Hange screams silently startling the kids. "You see now, Emily?! Who do you see now?!"

It was really no doubt who Theo looked like especially when he is frowning. Hange and Emily are chuckling lightly until it was Levi who they hear was talking.

"What's the commotion all about, Hange and Erwin?" Levi stood with Moblit on his side.  
"When did you get here, Levi?" Erwin nervously asked while looking at Hange.  
"About 20 minutes."  
"Oh, Levi... Uhm, you really do like that stoic face of yours, huh?" Hange exclaimed while nervously grinning.  
"Whatever." He paused for a second, trying to look at the kids present in the garden. "Theo, did you get yourself dirty?"  
"No, daddy..."  
"Good. It's time to say good bye to them, kid."  
"Mr. Ackerman! Well, uh..." Emily took a step closer to Levi analyzing his facial features.  
"Hm?"  
"You looked really a lot like Theo... Mr. Ackerman! Except that he got dark gray eyes. And uhm," Emily paused, not certain what she wants to tell to Levi. "You have a pretty face too like a ken doll." Emily giggled and ran towards Erwin.

Moblit, Hange, and Erwin are trying to keep their mouth from bursting out from laughter until Levi glared a deadpan look at them.

"Hm. Is that so?" Levi raised his brows while offering his hand to Theo.  
"Yes, Mr. Ackerman... Well, you kinda look scary but it doesn't stop it from having a doll face..." Erwin was still holding his mouth preventing it from laughing.  
"Well, okay enough. I appreciate that, Emily. Thank you. Come on, Theo." He let a small curve on his lips that surprised everyone in the garden.  
"Well, you guys are seeing a clearer look of that pretty doll face of Mr. Ackerman!" Hange excitingly screamed while holding to Moblit's arm.  
"Oi, four eyes. Enough with the comedy bar scenes. Everyone already had a good laugh about my pretty face, so we'll go." Levi held his son's arm and walked towards the door but immediately stopped when he saw the pizza box.  
"Oi, eyebrows! You let the kids eat this shit?"  
"Come on, Levi. Just for today." Erwin chuckled as he carried Emily to his arms. 

-

It was nearly 5:30 pm when Levi and Theo left. The kids did have a good time today and even Moblit asked Levi if he could bring Theo more often because when it comes to behavior, Theo's behavior was a perfect 10/10. Levi shrugged and was clearly a sign of _he'll think about it._ Theo was really tired from today's playdate, so as soon as the car started moving, he fell asleep. 

When Levi pulled his car at their driveway, and Theo was still asleep, he didn't bother to wake the kid. He carried Theo in his arms, and he was surprised that the idiots are really afraid dirtying Theo's full body as he was seriously groomed. 

"Daddy...?"  
"Hm?"  
"Emily was right... You do have a pretty face."  
"Thank you." Levi stared carefully at his sleepy son's face while walking upstairs. 

When they reached Theo's room, he placed Theo in his bed carefully, preventing to wake his son. He sat in the bed for a moment, studying the facial features that him and his son shares the same. His jet black hair, his thin straight brows, his small pointed nose, and a lips that's always sad. The only difference they have is Theo's dark gray eye color is from Mikasa, while Levi's eye color is more of a steel blue. When was the last time he tried to look at his son like this?

Erwin's little brat was right, a face like a doll can be called pretty regardless of what gender you are.

_Levi, you irksome pretty boy..._

So he stood up, closed the lights and spoke no words.

At 6:30 pm, he tried to make himself dinner. He really doesn't have the appetite but of course his stomach was really pushing him to eat. He found some plain oats and a couple of cherries in the pantry, so he prepared the meal and brought it along with him in the entertainment room.

He thought to himself that he should first finish the meal before watching a movie. Indeed, he doesn't want spilling all over his old leather couch. 

After eating and searching what movie to watch (It was Friday, so he doesn't need to wake up early tomorrow for school and shits), he remembered the pack of cigar that was still in his car. A moment of hesitation and metaphor fighting in his damned thoughts, he went to the car and picked the pack.

So he was smoking. And he was smoking in the entertainment room while channeling a good channel to watch a movie.

HBO it is. Levi is not the type of person who watch tv, but he has nothing left to do with the house so he tried to relax in his entertainment room where Jean and Eren are very envious.

The commercial was soon over same with the first stick he was smoking, so he pick another stick and left it dangling on his lip for a few moments.

*You are now watching: Warm Bodies*

"Damn it, really? This movie again?" Not that he was annoyed or what, but he sadly knows that this was his wife's favorite stupid movie.

So he let the movie stream. While he was lost in another thought, a flashback of what happen among the kids a while ago was bugging his busy mind.

_"I don't have a mommy."_

All this time, he thought to himself, that he never even bother to tell Theo who was the beautiful girl in the picture at their walls. He sometimes see Theo looking at it, but his son never ask him anything about it. He guessed why? Because he took the family picture that was in the wall before, and kept it in one of his treasure box that only he could open. The pictures on the wall was just a single picture of Mikasa, Levi, and Theo when he was a year old.

Nonetheless, his son knows him well. Ever since the day that his son was capable of making conversations and decisions, he was too smart for understanding deeper things.

But Levi became too insensitive since that day, when Mikasa left. 

He was at the middle of watching Warm Bodies when the door creaked open.

"Daddy...?"  
"Hm?" Levi totally forgot that Theo was just taking a nap. "Yeah, why?"  
"Why are you... Smoking?"  
"Huh," _Ah shit_ he whispered to his mind and pulled the cigar from his mouth. "Uhm, daddy can't take a shit so... He needs, uhm, this stick." Levi nervously explained.  
"Okay..."  
"When did you wake up? You didn't call me?"  
"You don't like shouting kids, daddy."  
"Right. You hungry? You want dinner?"  
"A bit... Yes please."

Levi turned off everything from the room and proceeded to the kitchen to make his son dinner. Automatically, Theo went straight to the bathroom to wash himself because he thinks that there were still germs from the Berners hanging around his body. Like Levi, Theo doesn't really like dirty things.

When Levi finished cooking mashed potatoes, Theo already bathed himself, and was sitting properly at the dinner table.

"Thank you, daddy."  
Levi nodded simply as he watched his son eat dinner.

"Theo," he paused. "Who's the girl in that picture?" He pointed towards the pictures at the wall.  
"Uhm... Your sister?"  
"My sister? How can you say so?" Levi chuckled.  
"Because you look like the same... You both have pretty faces." Theo answered while eating his half done potatoes.  
"Hmm, you uhm, ever think of your mom?"  
"I never saw her. Emily told she never sees her mom through the weekday, but she often sees her in weekends," Theo paused a bit. "Keith has uhm, both his mom and dad in their house. But I never saw my mom the day I _realized_ I was living here." Theo explained like he was just explaining his goddamned math assignments.

A bit of surprised and sad, Levi raised his brows. "Well, Theo. It's hard to explain—"  
"You don't need to explain things, daddy."  
Levi was being a little irritated of how the kid got all his expressions and thinking. So he was a little thrilled, trying to explain what answers might be the kid was looking for.

"Listen kid. That woman... In that picture, well I love that stubborn woman so much," he paused. "Her face was really pretty, in fact that even beautiful cannot describe it. Did you look at yourself in the mirror?"  
"Uhm, everyday?"  
"And you see that girl in the mirror too?"  
"No?"  
"Well, don't frown. Try to smile widely and tell me who do you see."

As soon as Levi finished talking, Theo rushed himself towards the bathroom to look who was his father was talking. Theo was a bit surprised because his father never talk things like that, only stupid things. So when he reached himself at the mirror and smiled the biggest smile he could, he realized that he much looked like that girl in the picture. When he frowned a bit back to his normal face, all he can see is the same like his dad.

"Yeah, daddy. I kinda look like that girl?"  
"I told you so." Levi chuckled a bit harder.  
"What's so funny?"  
"Hm, just remembering things."  
"So who is that girl, daddy? Why I never see her and why doesn't she visit us?"  
"Visiting us might be a bad idea, Theo." Levi blow a little chuckle but he was starting to sound sad. "Well, Theo... For starters. I love to answer Emily and Keith's questions. That girl, no that woman over there... Is my _wife_."  
"Your wife? That means..." Theo's eyes widen.  
"She's also your mommy." Levi put a small but sad smile, but he sighed afterwards. "Alright, time to clean everything away."

No follow up questions. Only silence filled the room while Theo helped Levi clean everything away. Like as what Levi thoughts, his son is too smart to understand things like having follow up questions that Levi isn't sure he cannot answer properly. 

But his mind was filling with guilt. That he owe an explanation to Theo. Where his mom was, and how he would tell her that Mikasa loved them too much. But he cannot do it. He felt that something was missing, that he was robbed and salvaged. That he was really feeling sorry for himself and now feeling really sorry for his son. 

As soon as they were done, he lead Theo to his room.

"Thanks for the dinner, daddy."  
"Yeah." Levi was closing the door, until Theo called him.  
"Daddy?"  
"Hm?"  
"Please... Uhm, stop... smoking." Theo looked at Levi nervously. "Cause it's uhm, bad... And I don't want you, uhm, to die."

Levi's eye widened as soon as Theo finished his words. He stopped completely staring at how neat Theo's room was, how the wooden toys were completely stacked, and even the bed linens were really fold.

It took him time to understand that the kid- no, his son loves him that he doesn't want him to die, and even understand what are his dislikes and likes.

So he took at least five steps to reach his son and embraced him. Of course, Theo was startled because it might be the first time he experienced this.

"Yeah, I won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys okay with it? Well, the story kinda jump from present to past to present. It's really not that hard seeing Levi's past memories. Usually whenever bringing up past memories I used marks like this: -----------  
> So yeah...
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying the story as well. I'm already done with Chapter 3, so I might publish it tomorrow. Again, please bear with my grammars! Thanks xx.
> 
> Leave a comment too!


	3. That Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support!   
> Here's another chapter. Well, expect twist-fluff-angst feeling on this chapter. It's a hard chapter to write because I literally felt the tears for Mikasa and Levi...  
> I kinda enjoyed writing Levi's view because to be honest... He is a really hard character to predict. 
> 
> I'm already done with Chapter 4, so I might upload it later. I really don't know where the story is going but I think it's gonna be a good one.

"Honey! I need to check out the crazy sale going on the mall!"  
"What for?"  
"Well, hmmm, something for a surprise?" She giggled.  
"Mikasa, what in the world?"  
"Come on, just this time. You know that I don't really like shopping not unless we, oh, I need to buy your cleaning materials." Mikasa said it teasingly while leaning closely to Levi.

"Well, okay. Does it look like I'm gonna win from my wife?"  
"Ha ha, well I gotta keep moving. Thanks Levi. I love you." She pulled herself away from him while winking, readying herself to go the crazy sale.

It was a cloudy morning, with a few drizzle of raindrops. Mikasa, same with Levi, aren't really fond of going crazy sale shopping not unless they really need to buy something. And for Mikasa, she realized that she really needed to go right now at that crazy sale because she needs to buy a special something for Levi. 

Well, of course we all know what's that. A super luxury Black Tea from Asia that was marked 50% sale, and a spinning mop which she caught Levi eyeing a few weeks ago. She knows it too well that when she reached back home, Levi couldn't get excited like a 5 years old.

So she grinned while walking to the baby's room.  
"Just... Oh my god." She mumbled to herself while sitting next to her sleeping baby. "Theo... I still can't believe. In just a few months you're turning two." She paused, carefully feeling the tears building inside her. "I'm getting a lot of emotions right now, Theo. I just can't believe I have you and your daddy."

She leaned a little more closer to Theo, and she kissed his cheeks so deeply that the baby started to utter little cries.

"Shhhh. Don't frown, angel. You're looking really really like your daddy," she chuckled not realizing that Levi was standing in the door.

"Tough love, heh?"  
"Sure it is. I just love Theo so so so much, Levi. Plus this angel is a carbon copy of your pretty face. How lucky..." She smiled and glanced towards Levi.  
"Mikasa, it's been a while since we are together. And it's also been a while since Theo came to our lives. But I want you to know that I still get that stupid feeling like an overwhelming joy whenever I see the both of you."   
"Aw, honey. Couldn't you just say you love the both of us? You sound really corny and cheeky." Mikasa couldn't contain the laughter and started laughing out loud.  
"Whatever. Be quiet, the angel might be awake. Plus you still need to go to that crazy fuck sale."   
"Okay, grumpy man. But before I go," she paused as she turn from Theo. "I love you so so so much. Much than you will know. Mommy's gonna be gone for a while okay? So you be good to your daddy." She leaned towards Theo and kissed him once again.  
"Mikasa don't make it sound like you're gonna be dead or gone for a long time." He rolled his eyes and sighed.

She just chuckled leaving the baby heavy in his sleeping. Levi pulled her from the baby's room as he was walking her through the garage. He just hopes that Mikasa would be home before the baby awakes, as he still have chores to be done.

"Be quick alright? I need you in an hour."  
"Levi, what? Are you hungry for me?" She grinned while teasing him in obvious.  
"Hm, maybe yeah. I need to devour my wife once in a while, put my thing inside her and make her another angel... What do you think, you stubborn woman?"   
"Sounds a good offer, darling." She pulled his collar and kissed him like it was gonna be her last.   
"Save that for later, beautiful."  
"Yeah," she chuckled. "I love you. I just love love love you so much. I hope you'll always remember that, Levi. Thanks for taking care of our family."  
"Mikasa, I love you so much, more than you'll ever know. But quit the crap, don't sound like you're gonna die. We'll still have a fucking long sex later, might buy me some robust."

They both laughed out loud. Mikasa waved her hands good bye and teasingly winked enough for Levi to bit his lips. He watched her drove away the street before making his way back to their warm loving home.

The cloudy weather still didn't change, but the house chores he was doing were already finished. He checked the baby in the room, and just like Mikasa said, the baby was an angel and surprisingly behaved as he was still sleeping peacefully. He leaned and kissed his cheeks before leaving the room.

It was already an hour and thirty minutes since Mikasa left. He was not really bothered whenever his wife goes shopping but this time, it was a little bit different.

He checked his phone. It's already two hours since she left. He was wondering maybe this big ass crazy sale was full of people, thus making the cashier line really long. Just thinking of it, that it was full of people, made Levi sick. He's too afraid and disgusted by the germs Mikasa might bring to their house. So when he was really bored and out of chores to do, he decided to make Mikasa a nice welcome hot bath.

So the moment she comes back, he could give his wife a nice shower scrub assuming that the baby is still asleep by that time.

After making the bath, he sat on the coach bored. 

And waited.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. It's almost three hours since she left, and he still haven't receive a message from her. "Damn it, did something happen to her?"

His patience is getting a little on his way, so when couldn't keep it any longer... He texted Mikasa.

**LEVI:** Hey, honey. I know it's a big fuck crazy sale... But I kinda miss you.   
**LEVI:** Can you already go home? Uhm, Theo miss you too.

But no replies.

**LEVI:** Seriously, it's been three hours. I need a reply from you at least?

He waited for another ten minutes. But still no replies.

**LEVI:** Mikasa, where are you?

His impatience is growing bigger. He cannot stop but to frown also thinking that the baby might wake up any time. He dialed her number.

_Sorry, but the person you are trying to call is busy at the moment. Try again later._

He dialed her three times but still the same response. Then he heard the baby crying.

"Oh fuck, great." He scowled, but quickly moved to get Theo from his room. "Okay, buddy. Mommy's still not here, so can you do me a little favor? Just behave okay? Daddy's got you."

Theo was really cooperative and immediately stopped from crying. 

"Now Mikasa, where are you?" He was starting to get a little bit tensed because this was the first time his wife was not answering any of his messages and calls.

The waiting game continued as he sat on the coach with his son. He tried to distract him by giving him the stupid teddy bear which Theo grabs and bite.

"Aww, you hungry kid?" He was already gonna grab a bottle of gerber when his phone rang.

Without looking at the caller ID, he quickly answered.

"For the love of God, Mikasa where the fuck ha—"  
"Sorry but, is this _Levi Ackerman_?"

He was confused. A bit of tensed. He looked at the caller ID, and he recognized it was an unknown number.

"Yeah, this is. Why?"  
"Are you Mikasa Ackerman's husband?"  
"Yeah. Why?" He was starting to get a little startle.  
"I need you to come to P410 station. Please confirm if this is your wife's—"  
"What the fuck are you talking about? My wife won't kill someone on that big crazy fuck sale?!"  
"Sir no. Your wife was in an accident. Unfortunately, she was reported _dead_ on arrival by the local hospital. Please come here sooner—"

The clouds were still hanging low on the sky that day. Levi Ackerman could not finish what the officer was saying as his phone slid down from his shaking, sweaty hands.

And everything was slowly falling into pieces.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Don't fucking leave me!"

He was panting so hard that he could feel his sweaty back over the white linen of his bed. It's another nightmare. _Another fucking nightmare_

He checked his surroundings, checked the side of the bed where Mikasa used to sleep. And he sighed heavily.

"Mikasa, you'll be the death of me."

He sat from his bed, and pulled his phone from the side table. It was unusual because he was never a phone person to begin with, but right now he just felt the urge to swipe down his gallery just to look at her beautiful picture. 

"Fucking shit, it's 10 am?" How long has he been asleep? The last time he remembered right after he embraced Theo, it was only 10 pm when he got back to his room... Perhaps he has been sleeping long... Just to experience a hell of a nightmare.

Saturday. He thought to himself. He needs to buy grocery and his cleaning supplies. So he got up, fixed his bed and opened his goddamned curtain only to see his son at their facade.

Like his usual self, he would just ignore what was his son doing. As long as he won't mess and dirty himself, he couldn't care any less.

But he remembered his son's longingness the moment he embraced him last night and he knows that Mikasa would be so damn happy if he would love Theo a little better.

He sighed and muttered to himself, "I did fuck up, I'm sorry..."

He just keep on watching what was his son doing, until he saw his son petting an animal.

A stray animal. And Levi doesn't allow filthy things near his house. But he remembered that he was never too cold to shoo a stray one because he was a stray one too.

So despite his obsessiveness for cleanliness, he ignored that feeling and continued to observe.

"Hey, little kitty. Are you lost?" Levi raised his brows while listening what was his son was saying.  
"I think you are lost, huh? Want to be my friend?" Theo held the kitten in his arms while petting his furry head. "Uhm, is it okay if you take a shower, little kitty? Uhm... My daddy don't like filthy things, he might scold both of us." Theo just stared at the kitten in his arms looking sad.

Levi decided that it was enough of sight seeing, and went downstairs instead. He grabbed a Chlorox wipes praying that it would be enough to deal with whatever dirt his son was threatening him. And he walked outside to their facade, startling his son.

"Daddy, please don't get mad, I was just trying to uhm, comfort the kitten..." Theo blurted looking really terrified.  
"Hm?"  
Theo already know what's going to happen, so with a final pat on the kitten's head, he said good bye.  
"Why are you saying good bye, kiddo?"  
"Because daddy doesn't want filthy things."  
"But he's your friend, am I right?" Levi raised his brows that lead his son's confusion.  
"Uhm, yeah..."  
"Okay, Theo Ackerman. Here's the deal," he paused while smirking. "Since I don't tolerate filthy things inside or outside my house," he leaned towards Theo and handle him the pack of Chlorox wipes. "Might as well take responsibility of cleaning the filth out of that kitten before putting him inside."  
"What do you mean inside daddy?"  
"Inside. Inside our house. You don't want it?"  
"Of course, daddy I want!" Theo said excitedly while looking at his dad with eyes glimmering. "Did you hear what my daddy said? You can live with us, little kitty! But I need you to be clean okay?"  
"Okay good. Listen, Theo. You now have responsibility towards that cat, and I don't want our house getting dirty and messy... So you know what I mean."  
"I won't dirty the house I promise! Daddy..." Theo paused for a moment, "I love you." He looked at his dad and to the sky and whispered two words. "And mommy too."

"Better let her hear that kid. Your mom will surely be insane when she hears that." Levi smiled and walked inside.

-

When they settled inside, Levi started cooking a quick lunch for the both of them as he remembered today is grocery day, and he definitely needs to go out to buy a bunch of cleaning materials. Cause obviously, they adopted a stray cat.

On the other hand, Theo was really excited grooming his new friend but also careful because he don't want to break the terms and condition he agreed earlier. So he tried to find a place for the kitten in their backyard. Luckily, the backyard has a small shed in which the kitten could reside. One way or another, it was also obvious that Theo doesn't want to keep the cat inside his room or living room because of the fear that the cat might not know potty trainings, and that was another job he is going to be responsible for.

He went to the pantry to find a box that could be the kitten's bed, and went upstairs to his room to find old clothes in which he could give the kitten serving as linen and blanket. It was a tiring job for a five years old, but he accepted this responsibility for a small vulnerable kitten. And he was happy.

So when he got back to the backyard shed and started fixing the kitten's small neat room, Levi started calling him for lunch. He was really discipline and went to the dining table without a word.

"Washed your hands?"  
"Yes, daddy. Already did."

They were in the middle of eating their vegetarian lunch when Levi started talking.

"So, how's the cat?"  
"He's already cleaned daddy!"

Levi chuckled because his son never failed to give justice to his obsessive passion in cleanliness. So he continued.

"Good for the clean part. I mean, where's the cat? You gave him anything to eat?"  
"Well, uhm, Puss-in-Boots is already in the room box I made him, plus I lend him my old clothes so he could have blankets, and uhm I placed him in the backyard shed so if he wants to shit, he could just do it in the garden." Theo smilingly said.  
"Hmm, Puss-in-Boots?" Levi raised his brows.  
"Yeah, cause he have black socks that looks like a boots! That's already his name."  
"If you say so. Well, seems like he doesn't have anything to eat here. So I'm thinking... Want to go shopping with me?"  
"Yeah, yeah, okay!"

It's been a while since Levi brought Theo at the mall. He couldn't even remember if Theo was just three years old when he was brought to the mall with Eren and Jean. As much as possible, Levi avoids going to the mall to window shop or whatever possible things that has to be done in the mall. He only goes shopping for basic necessity like groceries and stuffs.

Of course, today was not an exception. He told Theo that today's trip to the mall was only plain grocery and maybe a fruit shake drink before going home. Without hesitation, Theo nodded, also thinking that Puss-in-Boots might notice that he was gonna be all alone in the house. 

-

"Okay, so we just gonna have a quick run at the supermarket to grab our basic necessities, alright? Remind me that we also need to buy the brat's cat food." Levi told Theo as he pulled his car to the parking lot.

They walked inside the mall and into the supermarket. Theo's eyes widened as it was like his first time seeing the mall. It was full of holiday decorations that was really catchy to a five years old. He giggled when he saw a big deer flying stand at one of the corridors of the mall. For the little kid, the mall was kind of amazing. 

But for Levi, well he was praying that he won't bump with Erwin or Hange, Eren or Jean, or whoever the fuck that knows the both of them. So he keep walking, expecting his son to follow him closely inside the supermarket.

The grocery trip was in silence. Crying and whining isn't an obvious choice for Theo to get what he wants even though he was drooling for a chocolate bar that he passed by a while ago. Theo wanted to ask his dad to buy it, but he already knows that he will only get no as an answer. So he moved on with Levi to the cleaning aisle.

The cleaning aisle is obviously a paradise, a sacred haven, and an addiction to Levi. So he really takes his time in this aisle, checking for new and improved detergents and bleach. He carefully picked the bottles one by one, reading every details that one might offer. Of course, he only choose the best of the best cleaning agents to keep him and his house super clean.

"Theo, I might take a while. I need to check this cleaning agents if it's really good for us."  
"Okay..."  
"How about you get cat food from the other aisle? You already know how to read so you're going to be the one to choose."  
"Yeah, okay I will!"  
"Just don't get lost. Remember if you get lost, go to the counter and just tell them that you need to go to?"  
"Levi Ackerman, my daddy."  
"Good. And pick that chocolate bar you want. Before you come back here." 

Theo smiled so happily and he soon started walking to get the other stuffs from the other aisle.

Levi started his judgement ritual over the mountain of cleaning agents dump in his push cart, and as he was examining the chemicals added on each bottle of agents, a yelling voice was approaching him.

"Not again." Levi sighed thinking it was one of his friends or Mikasa's friends.  
"Hey, captain! It's been so long since I've seen you!"

Levi turned to face who was calling him, and to his surprise, it was someone he didn't expect to see. Forever.

"Yeah, didn't expect to see you." Levi calmly said.  
"Hey! It's been like what? 10 years? 12 years? Well how are you?" She paused, while seeing Levi's mountain of cleaning agents dump in his push cart. "You never changed huh?"

He was meeting his old subordinate. Petra Ral. Well, he has really nothing to do with Petra. It has been twelve years when Petra decided to go overseas and dump her duties as a military because she believed that she would make great money as a dancer. Of course, Levi was annoyed but he was not in the mood to make arguments from someone in the past especially that he never communicate to her right after she leave. Not to mention that Petra have a thing for Levi before.

"Yeah. Old habits are hard to die." Levi scoffed.  
"So... You dating someone? You seemed old." Petra teasingly flirt Levi, assuming that Levi was still a mingling bachelor without anything to do.  
"No."  
"Want to have a drink on somewhe—"

Petra was cut off by a kid that was running towards Levi. "Daddy, I got the cat food and chocolate already!"  
"Good. Put it in the cart." Levi nodded at Theo and soon looked Petra in the face.

Petra was petrified in a sudden, but she's not gonna back down her first love. "So, you're not dating someone... But you have a kid?"

Levi nodded with his blank expression on his face. "What brings you here?"

"Well just for a vacation. I'm staying with Auruo. Wanna come by?"  
"No. I'm alright."

Petra was really insistent so she turned at the kid tugging Levi's shirt trying to get his attention. "So you're Levi's son, huh? How old are you?"

Theo was trying to analyze who she was but cannot think of anything that's why he didn't reply.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. What's your name?"  
"Daddy told me not to talk with strangers."  
"Is that so? How about your mommy?" Petra raised her brows and looked over at Levi without waiting for the kid to answer.

"My son's name is Theo. What do you want?" Levi said.  
"So looking at your son, he kinda looks like you. And kinda acts like _her_ , captain." Petra raised another brow, trying to get Levi in his nerves.   
"He's my son, so who do you expect he'll looks like?"  
"So it's really true that you dated and married that Oriental bitch, huh?" Petra scoffed.  
"What?"  
"That Mikasa Ackerman. That girl you ditched over me, god, she doesn't even—"  
"Shut the fuck up, Petra."  
"Why would I? She was really irritating and—"  
"You fucking shut up because this is her and my son standing in front of your whining, who probably sees you as a stranger flirting and bitching about his dad. You understand?"  
"Fine. It's good that I stayed for good overseas, and I don't want to see—"  
"I don't want to see you too and for your fucking information, I never liked you because that face of yours looks like shit. Now don't call my wife a bitch again because I might punch your face and send you to heave— hell right away."

Without another word, Petra left. Petra was about to cry because of the words Levi told her, but it was her karma. She burst Levi's bubble in front of him, his kid, and his precious cleaning agents.

"Daddy? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah. Just got carried away. Did you got the stuffs?"  
"Yeah I got it!" Theo excitingly held the pack of Friskies Ocean Fish with Barbeque Bits and his Milka bar to Levi.  
"You picked this for Puss-in-Boots?" Levi said while pointing to the Friskies pack thinking it was really greasy and disgusting but it was the cat who's gonna eat. Not him.  
"Yeah I did. And I picked this Milka with Wild Berries... I don't know what chocolates you like daddy, but this one have berries so I think you might like it..."  
"Let's give it a try at home. Now let's pay at the counter and grab a fruit shake before we go." Levi took Theo's hand while walking to the cashier to pay their weekly grocery.

-

They reached the house at around 4:30 pm. As soon as Theo landed their house, he went straight to Puss-in-Boots to check if anything happened while they were gone, and luckily nothing happened so he came back where Levi's arranging the grocery items.

Without any commands from Levi, Theo automatically arranged the grocery items he could make help only leaving the cleaning agents to his father. He picked up the pack of Friskies and his Milka bar and asked his dad if he was free to go.

"Just don't dirty yourself. At 6 pm we eat our dinner, so feed the cat first."

Levi watched Theo ran excitingly towards Puss-in-Boots in the backyard shed. His day was terrible because of his old insubordinate, but somehow... seeing Theo smile like Mikasa, made his heart beat a little.

_Is this the madness I was talking before?_   
_I don't know._

Because his heart also stopped beating (not literally) that day Mikasa left, he was new to the building feelings his heart has to offer. He smiled a little, and walked to open the radio because it was really getting emotional.

_Wired and I'm tired_  
Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor  
Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours... 

"John Mayer, my wife and I both liked you but I'm starting to hate you right now." Levi scoffed as he wiped the small tear from his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter for my cat who passed away. Gucci-cat, I'll always remember you.
> 
> Next chapter we'll have some Erwin-Levi friendship.
> 
> Leave a comment what you think! xx


	4. How Can I Not Forget About You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! It took me long to upload. Please bear with the grammars, I really am sleepy to check it right now but I will edit this tomorrow morning.
> 
> Plus the leaks of Chapter 133 are starting to affect me. I'm kinda sad looking at Levi like that. :( I just wanna hug him MMGHHHH
> 
> Please don't hate me for the dread between Levi and Petra last chapter, I just kinda wanted to portray Levi's irksome attitude when a girl flirts with him. LOLOLOL
> 
> PS: Hey guys, as a Psychology graduate, I kinda wanted to emphasize the obsession of Levi towards cleaning, I might or maybe add few details about his 'passion-disorder' the next chapters... 
> 
> Enjoy!

.  
.

**LEVI:** I just saw that bitch yesterday.

At 5:58 am, today's a rainy sunday. Levi woke up really early, (part of it was his never ending insomnia, and a bit part of it was he slept a whole four hours without having nightmares) so he decided to try the new and improved linen spray that he bought yesterday.

_Shadis' Linen Spray. Have bed mites? How about a drooled pillow? Maybe a stinky linen? Well, you just bought the right linen spray! Just spray it into the spots and wait for a few minutes. The natural smell of our new and improved spray will never fail your standards._

"If that's the fucking case, I'm gonna call you Shadis once if this new and improved linen spray failed my standards." Levi scoffed after reading the stupid quote of the linen spray he bought. Although the advertising description of the linen spray never met Levi's clean bed, (because he change linen sheets every three days) he still want to give it a try, hoping it would add another certain level of clean.

So he sprayed each and every angle of his bed, until his whole room was filled with the aroma of a cool, tangy, earthy smell. _Not bad_ he thought.

There was nothing really to do so he thought that he would at least text Erwin just to tell what happened to him yesterday that was pissing him enough to his bones. Well, assuming that Erwin's brat has bed time stories to listen, he expected that he would have the chance to talk with him at around 10 am in the morning.

And suddenly, his phone was ringing.

"What? Just fucking startled me." Levi scoffed as soon as he saw the caller ID.  
"Well you startled me first! You never texted me first, well probably you never texted anyone... But what's really startling me to my spine is that you text like that early in the morning!" Erwin on the other line sounded like he was panicking from a really bad dream.  
"Relax, eyebrows. Hang the call, let's just do that silent message... I'm afraid you might disturb everyone in your house."  
"It's okay Le—" Before Erwin could even reply, Levi hanged the call.

Perhaps it was really early, and Levi wasn't mentally prepare for Erwin's loud voice. He was also terrified that Erwin might tell it to Hange and worst comes to worst... He do not want any of Hange's voice or talkings early in the morning. 

**ERWIN:** Who's that bitch, Levi? You call every woman a bitch?  
**LEVI:** Except my wife, of course.  
**ERWIN:** Yeah... Sorry.  
**LEVI:** Don't be. It's true. I call every woman a bitch. But that fucking true bitch I've seen yesterday was Petra Ral. Trying to hit me over.  
**ERWIN:** You mean that ginger head who flew overseas?  
**LEVI:** You hit your head or something?  
**ERWIN:** No, why?  
**LEVI:** You're full of questions. You know her of course. She burst my bubble yesterday.  
**ERWIN:** And...?  
**LEVI:** I was in paradise yesterday, and suddenly she bumped into me. Was trying to flirt with me, then she saw my son. Tried to interrogate Theo and when she was not satisfied, she called Mikasa an Oriental bitch. Great reunion, right?  
**ERWIN:** You were in paradise? Did you kinda... Die?  
**LEVI:** What? No. The hell's wrong with you...?  
**ERWIN:** I mean, what do you mean by paradise?  
**LEVI:** Jesus Christ, eyebrows. I meant I was in the cleaning aisle at the supermarket. Try to focus on what that bitch did, not on my obsessions.

**ERWIN:** I see. Let's talk about that soon. I didn't like what she did. Theo might have heard her, and even if he didn't know it... It might have hurt him. Especially you.  
**LEVI:** You took time to realize it? You really are a dumb commander, eyebrows.  
**ERWIN:** Ex-commander.

He sighed. For starters, he thought he cracked his head while he was sleeping because he realized right now that it was ridiculous why he texted Erwin in the first place. Not that he didn't trust Erwin or thought that Erwin was too dumb to analyze his emotional roller coaster, but because...

**1 NEW TEXT MESSAGE**

**Hange:** LEVI WHAT HAPPENED? ERWIN WAS CALLING THIS EARLY MORNING

Because that's what going to happen. In short, his peaceful morning was soon coming to its end.

Without tapping the message inbox, he pressed the power button enough for his phone to die. He thought that he didn't really use his phone, so it's not going to be a bother if he kept his phone turned off until afternoon.

He still has chores to do, and texting friends is not one of those.

-

Levi and Mikasa's early retirement was a big thanks to Erwin Smith. Erwin was their commander back in the military and had both given them a big title in their surnames. It was really enough for the government to recognized them, offering them a huge amount of privilege they can enjoy once they retire. It includes their big monthly salary, a 378 sqm house, plus an early retirement offer if one of them falls into marriage.

Truth be told, they were really lucky that they were in love with each other. And that made the government happy for both of 'Humanity's Strongest' which served the military for almost fifteen years.

While on the other hand, just a few years after they retired, Erwin and Hange retired from the military making the four of them spend their lives on things they love.

Building a family was their shared goal after leaving the stressful life in military. So right after, Hange married Moblit (while Moblit was still in position), same goes with Erwin.

But Erwin didn't got the nicest offer. He settled with someone from the other branch of the military, after having a two night stand when they met occasionally at a bar. He was convinced that he don't want to lose both of their dignity, so he offered Marie an engagement.

Unfortunately, Marie took that offer. And just after a few months, Erwin asked her hands for marriage.

It was already late, and they were already married when Erwin discovered that Marie was still dating his ex-boyfriend, Nile Dawk, while bearing a kid with him in the past. Heart broken, Erwin was about to leave Marie but before that, Marie already confirmed Erwin that she was pregnant with Emily.

Erwin was still a simple man. With simple desires in life. So he let Marie what she wanted to do in her life, but in exchange, he took full custody of Emily. The arrangements of their visitations was letting Marie to come back to Erwin's place at weekends to at least spend time with Emily.

Not to mention, Erwin was also fueling a guilt inside him for not telling Emily... That her mom was a total bitch who ditch them over a prick.

-

Levi was done cleaning the second floor of their house, so he decided it was time to make a quick breakfast. Theo was still in his room and assuming he was still sleeping because it's a Sunday, Levi needs to check the adopted cat.

He made his way towards the backyard shed, well it was a rainy morning, so he hoped that the cat was still alive.

When he found the cat sleeping peacefully underneath Theo's old clothes, he left a bowl of water and a bit of that greasy Friskies munch. Levi was never a hater of animals, but he could also tell that he was never really fond of them. When he was young, raising an animal would cost him two of his meals in a day, so the responsibility of him and the animal getting starved, was a no-no for him.

But right now, he has a good clean shelter, have a lot of food to eat, so what's stopping him to help one stray cat? Nothing. So he pet the cat in his furry head thinking that it was really a cute cat.

Levi thought he could be a cat person. Because they don't really give a damn shit about your business. The idea of it made Levi smiled. 

But no, he thought to himself. He could never be a dog person. Not that he hates dog or what, but because just the idea of dogs running around his house, disgust him so much. (He was a neat freak, after all) So before Theo find anything dog-related, Levi wants to put all the cat ideas in his son head.

-

Levi already had his breakfast and he was also done cleaning the backyard. There was nothing left to do, so he wondered why Theo wasn't downstairs. 

He took a quick shower, afraid that the germs might reside in his house, before going upstairs and see if his son was still alive (just kidding).

But just seeing that the toilet has one fresh stain, his desire for absolute cleanliness went on rampage. So he took a few cleaning materials he bought yesterday, and gave the toilet a nice 'Levi bath'.

Indeed, there was nothing more to enjoy than his cleaning. It was a disorder, a severe obsessiveness that frustrates him really bad when even a small thing isn't organize, and that was really unhealthy. His sexual desires were already dead and sleeping six feet under the ground as soon as Mikasa left, so he has no choice but to put every desires in his body to cleaning.

At least, you could say he double the purpose of it. He enjoys it and used it as a get away. (Levi hates prostitution and he is also loyal. Sums up why he won't use women.)

While scrubbing the floor, the thought of Erwin's pseudo family made him sick. He was sick of Erwin's pretending just to make everything look normal for his daughter. He thought that Erwin might have much of a complicated family issue he cannot resolve, or doesn't want it to resolve thus leaving a complete jumbled maze no one wants to try.

But Erwin does those things to keep her daughter happy.

And it was a bit different for Levi when it comes to his son. Levi was more of the pessimistic-realistic side, so what he let the others see, is somehow half of the feelings he have inside. He hates faking things, but he is also good of keeping his feelings inside of him. 

He didn't want to let his thoughts farther because he knows that it would only tear him again once the thought of Mikasa crossed his damned mind.

There was a knock on the door.

"Daddy? You in there?"  
"Yeah. Just shitting."  
"I already ate my breakfast and Puss-in-Boots was eating something I'm not sure so do you have any idea...?"  
"I did. I fed him that greasy shit. Watch the cat, he might be shitting soon... You know what to do, okay?"  
"Yes daddy, thanks!"

He was not really taking a long sweet dump, he was just not in the mood to let someone sees him scrub god mode. After all, he's still kinda shy to admit to his son that after Mikasa left him, cleaning became his second wife. (Which obviously, everybody knows)

\- 

After lunch, everything was cleaned by Levi. So he has really nothing left to do. He picked up his sleeping phone and finally turned it on.

While waiting for his 'slowtard phone' to wake, he decided that it was a good time for an afternoon tea. He went downstairs again, brewed his favorite Earl Grey tea, and fixed himself on the coach preparing what his phone would surprise him.

**125 NEW TEXT MESSAGES**  
**21 UNANSWERED CALLS**

"Fucking idiots." His bet was right, that it was a good thing that he turned his phone off. He thanked himself for the sweet clever idea because if not, for sure his son would scream seeing the color of Levi's brain.

He just sighed, but scrolled afterwards the never ending text messages he received.

**HANGE:** Levi JUST ANSWER ME WHAT HAPPENED  
**HANGE:** What is Erwin talking about? What do you mean by PARADISE  
**HANGE:** Levi please it's too EARLY FOR YOU TO GO TO MIKASA

"God fucking damned it, four eyes. If I go, then who would fucking take care of my son?" He rolled his eyes, trying to scan more some of the text.

**HANGE:** YOU KNOW LEVI WE ALL LOVE THEO but please I CAN'T TAKE FULL CUSTODY OF HIM once you are GoNe 

_No shitty glasses, I don't want your custody over my son. You enjoy being really filthy and that's a way to cultivate bacteria in your house. Tch._ He thought to himself while frowning and thinking why the hell would his idiotic friends thinking he was on a suicide mission.

Well, he is. But he never let anyone sees.

He scrolled more of the text messages but it was only from Hange and Erwin texting his name in an uppercase style as if it was shouting: **LEVI.**

He rolled his eyes and tapped the cross button, and checked his phone calls. 20 of it was from either Hange or Erwin, and 1 from an unknown number.

The _unknown number_. Every time an unknown number starts to call him, he felt like he was gonna shit his pants. So much memories will haunt him again leading back to _that_ miserable day.

Curious like a cat, Levi fidgeted his little spinner that was hanging from the coffee table. He wondered first, if there was anyone close to him to have an accident that will immediately call him... But none. It was only him and Theo now.

_Curiosity kills the cat, and you're a cat Levi._ So he tapped the unknown number and sent a message.

**LEVI:** What do you want?

Levi waited for a moment. And there was already a reply.

**UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Is this Levi Ackerman?

The memory was so fresh that caused his palms to be shaky and sweaty again. He closed his eyes for a while, and pinched the bridge if his nose. He couldn't have a nice weekend you know?

**LEVI:** Yeah.

It felt like a lifetime for the unknown number to reply. He was tensed, not because of what could happen... But because he was so afraid that the memories and nightmare will haunt him back tonight. And if that happened soon, he really do not know what he could do anymore.

So he waited. And waited. And waited for the unknown number to reply.

Five minutes of waiting almost felt like a decade because he could feel the building numbness underneath his nape. The tension was already punching him in his nose but still don't think that sending another text message to the unknown number would be a good idea.

And finally, his phone vibrated.

**ERWIN:** You still alive?  
**LEVI:** Goddamned it, eyebrows! I'm just fucking cleaning, you and crazy four eyes bombarded my slowtard phone the whole morning!

"Tch." He sighed. A little bit of numbness left his nape thanks to the good for nothing ex-commander. When he felt the vibration again, he was ready to call Erwin to tell him to fuck off and... 

**UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Is this really Levi Ackerman?  
**LEVI:** I said yeah.

He was kinda getting really annoyed rather than tensed, so he frowned while waiting.

_Don't frown, you'll lose that pretty face of yours._  
"Whatever, Mikasa."

**UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Oh god! Captain Levi, it's really you! I thought Eren was just playing with me, trying to prove how dumb I was by giving me your number because there's no way in hell you'll use a phone. But here you are! We're text buddies!

_Eren's gonna have his fucking thumb sticking on his ass the moment I see him._

**LEVI:** Who the hell are you?  
**UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Whaaat? It's me, Connie! Connie Springer! Did you crack your head, captain?  
**LEVI:** More like you cracked your head open. You just text me out of nowhere like a fucking FBI asking my whole name without even telling me your name at the first place. What do you want?

Now the unknown number has a name. But a dumb name as per Levi.

**CONNIE:** Well, captain... I know it's hard but can you help me choosing a baby name?  
**LEVI:** Do you think I'm suitable for that? Ask Armin if you want nice names. And don't tell me you're gonna have a child?  
**CONNIE:** Of course I am! You think I'm impotent???  
**LEVI:** No. I just thought you were dumb... Well you are dumb. So you and Sasha are now fucking?  
**CONNIE:** Yeah... But we're not married. So? Can you help me pick a name? I want to name it Teddy btw.  
**LEVI:** You fucking dimwit, you already decided an ugly name so why do you even want me to help you choose another name?  
**CONNIE:** Please captain... We also want to see you. Me and Sasha, and Armin too!

Levi sighed. Just seeing Mikasa's friends hurts a lot like hell. A small reason is that he could still remember that sunny day, and the big reason is that they are a headache to deal with.

**CONNIE:** Come on, cap. Bring Theo. We missed him so much...  
**LEVI:** Can't promise. Sorry.

He sat in silence ignoring the vibration his phone offered him. He was kinda relieved, because an unknown number happened to be one of their friends, but also kinda distracted and sad. Because the unknown number happened to be one of _their_ friends.

"Alright, Levi... Want to check on the air freshener you bought yesterday?" He said to himself because he knows exactly that his mind was drifting away.

So he fought the feeling and stood up from the couch, finding the air freshener he would try. This scent was different, the scent that he always used smells like more of a tangy, but cool aroma but this new one he bought... It smelled more like the aroma of honey and berries. Giving him the feeling of nostalgia from an old memory, the feeling of somehow warm but chilly, the feeling of Mikasa Ackerman beside him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and continued to spray the air freshener around the house. It wasn't a bad musk anyway. In fact, he love it.

Because his love for her never, and will never change til the day he die.

-

At around 3pm, there was a doorbell ringing. Levi just rolled his eyes thinking that this Sunday was a hell ride of a roller coaster. He never ordered anything, so there has to be no deliveries after all. He just continued reading his daily newspaper, waiting for the person beneath the door, go away.

_**Eldian Bulletin, Sunday, December 2, 2022** _  
_Breaking News: Keith Shadis, former commander and commandant of the Recon Corps have finally retired after almost 4 decades in the service. He was said to be one of the best loyal soldier in this district. And now he lives a humble life making cleaning agents such as linen spray._

"Damn Shadis, you really get a highlight for this?"

_A Big Blast Christmas Sale will be held at December 15, 2022 at Mall Liberio. Expect mark down prices from 40-70% off._

"Tch. Enough of that crazy sales."

_New discovery: An old clan name Thredson, claiming to be one of the founders of the hidden treasure in Marley, were found faking their identities. One of the suspect was identified and arrested by the authorities. The suspect was interrogated questions about who is the real owner of the hidden treasure._

_**Suspect:** The real owner was an old clan name Ackerman! They were already extinct a few years ago, so I don't know about them anymore!_

"God fucking damn it. I'm still fucking alive and we're still two Ackerman left on earth." He sighed while reading the crazy news and continued "It's like I'm interested with treasure fucks, I won't leave this house on a stupid treasure hunting beneath dirt. Fucking disgusting."

It was already ten minutes but the doorbell was still ringing. It's such a pain in the ears, as a sour face of Levi stood and went to the bathroom.

"I'll get the door, daddy."  
"Yes, please. Get rid of it. Tell them I don't have any deliveries or if they would look for me, tell them that I'm having a long, sweet shit."

Theo nodded and ran towards the main door leaving Levi alone in the bathroom. For Levi, it seemed like the bathroom is the only thing he could trust right now, more like a companion buddy in times of trouble. Levi liked the idea of it, leaving him to laugh out loud.

"This is what I get now, I'm laughing like a madman... Well perhaps, _I am_." He snorted and blow another soft chuckle.

He remembered that he hid the pack of cigarettes here two days ago, trying to resist the temptation of Nicotine building over his mind especially that right now... He was stressed.

No more discussions of metaphor shits, as he slid the stick right into his mouth without thinking, and smoked. _Smoking it felt like a decade._

He was about to throw the cigarette, because it was half-done when someone was shouting his name from afar.

"LEVI!"  
"LEVI!"

"What the hell, Theo? At least address me that I'm you father by calling me da—" he went out of the bathroom with the stick still in his mouth just to find his son looking at him,

With his idiotic friends.

He looked at them deadpan. "Why the hell are you here?"  
"Levi! We thought you were in paradise! Thank goodness!" Hange explained.  
"I was in fucking paradise a moment ago before you trespassed my fucking peaceful home," he glared at everyone not thinking about the cigar in his mouth. "The hell you laughing for, eyebrows? You told stupid four eyes that I was dead?"

Erwin chuckled with Emily by his side.

"Now fuck, you brought all your kids here. What's this supposed? A fucking field trip in the Ackerman's resident?" He sighed and rolled his eyes, while Moblit, Hange, and Erwin were bursting into laughter.

"It was supposed to be family day! So I decided to call Erwin to check up on you, then he suggested if we bring the kids so they could play with Theo." Hange squealed while giving Levi a big grin in her face.  
"Not a good idea. I just cleaned the house and I don't want anymore mess to clean today. Plus, I don't have kid snacks here. Unless you want greasy Friskies, then that could do it."

"Geez, Mr. Ackerman. What does Theo eat if you don't have any kid snacks?" Keith blurted while looking at him nervously.  
"Tch. Vegetables, oats, fruits... And other healthy things that kids doesn't eat." Levi snorted.  
"Mr. Ackerman, what's that thing on your mouth?" Emily joined the conversation.  
"Hm?" _Fuck, again_ , he remembered as he pulled the stick out of his mouth quickly. "Uhm, well, this stick helps me have a lovely shit."

The kids were just looking confused, while Erwin finally approached Levi. "You've been smoking now?"  
"No. Well, not really."  
"Daddy just do that to help him defecate, he won't do that otherwise because he was not trying to die." Theo added which surprised Levi and Erwin with the selection of Theo's words.  
"Yeah, right." He looked at everybody inside his house and continued "Theo, did you let them in without my permission?"  
"I walked directly inside your house Levi! Theo was saying something about you having a lovely shit but we all know you always make lies and poop jokes, so I barged in right after Theo opened the door." Hange explained.  
"You fucking shitty glasses," he sighed. "What more I can do. You're all inside my house. Just tell the kids to behave and don't mess inside. Shoes are outside too, I don't want germs inside."

Everyone nodded while they agree to the terms and condition Levi made. _How shitty can this day get?_

"Theo, what does your dad means about greasy Friskies?" Emily asked looking curious.  
"Uhm, it's Puss-in-Boots' catfood."  
"WAIT, YOU GOT A CAT?!" Hange screamed.  
"Yeah... We adopted him yesterday."  
"SO YOU AND LEVI ADOPTED A CAT? It's impossible..." Hange was still screaming.  
"No it's not! Puss-in-boots is in the backyard shed right now, I just keep him there because I don't want him to mess inside..." Theo explained.  
"Hey mom, how comes Theo's house is super clean and organized?" Keith asked joining the conversation.  
"Theo said his daddy loves cleaning so I supposed why." Emily added.  
"Haha, kids! Levi's a clean freak so that's why his house is super neat, now take this seriously okay. Do not mess around or dirty his house or else he will report us to the police." Hange nervously explained to the kids.

"Mr. Ackerman is really weird," Keith blurted, and soon whispered enough for only Emily to hear. "And short." He chuckled.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure Keith's ass will get kick next chapter. LMAO
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the EruRi friendship. I enjoyed writing Erwin's fluffball energy. 
> 
> I'm working on at Chapter 5, I might upload it soon depends if this shitty net of mine would be cooperative. See ya!


	5. Five People and Five Items

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Chapter 5 is Part 1 of "That Day". Part 2 will be on Chapter 6. I still need to make a few edits about it, so I might upload it tomorrow... If I'm not that busy.
> 
> Thank you for the 300 hits! I'm in awe. 
> 
> PS: I love back stories... So that's why I have a lot of back stories LMAO
> 
> .  
> .

.  
.

_"Hey Levi, what are you gonna do when I'm gone?"_

_He sighed. "I'm going to follow you."_

_"Levi no."_   
_"Levi no!"_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

3:48 am. Another bad dream. But instead of feeling anything, Levi stared into blankness.

He got up, checked his phone for the time, and went to the bathroom to piss.

It has been four days ago since Erwin and Hange's family bombarded his house, and assuming after all the talking and fun they got, Levi was convinced that he was moving on _slowly_ from the painful death of Mikasa.

But, no.

It was getting worst.

After the fun get together and serious talk last Sunday, Levi finally opened a small part (albeit only 10% of the whole) of him where he was hurting the most. They did that when the kids was busy playing outside with Puss-in-Boots. Of course, it was Erwin's idea to seriously talk with Levi, allowing Moblit and Hange share testimonies about marriage and complications.

For most of the time, Levi listened. And just nodded on whatever things they were discussing.

But even if he shared a little of what was hurting, and allowed his three friends to also share the (somehow) depressing problems they had, Levi knows that it was only a talk to comfort him temporary. That his problems were a huge different, that no talking can heal the past, that nothing can ever bring Mikasa back again. He didn't want to say it aloud to his friends, because he knows that nothing could ever heal his brokenness.

But Erwin insisted that he will take Levi to the local psychiatrist to avoid future misunderstandings.

For Levi, it was a crazy fucking idea because opening his past life through therapy, is more like adding salt to a freshly bleeding wound. So only to compromise his friends decision about him, he told them that there was nothing to worry about because he believed that he was moving on.

But, he was great with lying. A total fucking lie.

And the serious talk that were made last Sunday made his whole feelings jumbled again.

Last Monday, he drove Theo to school. Theo was confused because Levi wasn't in the mood to talk, he didn't even scowl Theo for being late for about 5 minutes. He just stood at the car staring into nothingness. 

Tuesday, Levi was irritated the whole day. Every time he opened his mouth, every single sentence he made was also accompanied with cursing. He didn't even bother listening to Erwin's scolding at the school and just walked out like nothing happened. He smoked three packs of cigarettes that day.

And on Wednesday, it was really the worst. He woke up because Theo was at his room waking him. He was angry at Theo because he never like getting disturbed, and frustrated because it was already 7:30 am, and Theo was really late for class. He drove like a mad animal with no toddler passenger at his car. It was really a total mess.  
When he excused Theo from the homeroom teacher for being late, the homeroom teacher snapped him which cause Levi to make a scene.

"Mr. Ackerman, you should have let your wife assist your kid. We noticed that it was always you and you and you. It's not goo—"  
"This is not your fucking business to deal with, because even I wished that it was my wife assisting that goddamned kid, but fucking life, my wife is dead!"

Everyone was staring at him, and he couldn't really care now as he walked away like it was nothing. 

**34 MISSED CALLS: ERWIN**

**20 NEW TEXT MESSAGES: ERWIN**

**ERWIN:** Levi what the hell is _wrong_ with you? Your kid was crying non-stop and he didn't want to talk about you! Don't use your strength to snap at Theo just because you are goddamned bored with your life!

**ERWIN:** I'm taking Theo for today. He's going with us. You're _insane_ , I can't believe you.

_Insane. Insane. Insane. Insane_   
_"Laughing like a mad man, well... Perhaps, I am."_

He didn't go home until it was 9 pm. He didn't care what happened to Theo, to Puss-in-Boots, and to all the cleaning sessions he need to deal with.

He only needs one thing right now. He needs Mikasa.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Mama, you don't leave me okay?"_   
_"Levi, what are you talking about? I won't leave you of course."_

_"Kenny, are you going away?"_   
_"Ya' talking about shorty? Kenny just needs to deal with the bad guys, heh!"_

_"Farlan, I need you to fucking stay out of the mission. You and Isabel might be in danger."_   
_"Levi, don't you trust us?"_

_"Mikasa... I don't know what I'm going to do when I lose you."_   
_"Levi, I won't. I promise."_

-

"I'm fucking sick with all of your promises! Fucking get out of my head! Just fucking leave me, just fucking go! Just...:

_"Please."_

He was alone in his house. Didn't eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Didn't clean the backyard, the second floor, ground floor, or even the bathrooms. He was swearing to the heavens that why must he suffer like that— why everyone he loves just leave him open like that. He just sat there at the corner of the hallway, smoking his last stick of cigarette from the five packs he bought at the convenience store. In other words...

He was just waiting to die. 

.  
.

\----------------------------------------------------------

**_That day, four years ago._ **

He stood at the morgue for an hour. He was not crying, or sobbing, or weeping. He just stood there with his bored stoic face.

"Sir, now that we confirmed it's your wife, can you please tell us her personal information. We need to list it down so we can process her death certificate."

He was not hearing anything, so his eyes continued to glare at the fresh bloody corpse.

"Sir? Uhm, we need your wife's personal information... If you don't mind."

He was still not hearing anything. He went closer to the corpse and reached her bloody hand, still wearing the ring he gave.

"Officer, there's no use in talking with him at the moment. Let's just leave him be, and we could try it again later."

The officers left Levi alone in the morgue. It was prohibited to have someone else in the morgue, but right after Levi punched the attending dead dresser (that's what he calls them), he took his chance being alone with his wife.

"Mikasa, what happened to that crazy big fuck sale?"

The lights kept flickering, but he remained his stoic face.

"Mikasa, I'm asking you. What the hell happened and why do you look like this?"

He sighed.

"You're fucking bloody and disgusting, woman. Why didn't you answer my calls?"

He was really getting frustrated.

"Fuck it, Mikasa. Don't give me that silent treatment. At least answer me even if you just want to curse me or at least kick my ass for asking too many damn questions!"

He was no longer holding Mikasa's hand. He took a step backward, and leaned to whatever thing that was enough to hold his back.

"Mikasa, let's go home. We still have a long round of sex, right?"

He let himself slid down, still facing to the corpse in front of him. He was not in his composure anymore, he was holding his head with both of his hands, trying to stop the building tears and tensions.

He remembered this morning he woke and Mikasa was already up, kissing his cheeks. He was only eating breakfast with Mikasa, and Theo was happily blabbering little sounds. He just only know that Mikasa was going to go on that crazy fuck sale because she was going to give him something he loves. It was only a normal day, so why did it turn out like this? 

_"Quit the crap, Mikasa. You sound like you're going to die."_

But it was true. If only...

If only he knew. He could have prevented it. Is he at fault? He didn't know. He didn't have to make the choice. But he felt at fault. And he felt like he deserved to be _punished._

With tears falling, he stood and went to Mikasa's bloody body. He stroke Mikasa's disheveled hair, and placed his other hand cupping her cheek.

"You know I hate filthy disgusting shits right. So why you have to be one?"

He pulled his handkerchief and wiped the blood away Mikasa's face. When he couldn't wipe all the blood, he grabbed his chlorox wipes... Just making sure to see Mikasa's beautiful face without blood.

"You're not going anywhere, darling. You'll come with me. Even if not tonight, _I'll make sure you'll come with me._ "

He kissed her in the lips, and left.

-

"Mikasa Ackerman Ackerman. Born on February 10. 24 years old. Worked at the military, under Special Ops: Levi squad. Retired for about 3 years. Don't question her about her middle name and surname. We're not incest related."

"Thanks for the personal information sir. Did you already go to the station to retrieve her belongings?"

"I did. But I still haven't check her things."

The follow-up questions were a bit too long, but Levi remained silent the whole time. He watched as Eren and Armin came running inside, asking and shouting questions like: Where's Mikasa??? What happened?! Where's Levi?!?

But he was not affected. He just stood and act liked nothing happened.

"Captain?! Tell me it's not true! Tell me just what happened to my sister?!"

Levi shrugged and took a step moving outside the hallway.

"Levi just tell me what the fuck happe—"

Eren was already at the floor holding his bloody nose when Levi realized that he punched the poor boy right in his face. He just shrugged again while watching Armin helping Eren with the painful scene.

"Armin, go assist Eren. I'm just going to get Mikasa's things at the station."

"Captain... What's happening? Mikasa's dead... What's wrong with you?" Armin was nervously panting while looking at Levi.

"What do you mean, Armin? She's _not_ dead. I'll drive her home later."

"Levi, you have to be fucking kidding me! That's Mikasa at the morgue, my sister's dead and I don't know what the hell is happening to you! Are you fucking _insane?!_ " Eren was shouting all over the place.

Without another word, Levi left.

-

At the station, he checked the trampled car if it was their car. It was a painful thing to see because the seats were covered in blood, the stirring wheel were filled with tiny shattered glass, and the hand brake was broken by forcing up... Like telling him that Mikasa wanted to survive so much. That she wanted to go home to her little family.

Disgusted by the disheveled look of car, he went inside to get Mikasa's thing.

"Levi Ackerman. Husband of Mikasa Ackerman. I'm here to get all her belongings."

The officer handed him a plastic bag full of Mikasa's belonging. Everything was in one piece, but except that also everything is covered with blood.

He checked every piece of her belongings. He found the things she bought at the crazy sale: A new tea set, a pack of Asian Black Tea, the spinning mop he was eyeing, a new green scarf, and a cat stuff toy.

All five items for the price of her life.

He wrapped the items she bought, and looked at the inside of her bag.

It was just her wallet, and inside her wallet was their first family picture. Levi clenched his fist so hard trying not to cry, so he closed the wallet and wrapped it up.

And he found her cellphone.  
The screen was shattered, enough evidence that she was holding it the moment she fell into the accident.

He unlocked her phone and saw the next thing awaiting him.

**LEVI:** Mikasa, where are you?

**(Draft) MIKASA:** Srry cant pck Up drvin i love you

_I love you_  
Three words enough to kill him. _She didn't want to die_ , he thought. So it was his responsibility to let her stay _alive_.

He wrapped her phone with the other belongings and stood up when the officer called him.

"Sir Levi, I just received a call from the morgue. They wanted to talk to you." The officer handed the phone to Levi.

"Mr. Ackerman, I know this is early... but this is for the post-funeral of your wife. We just want to ask for your permission... Your wife's body obtained a great damage causing deep concussion in her abdominal part, and a bit of her skull's anterior was cracked. By this case, we would suggest if you would prefer to choose cremation rather than—"

"No cremation."

"Sir? With that look of bod—"

"I said _no cremation_."

He didn't wait for the other line to answer as he handed the phone to the officer and left.

It was already night time, but there were still no stars in the sky.

"Mikasa, you're coming home with me."

.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case y'all are wondering... Levi was suffering from mild Anosognosia right after the moment he stand in the morgue. The trauma from losing love ones again and again hits him differently when he lose Mikasa (in this case, he dearly loved) causing him to act very differently thus in a stage of severe denial.
> 
> (In this story) Levi had OCPD even before he married Mikasa, but after a few weeks he lose Mikasa, he developed OCD. He (mentally absent) uses his OCD to cope up with sanity.
> 
> That's all! xx


	6. Want To Have Some Tea?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Just as promised, here's Part 2 of 'That Day'
> 
> I completely loved writing Erwin's POV.
> 
> Please be gentle with me guys, this is my first fan-fic ever! (:
> 
> This Chapter isn't really that long, I might update again in a few days... Thank you for the warm comments and the views!
> 
> .  
> .

.  
.

**_Still that day, four years ago._ **

Erwin was busy discussing with Hange the surprise gift they plan to give to the Ackermans.

"Old Levi, would surely cry on his birthday when he finds out that he and Mikasa would be flying to Hizuru! Just the both of them cause we'll be taking care of cute cuddly Theo!" Hange excitingly screamed.

"Be quiet, Hange. Moblit just had his rest a few minutes ago, it's a pity if he woke up to your noisy mouth." Erwin rolled his eyes.

"Whoopsie! Just a little excited. You know that Levi will be the one's who going to be more excited than Mikasa because of Asia's finest tea... And honeymoooooon!"

"Hange, come on. You know Levi. One child is enough."

"Aw, you kill joy Erwin? Anyway, I just want them to be happy." Hange explained while smiling honestly.

It was a cloudy day indeed. They were just waiting for Moblit to wake up so they could go to the mall to buy Christmas decors. Erwin of course was always with Hange and Moblit because he can't really enjoy the company of Marie in his house.

Erwin was playing catch with Keith until his phone rang.

**INCOMING CALL: LEVI**

"Hange, look! Like a cat he is, for sure Levi already sensed what we were planning!" Erwin was laughing while trying to answer the call.

"Erwin."  
"Oh, Levi yes? Having a good time?"  
"Please get Theo at the house in 20 minutes."  
"Huh? You and Mikasa have honeymoon?"  
"Just get Theo... please. I'm heading... towards," Levi paused and breath heavily.  
"Hey Levi? What's wrong?"  
"I'm heading towards the local morgue."  
"What? What are yo—"

**CALL DROPPED**

Erwin's jaw dropped open enough for Hange to scream asking: What the hell is going on?

But there was no time to explain because he knows that Levi never have time to joke about things like that. So it was definitely serious. He excused himself to Hange and Moblit and drove quickly to Levi's place.

-

He arrived at Levi's place shortly after the call. The house was completely quiet, but he noticed that Mikasa's car was not there. He was trying to resist the numbness that was building in his nape, because something worst was happening.

He walked towards the door and knock but to his shock, Levi was already grabbing the doorknob. 

Levi's eye was wide and his hands were shaking non-stop. Before Erwin could ask him, Levi immediately left and rode his car. He was driving the car really fast.

Probably, something's a mess. Erwin was still in denial, he didn't want to think about what Levi told that he was going to the local morgue, because his thinking... could not be it. So he snapped, and quickly looked over Theo who was just sitting at the coach looking at him.

"Theo, what happened to mommy and daddy?"

_Erwin, know better. How could a baby answer your dumb question?_ He gave a big sigh and embraced Theo at his arms.

Erwin was hoping that only a minor accident happened, that maybe all of it was just a dream. He looked over the house while carrying Theo, trying to spot something that could describe the situation.

A cracked phone was all he see lying in the floor. This was Levi's phone. He thought that the couple had a misunderstanding or that Mikasa ran away but no...

Levi loved Mikasa so much that even if Mikasa beat him to death, he would just tease her and tell her it didn't hurt.

Erwin was already sweating nervously because it has been twenty minutes since Levi left and still has no news. So he grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on. Maybe he could relax if he let Theo watch Winnie the Pooh or Garfield.

**_BREAKING NEWS:_ **

_Just in thirty minutes ago, in the district intersection of Stohess had a big car accident causing five people's life at stake. Unfortunately, a woman on her 20's was already critical when the medic arrived and was shortly declared as DOA._

"DOA? No... You got to be kidding me..." 

_The suspect was said to be a truck driver in his late 20's, name's Zeke Yeager confirmed by one of the witness, but everything happened like lightning as the suspect ran from its crimes._

_Here are the list of the five people who were caught in the accident:_

_1. **Marlo Freudenberg** , 25 M, at Rose Hospital, obtained a leg fracture. Alive._   
_2. **Hitch Dreyse** , 26 F, at Rose Hospital, obtained a pelvis and leg fracture. Alive._   
_3. **Nanaba Zacharias** , 35 F, at Trost Hospital, obtained a deep concussion in her head. Alive but critical._

"Shit. What happened to you Nanaba? What the hell..." Erwin has still his eyes on the TV, with palms sweating so bad.

_4. **Hannes Garrison** , 40 M, at Trost Hospital, obtained a few broken bones and a deep wound in his throat. Alive._

"Please not you... Please not you..." 

_5. **Mikasa Ackerman** , 24 F, at Stohess Hospital, obtained a severe concussion in her abdominal region and anterior lobe of skull was cracked open. Dead on Arrival._

"Mikasa... Ackerman... No..." 

_That's only for now, please standby for more news update. This is Ilse Hagnar reporting for Eldian News._

"Jesus, you got to be kidding me..." Erwin couldn't remove his face in front of the television praying it was only a nightmare he was seeing. He slapped himself hard to check if he was still in reality, but unfortunately... he was.

He looked at the curious face of Theo, and tears began falling down from Erwin's face. He couldn't help but to feel pity towards the innocent child and his best friend, Levi. 

**INCOMING CALL: MOBLIT**

"Erwin... did what I hear from the tv... was true?" Moblit was nervously shaking from the other line.  
"Yeah... I'm here at Levi's place... With Theo..."  
"Where's Levi?"  
"He didn't talk to me... He was nervously shaking and ran to his car the moment I got here."  
"Just take a better look at Theo... Hange's screaming and crying here and the kids are all awake... It's a total disaster here..." Moblit explained.  
"Yeah. I can't even believe what's happening. I'm really sad just looking at Theo... But I don't know what's worst happening with Levi right now. I'll call later." Erwin ended the call.

After the breaking news, an hour have already passed.

Then three hours.

But still no news from Levi.

-

8:10 pm

**INCOMING CALL: EREN**

"Hello?"   
"COMMANDER IT'S ME, EREN! LISTEN COMMANDER YOU HAVE TO HELP US—"  
"Eren, calm down! Explain yourself so I can understand you!"

There was a commotion in the other line.

"Commander... It's Armin... Sorry for Eren, we were all really going crazy about it... But commander we need your help, do you know where the captain is...?"  
"Armin I'm at Levi's house with Theo... He rushed at the morgue at around 4:00 pm I think? So he must be there."  
"COMMANDER ERWIN, LEVI WAS HERE A WHILE AGO HE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AND HE LEFT!" Eren was completely shouting like crazy.  
"Guys... I'm sorry. I don't have any idea where he is... He left his phone cracked here at his house. Moblit already gave me an update, they still have no news about Levi." Erwin exhaled heavily.

Armin was on the line again, "Thank you, commander... But please. We need the captain here. Mikasa's body is still at the morgue and we need his permission on whatever going's to happen to the corpse...."  
"I understand, I'll try to call for updates. Please be strong, Armin... We all need to be."

Erwin dropped the call. It was a total disaster he didn't even realize that he took a small nap while putting Theo to sleep. Time check, it was already 8:12 pm. Still no Levi.

**INCOMING CALL: HANGE**

"ERWIN, I CAN'T COMPLETELY SHUT UP ABOUT EVERYTHING!"  
"Hange, for the love of God _JUST PLEASE_. I'm completely sweating out of nervousness so please Hange, listen to your husband first! We all can't act crazy!"  
"BUT ERWIN, DID YOU REALIZE MIKASA IS DEAD?! AND LEVI'S BEEN GONE FOR ALMOST FOUR HOURS!'  
"Hange, I know! Eren and Armin called me! And trust me, the situation over there is a complete disaster rather than the situation we have right now! Mikasa's body is still left hanging and I don't know where the hell is Le—"

There was someone who opened the door. Erwin quickly ran downstairs and was shocked to see "Levi..."

"Hm?"  
"Levi, what happened?" Erwin was in total shock. He dropped the call with Hange, not even finishing the call because something really strange was going on for the moment.

"What do you mean, Erwin?"  
"What the hell happened at the morgue?! Everyone is running crazy at circles!"

Levi raised his brows. "There's nothing to be crazy about it."

"LEVI. ARE YOU INSANE?! MIKASA IS DE—"

"She's _not dead._ " Levi scoffed Erwin and walked past beneath him. He went to the kitchen, pulled out his new tea set and tea pack (which Mikasa bought earlier) and sat at the countertop. "Want to have some tea? Mikasa bought this for me at that crazy fuck sale."

Erwin cannot believe what he is seeing. His jaw dropped and he was completely taken aback by Levi's strange attitude. But no, this is not the time to get emotional even if everybody is out of sanity.

"Where have you been, Levi... You've been gone for about four hours."  
"Hmm... At the local morgue, at the police station, and I thought that it was nice to walk at the park nearby."  
"How about Eren? Armin? Mikasa? At the morgue? Just tell me Levi..."  
"The brats were acting crazy, so I decided to punch Eren in the face."  
"Levi, where the hell is your _wife_?"

"Still at the morgue, Erwin. Looking as fine as she is. Don't worry, I told her I'll get her tomorrow. _So we can go home_." Levi was staring at Erwin with his bored stoic face. He was sipping tea from that bloody tea cup which made Erwin really sick.

Levi was not anymore at his sanity. So without hesitations, he went upstairs, packed Theo a few clothes, and carried Theo in his arms. He was really getting scared but he must take Theo because who the hell knows what might happen to Levi.

"Levi, look... I'm going to borrow Theo at the moment okay? So you and your lovely wife can have quality time. Make love with her tonight, or whatever... Just don't kill yourself... Please."

"Sounds good, Erwin. Well, have fun." Levi smirked in his direction holding the bloody tea cup in his hands, which made Erwin grimaced in total disgust.

He hurriedly ran to his car, ignored the sobbing Theo as he buckled him up, and drove fast to Hange's place.

-

**INCOMING CALL: BRAUS**

"He—"  
"COMMANDER ERWIN," there was a loud wailing in the background of the other line. "IT'S SASHA! MI-MIKA-SA'S DEAD!" the other line was interrupted again by another person talking. "Commander! This is Jean, please... What's going on? No one is answering our calls!"  
"Jean, look I'm driving with Mikasa's son... We can talk about it later, or we will be pleased if you guys go to Hange's place right now. Everyone is completely insane..."

He dropped the call in an instant. He pulled his van to Hange's facade and quickly brought Theo inside.

Hange was crying non-stop, while Moblit was completely drained standing in the corner staring at his feet. Keith and his other sibling were already sleeping, when Erwin went along with Theo inside.

They were just staring with each other for a moment, waiting for someone to talk first. But no one dared to talk first. Everyone was not sober at the moment, but their eyes were filled with fear and sorrow right the moment they saw Theo in Erwin's arms. 

"Erwin... Why?" Hange exclaimed while crying. She was curious why Erwin brought Theo with him.  
"I can't leave Theo behind. Yes, you heard me in the call. Levi was already back."  
"Then, what happened Erwin? Eren and Connie were calling non-stop here..." Moblit joined the conversation. 

"I can't explain... Everyone was going crazy. Even me I can no longer hold my sanity the moment I saw Levi."

"IS HE _GRIEVING_ THAT MUCH? JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED?!" Hange was now shouting.

"That's the problem Hange! He was acting like everything was normal! That he left his lovely wife just sleeping at the morgue! What taken me aback is that Levi was telling me he's gonna bring Mikasa home! That she was not dead!"

"What...?" Moblit and Hange's eyes widen due to the scene they have heard.

"Hange... Levi's completely out of sanity or I don't know, _god ugh_ , is he toying with us? Everybody knows... How he is a _neat freak_... But a while ago, oh fuck! He was drinking his goddamned tea in a teacup full of blood stains saying that Mikasa bought that for him on her way home!" Erwin was panting and breathing heavily as he nervously explained the terrible scene he saw. 

There was complete silence in the room. A moment ago, everybody was crying, them shouting, then now... They are being eaten by the silence, cold sweats are visible in their faces, and a staring game was building up.

Not too long when Jean, Sasha, and Conny arrived. Everyone was crying trying to pick up the words they want to say... But still nothing. They were in complete chaos when Erwin started explaining the whole crazy scene he had with Levi. They tried to reach Eren and Armin, but the two can't leave Mikasa's body at the local morgue. They still need to wait for Levi's decision even though Eren was really furious about the shithole they were in.

Everyone was deeply struggling in the storm... Well not Levi right now.

-

When Levi finished his tea, he placed the bloody tea set in his coffee table. He was alone right now, his mind drifted when he was back in the military— in his office, where he was alone for about fifteen years.

He was thinking deeply, when the hell did she meet Mikasa? _At the dark corridor? Nah. At the 104th squad training with Shadis? Nah. Shit I think I remembered... It was when I saved that nasty dogshit Eren, and her eyes all over my stupid cloak._

He grinned while walking towards the mirror table and he took a quick review of the shattered phone placed there.

"It's broken? When did my phone broke? Fucking eyebrows, did he do this shit?" He rolled his eyes.

He turned off all the lights downstairs and went upstairs. He took a long warm bath and prepared himself to bed.

Just like he used to, he neatly tuck the linens underneath the bed frame and arranged the pristine white pillows he and Mikasa shared.

"Mikasa, what's taking you so long? Let's go to bed. Or you still want to do something naughty with me?" He chuckled as he placed himself in the bed turning on his lampshade.

"Well, I'm going to head now beautiful. Just turn off the lampshade when you're done shitting." Levi closed his eyes trying to ignore the cold while carefully snuggling in his blanket.

He was slowly falling asleep...

Mind slowly drifting away...

When he felt something warm embraced him from the back.

He smiled once more as the thought of darkness filled the room.

"See, you're still alive. How can I be _insane_?" 

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally, I'm kinda scared writing Levi's POV. It's hard to describe someone with mental illness and how they act, so please nonnie take care of your mental health! 
> 
> In this story, Levi already have PTSD since his mother died but he chose to ignore it because Levi didn't really believe in mental illness (He was Humanity's strongest ayt?). He was completely being in a severe stage of denial resulting hallucinations and delusions. 
> 
> Of course he obtained OCPD since when he was a teenager because he was hungry for power and survival. Like what I've said, it was developed into a severe OCD just to help him cope up sanity.
> 
> PS: Yes, you can have combined mental disorders at the same time depending on the trauma.
> 
> Thanks xx


	7. Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Just as promised, here's another chapter! Ugh, I'm so sleepy and really tired so I'm gonna edit this tomorrow morning. Especially the words that must be italicized. The draft I made was I dunno ugh, maybe deleted and I was left with this bunch of crappy html shits to deal with. The story content is still there tho.

.  
.

**PRESENT**

The journey downstairs was so awful because of Levi's heavy diarrhea plus an episode of throwing up. He has been smoking non-stop and doesn't even have meals ever since Erwin took Theo yesterday. Well, he actually thought that being alone and smoking could make everything alright. That he could think and pretend everything was still normal.

"Fucking... Abdominal snowman." Was all he said when he couldn't even walk downstairs because of the gurgling his stomach made.

Truth be told, Levi was not getting any better be it physically or mentally. His episodic breakdown from the past four years kept coming back these few days... and the reason? Hearing the name of his late wife. 

Because ever since the day that Mikasa left, he didn't want to talk about Mikasa. He avoided it at all cause and even threatened Eren and Armin, just because hearing that Mikasa was dead and he should move on for Theo, made him clearly lose his sanity.

And that's what happened a few days ago when Erwin and Hange had a serious talk about moving on. He thought he could deal with it because he already mentioned Mikasa to Theo... But it was exactly the opposite.

So when he finally reached downstairs, he headed towards the medicine cabinet to get tums for his 'abdominal snowman' stomach war, and when he saw something green gelled like Advil, he took several of it.

He overdoses himself with pain killers because he proved that smoking and being alone couldn't cure anymore the pain inside his heart.

"Shitty four-eyes, now let's see what your Dr. Quack Quack can say about painkillers."

And only a few moments after, he passed out while puking non-stop. Disgusting.

-

Last four years ago, Levi left Theo to Erwin's custody for about a year and a half. It was somehow Erwin's decision because Levi was in severe denial about Mikasa's death that he even forgot that he still had responsibilities and was still left with a son. His own son.

Levi didn't initiate visiting Theo not unless Erwin was forced to bring Theo to Levi. And for some sense, it didn't make anything better. Levi wouldn't play with his son, wouldn't stare at him, wouldn't even touch or carry Theo. Erwin just talked and talked and even scolded him but all Levi does is give Erwin a half-hearted nod while telling him to: _Leave me alone._

No one knows what Levi was thinking anymore. Not his friends, not Mikasa's friends, and not even Eren (his brother-in-law). Eren was really furious about him because Eren just wanted to help him but instead of thanking Eren, he kicked Eren right in the face which results in a really broken nose. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

**_Three years ago since that day._ **

_**BREAKING NEWS:** ___

__

___After a year of a long search of the truck driver who recklessly caused homicide, Zeke Yeager, 29 M, was found and arrested at Odiha this early morning. He will be coming to Trost later this afternoon to attend the case of late Mikasa Ackerman who happened to die during the incident. If Zeke Yeager was found guilty of driving the truck under the influence of drugs, he will be jailed for a lifetime. Thus, serving justice for Mikasa Ackerman._ _ _

___That's all for today's news updates. This is Ilse Hagnar reporting for Eldian News._ _ _

__

__Levi turned off the radio and walked towards his room slowly looking at every corner of his house._ _

__

___"Ya' know what happens to a cornered rat?"_ _ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__

__He pulled his drawer and hooked his finger to one of the planes, revealing his old rusty knife. The knife he used when he needed to _survive_._ _

__

__  
_"Old Kenny gonna teach ya' shorty how to say hello."__ _

__"Right."_ _

__

__He took the old rusty knife in his hand, while slowly using his other hand to caress it. _Long time no see, partner._ He was thinking of something, something favorable for him, something that he was longing for a long time, and something that may be used to avenge his wife._ _

__He changed his clothes into a black hooded jacket, six pocket pants, and a pair of old combat boots. He slid the knife in one of his pockets, took a vial of _formalin_ in the other pocket, and put on a heavy perfume. When he looked at the mirror, his hungry thought of _power_ and _survival_ went on rampage._ _

__When he was done grooming himself, he walked to the kitchen and drank his newly brewed tea using the tea cup Mikasa bought. He took his car keys and turned the lights on just in case the night arrived. Indeed, he was ready for action._ _

__

__With a bored stoic look on his face, he looked at the front of his house and spoke: "Just watch me, Mikasa. I'm going to say hello."_ _

__

__-_ _

__

__3:00 PM_ _

__

__Zeke Yeager was already in the court, waiting for his opponent to come. In the court there were: Eren, Armin, Erwin, and Hange. Eren was furiously shouting at Zeke, telling him that he was the reason why his sister was killed, why his sister's small family turned into sinister. On the other hand, the three companions of Eren stayed still and just let Eren ravage all of his emotions._ _

__The judge was looking frequently at his pocket watch while raising his brows to Erwin, mentally telling him that they are running out of time and where the hell is he?_ _

__

__He? Oh, just _her husband_. Levi Ackerman. Where the hell is he?_ _

__

__Everyone was waiting for Levi, they were trying to contact his phone, even asking Moblit to fetch Levi at his house... But he was nowhere to be found._ _

__Disappointed, the judge called and held the hearing. It was set to be in another week, and Levi Ackerman should already be there if he still wants the case to go._ _

__

__"Now where is that person who wants me to rot in jail? Hah, hah! Where's the other Ackerman?" Zeke yelled enough for everyone to hear._ _

__

__"Commander Erwin! Where the hell is Levi?! He was the one who's insanely affected by the death of my sister and when we'll finally meet freedom, he is nowhere to be found! Answer me, where the fuck is Levi?!" Eren said furiously while pulling the collar of Erwin, ignoring the laughing Zeke._ _

__

__There was no need and importance of arguing, so Erwin just gave Eren a big sigh. They all parted their ways, hoping that in the next hearing, Levi will appear._ _

__

__-_ _

__

__Zeke Yeager was currently held in the Trost capital, somewhere in the barracks of the MP's headquarters. The stupid MP's assumed that Zeke was no big criminal but only someone who accidentally killed a girl, so they let Zeke roamed freely in the barracks but only with his hands cuffed. It was a good option for Zeke._ _

__Slacking as always, the MP's were already fuming in their heavy sleep as midnight approached, leaving Zeke in the barracks alone._ _

__

__"Hey MP's!" Zeke shouted. "You believed in your own capabilities huh?" Zeke was laughing so bad that it even sounded as a lullaby for the snoring MP's. Silently, Zeke whispered while smiling: "Today's my lucky day, huh?"_ _

__

__"Yeah."_ _

__

__Zeke's eyes widened. "Huh? Who's speaking there?" He was curious, looking right and left, but to his surprise all the MP's are still sleeping... with earphones on. So he held his breath and said, "Who the hell are you? You come out of the light!"_ _

__

__"Later."_ _

__

__"Stop bullshitting with me! I'm just a tired truck driver who hasn't been stoned in two weeks!" Zeke was panting but he was trying to bargain, thinking that whoever this man is, may help him to escape._ _

__

__"Oh? So unlucky."_ _

__

__"Come out of the light? And if you help me escape, I may give you some meth from the land I was!" Zeke was still nervous, but he tried to lower his voice thinking this is his last chance._ _

__

__"Ok. But for the drug part, I'll pass."_ _

__

__"Yeah, yeah sure. Whatever." Zeke paused as he saw the man slowly walking from the open window to his barracks. A short man, he thought, how could this shorty help him? "Who the hell are you?"_ _

__

__"You really want to know?" The man was only three feet away from Zeke._ _

__

__"Yeah, I'm Zeke and you could help me esca--" Zeke's face was welcomed with a punch, by a bandaged hand, with a vial of formalin. *Shit, shit, shit! That short man just punched me?! Why- what? I could feel tiny glasses in my nose...* The thoughts of Zeke left him, as he was slowly being lulled by the dizziness the formalin has to offer._ _

__

__Looking left and right, Levi checked if the stupid MP's are awake by now, but as what as he predicted, they were still sleeping like oil. So he dragged Zeke's body into the darkest room of the barracks hence the farthest room from the sleeping MP's._ _

__

__Fifteen minutes, he thought. In fifteen minutes, Zeke would probably be awake but still groggy. So he sat and waited, even grimacing in disgust the filthy barrack can offer._ _

__

___"Ya' also kill when it only benefits ya, heh?"_ _ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__

__He slid his hand into the smaller pocket of his pants trying to reach the pocket watch he brought. 1 am. He was getting tired of waiting, so he stood up and heavily slapped Zeke's face._ _

__

__"Hah?! Where the hell am I?! Who the hell ar-" Zeke was panting and shouting but Levi stopped Zeke's shouting when he punched him one more time at his nose, then gagged Zeke with his boots._ _

__

__"Quiet."_ _

__

__Zeke was already pleading with tears in his eyes but Levi's face remained untouched. His face was bored, but in his eyes showed disgust, anger, and hatred. After a moment of a staring game with Zeke, Levi sat on the small stool next to Zeke and talked._ _

__

__"Name's Levi." His left hand was already fidgeting something in his pocket when he leaned towards Zeke's face and whispered: "Ackerman."_ _

__

__"What? You're Mi-mikasa? Ackerman's hu-husba-" Levi didn't let Zeke finish his sentence as he grabbed his throat tightly, "And I'm here to say," he paused as he still clenched to Zeke's throat deeper and revealed his left hand hiding. "Hello."_ _

__

__Zeke fell into the ground, eyes widened and pupil dilated. In a quick amount of time, Zeke's body was already drowning in a puddle of his own blood._ _

__Levi's features remained the same as he leaned once more to Zeke and stabbed his knife deeply in the frontal lobe of Zeke's skull. He stood up, picked the handkerchief in his pocket, and wiped the bloody stain of his knife._ _

__

__"You fucking filthy pig."_ _

__

__

__-_ _

__

__

___**BREAKING NEWS: __**_ ___ _

____ _ _

_____Suspect Zeke Yeager, 29 M, found dead this early morning in one of the barracks he was staying at. He was stabbed right in his heart, and another in his skull. The weapon of attackery was assumed to be a knife, and the suspect was also assumed to be a skilled assassin. There was no complete evidence as the MP's found him at around 6 am, body covered with his own blood but a chemical called bleach was poured all over the room. The authorities also confirmed that the body was scrubbed with bleach, leaving a harder time to trace fingerprints._ _ _ _ _

_____However, Zeke Yeager's hearing was held yesterday and was set for another week when opponent Levi Ackerman chose not to attend the court hearing. It was very unfortunate for Levi Ackerman as the justice for his late wife wasn't handled properly as Zeke Yeager is now dead._ _ _ _ _

_____For more news updates, stay tuned at Eldian News. Again, this is Ilse Hagnar reporting._ _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Erwin... Did you hear what I hear?" Hange was nervously sweating while turning her face to Erwin._ _ _ _

____"Who did that...? That was... unexpectedly." Erwin was feeding Theo his breakfast while his hands were shaking._ _ _ _

____"Erwin, hey... Where's..." Hange paused for a moment and put one of her hands on her sweating forehead. "Where's Levi?"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____The thought of Levi filled Erwin's head as he dropped Theo's milking bottle._ _ _ _

____ _ _

_____Where's Levi? Where is he? Where? Where? Where? Zeke Yeager's now dead? Levi Ackerman chose not to attend the court hearing? Levi, where are you? Levi? Stabbed right into the heart and into the skull. Knife. Knife. Knife. Knife._ _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

_____LEVI._ _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____\--------------------------------  
.  
._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____**PRESENT** _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

_____Knife. Knife. Knife._ _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Oh god, fuck!" Erwin was panting nervously waking up from a bad nightmare. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, and made his way out of the guest room. It was still weekday, so he needed to attend Emily and Theo to school._ _ _ _

____"Hey, morning..." Moblit greeted Erwin at the corridor. He remembered, he was staying at Hange's place for the mean time with Emily and Theo. They all decided on that so if something really bad happens with Levi, they could quickly plan and do something._ _ _ _

____"Morning, Moblit." He hurriedly got the kids and helped them prepare breakfast while turning his face to a morning look of Hange. "Hange, Moblit... I need to tell you something."_ _ _ _

____"Yaaaawn, oh Erwin, don't be such a clown in the morning!" Hange was still sleepy, hanging her hands on Moblit's shoulder._ _ _ _

____"We need to listen to him, Hange. It sounds really important." Moblit uttered while tapping Hange's hand._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____The three of them joined together as they delivered the kids to the school using Erwin's van. The ride was really filled with silence as it seemed like they didn't want to have a serious conversation. Not long enough after they sent the kids and waited five minutes at the parking, Hange broke the silence._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"What's up, guys? What are we gonna talk about?"_ _ _ _

____"Hange... I really had a bad dream." Erwin explained while putting his hand on his nape._ _ _ _

____"For the love of titans, Erwin! The boogeyman still visits you?!" Hange burst into laughter while giving Moblit a strange look. "Hey Mobie, can't you believe a huge man like Erwin still get frightened by some small boogeyman?!"_ _ _ _

____"Hange... Just let Erwin finish what he's gonna say." Moblit sighed._ _ _ _

____"I had a bad dream... with knives, actually..." Erwin was now sweating as he wiped his forehead with his hands. "And the both of you know... that knives... have something to do with..." he paused while he looked at both Moblit and Hange._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Levi."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Huh? Erwin, what in the walls? Don't tell me you're running out of sanity because of those dreams just like Levi?!" Hange squeals._ _ _ _

____"Just, ugh, just to think of it... It's been a day and Levi doesn't even bother calling us or what!"_ _ _ _

____"Guys just calm down please... It doesn't matter if even that is only a hunch, but we still need to check Levi. His situation is very alarming right now, right Erwin?" Moblit muttered enough for Hange to hear._ _ _ _

____"Erwin, Moblit... You know that we all love Levi and Theo but, aren't Levi's gonna kick our asses when we try to barge in his house?"_ _ _ _

____"When in the walls did you start respective Levi's alone time, Hange?" Erwin rolled his eyes and continued to talk. "We still need to check Levi, right now."  
And so Erwin started the car, and went straight ahead to Levi's place. _ _ _ _

____ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____When they arrived at Levi's place, Erwin quickly took a notice of everything. The window curtains are still closed, the car was neatly parked at the facade, _so it means, he's here_ the mailbox was already claimed, _almost everything just looked normal_ but the light post was still on._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____It was still on? How could that be?_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Shit. This is bad." Erwin mumbled while slowly walking to the front door._ _ _ _

____"What do you mean? Everything is clean and nice, and I can even see Puss-in-Boots!"_ _ _ _

____"Hange, Levi never left the light post 'on' once the sun touches his house." Erwin explained. "And did you say Puss-in-Boots? The cat they adopted?"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah! Theo was saying something like 'please fetch Puss-in-Boots because daddy might not feed him' or whatever. So I'm on Theo's mission now." Hange said smilingly._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"No. Something is really wrong."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____When Erwin reached the front door, he grabbed the door knob and slightly graped to check it, but it was locked from the inside. Now what?_ _ _ _

____So he started shouting Levi's name, telling him to open the door for about two minutes._ _ _ _

____But no response._ _ _ _

____He was not an easy man to surrender so once again he shouted but this time, it was louder and he was knocking amuck._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Still no response. _This is unusual. Levi didn't sleep that long, and he hates it when someone knocks abruptly at his door.__ _ _ _

____ _ _

____This time, Erwin called Moblit to give him a lift because he was gonna sneak in using the gate leading to Levi's backyard. Once he passed the gate, he quickly made his way to the backyard, hoping that the backdoor wasn't locked._ _ _ _

____The backdoor was locked, and Erwin was really sweating nervously. _Don't you fucking die, Levi._ He tried to check the lock if it was on a double lock, or just some hookey type of lock. He thought for a moment, _hoped Levi wouldn't mind if I do this,_ and sighed._ _ _ _

____He combined the force of his morning strength and kicked Levi's backdoor._ _ _ _

____"Erwin!! Levi would kill you! We can hear what you did!" Hange's shouting was really loud, he wondered if Levi could have been awakened by this._ _ _ _

____He passed through the shattered door getting ready to get his ass kick, and made his way inside._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Where the fuck is that shorty?_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____He slowly calls Levi while also slowly walking inside, trying to notice if anything in Levi's house changed. But there was none._ _ _ _

____He started to notice that the kitchen door was open, so he made his way inside until_ _ _ _

____ _ _

_____Fuck my eyebrows,_ "HANGE, MOBLIT, GET INSIDE QUICKLY!"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____What he was seeing was surely a sight Levi can't handle. It was purely in disgust, because at a puddle of his own green vomit, Levi was drowsing._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Erwin quickly ran towards Levi and checked his pulse. "He still has a heartbeat! Hange, just start the van and let Moblit help me in here!" Shouting was all over the place._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Levi, can you hear me?" _Erwin, think better!_ "Ugh, Levi you're fucking disgusting and filthy and you fucking look like shit! So you better wake up and clean your fucking mess!"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____.  
._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____TBC_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could feel Levi's intense feeling about killing Zeke in Chapter 133. So here ya go, Levi boi. I did it for you, LMAO. Thanks for reading you guys!


	8. Insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! You guys missed our Theo bear? Well here he is!

.  
.

Darkness was all over the place. He cannot remember when was the last time he was here, and couldn't even think how long he was in here.

_Where am I?_

He felt like running around an infinite of loop but instead of having locomotive actions, his body was held down strangled with an immediate strength. So, he focused on his breathing, trying to gain motion, and so he could figure out where the hell was he.

_What the hell happened to everyone?_

_Shit shit shit. No, this couldn't be. Is this hell? Am I dead?_

Death. The thought of death ignites his mind like flash carrying a stupid amount of strength. Death. This must be it. This is where his beliefs had lead him.

But.

But if this is death, where is Mikasa?

He tried to call out her name, but only to surprise him that no sound was coming from his mouth. What the fuck is happening?

_No, this couldn't be death. She is nowhere to be found._

_Or perhaps, I may be wrong... This could be hell, and for all I can think is that she may be in heaven._

Heaven and hell. His thoughts was bursting out loud, invading the depths of his mind, he was delusional he thought, as he can't fathom his beliefs if there was really such a thing as Heaven and Hell.

And the heavy screeching of darkness, filled again the place even burying him underneath.

_Darkness is the only companion I have, tch._

He couldn't understand the physical property of darkness, but as to much as what he is seeing, the shitty darkness was growing darker and darker. It's over, he thought. There was no way out. So he kept his strength and decline to struggle as he let the darkness consume him. But there's a silver lining in a middle of a disaster, right? 

Because somehow there was a small light trying to reach for him. What could it be?

So he shouted without hesitations, _"Mikasa? Mikasa, hey!"_

There was no response. But as the light was getting closer, the heavy darkness was also consuming him fast.

For one last time, he tried to break free his arms and tried to reach the unexplainable light that was trying to reach him.

He held his arms into the air and felt something grab his hand.

-

Levi gasped immediately for air as he quickly leaned his back to an object he cannot explain.

"Where...?" Was all he said as he was being blinded by a huge amount of white lights and white wall. "I'm in... I'm in an asylum?"

"Daddy?"

Levi quickly noticed that his hand was being held by someone, and it felt so warm that he remembered the unexplainable light he was having in his dream. He looked around and saw Theo.

"Hey... kid..." Levi realized that he can now speak, but his voice was a little rough and scratchy. "What... happened?"

"Daddy," Theo looked at Levi dearly, as he began to sob. "I thought I'd never see you again." Theo reached Levi and embraced him as hard as he can.

"Hey baby, don't cry..." Levi patted his son but then he realized that his arms was tingling because of the needle that was injected.

He looked around one more time and realized it was no asylum _good fucking grief_ , but he was in a hospital with a cannula in his nose.

"Just tell me what happened, Theo bear?" Levi looked at Theo, "What happened to daddy?" 

"Mr. Smith found you half-dead in our house... Daddy you were..." Theo was looking to Levi but this time it was with a hint of disgust.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You were... In a puddle of that green slimy thing you hate..." Theo was still sobbing a little but that didn't hid his grimace.

"Shit, you got to be kidding me? I am swimming in my own puke, is that what you mean?" Levi's eyes widen as he was sensing disgust for himself.

Theo nodded and kept his arms embraced Levi. 

"Fucking disgusting, how the hell that shit happened to me?"

Then the door opened before he even realized because he was totally disgusted by the swimming-in-your-own-puke scene.

"Levi! Oh god, you're awake!" Hange screamed while running towards Levi.

"Get off me, you shithead. What the hell happened to me?" Levi scoffed.

"Well, at first Erwin told us that he was having a nightmare of knives, then he tried to convince us that knives are somehow related to you and—"

Levi cut Hange's explanation. "Hange. Just tell me the exact thing that happened to me."

"Oh, oh, okay! Well uhm, Erwin broke into your house then he found you in your own greeny green pool drowsing... Well you also have bubbles in your mouth that time!" Hange paused, "Then we brought you in this hospital, the doctor told us that you might have been using drugs—"

"Bullshit? I don't do drugs,"

"Just let me finish, well uhm, we told the doctor that you are immune to drugs, and he thought of another option that you may have overdosed something, and we confined you, and there you are! You've been sleeping for around three days!"

"What? Three—"

"Yes! Three days! We even thought you were dead, everyone was crying! Even Eren he was wailing because he felt so sad for Theo..."

"Stupid idiots. Well, tell them that I haven't bit the dust... yet." 

"Levi..." Hange sighed and looked towards Theo. "Stop _killing yourself_."

There were tension and silence filling the air, Levi chose not to answer Hange, not even looking at her, because he thought to himself that there was no one could understand his pain. So the three of them stood silent for about ten minutes, making Hange and Theo to leave.

"Levi, we'll be back in a bit. I'm just gonna feed Theo... And tell everyone you're up."

"Just don't feed Theo fast foods, give him a healthy meal... Please." Levi replied without looking, placing himself in the hospital bed.

Hange grabbed Theo's hand asking him to come with her, and then smiled at Levi. The two soon left.

-

Levi was all alone again in the room, trying to remember the details of what happened to him before he collapsed in his own disgust.

There was only a bit he could remember, well he didn't really do that much because he was just sulking while smoking in those days, but as well as the other memories, seemed like there's no vividness of what cause him to overdose himself.

Am I really... _Insane?_

"Shit, no. Not again." He muttered to himself. There was no way he was insane, there was no way he would let a fucking psychiatrist barge into his life making him lay in a stupid couch.

He rolled his eyes, and sighed. 

_Maybe I am_.

Levi shook his head, trying to brush off the bizarre thoughts that are building in his head. He inhaled, exhaled, trying to focus on whatever situation he dragged himself in. He brushed his hair trying to stray from his thoughts, but he couldn't beat it, so he was grabbing his scalp so bad.

_Insane. Insane. Insane. Insane._

_What are you, a monster?_

"Ya' kill when it benefits ya', ya' runt."

"Kenny, god fucking damn it, leave the hell out of my mind!"

_Levi, are you fucking insane?!_

_You are. You are. You are._

_"We all are a slave to somethin'."_

_"Hey, Levi. What are you gonna do when I'm gone?"_

"ALL OF YOU JUST STOP!" Levi didn't realize that he was pulling so much of his hair, that when he brought his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, there was a lot of hair fall.

Levi was panting so bad he didn't even realize that someone already barged into the room. "Levi! What's wrong?!"

Huh. What's wrong? What do you mean?

Levi stared into the person who barged the room like he was staring into a void of blankness. "Who are you?"

"Huh, what??? It's me, eyebrows!"

Eyebrows. Eyebro— yeah okay. He shook his head trying to regain focus, because he was clearly in another dimension hearing things others can't.

"Erwin. What's..." He paused. "Wrong with me?"

Erwin looked at Levi with pity in his eyes. He was clearly concerned about the state of Levi was, and for Erwin... Levi was in a havoc of total sinister. So he replied, "Everything."

"Yeah... Everything. I lost everything." The scared face of Levi now turned into his usual bored stoic look.

"Levi, you still have..." Erwin gave another paused while trying to hold the tears from his eyes. "You still have Theo, Levi."

Without giving Erwin any replied, Levi punched himself giving him a light concussion on his lips. "Mikasa... What have I done?"

-

"Mrs. Berners... Will my daddy be alright again?" They were already at a Chinese restaurant eating when Theo tried to open a conversation with Hange.

"Honey... You can call me Aunt Hange, okay? And yeah... You're dad will be alright, somehow." Hange looked at Theo with the same sad eyes Theo used to look at her.

Theo didn't reply as he shove the fried egg rice and tofu on his mouth. Well, at least Hange really obeyed Levi's order about the healthy whatever foods, while thinking that it's ironic because how much Levi wanted to be healthy... He was killing himself by being a reckless ass he can be.

"Hey, Theo... Can Aunt Hange ask you something?"  
"Yes, Aunt... Hange." Theo was still shy about calling Hange as his aunt, because Levi disciplined him enough to call everyone respectively.

"I know you love your daddy, but you also know that your daddy loved your mommy so much? Is there any weird things your daddy do at the house?"

"Huh? Uhm, daddy just introduced me to my mommy about a week ago." Theo paused while hesitantly looking at Hange. "Daddy uhm, do weird things like cleaning the house three times a day even if the germs are really afraid of our house?"

"Oh, I get that honey. Your daddy has some weird love for cleaning... But anything else? Does he do something that uhm, involves your mommy?"

"When I started living with daddy, he always kept an extra plate whenever we are eating at the table. He wouldn't let me ride shotgun because a red scarf was always sleeping next to the driver's seat..."

"You didn't ask about those?"

"Daddy hates nosy brats. So I only got used to those things thinking that maybe those things are what daddy loves to do just like cleaning."

"Anything more, honey? You could tell Aunt Hange, we're family right?"

"Yeah... Well daddy loves to stay inside his room. But I know that I'm off limits to his room... Because he told me that his room isn't a playground, and there are a lot of scary things in there." Theo looked at Hange, frightened.

"Scary things? Geez, Aunt Hange is also getting scared of your daddy..."

"Aunt Hange, did you know Mikasa?"

Hange's jaws dropped. She didn't know if Theo was toying or what but for some obvious reason, Hange and Erwin and everyone else never mentioned the name Mikasa to Theo because of the reason that Levi avoids it. But the mere fact that Levi didn't even bother to tell the name of Mikasa to Theo was just an unbelievable truth to begin with.

"Yeah... I know her."

"Well, daddy kept on mentioning her."

"What do you mean? He kept on talking about Mikasa with you?"

"No, no... One time, I was about to knock at daddy's room when I heard something. I tried to uhm, eavesdropped when I heard that it was only daddy talking," Theo paused, observing his left and right then continued. "I heard him talking, Aunt Hange... But he was clearly talking to himself because no one was in our house."

"What was he saying?" Hange sweats nervously.

"Something like... _'Hey Mikasa, wake up beautiful'_ daddy's always talking with himself like he was talking to someone... Like Mikasa."

"You didn't know who Mikasa is, Theo?"

"At first... Because nobody tried to talk about her... But I somehow tried to think Aunt Hange... Is she my mommy?"

Hange closed her eyes for a second, trying to wipe the escaping tears. "Yeah... She is."

"She's already _dead_ , right?"

"Yeah..."

Theo's eyes was already filling with tears as he sighed. "Aunt Hange... Why is it that everyone doesn't want to talk about my mommy? Is she bad? That's why she's now dead?"

Hange reached Theo and hugged him so tight. Theo was sobbing so quiet that made Hange cried. "Listen honey, your mommy is not bad! She's the kindest person I ever met! Everybody just... Didn't want to talk about her because it's going to hurt your daddy so bad... You understand right?"

Theo nodded because he understands deeply that it has something to do with his daddy. But as soon as one part of him was opened for a while, he couldn't ignore the fact that there was something yet to reveal.

"Then Aunt Hange... Why do we never visit my mommy's grave?"

Hange's eyes was widened. It was something that made her stupefied, because the mere fact that Levi was completely losing his mind about Mikasa's death... Lead an ultimate confusion of why Levi never visits Mikasa's grave. Maybe he was really in denial, she thought.

"Huh? Levi doesn't? I mean, even by himself?"

"Uhm, he never leave the house... But I don't know what daddy does when he's alone."

"Then that's something we will figure it out. How about do you want to know anything about your mommy? You could ask me, honey." Hange wiped the last tear from her cheeks, and smiled widely at Theo, looking like she was about to give Theo a very good story.

"What does my mommy looks like? What was she before? Did she die when I was still really young? Aunt Hange, I really have so many questions... If you don't mind?"

"Of course, I won't! Well, for starters... She kinda looked like Levi but even more pretty. She was in the military too! You know what they are called?" Hange paused, while smiling and remembering good memories from the past.

"What?" Theo's eyes sparkled with curiosity as he was hungry from the missing of thoughts of his mother.

"They are called Humanity's Strongest. It means that you," she pointed towards Theo and gave a huge grin, "You are Humanity's Strongest child too."

"Hm, okay?" Theo chuckled.

"The memories are still good and fresh, honey! I could still remember that sunny day when everyone of us was partying so hard in your house—"

"My house??? You mean, daddy does those things?"

"Yes! It was so lovely. The foods that your mom and dad cooked were really good, everyone was so happy and having a good time and I bet everyone of us remembers that day. However, your daddy was an old grumpy man to begin with." Hange burst into laughter while watching Theo chuckled.

"Your mommy loves you so much, honey. Everytime we visit you when you were still a baby, Mikasa would dance you in a corner giving you ton of kisses singing singsong like an angel." The tone of Hange's voice now drop into a hint of sadness. "Your little family was a perfect thing, and it was the only memory I could remember when Levi was smiling so free and it made our hearts dance so much."

"How did she... Die?"

"It was an accident, honey. She never deserved that. Let's leave that part for your daddy to explain... You don't want Aunt Hange to get kick by your daddy, ayt?" Hange nervously chuckled, trying to lift the tension away.

They left the restaurant, and headed again back to the hospital... Hoping Levi would gain whatever sanity he is holding right now. Hange explained Theo that he would be staying with them for the moment because his daddy was sick and Theo quickly agreed. And by that, Hange willingly took Puss-in-Boots too.

"Theo, promise me one thing okay?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't get mad at your daddy... Okay honey? Levi's really coping up with the trauma... About the loss of your mom. So Theo, can you...?" Hange was really loss at words but she still needs it to deliver to Theo.

"Yes Aunt Hange... Well mommy must be really lucky, because daddy's _totally insane about her_."

No words from Hange as she was stunned by Theo's words. _Insane_ , she thought.

-

Levi laid on the bed trying to get more sleep, but he seems that he was on his normal life again having mind fuck insomnia as his companion. So when he couldn't sleep, he tried to throw light punches in the air when he realized that Erwin was still staring at him.

"How many hours do you intend to look at me, you blonde shit?"

Erwin sighed. But a part of him was a little glad because Levi might not be in his very best condition, but at least... He was insulting him just like the normal Levi.

"Until I get bored."

"And tell me when's the last time you got bored of something?"

"I don't get bored..."

"Exactly you slacker. Now put that eyes away from me before I pluck that out." Levi rolled his eyes.

"I guess you're normal now?"

"I'm always like this."

"Levi... You're still _not over her_."

The room was filled with heavy tension once again as Levi was trying to avoid the moving-on-shit shenanigans of Erwin. Levi closed his eyes and spat the words enough for Erwin's jaw to drop.

"I won't get over her. She's my wife. Better or for worst."

"But she's de—"

"Shut up. It's my duty to make her _alive_."

"Levi, oh god, you're totally _insane_!"

" _Maybe I am_."

Erwin was fathoming the constellation of thoughts and tension building up in his mind. He was one step closer of feeling fear for his best friend, and he was also a step closer of punching him because this time he could see that Levi was out of his mind for a very long time.

"Her body is already bones on the ground, you monster! Just let her rest!"

"You sure about that?" Levi raised his brows.

"Stop this fucking game, Levi! You're scaring the shit out of me and everyone!"

It is when Hange and Theo opened the door of the room. The three of them were looking at confusion while Levi just stared at the window while gritting his teeth and clenching his fist.

"What happened...?"

"Hange, let's talk outside. Let's just Levi be at the moment." Erwin paused while turning his head on the bored Levi. "Do not leave Theo near his dad." 

"Mr. Smith??? But that's my daddy?"

"Honey, come on. Levi might be a little tired and he looked like he is waiting for someone... Somewhere." Hange grabbed Theo's wrist not even looking at Levi, and followed Erwin outside the room.

-

Confusion, silence, and sinister were the main theme of the situation that is happening. Erwin looked like he's gonna shit his pants the moment Hange barged into the room. It was clearly a sign that there was something wrong with Levi, and it should be figured out soon as it can be.

"What you want to talk about, Erwin?"

"Hange, I don't know anymore!"

"What do you mean?"

"He's insane! Literally!" Erwin was gasping for air while shouting because the situation felt like a horror anymore.

"Walls... I'm losing my mind too, Erwin."

"Hange, no! Not like that! I mean... ugh, Levi needs a strict mental help! Like consulting to a psychiatrist, letting him take brain medicines, some shits like those that we know Levi hates!"

"No, my daddy isn't sick!"

"Sweetheart, it's okay! He's not sick, he's just uhh, needs a talk with our friendly psychiatrist!"

"Hange, I need you to schedule him right now. This is a good timing because he is still gonna reside in this hospital for a few more days. And be quiet and be careful not to let Levi know. Because if he knows—"

"Daddy's gonna get really mad..."

"Yeah. So Theo, I need you to cooperate with us okay? Your daddy just needs a little talking with our old psychiatrist friend, alright?"

Theo nodded while giving Hange enough time to think about Erwin's plan. But whatever it is, they need to get a way go help Levi. Not just for Levi, but also for the sake of Theo.

-

Still looking at the window, he thought if it was better if he was dead. Death is much better than suffering.

But his thoughts drifted away to the scene when Theo embraced him earlier. He didn't deserve it, he thought. He didn't deserve it because he became a complete trash just like his own father— not that he has a father to begin with, but he thought that he was much way worst than his stupid imaginative father.

His eyes lingered heavily at the small hospital room, thinking again about Mikasa. It was true. Erwin was true. He cannot move on. And he isn't willing to move on, because he deserves to be punished for the failure of protecting the woman he only love, the only family he have— _ugh, fuck it Levi, Theo is still here_!

His thoughts were in a constant fight, a terrible fight he described, much shittier than all of the fought he have when he was a young dangerous thug. 

Because a small part of him knows that Mikasa is dead and never coming back, and an unfortunate big reason his mind was constantly uttering is that Mikasa is still alive somewhere wandering in his damned mind.

Which the fuck is real?

_"Levi, you irksome pretty boy."_

He shook his head no, shit again, he was hearing familiar words again and again just like in a fucking loop.

_"You're keeping me alive, darling?"_

"Yeah."

It was really hard to ignore the words, it was really hard for him to tell which was real or not, because his mind is circling around like merry-go-round. Then he punched himself so hard.

_"Levi, no! Don't hurt yourself! You'll ruin your pretty face!"_

She was everywhere. He punched himself one more time and waited for the words that seemed to be real so he shouted so loud it felt like he was having delusions. "Mikasa, you there or not?"

_"Thanks for keeping me alive."_

The words seemed so real he even felt it much real rather than talking with Erwin a while ago, he already knew that he was defeated, that his mind was damned fuck up with screw lose as he replied: "Anytime."

_"So don't hurt yourself, okay?"_

He closed his eyes hoping that in a million not-so-close-chances, he would get injected by a sedative because his mind was shouting so many things enough for him to handle and determine which was real or not... that for once he chose a moment to not let anything to feel because he swears if he felt something like euphoria, he would send a bullet straight to his brainstem.

He was Humanity's Strongest, but without his partner, he more looked like Humanity's Insane.

.  
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support. Don't worry, there's another chapter waiting! Next chapter would be so damn fun, I kinda enjoyed writing it. Comment what you think, nonnie!


	9. Levi Ackerman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter, aye! Here's another back story. Yeaaaah, I love back stories. So we could understand and feel more about Levi. Hope you are enjoying!
> 
> PS: In this story, Levi is 34. While Mikasa is 29 if she's still living. 
> 
> .  
> .

.  
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"Name?"

"Levi." 

"Full name?"

**"Levi Ackerman."**

"Date of birth and age?"

"Does that really matter?" He scoffed.

The psychiatrist, Gunther Schulz, just looked at Levi with disdain. _This is a kind of mad but nonviable type of client_.

"It does matter, Mr. Ackerman."

Tch. "December 25. 34 years living in hell."

"Mother and Father?"

He lets another groan. "My mother's name is Kuchel Ackerman, she's deceased. I... I don't have a father, never knew that shit."

"Siblings and other relatives?"

"No biological siblings I could think of. My mother have an only brother. I don't know where he is, actually."

"Name of that uncle?"

"Why do you ask so many personal questions?" Levi rolled his eyes.

"Because this is my job, Mr. Ackerman. We need to list every details of your life."

"Fucking eyebrows." He glared at Gunther before even speaking. "My uncle is the _mass murderer_ of the capital. Kenny Ackerman."

"Kenny the Ripper?" Gunther's eyes widen and suddenly felt the sweat uprising in his temple. But he need to try to stay calm, he was the one in charge.

"Mmhm. Did he kill any of your family?"

"Yeah, uhm, let's talk about it some other time. What's your occupation?"

"Retired as fuck."

Gunther lets a big sigh. _It's more easy to deal with clients having sexual disorders_ , he thought. "What's your work before? The first work you took, and the last work you took."

"Look, Dr. Quacky shit. You'll be surprise to know everything about me, and trust me this whole chapter would only be filled with dialogues about our conversation. So you still wanna go? Or just let me go and let me punch Erwin for bringing me here?" 

Gunther thought for a moment. Levi Ackerman is really hard to deal with, much like a double pain in the ass. But Erwin Smith already paid the therapy in half, and knowing that Erwin Smith was one of the powerful commander in the district so he couldn't give up dealing with Humanity's Stronge— Irksome shorty. So he nodded in reply.

Levi sighed defeated. "Fine you box headed fuck. Listen, because I'm gonna tell my story once. From the fucking trash I begin."

-

It was a cold night when Levi Ackerman was born. There was only three people in the small filthy room— Kuchel, the midwife, and the new born baby. It was a holiday that day, so right after the midwife assist Kuchel in giving birth, she immediately left because she still wants to catch a holiday dinner with her family. Thus leaving Kuchel with the new baby alone.

When Kuchel finally take an alone look to the newborn baby, she thought about her granddad. A thick silky raven hair, a small pointed nose, heavy eyelids covering the steel blue eyes, and a frowning beautiful lips. The newborn baby was so quiet, not even crying a bit but only blinking its eyes.

She embraced her newborn baby and wiped the tears streaming from her face. Your name is Levi. _Just Levi_.

A new beginning.

.

When Levi was about two years old, Kuchel began working double time. In the morning, she took a work in the crappy cargo carrying a lot of boxes, while in the evening, she would sing in the plaza of the underground hoping that there would be passerby who would drop a coin or a two.

She never wanted to be back in that filthy brothel where she used to work before she have Levi. It's a new beginning, right? But she needed to work double time because Levi was growing so fast.

Levi was always left in that small filthy room waiting for Kuchel to come back. Kuchel have only one friend— a boy of fourteen years old named Efram, so she asked Efram to look for Levi while she is working and in exchange, Efram would have dinner with them.

It was always like that. Levi would be left with Efram, while Kuchel is working double time. Efram would always tell Kuchel all the activities he and Levi did. A part of Kuchel is very grateful because Efram taught Levi reading at a very young age.

"Aye Kuchel, this runt is a fast learner! He could read, look!"  
"That's thanks to you, Efram!" Kuchel looked at the two boys happily. "I promise, we'll get us up there and we'd be eating so much..."  
"That's one of my wish, Kuchel. Maybe this boy of ya' would help us from poverty, ya' think?"

Kuchel just nodded and served them dinner. Porridge and an overripe banana was all she could get for tonight.

.

Time was running so fast, that even them who resided in the underground can't even tell if it's morning or evening. Levi was already three years old, and he was active and playing the three blocks which Efram managed to steal for him.

"Big bro?"  
"Ha, what ya' call me lil runt?" Efram said while smiling.  
"I said, big bro!" Levi chuckled.  
"Whateva' now whaddya' want?"  
"Thanks for the blocks." Levi continued to play on the old wooden blocks.

Efram looked up to Levi like he was some sort of genius or god, because not everyone in the underground can develop speech that fast like Levi's. Levi was a different kid, he do not cry like other imbecile kids, his features was so different because of his black hair not like the other ugly kids. 

But he was short. Efram laughed at that thought, but he also wondered. _Why is this runt so short? Maybe he was so perfect that he needs to have an imperfect feature_.

.

It was night time when Efram decided to leave for some part time job.

"Aye, Kuchel. I'd be back in a little later, need some ass to be done."  
"Just take care, Levi would miss you."  
"Ya' ya'. Aye, Levi don't give ya' mama a hard time while big bro is away, got it lil runt?"  
"Fine, big runt."

Kuchel and Efram started laughing about Levi's use with words. So she walked Efram to the door and gave him a few cents so he could at least grab but not steal something to eat. 

Levi was just looking at them, while trying to write something on an old tissue he found. He was writing something, more like a name, the name of the two people he called family.

Kuchel

Efram Truce

Levi

"Mama, why don't we have surnames like big bro?"  
"Because _we're special_ , Levi."

Levi just nodded, and continued writing scribbles on the old tissue. 

It was already past twelve am, when Levi was sleeping on the little bed leaving Kuchel alone and waiting for Efram to come back. 

Kuchel was a little nervous, because Efram was always true to his words. If he said he would get back at this time, he would. So she waited and waited but no Efram was knocking at the door. Until she was too tired she decided to take a rest.

It was already morning and Efram was still not there. She talked to Levi that she still need to go to work, and if it's okay for Levi to be alone while waiting for Efram to come back. Levi nodded being the good boy he is.

She was doing work at the cargo when the news popped like volcano. Efram was shot dead while dealing with the smugglers.

.

Levi was about four years old when she started to work at the filthy brothel she hates. She was left with no choice. She can't continue working double time because there is no one who's gonna look at Levi, so with eyes closed, she accepted the offer at the brothel giving her only five hours to work per day.

_She hated it_. She hated it that she would hid the filthy bruise from Levi because she still wants a little dignity and respect not for her, but for her son. She thought of Kenny. Maybe her brother can help them?

But also remembered that Kenny ask her to abort Levi, because Kenny hates being born in this world. 

So she sighed, thinking that maybe it's just Levi and her at the end. And Kenny was a mass murderer, so she didn't want to join the troubles that Kenny's been bringing.

.

Levi was already five and he is now functioning like an adult. He cleans, can cook eggs, and even look at himself. He told Kuchel that he can already take care of her whenever she got sick. Kuchel nodded and chuckled.

And one day, Kuchel felt sick. Very sick.

The brothel as shit as fuck, didn't really give a damn about their employees catching an ill, so they just kick Kuchel out while giving her a small amount of money.

A small amount of money that could keep their rumbling stomachs for only one week.

She knows she was already on her death bed. But all she can thought is about Levi. She prayed so bad that someone would help them, someone would save them from this hellhole. But it was already too late.

"Mama, don't leave me okay?"  
"Levi... What are you talking about...? I love you, okay...?"

She closed her eyes with the last sight she saw, Levi's face streaming with tears.

.

Dehydrated and exhausted, there were no more tears left for Levi to cry. He sat at the corner, trying to think what day is it. He felt like he was alone for a year, without anything to eat or drink. The last meal he had was four days ago, trying to devour the stupid small piece of bread with cultivating molds.

He told himself, _"This is going to be the last time I'm going to eat shit."_

He just sat there, taking one last look at his rotting mother, and stared into blankness waiting for death to fetch him.

But somehow, there was always a silver lining in the middle of a fucking storm, right? Then the door opened sprung its light like heaven.

"Oi, oi, oi, Kuchel! Damn ya' got that weight loss?"

"She's dead."

"Hah? You? Are ya' alive?" The old man's gaze turned at him while looking lonely. "Give me a damn break, Kuchel..."

Confused, he just looked at the old tall man. When did my mother have any terrifying visitors?

"What's your name?" The tall old man spoke.

"Levi... Just Levi."

"Hah, not worth in telling your last name aye Kuchel?" The old tall man slid his back down to the floor. "Name's Kenny. Just Kenny. Your mother's old friend."

They looked at each other for a long time when Kenny stood up placing a blanket enough to cover his mother's face. "Get ya' things. You comin' with me. Say good bye to sweet lil' Kuchel for the last time."

He nodded, trying to ignore the rampage in his stomach, and got a few things with him before he left.

"Watch me, mother."

.

When that door that opened and sprung with light, it was like a second life for him. He didn't know who Kenny was. And he didn't care who he was, _might he be an angel or a fucking axe murderer or something_. The moment they left the small filthy house with his dead mother inside, Kenny brought them in a bar and order a bunch of food and drink.

He devoured it like there was no tomorrow, ignoring all the customer who were looking at them. He felt so full for the first time.

After that, Kenny lead him to a small place— but surprisingly clean and told him that this was gonna be their place.

"Ya' runt, ya' keep it clean. Scrub the shit outta it. Cleanliness means power."

He nodded not even knowing what power means, but if that power would keep him alive, he would surely scrub the entire place even if it cost his knuckles to bleed.

_Cleanliness means power. Power means no filth included._

When he was done furnishing the floor, he looked at the mirror and noticed the dirty cloth he was wearing. He went to the bathroom and scrubbed his body along with his clothes because he thought again— _power means no filth included_.

Kenny was back with a few new clothes mostly consist of black and gray, telling him it was for him. "Ya' need to dress pretty, if you want ugly people to see ya' powerful."

He took the clothes and nodded. 

When he was done dressing himself, he saw Kenny sitting at the coach while carefully observing him.

"Let me teach ya' how to say hello."

"Huh?"

.

Blood. Teeth. Everywhere.

Levi's eyes widened with the terrifying scenario he seen. He asked himself, _who the hell are you, Kenny?_ But then ignored, because without Kenny he would surely be a worm fodder by now.

"Oi, Levi. Keep ya' emotion outta here if ya' want to be strong."

"Yeah." He replied, but he tried to think. _Think. Think. Think harder Levi. Emotions are an obstacle to let you off your guard._

Without warnings, Kenny throw a dagger to Levi's position and with a sudden surge of instinct, he found himself catching it precisely.

Kenny smiled at throwing-like-a-mad-man scene expecting that it was gonna be a lovely fight. "Now, ya' fight."

On that event, he left his emotions. The identification of Kenny still left him wondering, but if this is how it takes to say a powerful hello, then he'll warmly learn it. He nodded while waiting Kenny to throw the man he was punching. 

When Kenny threw the man, he was quick to his instincts. He lift his arms and clenched his hand enough for the man to broke his nose. 

Blood. Teeth. Everywhere.

"Ya' shorty gonna be good at this!" Kenny was watching with the glimmer in his eyes the way his sharp cheekbones upwardly smile like watching a stupid fairytale, Levi thought of a few adjective that could describe this old terrifying man. _A stupid mad man_. Maybe that was enough to tell Levi that this is what Kenny means, what power is.

.

Kenny told him that the dagger knife now belongs to him. He could do whatever he wants to, he could kill people if he wants to.

"Ya' need to learn how to use that. Ya' need yer' own techniques. In order to survive."

In order to survive. Yes. He needs to do everything in order to survive, even if it means by taking one's life. Just to survive.

So he flipped the knife, toyed it like one of his wooden blocks back home, and treat it as his beloved companion. The strange familiarity of the knife made him in a sense, powerful.

"Cut ya' hair, shorty. Make it look clean."

He nodded and flipped the dagger in the air enough for him to catch it on the grip. 

He cut his apple styled hair enough that Kenny tried to help him, so he wouldn't look like shit.

"There ya' go. All clean and done. With that undercut makes ya' more look clean."

He looked one more time at the mirror while he was styling his curtain bangs. And thought: "What a pretty, powerful face."

.

Levi was quick to adapt to all of Kenny's teaching. He was only about eight at that moment, and he does things all at his own. He learned to know what he wants: power and cleanliness. Because that two items are just the things what he needed to survive.

But of course, even if Kenny's giving him enough shelter and food, that won't erase the fact that he learned that Kenny was a very dangerous man.

He learned that Kenny was a mass murderer in the capital known as 'Kenny The Ripper'. He felt uncomfortable weird of himself because he didn't felt any fear. He somehow remembered the day when Kenny took him, he even mistaken him as an angel and the fact that he was an axe murderer... more like all-deadly-weapon murderer, and there was the hinge of familiarity. He shrugged at the thought of it, because he couldn't care any less. _As long as Kenny shares his power with me, I'm gonna be alright._

So Levi's life revolved with power and fights. It was like an addiction, a never ending ecstacy enough for him to be in dread and disdain. _Old Kenny told never bring your emotions_. Kenny trained him like an intense fighting cock that in every two to three days, Kenny brings Levi to a fighting ring and watch Levi beat a lot of men to death.

Tall men. Short men. Huge men. Fat men. Deadly men. All these men bored Levi to death because these men is worth nothing when one of his fist lands to their faces.

"Ya' deadly, ya' lil runt. But the hell are ya' so short?" Kenny burst into laughter while looking at the annoyed Levi.

"You're deadly, you old man. But the hell do you stink?" Levi rolled his eyes nonchalant.

Well, an addition to the list of Levi's dislike is bad odor. He could even drink bleach if that's what it cost to keep his breath smells good.

.

At eleven years old, Levi was known for his deadly reputation. No one was willing to touch, or even stare at him. Alongside Kenny-The-Ripper, they were a pair of the once called invincible men.

A reputation like that made a lot of the underground people to worship them... But with fear and dread.

So when a young girl was offered to a young Levi, he declined. "Girls like shit and weak are not my type." He walked away leaving Kenny with the girl.

"Ya' lass, old Kenny must say sorry because the lil' runt is asexual." Kenny burst into laughter while following Levi. "That's right, boy. Never accept prostitution, find a girl who matches ya' strength... Find a raven girl just like ya'"

He thought of the shitty mass murderer as an imbecile love guru who loves to stick his nose on whatever he found amusing, be it killing or flirting. Levi rolled his eyes tired of hearing Kenny's shitty advices. "Whatever."

.

One night after a tiring fight with ten deadly men and he even managed to stole a few wads of cash, Levi bought tea at a local merchant. Tea is like luxury, because only those greedy merchants can enjoy it. So he treat himself and brought the tea to their place, even surprised that Kenny was home quick.

"That looked nice, whaddya' got there?"

"Just tea. I was curious about it."

"Geez, that taste disgusting like bleach!"

"If bleach could offer to keep my breath smells honey and mouthwash, so why not?"

"Ya' fucking neat freak." Kenny was laughing with his head banging down like a stupid horse.

"You taught me this, you old fuck." Levi rolled his eyes.

Kenny chuckled while Levi made his way to brew tea. It was Black Tea, his first choice of tea, and once the aroma filled the place, he uttered to himself: _"A luxury like tea is all I'm gonna get."_

Again, an addition of Levi's obsessive likes is Black tea.

He sat at the small living space, and placed his tea at the coffee table while looking at Kenny. There was something that bugging him off. About his existence. About the weird attitude he observes about himself. Something about familiarity or whatever kind of shit was that, but it's definitely bothering him like hell. 

"Kenny, who are you?"

"Ya' stupid little brain, I'm Kenny!"

Levi scoffed. "The real you?"

"Just Kenny, aye?"

Levi tossed his dagger in the air and grip it to Kenny. "I said the real you."

Kenny dodged at the knife and quickly grabbed his pistol that was attached to his belt. Stretching his wide arms, he pulled Levi's collar and pointed the pistol to his forehead. "This is the real me, I'm Kenny The Ripper."

Looking at Kenny nonchalant without any sign of fear and backing, he spoke. "I know that already. You're a mass murderer." He paused, and focused to look at Kenny's steel blue eyes. "But why did you take me?"

Kenny gave a big sigh. He pulled back his pistol, and began to sat properly. "Look at how ya' grown. Deadly. Just like me."

Tch. "What are you to my mother? Why don't you have any last name just like her?"

Kenny closed his eyes. He thought to himself, _I don't want you to be like your mother who died without fighting. Miserable. At least let me teach you to be powerful._ He was still in the middle of daydreaming, thinking about the merciless fate his sister suffered when the irksome shorty was yelling like cat.

"Kenny, answer me!"

"The name's Kenny Ackerman."

"So your last name is Ackerman. More like a field man huh, doesn't equate to that shitty alias 'Ripper' of yours." 

"Ya' shorty, don't ya' sound fucking stupid with the last name. It has something to do with ya'"

Levi raised his brows. Huh, what the fuck do you mean? I know Kenny sounds like a squeaking rat when he gargle his words but... What does that last name has something to do with me? He thought. "I'm not done yet, Kenny. How did you know my mother?"

"Ya' idiot lil runt."

"What?!" Levi yelled impatiently while glaring at Kenny.

"Just her big brother."

Levi's eyes widened as he sipped his tea down not leaving any liquid on the cup. He gulped for an imaginary air while trying to fathom his lingering thoughts back from the only memory from the past he could remember, where Kenny picked him from the shithole he was. He looked at Kenny, realizing that they have the same eye color, almost same features but it's just that Kenny was tall and... Ugly. _So that was the familiarity, the weird shitty feelings that kinda felt warm._

"Why... Did you keep it for a long time?"

"Not worthy of the name. But now it is. Kenny Ackerman, Kuchel Ackerman. Now, Levi Ackerman. Get ya' hold of it and start wearing thy name."

Well at least the surname wasn't a corny fuck or what. It's kinda refreshing, something like a new beginning. It's not just Levi anymore. **It's Levi Ackerman.** A much powerful name. All thanks to his old tall stupid uncle.

"Yeah. Are we the last of it?"

"Ya' asking so many personal question, ya' idiot." Kenny chuckled. "As grandpa told me, there's another branch. Very distant relatives of us though, but my pity is for them, they are poor and were killed just about two months ago."

"You talk so many back stories, old runt. So we are the last of the Ackermans."

"No. There's still another one left. Just a five years old girl..." Kenny paused and stared seriously at Levi. To his extent, Levi was carefully listening with brows raised. "She survived and was taken by some long haired doctor. Haven't seen her yet, but I'd like to claim her—"

"Kenny, you fucking pervert—"

"Ya' idiot! Old Kenny ain't gonna do that! She's family, ya' stupid runt!"

Levi paused. Hearing of the word family made him shiver. It was new. Family. _What was that word again? I never heard it but it sounded so warm._ The familiarity of the word made him crave for it.

"Then don't turn her like us. Murderers."

"Watch ya' mouth, shorty! It's not like I did this for fun— well yah, for fun... But also for ya' survival!" Kenny goofily smiled trying to sound like he was just cracking a stupid dad joke.

"Shut up."

Levi walked out from the living room and headed towards his room. He left Kenny drinking pig piss alone. He jumped at his neat bed thinking of the revelations that Kenny spat.

His mother. Uncle. Another family branch. Relatives. Ackerman. Family. Killed. A girl. 

He thought of it because at the age of five, that girl became an orphan because of some small brained fucks killed her parents. He thought that they were the same, they both became orphans at a young age just because the world is cruel.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine what that poor girl looks like. He wanted to save that girl, wanted to share the burdens, because he thought of the new warm word: Family.

He fell asleep that night and dreamed of that girl.

.

"What's her name?"

Jumping from the seat he was sitting, "Ya' scared me ya' midget!" Kenny scowled while taking back his seat.

"Didn't know that the mass murderer was capable of fear."

Kenny chuckled. "Ya' already crushing someone ya' don't know?"

Levi rolled his eyes and just gave Kenny a terrifying glare.

"Heh, what? I still don't know! She's oriental I think but of course her last name would be Ackerman."

"Fine."

They both stood up and prepared their deadly weapons, because obviously Kenny was bored and wanted Levi to kill the brothel owner where his mother worked. So off they went like just every other day.

.

Blood. Punch. Kick. People shouting everywhere. Killing became a hobby for the Ackermans.

"You don't know me, you idiot?!" Levi was shouting while punching the brothel owner enough for all of his teeth to fall out.

"Ya' know what happened to a cornered rat?"

People were shouting like watching an action movie, except that the fight was real. Levi quickly noticed that all eyes were on him, and he was throwing his boots on the throat of his opponent making him puke more blood. _Killing is our specialty._

"Ya' kill when it benefits ya'?"

Despite the shouting and chattering, all Levi could hear was Kenny's stupid advice. Fight. Fight. Fight. This is how I would survive.

So he threw more violent punches at the opponent's face causing him to gasp for another gulp of air, and died. "I hate weaklings, tch."

It was over. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the bloody hands of his. "Disgusting."

Kenny was glaring at him, like he was thinking of something deep, but Levi was too tired to think about it. Besides, killing is what he was best at. So he walked to Kenny and followed him back to their place without uttering any words.

.

"Ya' good to survive." Kenny was mumbling something but he didn't really pay attention. He was busy stitching the concussion his knuckles offer.

"Yeah." Was all Levi said.

Kenny was busy putting on his trench coat, while he bit a stick of cigar and left it dangling on his lips. "Ya' find yer way outta this filthy dump and find her."

Confused, Levi just stared at him. _The hell is a filthy dump, and how could I find her?_

"Kenny, where are you going?"

"Ya' saying shorty? Old Kenny just needs to deal with the bad guys." Kenny looked at him with the same stoic face he wore and opened the door and left.

Two days. Four days. Seven days. Two weeks. Four weeks. Three months. He was still counting.

But Kenny never came back. 

-

"So Kenny The Ripper took you and taught you everything?" Gunther was stupefied holding his breath while scribbling notes on his stupid notebook.

"I could kill you if you want me to prove it." Levi said keeping his nonchalant features.

Gunther shook his head. _This guy's crazy!_ His client was one of the rarest client he ever handled. His story was a bit of unique, and he wondered for how many years did Levi handle his sanity?

"So who's the other relative, the young girl? Did you find her like Kenny told you?" Gunther was curious.

"I'll save that for another story. It's already fucking time." Levi rolled his eyes.

"Thank you for cooperating, Mr. Ackerman."

"Whatever. It was Erwin's fault. He threatened me with a fucking bread full of mold. I fucking hate molds."

"I'm expecting you for the next visit, Mr. Ackerman. I could be your friend."

Levi rolled his eyes and left the clinic. "What a dumb fuck-fuck world." He mumbled.

.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! There's still a lot of chapter, I promise. Still a lot more stories and information aren't revealed. Thanks for reading tho xx


	10. Tombstone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated early! I hope you're enjoying, I promise to edit the first three chapters of the story. I know, I know it might be cringing, but please bare with me! It's my first time. Thank you!
> 
> PS: There's still a lot of chapters! :)
> 
> .  
> .

.  
.

Eren was sitting beside the window pane while constantly tapping his phone, playing some kiddie game named: _Sharky bit me_.

It was already afternoon, but he still hasn't take his breakfast and lunch. Still hasn't brush his teeth or even take a quick half bath. He was just munching the fish chips that Jean bought last two days ago. A total disgusting slacker.

**ONE NEW TEXT MESSAGE:**

**HORSEFACE (Jeanie-bo):** Hey fucktard, plans?  
**EREN THE GR8:** None. Just sitting.  
**HORSEFACE (Jeanie-bo):** I'm coming. I have news. Don't shit, I'm driving now.

"Oh, you asshole horseface! Now you mention shit, I'm about to!" Eren yelled while running to the bathroom. A total disgusting slacker, indeed.

Eren's gurgling sound coming from his ass made him laugh. Indeed, there was nothing funnier than poop jokes. Whenever he heard of shitty jokes, it made him smile. Made him think of a lot of memories from the military back then. Military was his dream, and that was all thanks to Levi.

Not a right time to think about Levi. Eren was shitting, and for sure if Levi knew he was thinking of him while doing fecal activity, his ass would be whoopin' kicked in the corner. _No, no, no, no, get that crazy shorty out of your mind_. 

He sighed while making a nervous laugh. He thought of all the memories, the good old happy memories where the feelings are so vivid and alive. Where Mikasa was— "Eren, what the fuck don't you dare say her name if you don't want to get insane like Levi!" He yelled at himself disappointedly and closed his eyes.

He was beginning to get sad, so he reached for the tissue and decided to end the shit session he was having. Then his phone rang.

**INCOMING CALL: DUMB HANGE**

"What?!"  
"Eren, I'm driving to your house. I'm there in about two minutes."  
"Oh, come on! Give me a break, I'm still gonna wash my ass, cause I'm obviously shitti—"

**CALL DROPPED**

_What the hell does she wants and why would she drive to my house. Does she hit her head hard that she wanna play video games with me? Oh, wait, Jean's coming too? Oh, I know... Stupid Hange gonna make me babysit her dumb kid, I wish it was Theo instead!_

He finished using the bathroom and quickly ran towards his living room. He needs to text Armin, and he definitely needs Armin to go at his house right now. He was getting pissed of the idea of Hange's barging babysitting duties, but somehow felt that little excitement because he wants to see new faces instead of Jean, Jean, and Jean. Ugh, horseface.

**EREN THE GR8:** Hey best buddy, come here at my house! Right now!  
**GENIUS:** Huh?  
**EREN THE GR8:** I said get your ass over here! At my place, Armin! Kids are coming here so you need to help me!  
**GENIUS:** K.

Well, Armin was just one block away. So in about five to ten minutes, he would be knocking at Eren's door. Eren was jumping up and down like an excited dumb kid who was about to receive a few wads of cash because he was secretly happy and a little excited because a few people from the happy memories will visit him. _If Grisha would ask me if I'm winning, then yeah dad! Ya' boi Eren's winning!_

A small part of him wished that Levi and Theo would also be there visiting him. So he went to his dirty kitchen and get a few plastic cups and hoping that Jean would be a good boy because he needs to ask him to buy coke and stuffs at the nearest convenient store.

RING. RING. RING.

_Oh, there they are! Is it Hange, Armin, or Horseface? Shit, I'm so excited I might shit my pants._

He ran towards the door and open it ajar and mockingly mumbled a singsong expecting it was Hange's dumb kid. "Who is it??? I don't have candies here!"

"I don't eat candies."

_Huh? What kind of psychotic kid doesn't eat candies?_ He opened the door wide and was surprise when he saw Theo standing there with his hand grabbed by Hange. Without wasting any seconds, he pulled Theo and embraced him tightly.

"Theo bear, uncle missed you so much!" He paused, he felt a stinging sensation in his eyes, and looked at Theo. "Huh? What's with the frown? I don't want to see that Levi face— oh fuck, wait! Is Levi here too?" He turned his head left and right hoping to see Levi.

"Still not over about your fanboy stuff? He's your brother-in-law, Jesus Christ!" Hange chuckled while trying to get herself inside the house.

"Dummy, I'm not anymore that kid who wants an autograph from that old shorty. I just missed him, is that wrong?"

"No. We missed him too." Hange replied sadly.

Eren sighed, and carried Theo in his arms walking back inside. He was giving Theo a lot of kisses because truth be told, he missed this kid really fucking bad.

"Uncle Eren, why is your house so dirty?"

"Oh man, shut up! Don't be a neat freak like your high-and-mighty dad!" Eren rolled his eyes but also chuckled a little.

Eren followed Hange inside, _oh great this dummy thought she owned my house_ , and they all gather at the living space. They first sat, and looked at each other for like two minutes. Eren was feeling confused because the last time he looked at Hange's sweating face was back at that miserable day.

He wanted to yell so bad but he must control it because his favorite nephew was there, and it would be really a shame if his nephew thought of him a suicidal maniac. Like everyone called him.

He glanced at Theo who's still sitting in his lap. The hell's wrong with this kid's nonchalant face? He sighed. He wants to see his sister's face right now in this kid, not that irksome shorty who he once idolized.

The staring game continued for more like another five minutes, everyone was now sweating nervously, trying to hold out stupid words and replace it with some sugar coated shit. It was when Hange already opened her mouth ready to talk when another doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Eren arose from his sit leaving Theo behind. He walked towards the door, and when he opened it, it was both Jean and Armin.

"What took the both of you so long?" Eren both gave them death glares trying to connect to them mentally that, _crazy four eyes is here and it's driving me insane!_

He lead Jean and Armin to the living space, both were surprise to see Hange and Theo sitting.

"Theo bear! Oh god, you're growing up so fast! Come here and give me a hug, will you?" Armin said with a nostalgic smile on his face.  
"More like Levi bear, just look at that stoic face, Armin... Well, come here to Uncle Jean. I miss you big time, small bud." Jean chuckled lightly trying to pat Theo's scruffy hair but then was interrupted by Eren's squealing.

"Hey Jean-bo, I need to ask you something. Well, can you run to the nearest store and buy us some coke and chips? I don't have any junks in here anymore." Eren pulled the hem of Jean's shirt causing Jean to be annoyed.

"You fuck! You should have texted me earlier, now I need to drive into that traffic again!"

"You could just run, horseface. Forgot that you're a horse?"

"I'm not going to buy your stupid chips—"

Hange interrupted Jean and Eren's starting argument and spoke out of the blue. "Jean. Can you get us some chips and drinks already? We should wait for you. We need to talk about something. The four of us." 

There was nothing he can do because Hange decided to take on the command. So when he was defeated, he nodded and left not even giving Eren a damn glare.

-

Jean was really annoyed. Not that in a sense that annoyance was a stable feeling he had towards Eren, but really annoyed because he had to go to the traffic and he was itching to ask what are they gonna talk about.

 _Ah shit_ , he stirred the driving wheel, he thought of the news he was going to say. Is it connected to what they are going to talk about? 

He shook his head trying to concentrate on his driving. "It's not an important news. Just saw Levi left the clinic of some psychiatric ward or something."

When he reached the convenient store, he bought all those unhealthy shit Eren told him to buy. All those stupid years, it's always him and Eren that are fighting constantly but it's always him and Eren at the end. He smiled at the thought and gave a sigh because he couldn't believe himself for dealing with a nuisance dirty pig.

 _Coke. Cheetos. Pepsi? Greasy instant fries. Doritos. Sprite. Poptartz. Buy some chocolates for my favorite nephew._

"Ugh, this retarded uncle still doesn't know that Levi treats his kid like a fucking vegetarian calf."

He put down the list and grabbed a gallon of drinking water telling himself that I bet that fucktard Eren doesn't have drinking water in his house. He wasn't really surprise if Eren would be drinking from a dirty drainage because all Eren cares about was video games and jerking off by some random internet girls.

That's all for today, he thought. The day hasn't even started and he was running headache just the thought of Eren fucking Yeager. He was nearing the exit when he bumped into someone unexpectedly.

"Jean?!"

"Connie? Wait, Sasha?! When the hell did you start getting fat?" Jean was surprise because the last time he saw them was like nine months ago. He was still looking at Sasha when Sasha cut him off.

"You dummy horse! I'm preggo!" Sasha blurted out.

"No, shit... Don't tell me—"

"The hell's your problem, horseface?!" Connie yelled while glaring at Jean.

He sighed. "Alright, alright. My congratulations to both of your dumb asses."

Connie glared at him, but then eventually laughed. "What's all that junk food you bought? Picnic party?"

"Oh god, junk foods? Is there potato chips?" Sasha yelped while drooling.

"Eren told me to buy all these shits. There's some kind of party at his house..."

The three long friends looked at each other trying to pass a mental connection to each of them. _Can we fucking come?!_

"I know what the hell you are thinking. Yeah you could. But Hange's also there. And there are things we need to talk seriously. So better replace your small brains."

"You're fucking rude horseface, well don't tell me that you and Eren are fucking too!"

Jean hissed and walked towards his car expecting the other two to follow. It's gonna be a long tiring crazy day.

**JEAN so HANDSOME:** Hey fucktard, I got all your fucking junks. I also brought two dumbass on the way, is it okay?  
**EREN SHITFACE:** Cool.

-

Connie and Sasha were screaming once they saw Theo sitting on Eren's dirty couch. Screaming because they were too excited and they really missed Theo, and another part is that Theo— _the son of Levi_ , sitting on a dirty couch.

The two dumbass hugged Theo so much that even made Theo chuckled and ticklish. Everyone was in awe because it's like seeing a bubbly side of the kid for the first time.

"Theo, soon you'll have a playmate named Teddy!" Connie squealed.

"Teddy? What an awful fuck-fuck name you got there you buzz cut!" Eren yelled enough to mock Connie.

"Shut up you shitface. You aren't the captain to insult my chosen name." 

"Captain? You talked with Levi?" Hange raised her brows, trying to solve the puzzle and thinking about the talk they were supposed to deal.

"Uhuh. I texted him with the number Eren gave me. At first he was funny because he insulted me so much but when I told him I wanted to see him, he turned me down. He said he can't and he is sorry."

"Sorry? Well, that's new? He was never sorry about his insults? What's wrong with the captain?" Armin butt in.

"The reason I went here Eren because there's something I wanted to talk about. About Levi. Because right now, you and Theo are the literal family he have now. You as his brother-in-law also have duties regarding this thing." Hange explained.

The word brother-in-law made Eren blushed. After all those years, he still couldn't believe that he would have a familial connection with the captain because that's how much he idolize the captain, that's how much he fanboyed and loved the captain even though he was an irksome grumpy cat. "Yeah, I'm a grown up. Do you want me to discipline my shorty brother-in-law?"

"Hange, about Levi. Well, I went here to tell Eren some news... It's not that of a deal but I saw Levi left a psychiatric clinic earlier. I wonder what the hell is happening?" Jean exclaimed.

"What the hell. Is he _crazy_?" Sasha's jaw dropped.

"Everybody, listen up." Hange sighed while looking at everyone. "I think it's best if we could keep Theo—"

"Aunt Hange, it's okay. I won't tell my daddy."

Everybody looked at Theo starting to pity the little boy. But Theo just shrugged and rubbed the hem of his shirt. He didn't look like he care, so that explained that it was okay to proceed.

"Erwin brought Levi to a psychiatrist this morning. You know how Levi hated therapy, the couch talk and shit, and we all know that he hated opening his past." Hange paused while looking sad. "It's guilty to admit that we forced him in there with a bread full of mold and he hated mold that's why he agreed even though he might could kill the attending doctor."

"So he's _insane_?" Armin asked. 

"Not really, but a bit?" Hange looked at Theo nervously. "Well yeah, for starters he might be." 

"Shit. Now I feel guilty. I even cursed Levi for being fucking insane. Didn't know it would horribly affect him..." Guilty as plead, Eren put his hands on his pocket while giving a big sigh.

"The thing is, he's acting strange. Even scary. He's acting like he still dates Mikasa up until now. When Mikasa died, he was in total denial about everything. He believed that Mikasa was just still there, I thought it was okay because that's a part if mourning, right? He avoided us for a few years even left Theo under Erwin's custody because we all believe that he was somehow moving on and we took part of that help." Hange was panting and sweats are visible in her forehead. "But oh sweet lord, instead of moving on he is just building another grave for himself! It looked like he was normal at first, but when he was forced and desperately pushed to talk about moving on, his demon would attempt to take his body over..."

"Fuck it, Hange! So Levi's a demon now?!" Connie exclaimed nervously while putting his hand on his head. There was no way he would be in touch with the captain anymore because even if he wouldn't admit that he was dumb, he would openly admit that he was a big scaredy idiot.

"No, sorry, that was a weird thing to say. I mean is that, Levi has another different personality... Well he is being delusional. As Theo said... He hears Levi talking to himself. _Talking to Mikasa_ , actually." Hange explained.

Everyone was staring at each other. The room was filled with silence at glances. Back in the military, when scenarios are blood and killing, everything seemed much normal. But when they were done with all those blood and killing, why the hell does it feel abnormal? Nobody expected shit like that to happen. Everybody was trying to live normally, everybody already live in that moment especially that sunny day.

Or maybe... Nobody just really know about Levi. The real Levi.

"Did anyone of us know... who really is Levi, before even he became a captain?" Jean asked nervously.

"Eren and Hange must know a few things about him?" Armin replied.

"Levi's a hard lock to decode. To be honest, all I know is that he was an orphan at a young age, save two kids that he treated as a family and when they joined the military... That two kids were killed. Erwin could know a little more, but there's nothing more really."

"Well, at first I thought Levi was Mikasa's uncle or what and they were incest." Sasha blurted.

"Come to think of it... I never really asked about Levi and Mikasa's familial heritage. I don't want to think about incest, but how did Levi got his surname especially he didn't have a father?" Eren asked.

"From his mother, you dumbass shitface." Jean replied rolling his eyes.

Eren was not bothered by the offensive nickname Jean called him, he was thinking— remembering something that could help Levi's crazy case. Was there a conversation where he shared with Levi about some past or what? He thought as he closed his eyes.

_"Eren, there's someone I would like to meet. He's an old family from a distant branch... So don't go with me, just stay here and help your mother."_

_"Mikasa, he could be an axe murderer or something!" ___

____

_"Well, I could be the same for him." Mikasa chuckled. "I could handle myself, brother. I'll be back later."_

__

__

__

Damn it, why was he remembering useless things like this? Think harder, Eren. Was there anything more?

__

__

__

_"Oi, Yeager. Why would you join this stupid military?"_

__

_"I want to save humanity, sir! I would eradicate all the bad guys like a butcher!"_

__

_"Not bad."_

__

__

__

Ah shit, no, not that, that fucking goal of mine was stupid. Come on, Eren. Fucking think of something...

__

__

__

_"Name?" ___

_____ _

_"Mikasa. Mikasa Ackerman, captain."_

_____ _

_"Ackerman?"_

_____ _

_"Yes... Is there a problem, sir?"_

_____ _

_"Seems familiar."_

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

"Gotcha!" Eren screamed causing to scare everyone. 

_____ _

"What do you mean by gotcha? You've been asleep for about five minutes!" Armin yelped.

_____ _

"I remembered something from the military! Levi and Mikasa's first interaction!" 

_____ _

"And?"

_____ _

"That's it! Something could help! When Levi asked Mikasa about her surname, Levi said that it seems familiar, something like that... So there is it!"

_____ _

"Okay?" Hange raised her brows.

_____ _

"That's it?" Connie asked with his bored face.

_____ _

"Yeah, you fucktards! You didn't get it? It seemed like _Levi knew Mikasa from the start!_ "

_____ _

_____ _

"Maybe... That's an interesting puzzle to Levi's dark missing past. But we still don't know anything that could contribute help to rebuild his sanity. Is there anything you know more about, Eren? Like mutual connections between Levi and Mikasa?"

_____ _

"Well, there's Theo. A solid mutual connection... Other than that, there's no more I could think of."

_____ _

Everybody put their palm on their face.

_____ _

_____ _

-

_____ _

_____ _

Levi sat at the bench after a long walk from the crazy clinic he went. He didn't know what things could happen next, because there is where his ignorance of his own past lead him. He was afraid— more like afraid of his own past to hunt him and devour him down. He was miserable. And he was angry.

_____ _

Angry because Erwin threatened him with a bread full of disgusting green and blue molds just to take him down on that stupid box headed psychiatrist who feared his uncle.

_____ _

_Of all the things, you good for nothing Erwin, you really need to handle me a moldy fuck bread? Tch._

_____ _

Well, that was the answer to threat Humanity's Strongest. A moldy bread. Because he hates, disgust, fear or whatever terrifying adjectives he could describe. Those sick molds remembered him of the shithole he went through just to see his own mother rotting in bed.

_____ _

_____ _

"Fuck, can every time I think of something, can death be just excluded?"

_____ _

_No. It's a part of you. Death is a merciless companion._

_____ _

"Now I'm talking to myself. How shitty can this day go?"

_____ _

_____ _

He sighed and leaned towards the bench. He could feel the warm afternoon with the birds singing all around him. Weird, it should be fucking cold cause it's December?

_____ _

He slapped his face. Is he dreaming again? He shouldn't be dreaming and lost in his thoughts, this is a public place, come on hold your fucking dignity.

_____ _

He breathed heavily and once stared at the falling leaves from the tree above. He gathered his things, placed his hands on his pocket, and stood up and left.

_____ _

The warm feeling he felt was suddenly fading as he walked and walked and walked. Seemed like a never-ending walk. He could take the bus if he wants but he chose not to. Even though it would take 45 minutes of impatience to walk towards his house, he still opts to. Because there was something driving him against his ends.

_____ _

_____ _

Again.

_____ _

_____ _

His phone was vibrating. He ignored it. Then after a few minutes, it beeped again. He just let it, trying to keep his wits. But then another beep, he sighed.

_____ _

_____ _

**3 NEW MESSAGES**

_____ _

_____ _

**ERWIN:** Where are you?  
**ERWIN:** You still okay? Did you murder the doctor?

_____ _

_____ _

"Fucking eyebrows, you shouldn't have brought me there at the first place if you're too worried about that box headed fuck."

_____ _

_____ _

**ERWIN:** I suspect you're walking towards home now. Don't act crazy.

_____ _

_____ _

He groaned and gave another sigh. Too much eyebrows for this day, he thought. He swear that he could kill somebody if another text message of Erwin would bother him for the rest of his day. He shoved back his phone to his pocket and continued walking.

_____ _

_____ _

It was not long when he passed by a couple whose goofily exchanging kisses and holding hands while walking. _Tch, this is no place for fucking._ He walked faster and faster because the scenery was a painful dirt for his eyes until he stumbled on the ground while hitting something steel.

_____ _

_Now ground dirt in my ass._ He stood up trying to run his hands behind hoping that there would be no dirt trace in his trench coat.

_____ _

When he was finished neat picking himself, he realized that he stumbled on the gate of a cemetery just near the park.

_____ _

He shrugged and went inside.

_____ _

_____ _

_"Is it time, Levi?"_

_____ _

_____ _

Not again. The constant loop of voices were running in his head again, and it felt so real, so real that the voice felt like it was coming from beside him. He knew that if he would reply to the familiar voice means that whatever small shitty sanity he was holding, it would drift away in an instant. It would drift away because he was defeated that fucking easy.

_____ _

Whatever. Why does his mind still needs to argue? Defeated by his own demons, he answered. "No, I still need to be with you."

_____ _

_____ _

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth trying to wait for that voice— who kept him insane to respond to him. It seemed like it was always whispering words, words like inspiration? _The hell, Levi. You could be an axe murderer so where the hell you need inspiration for?_ But whatever. That voice just kept him alive. That's what he needs. _Five, ten, fifteen, twenty._ No response.

_____ _

This time he sighed and decided to do a little experiment. He clenched his fist so hard, and gritted his teeth a little harder enough to ripped his cheek muscles. The taste of his blood inside made his pupil dilated.

_____ _

_____ _

_"Levi, don't hurt yourself!"_

_____ _

_____ _

_Yeah, there you are. Looking for your voice, honey._ At this point, he didn't know which was real or not. He couldn't even give a damn care, for all he know this what kept him alive. What kept her alive. So he opened his eyes and took a last deep breath. He walked through the never ending path of the cemetery, noticing how the weeds have grown stubborn... Thinking that he'd do a better job of keeping this huge damn place neat and clean instead of those maintenance who couldn't get a stubborn weed out of his eyes.

_____ _

_Control that obsession, Levi. It's really unhealthy._ He thought to himself while laughing because what the hell does that shit means? He's a mile out of his sanity, and he still thought about unhealthy cleaning obsessions? Well, he'd rather clean a fucking dirty stable to remind him that only an insane person could keep a dirty stable. _Fuck everyone, I'm normal._

_____ _

_____ _

Maybe.

_____ _

_____ _

He shook his head to get rid of the fucking building crazy cluster of thoughts but only to notice a man from far away, dressed in a same trench coat like him but only with a fedora hat held by his chest. He was confused and he felt something weird, the cemetery do not really have a lot of visitors especially at a day and time like this... So he walked faster trying to catch up to the man from afar.

_____ _

_____ _

_Wait, this path leads to?_

_____ _

_Fuck, was that man a demon or something?_

_____ _

_No, what the hell, that's not the correct term..._

_____ _

_Shit, I got it at the tip of my tongue._

_____ _

_What was he again?_

_____ _

_All black with hood... gotcha fucking ass._

_____ _

_____ _

_Grim reaper._

_____ _

_____ _

Grim reaper was all he said when he fell to the grass caused by the unnoticed rock in the pathway. _Ugh, fuck again?!_ He was getting tired of being thrown in the ground so he stood even without checking if his coat was dirty or what, he needs to catch up to that malignant grim reaper— and then suddenly.

_____ _

_____ _

He was alone. No sight of man, no sight of that black trench coat with a hat, no sight of that fucking grim reaper. _I must be fucking crazy, really really fucking crazy._ He was all alone.

_____ _

He catch up to his breath while giving him a light slap on his face, tried to rummage the dirt that his coat got, and looked for any signs of that crazy grim reaper again. He couldn't find it, not unless that spooky shit was devoured quickly by a quicksand that was created out of nowhere. He slightly kick an imaginary something in the air and sighed. He was all set to go, ready to hit his head after he reach home because of all these crazy fuck-fuck he encountered when he noticed that he was stepping on something.

_____ _

_____ _

_Stepping on a tombstone is a disrespectful thing to do, you need to respect that because there lies the body of a love one. It may be dead, but the value of a love one never decrease. So don't step on a tombstone. It's like stepping on their faces._

_____ _

_____ _

Tch. He scoffed, with his feet still standing on it, as he read the name of the familiar tombstone.

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

"You're not even there." 

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

.  
.

_____ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the use of a lot of dirty words! I hope you guys are enjoying the way how I write Levi. It may be a little bit of crazy, yikes! But I promise to make the other back stories exciting. Just comment how you feel, thanks! xx


	11. Memories of the Underground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just a little warning:
> 
> This chapter contains a lot of dialogues and self thoughts... So we could understand the characters more. I hope you are enjoying with the story so far! I kinda come to terms that I should also write Levi's past until the day he married Mikasa. Comment down on what you think? 
> 
> Thank you guys for your support! There's a lot of chapters waiting tbh...  
> PS: Sorry, still can't really write intense fighting scenes, still learning how to write. (This is my first fan-fic!)
> 
> .
> 
> Hoping you enjoy! xx

.  
.

A few days later, Erwin decided to go on a mission he named: Mission Impossible.

He packed his suitcase with another set of clothes, his hygiene kit, a few of his IDs, and a small revolver just-in-case.

He walked to the large mirror standing in his bedroom and fixed himself. His outfit for the day, was in a gray fitted shirt plus a black cargo pants. He took his cotton jacket from the rack, when he noticed something that's bugging him to bring. His commander badge.

It's 5:00 am. Emily must still be sleeping. He already texted Moblit last night to fetch Emily at around 6:30 am later, thus leaving a spare key to his house hidden in the foot rug.

It was a Saturday. He kissed Emily at the cheeks, and stared for a few seconds before he leave the room. He took his car keys and walked to his garage. He was all set and ready to go.

An estimated travel before he reach his destination would be at around four hours. Five hours if he would get in a traffic jam. So he started the engine and drove fast, taking the chance that it's too early to have traffic jams.

Nobody knows where he was going except for Moblit. He trusted Moblit more than Hange. Because in this mission, in silence he trust.

-

After four hours of driving, he finally reached the foot of his destination. He slowed down his car, because he knew this place was no fun and joke, that this would be the second time he would come here and yet he still shivers to his spine.

He tried to track down slowly the downhill of the road, trying to prevent him from getting any accident. He checked again the car locks for the third time, because he knew well that deadly crimes are just fun and games down there.

But still, he must go. And he hoped that he would still be alive when he went up.

"Yer purpose?"

"I need to track down something. In one of the district MP office." Erwin explained to the old gate keeper.

"Who're ya', and where d'ya come from?" 

"Erwin Smith." He paused and reached for his badge enough for the gate keeper to see. "Ex-commander of the SC."

Without any more questions, the gate keeper let him in.

It was easy. But that was just the first. He wondered, how many pass should he be experiencing this day? And how many pass should his badge save him from questions? It doesn't matter. As long as I have those answers I am looking for, then I'll have to return quick.

He step a little on the gas, trying to fasten up a little bit, but still slowly because the town was unbelievable dark. He was looking for signs and directions to that MP office, but all he saw was a big rusty board of: 

**The Underground District.**

-

Three little monkeys, jumping on the bed. One fell out, and broke his head! Mama called the doctor, and the doctor said...  
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

"Uncle Eren, I don't watch those things." 

Annoyed, Eren turned off the tv. He sighed, and looked at Theo with a concerned eyes. He thought to himself, _what does this kid enjoy? No, no, no. Eren it's not his fault. He was shaped to be like that. Theo's just a kid, remember? Maybe he is just restricted to fun things. Maybe I am just having too much fun, that I forgot that Theo— my only nephew was kinda neglected. Ugh, I don't know..._

Right after the day when they talked about Levi's complicated mental situation, Hange asked if Eren could take care of Theo because she needs to deal with her screaming kids left with Moblit. Without any hesitation, he said yes because he just missed the kid so much. He even asked Jean to sleep at his house— no, not sleep with him, but to sleep at one of the rooms so they could take better care of Theo. Armin thought it would be fun, so he considered having sleep overs too. All for the sake of giving Theo a little bit of fun in life.

But Theo wasn't enjoying any of the fun fucks they did. They tried Eren's stupid video games, but Theo can't still understand the mechanics. They tried graffitiying in Eren's backyard, but Theo said he can't handle scribbles as a sight because it's dirty. They tried watching cartoons, but Theo get easily bored. They tried playing hide and seek, but Theo would just sit in the corner when he isn't enjoying anymore. They were running out of ideas to play and the fact that Eren has a temper problem would probably lead this whole situation in a mess.

That even Levi didn't know that Eren was the one in charge with Theo. All Levi know was that Theo was with Hange playing with Puss-in-Boots, and she promised that she will returned back Theo if Levi completed the therapy session. Levi just shrugged at the idea ignoring Hange and her plans.

Going back, Eren was really getting annoyed of the boredom Theo has to offer, but Armin shook him off.

"Eren, if you ever lay a hand to Theo, you're much insane than his dad." 

"I know that Armin. I won't do that, it's just... He's also an irksome kid just like his dad. He kills the fun of everything."

"Just because he kills your idea of fun, then that doesn't mean he has no fun. That's also Mikasa's kid. So try to have a little more patience." Jean just shrugged nonchalantly while expressing his thought about the matter.

"Maybe you're right, horseface."

Jean rolled his eyes and walked to Theo instead. "Hey, buddy. You want to do anything?"

"Yeah... Can uncle Jean help me clean?"

Jean was absolutely laughing, enough for Armin to join the bursting laughter. Eren just shook his head and look furiously at his two laughing friends. "I guess yeah, how bout starting to clean your dirty Uncle Eren?"

-

He threw and stepped the cigarette butt before walking inside the crazy clinic. He couldn't even remember when was the last time he smoke. _Is this a side effect? Of being insane? Fucking shit, I'm not insane._ He sighed at thought that his mind was having another episode of a civil war between Captain Fuck and Ironshitpants.

When he entered the crazy clinic, he first noticed at long red couch. "Fuck, you ain't gonna use that on me, Dr. Quacky shit."

"I still don't know, Mr. Ackerman. Well, have a seat." Gunther greeted him with a warm smile as he offer the seat across him. "So how are you?"

"Fucking insane."

"Well, I kinda expected that."

"Whatever, start your fucking shits so we can have this over."

"Okay..." Gunther gulped an imaginary air thinking that it almost looked like Levi was the one coaching his own therapy. "Mr. Ackerman, I need you to continue your story when Kenny left you. I know some memories might be painful, but trust me. It could help you feel better. I also need to assess your—"

"Quit the crap or whatever prognosis you want to learn from me. I'll tell my story and you write your notes. Don't tell me if it's gonna make me better, because I myself don't know that feelings anymore."

Another silence and tension were filling the room. Gunther kept his mouth shut from replying, because he knew that this client was smart and different. But it's just the fact that he kept on getting mood swings like a bitch. So Gunther nodded as a reply.

"Now, where was I?"

\- - -

_Twenty. Twenty four. Twenty five. Twenty nine. Thirty six. Thirty eight. Forty two. Forty seven— fucking hell. I lost the count._

Levi leaned hardly on the wall trying to gain his focus from counting, making him frustrated as ever. Every time he count those shits, he lost the count. So he stared at the ceilings of the old funky tavern, and began drinking his ale.

_Disgusting. There's no better drink than tea. If only I could kill those merchants then I would have a long year supply of those lovely tea._

"Whaddya' thinking son?" The old tavern owner asked him.

"Just my kill counts."

"Aye' geez, son... I kinda know ya'!"

"Hm?" The sound of son made him really uncomfortable.

"The deadly Levi! Ya' with the throat cuttah'!" The warm smile from the old tavern owner was starting to fade away, thus being replaced by a nervous fear.

Levi just shrugged and rolled his eyes, trying to finish his goddamned pig piss so he could leave the filthy tavern. He didn't even know why he was here at the first place.

Eight years since Kenny left him, and here he was all alone. Ever since he was waiting for Kenny to come back, he visits that filthy tavern around once a month because it is the first bar Kenny brought him to feed him a bunch of food. Well, Levi never really left the place he used to share with Kenny so that explained that a part of him was always wanting him to come back.

But he was now a month from being twenty, yet no Kenny was coming back. He sighed, maybe Kenny already found a match that killed him to pieces. Maybe Kenny already found a wife? _No, no, no... No woman could keep her sanity with a crazy fuck_. Maybe Kenny was already tired from being a mass murderer so that's why he retired? Or maybe Kenny already had found that girl?

_Fuck it. Those things are just first world problems. I still need to figure out the meal I would eat for tomorrow. Whatever. If Kenny wants to come back, then he will, just like when he took me. And if he don't, then fine._

"Whatever his plans are, still I'm gonna get myself out of this hell hole."

Levi already realized what was Kenny was saying back then. _Get yourself out of this hell hole_. Because back then he was too naive to think that there was still a life out of there. He thought that this was the only world there is and this was the system of the world— killings, fighting, surviving. He was so disappointed to know that there was a better life outside, that there was still hope even in the utmost denial of his existence.

So now, he was working really hard trying to push himself to get out if this hell hole. And find that girl. 

When Kenny left, he found no use of using his surname. He felt betrayed by Kenny, but couldn't also bring himself to hate him. Kenny was the angel axe murderer that save him, right? So it was just Levi. Just Levi again.

He was walking back to his place when two kids bumped into him and fell to the ground. His face turned sour because just by judging the smell of the two kids, he already knows that these kids haven't had a bath for a month.

The thought of that made his stomach turned. He walked past through the kids and just ignored and finally reached his place. He went inside, triple locked his door and started unzipping his boots. But then shit happened.

A loud knock on the door was buzzing his brains.

"What the fuck do you want?!"

"Please, mister! Just help us! We promise to steal you some bread!"

He rolled his eyes. _No. I don't help anyone_. He ignored the loud knockings but then the knock was getting intense every minute.

"Mister, please! We beg you, just help us! We'll help you in anything!"

He sighed with disgust in his face. He opened his door and let the two kids stumbling in his foot rag. "What do you want?"

"Oh, thank you mister!" One of the kids was panting so hard he didn't even had the chance to thank. "Someone, err, was following us! They want to punish us because we stole this bread!"

The red haired girl shown Levi the stolen bread. When he took the bread and saw a tiny mold he quickly throw the bread into his trash bin. "Fucking disgusting! Stealing moldy breads just to get your ass kicked, you dumbass kids."

"Mister, why have you thrown it away?" The blonde boy who was panting so hard finally spoke up.

"It's disgusting." He thought, now I have to feed these two fucks for throwing their moldy bread away. "To whom are you escaping from?"

"The merchant who used to sell pastries!"

Still fucking disgusting. He hated pastries. "You kids leave my place in an hour, got it?"

There were no response. The kids didn't realize who they were talking with. So instead, the kids looked at each other smiling, knowing what to do.

"I'm Isabel! Isabel Magnolia, 12 years old!" The red head girl has now finally a name.

"And I'm Furlan Church, mister! 13 years old. We're cousins but we act like we're siblings. How about yours?"

"Don't need to know. Just get out in an hour."

"Well, mister... We don't have uhm any place to sleep... If you won't mind." The red head tried to argue.

"No. I live alone."

"But aren't you scared mister... Of living alone? The urban myth of _Kenny the Ripper_ will haunt you!" Furlan tried to support Isabel's argument while giving a wide grin.

He raised his brows and walked towards his room. He grab two packs of energy biscuits and a small juice, thinking that it should be enough to feed those two dumb kids. He closed his door and went back to the small living room.

"Here you fucking runts. Eat that and get out in an hour." He threw the biscuit and juice and was annoyed by the screaming of the kids.

"Wha? Mister, THANK YOU!"  
"We never met a good man like him, Isabel?! Thank you, mister!"

_Good man? Good man my ass. Good never sounded good as much as bad is. Fucking dumb kids, must have a worm in their brains._

"Mister, can we use uhm... Your bathroom? We're kind of dirty..." Furlan asked while Isabel was arguing.  
"Furlan, it's okay! We can still go for a month without bathing and don't you think it's—"

"You little runts clean yourself. I don't allow filth in my place. You could use my bathroom but if you mess it, I will kill both of you with my own hands." Levi walked out and went to his room.

_I think that should be enough to scare the cockroaches away. Whatever._

-

"Isabel, that man was scary... I think we should head out and not convinced him if we could stay..."  
"Doncha' worry Furlan! He just say those things because he wanna startle us! Besides... He didn't really look like a murderer or something, so he should be okay!"  
"The thoughts of that myth still creeps me out... Kenny the Ripper and Lee— what was the shorty's name again? Kenny's kid partner?" Furlan looked at Isabel and was interrupted when Levi spoke.

"Levi."

"I remembered, thanks big bro!" Furlan snorted loud with his signature grin.  
"Hey miste— big bro! Do you know anything about that urban myth? We used to hear those scary stories from our mother just to scare us! Furlan is a scaredy-cat when it comes to the Ripper!"

"Big bro, huh."

"Yeah! Cause ya' feed us and let us take yer bath! Can you tell us now?"

"I have nothing to tell you two because we don't even personally know each other."

"You both know us already! But you still haven't tell us your name!"

"Doesn't matter. Now you go out of my place before I kill you."

"Hey, big bro. Is that kid killer of Kenny still somewhere out here? That Lee-vai?"

"Maybe." Levi pulled the two kids out of his door and locked his door without even listening to the excuses that two kids give. _I don't do charity shits, and they should be away from me. I'm like the ripper, but only deadlier_. 

-

Two weeks have already passed since the meeting of the two annoying brats. Levi just continued his daily-normal-life-killing-and-dealing drugs he used to term as his occupation. 

By far he upgraded his occupation term. An assassin he could call. He was no longer interested in the never ending killing fights that actually bored him to death ever since Kenny left. So he tried to find something, something like a work that has a higher chance to pay him his bounty.

He was hired by greedy fucks to kill someone silently, and then by night he work as a middle man in drug dealings. He thought that this was a normal work for survival, so whoever MP that would get in his way, would surely bite the dust in just a moment of time.

A few years after Kenny disappeared, the name Kenny the Ripper and the Deadly Kid slowly sank down. It only became scary myth stories for brats who wants to wander in the night, telling that Kenny The Ripper would cut their throats and the Deadly Kid would suck out their guts.

For Levi, it was fucking disgusting because if only those stupid brats who believe that, never knew that the Deadly Kid was a total neat freak.

His everyday life was just like that. Clean-Eat-Kill-Half Asleep. He almost got used to it, same with leaving his emotions out of his doings. _Emotions are an obstacle that will get you off guard._

One day, while walking home after a paid clean kill, he saw the two brats who invaded his house a few weeks ago. They were running, panting, escaping, and hiding in the alley and it repeats and repeats. He watched it like a movie as his brows twitched. The weak won't survive and it irritated him so hard.

So he pulled out his knife, took a good grip on it, and he readied himself for an opponent. He put his hood, and hid himself in one of the alley he assumed that the kids will ran off, and tonight he will be killing a man without any bounty.

Just the thought of it brings him nostalgia. _Kenny fucking Ackerman_.

Right when the two kids have passed him and the man came coming along, he pulled the shoulder of the man and welcome it with a punch on his face. The man was surprise but pulled himself back as he leaned in the wall furiously.

"Ya' trying to pick a fight on me?! The bring it!" The man screamed and it left the two kids watching the fight.

The man reverted his hand and clench his fist so tight that when he was about to land his punch on Levi's face, Levi easily dodge it with a boring look. His hood slowly comes off enough for the man to see who he was.

"Yer'..." The man paused as his eyes widen in terror but was quickly pulled by the collar with a threat of small knife in his throat. "Lee—"

Levi didn't wait for the man to complete whatever final words he have before biting the dust as the body fell hard in the ground. Blood was spurting out of the man's throat like a pressured fountain enough for Levi to grimaced in disgust.

His cloak's hood was already off, as so his face was already revealed. He just stand there for a moment, trying to clean his small deadly knife with a white handkerchief.

"Mister..." Levi turned around to see the two kids faltering in shock and terror. "You're the one who gave us food... And you saved us from this man... But you also killed this man..."

"And?"

"Who are y-ya', mister?" Farlan asked him trying to avert his terror into gratefulness.

"Just Kenny's invincible partner."

-

He was sitting at his small coffee table drinking the tea that those two kids managed to steal for him. He didn't know what the fuck happened to him why he even took the two cockroaches once he learned that they were already an orphan. Somehow, he tried to thought that maybe the feelings were mutual and he kinda understand it.

He sighed while sipping his tea looking at the two kids who were scrubbing his floor. At first, he thought that he could make use of these brats to steal him tea and scrub his floor. But when at second and the brats are bugging him off about if he could teach them how to kill, he honestly declined.

He didn't want to influence the kids so he kept his mouth shut about who he was and his relations about Kenny and his mom.

"Hey big bro, don't you have any other family?"

_Family. Family? Where the hell did I heard about it again? Shit, the word feels so warm and familial, and what did Kenny told me again? Fucking memory, all drizzled by my kill counts._

He was lost in thoughts as Isabel snapped him. "Big broooo?! You have any family? Just like us and Farlan! We're cousins and best friends!"

"No."

He rolled his eyes and ignored the nosy brats. I hate nosy brats, he thought to himself as he walked towards the room and shut his door hard enough to startle the kids.

_"Ya' get outta this hell hole and find her."_

_Bingo. That's the fucking warm family_. Almost nine years have passed since he heard that from Kenny, but not a single feeling have change. He still wants to know that girl and find her. She may be his last family.

-

Two years have passed and he have grown closeness towards Farlan and Isabel. Partners in crime. They do everything all together as they helped one another survive.

But still, that doesn't let him to spill his personal details even though the two brats bugged him every other day.

Until one time,

"Farlan, I heard that big oozing elephant brothel owner plans to kidnap someone rare from the outer up district. Rumors say that nasty owner wants make a living outta her!"

"Geez, Isabel. Stop sticking your nose in someone's butt! Why do we even care about those nasty whores?" Farlan said loudly enough for Levi to hear in the other room.

Curious, Levi placed himself in a position to eavesdrop. I hate prostitution.

"Gah, Farlan. As if some of those whores deserves it. Like the nasty owner, ya' see! He even wanted to find that uhm, Oryen— Aryantel... That whatever rare breed she is make a living of it!"

His brows twitched. _Oryen? Aryantel? Fucking shit, I kinda heard of that before I just can't remember what is it_ —

"You mean Oriental, Isabel?" Farlan replied.

_Fuck that is. Oriental. Now where the hell did I heard that rare shit?_

"Ya' ya' genius. Oryentel. She must be really rare that the nasty brothel owner wants her really bad."

With thoughts still running in his head, he stood up and walked to the chattering kids. "Who's that brothel owner, and where is that nasty brothel located?"

"Big bro, ya' acting weird! Well uhm, Drendel Bozan is the owner and... Just around 3 blocks away, the Lucky Gals is the name!"

"When's the kidnap gonna happen?"

"Geez, I dunno! It's just rumors and a plan, mister! You wanna get laid first by the rare chick?" Isabel replied mockingly that caused Levi to get furious.

He leaned to Isabel closer and yelled. "Don't you dare tell that to me!" He shut the door so loud and left.

-

The tension that were created between him and his two friends started to fade in about a month when they were running from the military. It seemed that the night when Levi killed Drendel Bozan AKA the Nasty Elephant Brothel Owner, he got tracked down by the stupid MPs. Of course, no MPs could touch him so that left them no choice but to call the honorable commander of the SC, Erwin Smith.

One tiring night after Levi got off from his assassin work, his house was held ambush by some SC. Sneaking through the alley, he ran not because he was afraid, but he needs to find his friends. 

He didn't care about the threats of the SC because he knew himself that what he have done to that Nasty Elephant, prevented and saved the kidnapping of some oriental girl he didn't even know. But of course, those stupid SC won't believe him because all he is, is a trash rat who turned out to be a killing machine. 

He ran, glided, dodged, and whatever escaping adjectives he could think of. But when he heard the squeak of his little friends, he knew it was over.

"Fuck the PoPo!" Was all Isabel and Farlan said when she was being handcuffed by one of the SC.

His mistake was when he stopped from running, trying to think whether he would run or just let his little friends get caught and punished. He gulped and when he was about to sneak back trying his luck to kill the SC, Erwin Smith grabbed him by his neck.

He gripped his knife quickly while trying to dodge the punch of this tall blonde man, when another tall man held the hand where he was holding his knife.

"You can't do anything now, you try, but we have your little friends."

Levi just kept his stoic look and didn't reply.

"You must be the leader of this little criminal group. What's your name?"

Levi twitched his brows and didn't reply that cause the other tall man to handcuffed his hands completely just to smacked his head in the flowing dirty liquid from the sewage.

Farlan and Isabel yelped from the scene because they knew that much that Levi could kill them in a blast especially his face was dirtied by them.

"Here's a deal. I would pardon all your crimes and forget all your secret kills, if you would only... Lend us your strength." The tall blonde spoke again.

"What if I don't want?" Levi spat his now disgusting saliva and twitched his brows furiously.

"Then you and your little friends will rot in jail. So will you lend us your strength?"

"Fine."

"Erwin Smith. What's your name?" Erwin kneeled in front of him and positioned his hand as if he was waiting for a handshake.

"Levi."

-

The outer up district was far from what he imagined. There was light everywhere, the air he could breath was so fresh, and there was freedom. Freedom he tried to seek and understand from where he belong.

_So this is what you were telling me, Kenny? Get out from that hell hole._

Honestly, he was so disappointed when his feet first land this district. He was disappointed that he felt more betrayed and stolen. He lived twenty two years of his life down there killing to survive and all those people up here was just counting sheep at the broad daylight. It was so unfair.

The SC military offered them different rooms for each one of them, with fresh food rationed three times a day. _Not bad_ , he thought.

Of course, the other SC cadets still avoids them and whatever shits name calling but it didn't matter for Levi. He could kill them if he wants to.

But no, this was like a third life. A new beginning. As much as possible, he would try to live this life differently. Replace from killing to brewing, from smuggling to cooking... something like the thought of that made him kinda felt a little spark inside. 

But that doesn't mean his stoicism would change.

-

He and his little friends trained everyday because there was an upcoming mission and that good for nothing commander Erwin Smith made them join the expedition because he was expecting a lot from them.

He tried to argue, tried to convince Erwin that Isabel and Farlan are still too young to join dangerous missions like that, but it was the two kids who pushed Erwin more and decided it.

_You live your life, the way you wanted, the way you dreamed it. This is your fate, not others._

Levi knows he couldn't do anything to make the kids stay back. He wanted to ignore it, but these little friends of him are the closest thing to family that he had. He wanted to ensure their protection by not joining a suicide mission.

He rolled his eyes for the last time and tried to bargain with the little brats. Well, more like commanded them with their fate.

"Furlan, I need you to fucking stay out of the mission. You and Isabel might be in danger." Levi spoke to them without even looking, trying to avoid a conversation. Because he said already what has needed to be done.

"Levi, don't you trust us?"  
"Yeah, big bro? We promise each other ayt?"

He shrugged and shook his head no. His thoughts started to wander again in another direction when the wind finally touched hos face. This is your fate, not others. He tried to avert his gaze, and he looked closely to his two friends. Their eyes were sparkling and pleading, eyes he have never seen before. Eyes that are filled with new hope and light and whatever the fuck that is. He knew he was defeated when he gave a final sigh.

"Just don't kill yourself."

-

It was raining hard when they left the hideout as the mission begin. For Levi, this mission was just a piece of cake, just turning down a bunch of syndicate who refused to give taxes but only with a lot of guns and riffle. He doesn't know for the others but he must learn to trust his friends.

Blood.

_Shit no, not again._

Teeth.

_Fuck, every disgusting time._

Everywhere.

_"Ya' kill when it..."_

"Benefits you." _God, Kenny. You don't need to constantly remind me, I don't even know if you're rotten already._

There were gunshots everywhere. As he was trying to find a good blind eye to take down whoever crazy maniac was that, he passed the other soldiers... Dead. No time for emotions, he sneaked gracefully like a cat hoping that his two friends were still safe acting as a watch out from the outside.

He ran as fast as he can, but to he shock, the middle assigned soldiers were even dead. That was when the tension suddenly built up like a swelling headache.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck what the fuck happened? Come on, Levi. Hold on to your grip, you trusted them so—_

It was already late when the throats of Furlan and Isabel are gushing out a fountain of blood, just like the one he did to the man when he accidentally saved these two friends.

And just like the old times, he was alone... again.

\- 

"Don't fucking look at me like that, you box headed fuck."

"I didn't know that you kinda lost... So many. Mr. Ackerman." Gunther held his head down, trying to avoid eye contact because he wasn't sure if the story would sting his eyes.

"Of course you didn't. I didn't even know you until the last two days you dumb shit." Levi scoffed, trying to remain his stoic features. He hates it when other people pitied him.

"Mr. Ackerman, if you wouldn't mind? Did you ever meet the Oriental you mentioned? And how about the girl? How about Kenny, is he still alive?"

"You asked too many questions..." He sighed trying to think if he would just ignore the stupid questions. _Yes, yes, and no._ He thought. 

"Sorry. Just curious about those people. It seemed that those people you mentioned holds an important place to your heart."

_Heart? God fucking damned it. Do I even have one of those? I mean, yeah— literally I have that pumping shit organ. But, ugh. Nevermind._

"Yeah. Whatever. It's gonna take a long sweet time if I would narrate my story, gonna take a long time to find that girl. You see she's been missing—"

"Missing?"

"Just fucking listen."

\- - -

The Underground District

When Erwin finally reached the last MP head quarters of the district, he pulled his car and secured it safely. He was looking for something, and this something was important that he should not go back without it. So whatever it must cost, he should gamble it.

He walked inside, and there were already eyes that were looking at him. New recruits, I see. His face remained calm as he shown the guards his ID, and put his fist into his heart as a salute. He was directed to the main office of the district head and felt like his answers for his questions are already waiting there.

"Name and purpose?"

"Erwin Smith. Ex-commande—"

"Come in. I gladly welcome you."

"Thank you, sir. I went all the way here, because there is this case I need to brought up and investigate, so if you won't mind..."

"Go ahead. What would brings you here?"

"Levi. Levi Ackerman." Erwin paused for a moment when he noticed the furrowing brows of the head officer.

"Levi? The Deadly Kid? Is that whom you are referring?" The head officer asked.

"Uhm, yes I think sir." Erwin had no idea of what the officer was talking about. Of all the many people he have met, Levi Ackerman was the only Levi he knew. Yes, he also knew that Levi committed a lot of crimes because as expected, all people from the underground sees crime as a hobby. 

"Didn't know he has a surname. Anyway, that's already an old case. He was already pardoned by the SC like you, so what brought you here?" The officer slightly let his brows at ease while putting his hands at the table.

"Just need information about Levi, sir. As an ex-commander, I still need to know important details and even personal details of our ex-captain." Erwin explained calmly, hoping that this conversation would go as what he expected.

"To be honest, I never heard any news from him since the time you took our deadliest criminal, Levi, here. And we were all damn glad and celebrating the moment that _invincible bastard_ went up."

_Huh? Deadliest criminal? Invincible bastard? What do you mean? You all people down here are deadly, it's just that the skills that Levi obtained are far greater than any average people._ Erwin remained his calm features but this time, his brows are slightly twitching, trying to press more information.

The officer stood up, and walked towards the shelf where dozens of folder are stacked. Dozens, more like probably a hundred. As Erwin was observing, he noticed a small paper tag that indicates _'L- Notorious'_ , and that's when the officer pulled out a dusty brown folder.

_Shit, this is no joke. It more looked like a book because of the thickness._

"So what do you want to know, Mr. Erwin Smith?" 

"Who is Levi Ackerman, sir?" _That was my mistake. I trusted Levi— no, not Levi but only his skills that I didn't even give a damn care that he could have turn the SC in a slaughter house within a matter of days._

"Apparently, when you SC took that invincible bastard away, we all thought that all of you were sick fucks trying to commit genocide—"

"But sir, his past records only shown a few committed crimes which are normal for people who are residing in this district. As time goes by, Levi behaved as a normal person but with an exceptional skill."

"Exceptional skill, aye? Well, that's because we didn't even bother to give this" he pointed to the thick dusty folder "whole damn information, because his identity was severely protected by him and another man."

"I don't understand sir."

"You see, Levi killed and threatened a lot of our officer down here. Multiple patrols, even brothel owners are found dead on alleys. And all because of that invincible bastard. I've been a head officer here for about twenty three years, and trust me... I didn't bother to interfere with that street rat because I still have a dream to live."

Erwin's palm are sweating because of some not so little revelations he heard. _Who really is Levi?_ He tried to relax himself in the chair as he leaned heavily.

"Ever heard of Kenny the Ripper?" The officer shrugged as he placed his hand on one of his hand.

"I heard sir. The throat cutter of the capital, more like the mass murderer. But, those were just urban legends that used to scare kids at night?" 

"Fuck, that's another one of your mistake."

"Huh?" _What does he mean? Another one of my mistake? What does Levi had to do with this mass murderer? Why is there a lot of things that Levi kept?_

"Ever heard of Kenny's invincible pair?"

"No— not really... But I kinda think, yes? The deadly one? I don't remember it correctly." _Deadly one? Shit, no. I think I don't like where this is going on_. "Pardon, sir but I really need to find some personal information about Levi, well uhm not Kenny the Ripper."

"I know. This is why I'm telling you this. Kenny the Ripper is not an urban legend, but rather he is real. I was just some rookie when I was first assigned here, and the first commotions I ever guarded was one of Kenny's sick fighting fiesta."

Erwin was getting a little impatient. He didn't sign up for some Kenny the Ripper bedtime stories. But he still needs to get info, whatever personal info be it small or extra small. So he nodded.

"The fought was extreme and intense. I thought it was Kenny fighting all alone, but when I took a nearer look of it, looks like Kenny breed another mass murderer." The head officer paused as he reach for his bottled water, while mentally trying to offer Erwin the other bottled water. He gulped down and continued. "There were four huge men on the floor— bloody and dead. And above them is a small kid standing while cleaning his blooded knife with a handkerchief."

_Above them is a small kid standing while cleaning— fuck, no_. There was only one person he knew who is this obsessed with cleaning.

"I didn't know who that kid was, but when the fight was over, Kenny let the kid followed him everywhere he went. And when I arrived at this headquarter, I found out that those four men I saw earlier was not just ordinary criminals. They were deadly men. Beaten to death by Kenny's little runt."

"So how does it goes? Where's... Kenny?" Erwin asked still sitting uncomfortable.

"Just a little later, rumors were spreading like wild fire, where people lead their fear to worship the once called 'Invincible Pair'. Kenny the Ripper, and that little deadly runt, Levi." 

Erwin was lost at words as he was still staring at the head officer. He tried to opened his mouth, but his jaws were too locked the fact that he can't believe what he was hearing.

"Now there's your answer. Levi the invincible. The ripper's kid. Well, I don't know if they are related. But I'm sure that Kenny was the one who made Levi as a killing machine."

"Does Levi have any family here, sir?"

"Well, he have his mother. Name's Kuchel something, but she was long gone when Levi was just like five or six... Well, you mentioned that his last name was Ackerman right?"

"Yes, sir."

"There's only one Ackerman I know as I could remember. That woman was the talk of every brothel owner here— one of the brothel owner who attempted kidnap to the said woman, was also the same brothel owner which Levi killed the moment we MP's called you in action." 

"And her name, sir?"

"Can't really remember the name, but as what the rumors told about her skills, she might be as invincible like Levi. And she was an Oriental Ackerman—"

"Mikasa? Mikasa Ackerman?"

"Yes, I think. We believed as the government declared she was the remaining of the Oriental and Ackerman. Now that you mention Levi's surname, then it made them the last two. 

"Sir, unfortunately... Mikasa Ackerman is already dead."

"My deepest condolence. So it make Levi as the last of them?"

Erwin lift his lip a little upward but also turned it down. "Well, sir. It happened that Mikasa Ackerman was the late wife of Levi Ackerman—"

"What? So I think where this is going?" The head officer chuckled lightly, intrigued by Levi's love story.

"At ease sir. Well, they already had a child... Named Theo Ackerman." Erwin smiled trying to figure out if he was feeling relief or dread. 

"Couldn't believe that a fucking killing machine could still have a family. Well, the gods did do him a favor."

"Any more personal information sir? About Levi? And if you won't mind, is that Kenny still alive?"

"No more personal info about Levi, ex-commander. All I have here was his heavy crimes with Kenny and without Kenny. About Kenny, I also have zero ideas where is he. Haven't heard rumors since twenty years ago."

"I think that's all sir. Thank you for the committed time. This would surely help me about the case of Levi."

"No problem. The underground head quarters would always welcome you if you ever wanted to visit again. I would re-consider if you would bring the invincible Levi here." The officer chuckled as he was getting up from his wiggly chair.

"May we see each other again, sir. You are free to contact me if you ever visit our district up there. And if there's any update about the Ripper..."

"Sure, will do. But I highly believe he is still somewhere out there killing fucks like a bored psycho."

.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? Next chapter is so far my favorite and the really fun part I wrote. :)


	12. Reaper, Ripper? Whaterr, Kenny Ackerman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite so far. I tried to squeeze my brain enough to add more rainbow to this character. 
> 
> Hope you enjoying the story so far... Thank you!
> 
> And I hope you'll love Mr. K too!
> 
> .

.  
.

"Ma paix solennelle est pour votre famille, belle dame."

Those were only the few words he whispered before he left the grave, a few days ago. He was surprise— no, maybe shocked, but he was indeed sad. He was on and off the district, wandering like a stray cat, almost not giving himself a choice to come back for the last twenty years.

But it was fate who always have always shown him, that no matter where— there's still a distant force asking and pulling him to go and find what was long missing from him. _Famille_ , as he thought, and no matter how hard he tried to conceal the warmness of it, a part of his stubborn heart would always brought it up.

_Ain't I a murderer, and I don't deserve those warm feelings._

Killing, that's his specialty. Like a chef, who proudly put a chef's choice in his menu... Slaughtering people is what he enjoyed the best, and he all does it for power.

_Ya' kill, when it benefits ya'._

Since the day he learned that his clan were persecuted by some coward sick ass, the rage within him fueled, causing him to kill more and more. When he heard the words "They feared us.", an immense of spike triggered him to look for power and power and power. Only power mattered to him. If killing everyone is what it takes to get power, then I'd pack my things at the morning to return at the evening with bloodshed everywhere.

He almost forgot everything, as he thought that only doing something for himself is the only one that matter. He lost his granddad, his parents, his only sister— _the hell, wait? Is she even alive? I must pay the little bitch a visit_.

So he did. And regretted that he paid her sister a visit because the moment he smelled something rotting from the threshold of her small filthy house, he knew it was coming.

_Dead and rotten, ya' poor little sis of mine._

"She's dead."

Somehow, he didn't regret the visit. He was no surprise, however, because he knew that his sister was gonna let a kid eat shit at the middle of the disaster even when he told her not to have it. And right now as he was standing in front if his rotten sister, there sat his boney nephew in the floor, alive.

He took the boy. Taught him how to live, how to kill. Because he thought to himself, he would never let this remaining family of him have the same fate as his poor sister. Truth be told, he never regretted he turned the little runt as a killing machine. He would benefit from it.

The day when he learned that the other branch of his poor little family, were still alive— then fucking killed without a fight, torn him into pieces. Another blood of mine whose power was stolen. He held his fedora down to his face to hid the disappointment and the sadness even if that little runt was staring at him.

But the little girl was alive, she survived. He immediately looked at the young boy he saved— his nephew who somehow shared the same fate and survival with the little girl. _What a fucking fate, ya' Kenny, it's okay! They're distant and won't cause failed genetics!_

He laughed a little at that idea, because for him it was a little weird, and a little not weird cause he was a mad man after all. _Quelle putain de famille ... composée de deux jeunes enfants et d'un vieil homme fou._

He mentally noted to himself, that he needs to find the girl and claim it. So he could teach her to kill— err, to be a fighter like his nephew, Levi.

He was insane as the others would say because the way he treated his nephew like a fucking killing machine, throwing him in fighting rings every night until he beat different deadly men to death. The shorty needs power and authority to survive, he thought to himself while he remembered the poor fate that all his other members of the family suffered.

Even if there's a little bit of warmness that was swarming in his heart, he knew that he cannot be a parent. A mentor, perhaps... But he could never be someone's parent. He was good at every skills, but never as a parent. He was deadly and powerful, and he doesn't want a conflict between that. So when the night he saw his nephew— Levi grown to be a powerful deadly man, that's the time he decided to leave.

He left not because he didn't care about Levi, but because Levi still needs to find his own fate. "Get yer' self outta this hell hole, and find her."

No goodbyes, he thought. He knew Levi very well, and someday he knew he would see him again.

-

A few years of wandering, Kenny Ackerman finally asked himself. Are all the people he killed, were already enough to obtain the power? He shrugged. He lost the kill count. For all he knew he was at around three hundred, but he never cared. _When ya' kill even if it's one, then it's still counted as a sin. So where's the fun? I'd kill as many as I want._

But this time, he didn't threaten someone just for fun. He have a mission. He needs to learn what happened to that girl he told Levi about. 

He knew the outer details, like he was adopted by some long hair doctor, where the doctor lives, and what status the girl was— alive or dead. Alive, she's also a fighter like my pride and joy. So he went to that district, trying to get a glimpse of that long haired doctor, and acting on something new like being normal and trying not to kill somebody.

But he didn't know how he would approach the girl. He thought to himself, she could've heard her somewhere as Kenny the Ripper, mass murderer of the capital shit... So he must try to think logically.

One day, he visited the long haired doctor's clinic, faking consultation that he was feeling something awful about his teeth. Doctor was no dentist, argh. But still welcomed his visit by asking him his name for details.

He spat his name: K. Ackerman

The doctor was stunned, trying to look him right in his face, analyzing his features carefully. He gave the doctor a smirk, and asked for his name instead.

"I'm Grisha Yeager. The doctor of this capital, and it seemed that my adopted daughter shared the same surname as you."

Kenny raised his brows, thinking that this is a fucking jackpot. Good thing he gambled.

"Ya' daughter shared the same surname as mine?" 

"Yes. But I haven't heard of you, ever since her parents died. Would you like me to tell her?"

"Nah, I live down the far district. It might shocked her or whaterr. I should just write her a letter instead... So she could have time to think." Kenny replied convincingly trying to get the doctor's trust about the meeting.

"Alright, sounds good. Just give the letter to me, once you are done. May I know your first name, and do you have a family or something?"

"Kenny. And ya', I do."

He left the clinic and grinned so much that he even almost reached his ears. He hurriedly bought a pen and paper trying to construct a convincing letter for the girl.

_Dear ya',_

_I'm an old fellow that lives with the same surname like ya'. Yer father happened to meet me by chance. If ya' wouldn't mind, I like to know ya' better. I also have an— err, adopted boy just like ya' that goes by the same surname like us._

_I'm a shitty person, don't expect me to bring ya' candies and stuff. But I'm glad I found ya'._

_Crazily,_  
_K. Ackerman_

-

Youthful face, dark hair and onyx orbs met his wrinkled face, dark hair and steel-blue orbs. The color of their eyes are different, but old Kenny knew that eyes like her are the same eyes that are build for power. Same eyes like Levi. _Hell, how's that lil runt doing by now? I hope he's not dead._

"Hello?"

"Hello, kid. Name's Ackerman." Kenny sat and raised one of his brow, trying to tell the girl to sit too.

"I know that. I've seen it in the letter... What brings you here, uhm—"

"Kenny. Name's Kenny. How about yer?"

"Mikasa. Mikasa Ackerman, please to meet you Kenny..." The girl has a name. Mikasa. He wished he could see Levi and tell him her name.

The whole meeting was filled with anxiety, nostalgia, sadness, hope and laughter. Kenny talked about the good and funny things he have done, while Mikasa talked more about her family and her heritage. He told her about his stupid obsession about shit jokes, something about him being as French... French fucking fries. Kenny already knew the oriental part but he noticed that Mikasa has only a little knowledge about the Ackerman clan. So he gave her a little details about it, not spilling the whole part especially about Levi. He told himself, if it's her fate, then fate would bring her to him.

"Uncle Kenny? How about your adopted son? The one you wrote in the letter?"

This girl have brains and guts. "Well, ya see. Ain't really my adopted— he's also family. My nephew, who shared the same fate like ya'."

Mikasa noticed the sad gaze of old Kenny, so she decided not to ask anymore questions and just nodded. But a part of her wanted to know more about that boy, wanted to know the same burdens thus the same fate Kenny told.

So when it's time to leave, Kenny bids his almost sounding soliloquy. "Grow a little bit more, and ya'll find my nephew. If ya' really share the same fate like him, then beat the gods outta it."

"Will I ever see you again? You're also my family now, Kenny."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Use ya' power to survive and don't ya get killed. Yer an Ackerman after all."

"Take care, I guess. Uhm, last question, Kenny?"

"Hm?"

"Is your name Kenny from Kenny the Ripper?"

Tch. Kenny scoffed and smirked a little. "Exactly."

Hoping that he wouldn't startle Mikasa, he left and waved without looking at her. A part of him was relieved that he finally, found the other last member of his deadly gang— perhaps, family. Now that he was done, he just needs to wait to finally prove if that fucking fate he believed was true.

He wanders again for the next few years, trying to kill more while trying to kill less. _Well, it's a damn hobby and specialty!_

-

When he heard about the recruitment of Levi from street rat to Humanity's Strongest Captain, he couldn't hide his smile. _That midget was my pride and joy._

For the first time, a member of his family completed one of his stupid almost joke goals: "Get ya' outta this hell hole," _geez, wait. Did that runt already find Mikasa? It's been a long time now, heh?_

He was lost in his daydream when he heard another passerby chattering that there's a girl who competes the rank of Humanity's Strongest, making them Humanity's Strongest Pair.

_What was her name? Who could that be? Aye never taught skills to anybody but just the shorty Levi?_

"I heard that Mikasa Ackerman was a good comparison to the captain! Only difference is their height!" He heard another chattering passerby and he grinned as he felt the some sprouting tingling joy, not like the jou when he kill just to satisfy his boredom.

"And find her." So he may be assuming that Levi already found her. _That little runt, never failed to surprise me._

But if Levi did find her, does that mean that Mikasa already knew about him especially he didn't told her Levi's name? _Fuck that little runt, he's all over the news up in this district but ain't heard anyone that knew his last name. What's the good of hiding it?_

-

Kenny was now old, but still refused himself to go back to the district where Mikasa and Levi could be. He wandered far from the civilization, and thought he could have his peace and die solemnly.

But death was too far from him, bad grass bite the dust impossibly. The last news he heard was the marriage of Humanity's Strongest Pair, and that single thing made him feel the happiest moment in his life.

Although Kenny isn't the type of person who would just barged them telling: _Aye' family reunion with your old cute cupid Kennyyeah!_ But more like Kenny was already satisfied proving the fate he believed for his last two family come true.

So he told himself once again, _it's their shared fate from now on... And ain't already included in that sweet shitty picture._

His beliefs and slaughter hobby already fulfilled him— obtained power, so there's nothing more anymore. He sat in his old rocking chair while happily looking at his chickens pecking feeds from the ground.

-

For one last time, he regretted his decision of not showing himself to Mikasa and Levi. Levi may be angry at him for leaving him be, but Mikasa was a different story, she was waiting for him to visit her— because he was considered as a family to her.

But too late for now. He heard the news before the day he visited her grave. He heard that she was killed in an accident four years ago, leaving Levi with a son. _Fucking little runt also had a son? Aye lucky bounty! No time to screw the shorty, Kenny, ya' need to pay sweet Mikasa a visit!_

So he contacted one of his old victim asking him to gather information about the location of the grave. He threatened the local man if he couldn't, he will kill him and feed him to the dogs. In just a few hours, he received the details.

He ironed his button down polo, his formal trouser, and his trademark black trench coat which used to scare everyone who knew about the urban legend. He reached for his old black fedora, tucked his boots, and left his farm house.

For once, he left his deadly knife and revolver at home.

When he reached the grave, he didn't cry. But he felt a lot of emotion: grief, guilt, sadness, despair, and pain. However, he was happy because she gave Levi something. Something that no one could ever give Levi. Happiness and a family. And that was enough for him to know.

He spoke for the first time but he didn't used his scrawny rat accent, instead he used his native French language. _This fucking sounds classy, aye!_ He knew she won't hear it but it's the thought that counts. He remembered their first and last meeting, and the shared fate of his beliefs.  
Enough said, it was time to leave. He held his hat by his chest, as a gesture of respect and good bye.

And that's when he noticed someone far approaching. _God damned really? At all time, when old Kenny gone emo-emo? Geez!_ Levi.

A part of him made him giddy, but also a part of him felt sad. He was wondering, _where could that little runt of yours be, Levi? The new addition to our deadly gang— family?_ He sighed, and held his composure not turning his face around. He wasn't sure if he was ready to see Levi, let alone words can't describe how much Levi was hurting again that another one of his family... Left him.

He quickly walked gracefully like a cat, and hoping that this would be the last time he would saw Levi.

_Hoping for last fucking time to see him? Oh Kenny ya' liar! Old Kenny is a fucking mad man with no stabilize emotions!_ He didn't argue himself, he knew he was telling himself lies because he knew better. Even if it cost Levi enough to slaughter him, he badly wanted to see him again with his grandson.

So he walked more. He was fast, very fast to reach the other gate of the cemetery and he stood up there and turned his face towards the direction of where he had been, where Levi must be soon standing. 

With a final look, he gave a deep sigh and spoke.

"Je reviendrai, Levi. Je te reverrai avec ton petit bout."

.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS
> 
> "Ma paix solennelle est pour votre famille, belle dame." - "My solemn peace is to your family, beautiful lady."
> 
> Quelle putain de famille ... composée de deux jeunes enfants et d'un vieil homme fou. - "What a fucking family... made up of two young children and a crazy old man."
> 
> "Je reviendrai, Levi. Je te reverrai avec ton petit bout." - "I'll be back, Levi. I'll see you again with that little runt of yours."
> 
> -
> 
> I really love writing Kenny. I wanted to show his normal side (though he is crazy abnormal), the Kenny who's obsessed with power, but also kinda wanted to feel the warm of family.  
> I made Kenny French! Cause why not LMAO. He looked really classy when he spoke in French and not used his scrawny rat accent lol.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it! I am done with Chapter 13, but I kinda still wanted to edit it. Thanks for the support, please comment down what you think!


	13. Shitty Survey Corps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you for enjoying and reading! Comment on what you think!
> 
> ..

.  
.

Right after Erwin got the information from the underground headquarters, he pulled his car and drove to the largest headquarter, the Capital.

Weird. He was only investigating about Levi's secret personal information, now he needs to track about that fuck psycho Kenny. Which he thought, maybe one of the reason that Levi suffers from a bunch of mental disorder is because he was breed to become a mass murderer.

Erwin felt sick— he even wanted to vomit in disgust. He was a soldier, maybe more than a soldier. He was built to protect people. Just thinking of all the dead bodies Levi and Kenny murdered, he bet it could pile a hill, one bloody hill.

But that was not a reason to hate Levi and to regret that he have done a lot of good deals to his friend. It's not like Levi liked that, but he was shaped to be like that— a killer to survive this shitty world.

-

**The Capital Headquarters**

"So Mr. Erwin Smith, you are seeking for Kenny the Ripper's file case?"

"Yes, I do. If you wouldn't mind, there's something I wanted to check. It also has something to do with Ex-Captain Ackerman."

The officer nodded and and went inside a room full of documents. Erwin waited for about ten minutes, tapping his foot up and down. When the officer came back, he was not just holding a folder— but it was a book with a label: Notorious Kenny The Ripper.

He shouldn't be surprise, but his jaw muscle involuntarily move causing it to open.

"Here, Mr. Smith. These are only the cases which we have caught. There are more—"

"So this thick book isn't the whole? It means that Kenny The Ripper done a lot more undercover?"

"Yes. Now where do you want to start? What crimes he committed you want to know?"

Erwin shrugged. He doesn't want to know whatever crimes Kenny committed. He didn't want to care about how many kills he done. There's just one thing he wanted to know. "No crimes, I want to know Kenny's personal information and relationships."

The officer just shrugged and raised his brows. He opened the book, and grabbed an attached photo to the first page and handed it to him. "That's The Ripper."

Shit. Jet black hair, thin straight lips, nonchalant lids, sharp jaws, pointed chisel nose, and a pair of steel blue orbs. "This is... Kenny?"

The officer nodded and he seemed like he's trying to scan the other pages of the book. _Shit, the only differences is the wrinkles of old age..._ "Does, Kenny... Have a family?"

"Mr. Smith, that goes beyond our priva—"

"I need it, officer. And this won't go any out. I am true to my words." Erwin argued as his face lift from calm to fiery.

The officer looked tired and dread, because almost everyone here doesn't want to deal with the missing notorious ripper. So the officer gave a sigh of discontent and began to try scanning for more obvious details.

"Based on the information from our veterans, Kenny had a sister in the underground. However, they hid their surname protected. Kenny wanders from district to district. Nobody knows where he is, one night he can be here at the capital, then the other night, at Trost. But the district where he wandered long was the underground."

"What was Kenny's purpose in the Underground?" 

"Based on the detective's report, seemed like Kenny was molding a new mass murderer. They stayed as an Invincible Pair for around six years? The kid appeared to be deadly, even deadlier than The Ripper."

"You didn't recognize the kid? Doesn't it show the name on the report?"

"No. I'm afraid Kenny hid names very well. Whenever he smelled one of our soldiers knowing the truth about him, he would hunt it down and feast its body like a party piñata."

Erwin sighed, realizing how gruesome and traumatizing was to speak about the ripper. "I'm afraid I know the deadly kid. But, can you still check the file if there's more about Kenny?"

"Sure, sir. I just don't get why are you obsessed with the ripper? He haven't even shown for about six years? And no new kills were reported somehow."

_Huh? The Ripper might be dead? No, no, a bad grass will take its time before biting the dust. Officer, just keep going will you._

The officer glanced at him pages by pages, giving him a curious look like _i-don't-get-it-does-Kenny-haunts-you-every-night?_ And continued to scan for the cases.

"Hmm, apparently, there's a new paper added here. It only just took me right now to notice. This would give you details about the ripper, but it's really that small," the officer paused as his eyes widened in shock. "and it's kind of familiar—" 

"What?" Erwin snapped out cannot wait about what the hell was in that shit.

"Kenny's sister in the underground died around 29 years ago. Her name is Kuchel—"

_Fuck, wait. I heard that name, I heard it in the undergro— she is Levi's mother!_ "Continue, please."

"And it seemed like Kenny the Ripper's surname is Ackerman." The officer faltered his voice, trying to give Erwin an alarming look. "Is... Captain Levi Ackerman re-related?"

"I went here, because I want to know the truth. And now that you mention Kenny's surname and Kenny's sister... It made my mind clear. Unfortunately, Kenny Ackerman is Kuchel Ackerman's brother. And the report I found from the underground about Levi Ackerman's family background is Kuchel Ackerman was his mother. That makes Levi Ackerman as the nephew of Kenny the Ripper." Erwin finished his speech without having any eye contacts because he felt the rising tension between the revelations. They felt fear and dread, thinking if the Ackerman are now a threat. His thought lingered about Theo—

"So is it possible, Mr. Smith? That Levi Ackerman is the invincible pair?"

"Yes. The deadly kid and Levi Ackerman is only one."

"How about his wife? She was an Ackerman too, right?"

"Yes. She was an Ackerman even before she married Levi. That's the next investigation I would need to know. If the ripper knew about Mikasa Ackerman, and if they were breed to be mass murderers." Erwin gave a tired sigh, averting his gaze from the flabbergasted officer. He offered him his thank you and gave a snappy salute before he any interrogation about the Ackerman family comes right handed.

Right now, he could only think about Theo.

\- - -

"Just fucking listen." Levi lowered his glare to the doctor's neck, trying to kill him in his mind. Gunther wanted a lot of answers, but also Gunther couldn't help his mouth to shut up. If he could just gagged his mouth... _Levi, control yourself and get started your damn story telling_. 

"Okay, Mr. Ackerman. Proceed."

-

Six months have passed since the incident where Farlan and Isabel died. Six months have also passed where Levi found himself slacking and sulking whenever he caught himself alone.

It was terrible. His two friends he considered as his companions whom he trust closely like a family. It was definitely hard because he loss his mom, then Kenny, and now his friends.

He inhaled a deep heavy breath and hold his breath until he needed to exhale again. He found himself doing that almost every hour, when a small anxiety cross his brain.

However, as time changes, he grew in (not really) liking of his now confidantes— Mike, Hange, and Erwin. For him, these people are new, not like the people he got along from the past. These people committed almost zero crimes, and even rendered their lives for the sake of humanity. Much different from him and his previous life.

Though his stoicism never changed, he slightly tried to change his point of views to a much clearer one. He ought to have a new life here, right?

Then one night, he had a dream. But this dream was different. He was often having panic anxiety as an effect of his so called shitty PTSD mentioned by Hange. But in this dream, he woke up calmly like his brain and memories took a sweet, long vacation.

He dreamed again of her. That girl. The one that Kenny told him about. When he was young, he tried to imagine her face in different ways— she was rare so she must be beautiful, flawless, and whatever.

But tonight, he was given a different view. When he looked at her, he thought that he was looking at a mirror. Jet hair, pointed nose, sharp cheeks, pink lips— everything was so pretty, but it was her eyes that looked strange.

She doesn't have those steel blue orbs, but Levi can tell that they have the same shared sadness in those eyes. A sadness that explains despair but with a little bit of hope. As his dream go deeper, her mouth was trying to say something to him, something like find— _find me, Levi_! 

Then he woke up with his eyes trying to catch the gaze upon the dream. But the dream was over. As well as the sad reality of his life comes kicking him out of the bed, when the bell rang.

"Good morning, Levi! You looked like you got a good dream sleep without those boogey man!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up. Four eyes." He was annoyed, as always, trying to avoid Hange at all times because she never stop babbling things with everyone.

-

Weeks have passed, when Erwin called him to his office for some discussions of those shitty documents he wished that never existed.

"The head of all military have decided to promote you as a captain, Levi."

"I can't do that. I'm a street rat—"

"You will. You have an exceptional skills, making you as one of our valuable soldiers. We do not care about your past, it's only the present that matters."

"Fine. Whatever."

He agreed not because he was touched by Erwin's words, but he wanted something for a change. So he carried the role of being a captain of the SC, just remove the formality language because he was convinced that a potty mouth of him is what make him the most.

Until one time, Mike sat down beside the bench he was resting.

"Geez, you're now a captain. We all damn glad about it, Levi."

"What do you want?"

Mike chuckled almost familiar with the grumpy cat sitting beside him. "Just want to know your _full name_."

"Levi. Just Levi." He shrugged and left Mike sulking because he didn't want to share some of his many secrets.

Yes. He tried to open and allow people to befriend him, but that doesn't mean he must spill out the dark mysteries of his gruesome past and that includes his surname, the same surname he shared with his mother, with Kenny the Ripper, and with that girl.

-

About four months have passed, and the SC received recruits from the Trost District. And as he would recall, they seemed to be very young— because of some shared terrifying fate of being an orphan. Well, only most of them but not all.

_Why chose the SC, when you can just live the life of those dumb MPs. But whatever, if they want to have suicide here, then fucking go_.

"Seemed like out of the top ten cadets, seven are here. I know that your previous squad was disbanded for some personal issues like—"

He didn't want to hear. He didn't care that Auruo, Petra, and Eld went on their own ways deserting the SC. _Just another day for the corps_ , he thought.

"— So you, as a captain of the Special Ops, I recommend you to handpick whoever cadet that fit your standards." Erwin finished and he was quickly dismissed.

He knew he was the priority. And he was the first one who will pick squad members according to their rank. So he just shrugged at the thought of it, and told himself it could fucking wait.

He wanted good skills, good attitude, and great cleaning lax. And he didn't want personal shitty issues affecting their jobs.

-

The cadets were lined up, handing their snappy salutes while Erwin gave his whatever fuck-fuck speech. As always, Erwin commanded the SC to line up according to ranks, but that doesn't apply to Levi.

"Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the SC."

"Helloo! I'm Hange Zöe, Squad Executive Leader of the SC and I'm conducting a lot of mission report and if anyone of you is interested oh my—"

_Fucking four eyes. When will your tongue ever get cut by your own dirty teeth_. Hange was still talking when he was cut off by Moblit. _Good gracious_.

"I am Moblit Berner, Squad Exexcutive Officer of the SC under Squad Leader Hange Zoe."

"The name's Mike Zacharias, your friendly Squad Leader!"

Nanaba, Gelgar, the one with the uhm towel on his head, the short blonde... Then the list of the fucking officer goes on. Everyone was done and Levi sighed a sulky relief.

He hated introducing himself. Ever since. But there's nothing he can do when Erwin called him.

"So you cadets already knew every officer as they introduced themselves to you. But one of our important officer haven't—" Erwin was cut by some yelling of a brat from the last lane.

"I know who you're talking about, it's _Captain Levi_! The soldier worth an entire brigade!"

_Huh. Fucking noisy brat_. 

Everyone's eyes stared at Levi, then back at the cadet who yelled Levi's pretty name. Erwin raised his brows as he was inspecting the cadet— a young boy with a thick brown hair, with twitching proud eyebrows and rounded emerald eyes. The determined look of the boy caught Erwin's attention.

"I see, you know him cadet. Let me introduced him, so you could introduced yours."

Tch. Levi rolled his eyes then gave Erwin death stares. So he went in front of everyone and tried to kill— introduced himself.

"Name's Levi." Levi was about to walk out when he felt Erwin pinched his back. "Captain of the Survey Corps. Squad Leader of the Special Operation Squad." Levi spoke as his stoic features remain enough to intimidate everyone who's standing in the training ground.

He glared at the young boy with emerald eyes raising one of his brow. "Your name?"

The young boy was really excited as he spat the words "I'm Eren Yeager! From Shiganshina district, I want to—" he cut the boy and replied "Fine" and quickly made his way back to the position.

"I'm sorry, everyone! But Mr. Grumpy cat is dealing mood swings right now!" Hange laughed as she explained enough for Levi to smack his shoulder.

All cadet face looks like leaking shit, enough to see the dread and fear they felt when Levi introduced himself. He was even hearing murmurs of I don't want to be in his squad, high oh mighty but shorty, and the usual just watch me train, I could beat him. Yet all comments didn't really make sense to him. He couldn't care about shits, he was called worst.

The cadets were done introducing their names, and as Levi was stuck being pissed off by Hange and Mike, he didn't heard the names of the other cadets. 

"I see that there are seven of the top ten who joined the SC. May I ask those seven to come in front." Erwin called the distance.

One by one, the top cadets slowly made their way in the front as per Erwin. Levi was still busy being annoyed with Mike and Hange's corny jokes when one of the top cadets spoke their name.

"Jean Kirstein, sir! Top six of the top ten! From Trost district." Levi's attention was caught by the man who's face looked like, oh well, a horseface.

"Sasha Braus! Top nine! Uhm, from the north..." Levi grimaced at the girl as he noticed she was having a glutton problem by taking a damn potato in a formation with crumbs on her mouth.

"Armin Arlert, sir! Top seven of—"

And that's when his world collides. The windy weather cause his jet hair to fall in his eyes, and when he tried to slick his hair back and opened his eyes, that when he noticed that.

That girl. The one he dreamed. The one with the warm feeling of family. 

And indeed, he was like looking at a mirror. Jet ebony hair, pointed nose, sharp cheeks, thin but pouted lips, and a stoic grey eyes— they looked so much alike and he almost felt the same burden. 

Though he wasn't still that sure if she's the one that Kenny told him about. So without Erwin's command and ignoring the introductions of whatever top those brat have, he made his way out of the formation only to take steps to where that girl was standing. Everyone was curiously staring of what he was doing, but he didn't really care.

When he was standing in front of her, the girl's stoic features remained calm but with a hint of: what's, uhm, happening? _Stop glaring, Levi. You might kill her with your looks_. So he spoke that startled the girl.

"Name?"

"Mikasa—" _So that was her name. A girl has a name. Mikasa... And it sounded kind of different? Like Oriental?_ "—Mikasa _Ackerman_ , sir."

His eyes widened but he tried to remain his calm stoic features. So there she is. The girl that Kenny told him. The girl who he wish to find. The girl of the same family. The girl who's name is Ackerman. She's right there right now standing in front of him in the many million chances.

"Ackerman?"

"Yes... Is there a problem, sir?"

"Seems familiar." He noticed as the girl was trying to analyze his face like looking for a familiar answer, so he ask one more question to lift the tension away. "What's your ranking or top?"

"Top one of the top ten, sir." Mikasa replied while still trying to analyze his face.

He smirked a little, and walked out. He exited his formation as well as the training ground. He was hearing a lot of commotions from different officers but most are coming from Hange as he heard a faint chuckle. Cat got Levi's tongue!

But he didn't care. What he cared is that he already found the missing piece of what was missing. And he was going to work hard to build that puzzle.

-

Trainings come for the newly recruited cadets everyday. They still need to prove their worth and skills before the squad leader can pick which one of them can be in their squads.

But that's not the case with Levi. For the first time, Levi was itching on something. He was itching for the trainings to end so he could pick whoever shitty brats would fall in his SOS, and so he could ask a lot of things about Mikasa Ackerman.

_Wait a fucking minute, nobody still knows my surname. Is it time now? Or no. I don't want to be treated like her uncle or what, I'm not that even old._

Well, he was only about 24. And based on what Kenny told him years ago, Mikasa should be around at 18 or 19. Tch, dirty. He didn't want to think about romantic relationships, but he does wants to talk about the familiarity. _God fucking damn it, Kenny. I found her. Now, where the fuck is you?_

Still, even though he acted weird on the first day of their meeting, that didn't let him treat her as something exceptional. He still needs to learn more about her while not looking like a fucking pervert. So he kept his nonchalant attitude, even if that Yeager kid kept on bugging him all the time.

"Captain Levi, damn you are so cool! I saw you training a while ago, and you hit the bullseye! Man—"

"Language, brat." He replied as he ignored the apologize and quickly walked out.

He didn't have time for chit-chats about his goddamned skills, _if only you knew that a mass murderer rebuilt me_.

-

"Levi, I need to speak with you."

"Hm?" Levi was getting tired of the meetings Erwin conducted every now and then, so he wished that this speaking shit with Erwin should better amused him.

"About the introduction of the top ten, I haven't talked about it to you properly, but what's with the sudden—"

"Nothing to talk about." He flinched because there's no way he would like it to share. Those are one of the secrets he hold so dear, that even telling it to Mikasa would required a lot of pushing force and maybe a loop of time.

"Ackerman? What's with the familiarity? Do you know her? Or do you like—"

"Look, Erwin. You have no business with my personal life." He scoffed, and violently pushed the door outwards and shut.

He didn't care about insubordination or what, or even about the punishments from acting like a spoiled brat, because all he cares was about the missing puzzle he was trying to build, and that wasn't any of Erwin's concern.

He was making his way towards his office when he spotted the girl standing in the hallway. Looking at him.

He was annoyed with Erwin, but that doesn't gave him the reason to be annoyed with everyone especially with Mikasa. So he hummed as a reply. "Hm?"

She smiled but underneath those smiles, he could feel she was a little shy. Her eyes gazed upon him like he was a fucking heartthrob— _fuck, more like a murderer_. And she placed her hand in her chest giving him a snappy salute. As she spoke "Sir," her words sounded like the birds singing in his window in the early morning.

"At ease." He nodded, and he walked past her, because there was fucking nothing to be discussed, even though his limbs was trying to brought him back to Mikasa. When he reached his office, he knew that Mikasa was still standing in the hallway, he closed the door and leaned heavily while feeling his chest exploding anytime.

_Fuck it. I could be stoic, but I never thought I could be clumsy like this bad._

-

Recruitment day for squad shit have finally arrived, and he was the first one to choose whoever suicidal maniac was fit to join his suicide squad. As he handed Erwin his neatly folded paper, he stood at the event hall intimidating everybody.

He could feel that everyone was silently whining wishing that they could be with Mike, Nanaba, Gelgar and even Hange. All squad but not just the Levi squad.

He watched bored as Erwin gave his fuckity fuck fuck speech, and finally announced the new members of the Levi Squad.

"The most valuable squad in the SC, is the SOS, or also known as the Levi Squad. Members are hand picked by the captain himself, so I assumed that every cadet who will fall into this squad has the skill, strategy, and intelligence—" Erwin was cut when Levi spoke screeching.

"And cleanliness. I don't tolerate pigs here."

Erwin sighed as he continued. 

"First, we got here Eren Yeager."

"NO SHIT! BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LI—" Eren was cut by a smack in his head, and a deadly glare from Levi.

"Second, Armin Arlert. You got quick thinking, but I also advice you to work on fighting skills, just in case."

Levi was observing the Arlert boy with his jaw dropped, and ocean eyes shocked. Levi rolled his eyes as he continued listening to Erwin.

"Third, we got here is Jean Kirschtein. The same with Armin, you have quite the strategy in reading missions."

The horseface held his breath for a long time, trying to hide his excitement, nervousness, and fear. 

"Fourth, we got is— uhm, Potato? Levi, what do you mean by Potato?" Erwin called out to Levi as everyone was trying to hold themselves for not laughing.

"I forgot her name. But she was the one always eating potatoes— even stealing it."

Everyone turned their eyes on the yelping potato girl as he nervously shouted her name. "SASHA, SASHA BRAUS, SIR!"

"Fine. Quit that potato habit of yours once you are officially part of my squad— that means now, because if you fuck potatoes again, I will cut you in slices." Levi gave his deadpan to Braus trying to feign laughing because the Braus girl almost looked like she wet herself from terror.

"Fifth, Connie Springer. Uhm," Erwin paused as he was trying to find what skills Levi wrote, but there was none like Yeager. He gulped and tried to think of something he could describe Springer. "You kinda looked trustworthy, I assumed."

Levi rolled his eyes once more as he saw Springer smiling so wide thinking he was an incredible genius that's why he fits into the Levi Squad.

"Last member of the Levi Squad is Mikasa Ackerman. You possessed the skills like the Captain, and you're uhm... Best in punctuality?" Erwin finished his speech as he gave Levi one deadly glare mentally saying: Really, Levi?

He rolled his eyes as he looked at the six new members of his squad. Some looked like shit, some are excited and even yelling, and there is Mikasa. Holding a stoic look just like him. He had no plans to stop staring until he heard the potato girl trying to speak while shaking holding her damned potato.

"Oh my g-god... I think the mo-moment he would glare at me, I co-could shit my pants!"

"Just behave Sasha. I think the Captain is super awesome and is also a genius like me! Right, Mikasa?" Conny squealed like a proud rat turning his head to Mikasa.

Levi was again looking at her, when he noticed Mikasa gave him a small smile and replied "The captain must have a good personality."

He'd rather sleep in a fucking dirty stable full of horse shit than admit Mikasa Ackerman made his heart stop beating for a while.

He felt alive at the moment, trying to ignore the good-personality-my-ass sarcasm his brain wants to spat, and for the first time in his stay in the Survey Corps...

He smiled a little.

Enough for everyone to dropped their goddamned jaws.

**TBC**

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.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .
> 
> Hey, just in case you don't understand... The back stories are the stories that Levi tells the psychiatrist. I know, I know... Please forgive me if it sounded kinda rush. I just want to put in the important details before we go back to the present problem of Levi's mentality and Erwin's investigation. Thanks a lot! xx


	14. Mikasa Ackerman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ahead! Still the continuation of the last chapter. These are back stories which Levi tells his psychiatrist. Please pardon if it felt like it was rushed. 
> 
> Thanks for enjoying and reading! xx
> 
> .

**Continuation**  
.  
.

The early dawn was breaking, as so were the birds who made their way singing in the porch near Levi's office.

It's almost been a year since he met Mikasa, and still up to date, he hasn't made progress about that family thing he has been itching to discuss. His mind is killing him every single time.

However, ever since that day he made a little smile at the event hall that cause everyone to be albeit surprise, Mikasa made her way step by step to his cold heart.

At first, he didn't realize it. He didn't know what was the feeling called, he didn't ever experience something like that. There are times in which he felt his stomach turning up and down— thus feeling a whole rumbling zoo in his guts, he couldn't determine what was really happening to him every damn time he saw her. So he just blamed it to the name of shitty constipation.

But it wasn't constipation he was feeling. It was something else, something foreign but at the same time familiar.

Mikasa was a skillful soldier, almost the same like him, so he trained and taught her techniques he never shared with everyone— even with his two late friends. When she was capable of handling his teaching, he made her his right hand woman. (which cause Eren to be really jealous, because he idolize Levi so much)

At trainings, she was quiet. She would give Levi a small smile before they start, and her smile would turn into an expressionless lips while sparring, then another quick smile before they part ways. She was unbearably quiet which frustrates and comforts Levi at the same time.

Levi tends to attend a lot of meetings with Erwin fuckity damn speech and other shits, so he rarely spent meals with his squad. Not until that day, when his damned meeting was cancelled, he was really hungry, so he decided to join table with his squad.

Everyone else was a little surprise, because they all knew that Levi wasn't going to be around for a little while. Just by looking at the squad's faces, they knew they would be doomed because their table are in a mess of food in courtesy of Sasha and Eren. Levi scowled and turn a sour face, and when he decided that he would just eat in his office, he felt his wrist being grabbed.

"Captain, please join us." He turned to the light voice that was calling him, and he was a little surprise to see Mikasa took her pristine handkerchief just to wipe away the dirt of the table. She smiled at him when it was done, and tap the sit beside her, asking Levi to sit.

No one ever took his cleaning obsessions seriously. But not Mikasa. 

He said nothing and started to eat. Everyone at the table was looking at him, and when it felt really weird because five minutes have already passed, he gave them his signature deadpan glare. Everyone left the table, except for Mikasa who tugs her scarf into her face and chuckled.

When he was done, he placed his tray neatly and waited for Mikasa to stand up. He turned to her and spoke as gentle as he could be: "Would you like to have some tea?"

"I'd love to."

That one tea invitation became two, four, seven, eleven, thirteen, eighteen— he lost count of it just like his kill counts. Mikasa even brought tea to his office even without asking her. They would sat there enjoying each other's quiet time, and would also talk little about everything except for personal. Hange, being the nosy fly as she is, even suspected and confronted Levi once Mikasa left his office.

"That cat really got your tongue, you old pervert!"  
"I'm not even old to begin with, and I treat ladies like a gentleman. Now go fuck yourself before Moblit does, four eyes."

Levi wasn't dumb to not know that Hange and Moblit have a thing with each other, but he didn't care. It was not his attitude to interfere and dig down other's relationship. So he shooed a cheek flushed Hange out of his office, and threatened her that he will tell Erwin about it if she won't shut up.

One day, Levi fell sick. He was overdoing himself, trying to get rid of all the paperwork that Erwin handed him in just two days without sleeping even for ten minutes. He felt so exhausted after he finished it, and passed out even before reaching the door of his office. Everyone was alarmed at first, but it's a good thing that it was just fatigue fever.

When he opened his eyes, he was already at his bed. As his eyes lingered through his room, he noticed a steaming tea pot and berries on his side table, causing him to look more around and finally see someone sitting in his armchair.

"Feeling any better? I brought you tea." She smiled at him but her smile was with a hint of concerned and fear.

"Yeah, thank you." 

"Captain—"

"Levi. Just call me Levi." He cut the beautiful woman beside him, as he smiled and leaned unto his bed wall.

"Uhm, Levi, you shouldn't be overdoing yourself. You still need to take care of yourself," Mikasa was feeling a little bit of nervous, hesitantly thinking if it was right to call the captain only his name.

"Yes, I won't do it again. Thank you for your concern." Levi drank the tea that was being offered by the steaming tea pot. When he was done, he decided he would want to get more rest, and snuggled back into his blanket. Mikasa noticed it so he held a snappy salute and told him she was leaving.

Before she could turn the door knob, he uttered a few gentle words, enough for her to hear and made her shiver, but in a good way.

"Merci, belle dame." He smiled and went back to sleep.

He didn't really know how to speak French. He just heard that from somewhere he couldn't even remember, and decided it was a beautiful phrase— for a really beautiful woman.

Those were the only few of getting-to-know-each-other and trying-to-get-comfortable scenes he and Mikasa done from the last year ever since they met.

He do not know what to call their relationship— friends? Maybe? But friends don't do tea with each other alone at the middle of the night. He had friends before: Efram, Isabel, and Furlan. But he didn't feel those things like he felt things with Mikasa. _No, Levi. She's family_.

Now, he is being drowned with his thoughts. About his surname and hers being the same. He often regretted that he was born an Ackerman too, because he could tell he like Mikasa not anymore as a family, or a subordinate, but as a woman. He shook his head, trying to configure out the battle his head was making whether to tell her or not— that they are family. _Fucking Kenny, you didn't even tell me if we're really that distant or not_.

But it was no use. He hates lying and he felt that Mikasa should know it too because somehow even just a little, it's also a part of her. So he sighed and continued folding his linens neatly.

There's a fuckity fuck meeting again at 10 am, so he took a bath even if it's just 6:30 am, and pulled on his formal suit. The meeting was not really that formal, but it was Levi, and dressing yourself good means authority and power.

He was about to left his room when he heard someone singing outside. He was curious, he never heard that voice— a voice so cold but also beautiful. He tried to leaned in the door to hear it much clearer.

_Stood on the corner for a while_  
_To wait for the wind to blow down on me_  
_Hoping it takes with it my old ways_  
_And brings some brand new luck upon me_

He could only think of one name. Mikasa. He heard women singing before— Hange, Sasha, Nanaba and a lot of others. But this voice was different, it's chilly yet warm enough to melt a snow. Warm to melt his heart.  


_Oh, it's taken so long_  
_I could be wrong, I could be ready_  
_Oh, but if I take my heart's advice_  
_I should assume it's still unsteady_  
_I am in repair_  
_I am in repair..._

He didn't waste anymore time as he opened his door and found Mikasa dusting the dust of the hallway. She was surprise, a red flush of cheek starting to build, as she was caught singing by Levi.

"I'm sorry... If I wake you up from my... Dusting... And singing."

"You know I only sleep a little."

"Yeah..." Mikasa hid her flushed cheeks as she tried to tug her scarf around it.

"If you don't mind, who wrote that song?" Levi fully emerged from his room and took a few steps to Mikasa.

"John Mayer, sir."

 _Tch. How many times should I tell her that it's fine calling me by name?_ He sighed, and chuckled lightly thinking he should have asked her for the song title, not the song author. _What an idiot._ "If you won't mind, can you bring me some tea? For two, please."

She quickly left and Levi went to his room again, arranged his coffee table for two, and sprayed air freshener to the room. I should tell it to her this time, he thought.

He was sitting on his armchair, when Mikasa knocked on his door.

"Name and business."

"Mikasa Ackerman sir, you asked me for tea."

"Come in," he paused first while seeing Mikasa coming inside his room and continued. "I asked you to bring me tea, not asked you for tea." He was laughing inside his mind, and for a moment he realized that Mikasa's face went from flushed to annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I was just kidding. I did ask you for tea, now come and join me." He paused again, "And please Ackerman, just call me Levi."

"Mikasa. Call me Mikasa." She explained while rolling her eyes, clearly annoyed from what happened.

"Alright, Lady." He nodded and gestured Mikasa to sit on the other chair, and join him for tea. She sat at the other chair, pouring herself a freshly brewed Earl Grey, while trying to shook the annoyance away. He slightly glanced at her whenever she is looking away, or drinking, or whatever. He just can't admit to himself that his mind is running crazy right now just because Mikasa Ackerman is having tea with him just like the other times. For the first time, he wanted to break the silence and tell her everything inside his mind— his dead mother, his dirty past, his sick fuck uncle, his dead friends, his surname, and how she looked so damn perfect in his eyes. He held his breath deep and when he was about to open his mouth, Mikasa spoke.

"Levi, when did you learn how to speak French?"

He let his deep breath escape and found himself wondering in that question. He never learned French, he just heard it from somewhere, someone he can't remember. "I never learned it. Why ask?"

"You remind me of someone. An old man." She sipped her tea and she looked at Levi straight in the eye.

"Thanks for telling that I'm old, I'm not even aware." He rolled his eyes, trying to tell Mikasa to stop staring at him.

"No, seriously. You reminded me of him. Your nose, your lips, your sharp jaws, and even the color of your eyes." 

Levi raised his brows, trying to analyze what she is saying. He doesn't want to answer, he doesn't want it to take it as a compliment. So when he furrowed his brows, Mikasa took in the conversation again. "Who are you, Levi?"

"An axe murderer, or something." Levi scoffed, trying to shook his building irritation because he didn't again know what was he feeling— guilt, warm, annoyed, anger, lust? _God, this has to stop._ He was gritting his teeth trying to stop the tension when he heard Mikasa chuckled lightly.

"Well, the old man was an axe murderer too. But I'm not afraid of him, he is my distant family too." Mikasa explained locking her onyx orbs into his steel blue orbs. 

"What do you mean, Mikasa? Why do you want to know me?" He replied while trying to think of something— trying to remember something in the past while not removing their locked eyes from each other.

"I'm feeling something about you that you still haven't talk with anyone else." What feeling? No, fuck feelings. Maybe she knew that he like her? That he constantly feel a rumbling zoo whenever she is around? _What the hell are you talking about, lady?_ "Hey, Levi. Ever heard of Kenny the Ripper?"

And that when it hits him. Kenny. Kenny fucking Ackerman. _What does she know about him? Wait, does she knows about me already? No, no, no... If she knew then she wouldn't ask who the real me. Fuck it, Kenny! What, did you raise her as a murderer too that's why we share the same skills?_

His eyes closed for a moment as he replied: "Yeah."

"I was an orphan at the age of five. My parents were killed in front of me, and I was about to sold in the underground to work as a whore. I accepted my fate, but that's when Eren and his father saved me. They adopted me and treated me well, and then one day... I received a letter." She paused as she poured another cup of tea. "I received a letter from K. Ackerman, telling me he was an old distant relative. He said he was a shitty person, but he was glad that he found me and asked me to meet up."

His eyes widened, but he needs to stop himself from being an obvious ass. "Continue."

"I met him up, he told me stories about the Ackerman clan, about him being French fucking fries, and about this boy— his nephew who shared the same fate as mine." She paused as she leaned closer to Levi. "I was nervous and scared of Kenny because he has the same name as the ripper, and when I asked him if they relate, he told me 'Exactly'. Truth be told, if a ripper could be my family and didn't hurt me at the first, then there's nothing to be scared of. I felt invincible too, just like Kenny's pair."

She took a deep breath, while waiting for Levi's response.

"Why are you telling me about that?"

"Because ever since the day that Kenny told me about his nephew, about the shared fate, about him telling me to find that boy... I felt indulged in the feeling— a warm feeling, a connection, family and a lot more. I can't stop thinking of him, I even dreamed of him and when the first time I saw you... You looked like the boy in my dreams." She now sounded like a hurricane, a little mix of sorrow, joy, excitement, and relief. She held her hands on the top of Levi's hand as she asked one more time. "Who really are you, Levi?"

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he couldn't believe that Mikasa was holding his hand. His mind was starting to have a long vacation again thinking of a bunch of cleaning supplies— which was exactly not related to their conversation until Mikasa snapped him. "Hey, you okay? Sorry... I didn't mean to ask you personal—"

"Levi Ackerman. Kenny's nephew, Kenny's invincible pair." There was no hiding anymore, he decided. He snorted out the words without feeling of fear, shame, disgust, anger or whatever... He snorted it like a feeling of relief, a euphoria because finally. He found his family. And it was fate. 

"So you are the boy... who I constantly dreamed sharing the burdens and fate—"

"And you are the girl, who I also constantly dreamed sharing the burdens and fate of this shitty world. Mikasa, I never believed in those things, not until I saw you. Sorry for keeping it a secret, I was just scared—"

"Scared of what?" She cupped his cheek gently. "Look, Levi. We've both found each other. We're family."

"I know. That's why I'm scared. And never wanted to use my screaming surname. I am just like Kenny— a mass murderer. A filthy rat from below. Now that you are family, how could I even dispose this stupid feelings I have for you?" That came out left handed. Levi only realized what he said, right after he said it. Now he felt like shitting his pants, unable to look at Mikasa's eyes.

"I don't care about your past. It's who you are now. And you did that for survival. Look, Levi—"

Mikasa didn't finish what she was about to say when Levi's door bursted open revealing a screaming Hange. 

"Don't you learn how to knock, you fucking shitty glasses?!" 

Hange's face flushed not because of Levi's offensive greeting, but because of what she's seeing: a man and a woman leaning closely, while a woman holding his hand. Hange screamed like a teenager for a second, then called Mikasa because it was time to change clothes for the meeting. Levi and Mikasa both sighed in unison, frustrated as they need to talk more about everything.

So when he said that they'll continue to talk later at night and she should go change, Mikasa spoke.

"I beat the gods outta it. I like it that we're family... And we're distant." She looked at Levi once more and winked before exiting his room. _Good fucking grief, we're not having a fucking family stroke_.

_"Ya' crushing already with a girl ya' don't know?"_

_Oh shut the fuck up, Kenny. I never had a crush on her._

_I only love her to begin with._

-

He waited for the meeting to adjourn, so that he could go have his other business to deal with. _Let's talk later at night, okay?_ He brushed himself off, because the only thought he was able to keep was Mikasa Ackerman and it's consuming him like black hole. 

He still needs to attend to his squad to relay information from the fuckity fuck meeting, even though they are all present there at the first place. Jesus, why do I need to babysit these dumbass kids— _wait, not you Mikasa_. He smiled at his own thought as he held his hand and cupped his cheek.

At night time, he couldn't wait as he ate his meal really fast and went straight to his office to groom himself. _No, fuck you Levi. No fucking. She's family_. He couldn't stop thinking naughty thoughts, even thinking about how Hange and Moblit did it without ever getting caught. But he must learn how to resist, after all, she was family. He wants to protect her and didn't want to lose her. He shrugged his nasty ideas as he heard his door creaked open.

It was already four am in the morning when they finished talking about almost everything. They talked about Mikasa's parents, about her stay with the Yeagers, about school, about how she and Eren lose their family. She talked about Eren's secret fanboying service over Levi, talked about the dreams she have where a pretty boy just look like her. She talked about why she joined here, and talked about where she got the skills like Levi. She just told him she trained herself everyday because she weirdly idolize Kenny.

On the other hand, Levi asked more than talked. He asked about if Kenny ever visits her again, but only to her reply as no. He asked about how she survived about everything, asked about her favorites, and even asked about her friends. They were both the same in almost everything. That made Levi chuckled.

Of course, Levi thought it wasn't fair if he wouldn't tell her his past— dark mystery. He was unsure, because he isn't talking with some stranger, but he is talking with a woman he kinda love, the first person who would know everything about him. So he told her about his mother, about how his mother was rotting in bed, how he hated molds because he ate it when he was starving, how Kenny found him, how he was taught to kill. He shared that he lost counts of his kill counts— surprised him because Mikasa chuckled and told him that she also killed a person. He told her about his work in the underground, about how he is obsessed with cleaning, and also about his two dead friends. He told her how Erwin dragged him into this SC, how he managed to deal with fucktards like Hange and Mike, how he scowled every single moment with the his squad, and how he felt that feeling the first time he met her. 

They both said something in unison: _A familiar warm_.

Levi for the first time, felt safe and relieved. He finally found his missing piece, finally found his home. 

So when Levi told Mikasa she needs to go because she still needs to sleep even for an hour for the fucking drills, he was taken completely aback by something he didn't expect to happen.

Mikasa leaned on him and gently placed a kiss in his cheek. "I like your face. So pretty."

"Whatever."

-

Time quickly passed, and their relationship have also grown. From strangers, to friends, to familiarity, to confidante, and to lovers. Levi still found the word lovers as something really corny as hell, and he would just roll his whenever Mikasa would call him different love names.

But they were in the military, no place for love as he called, so their relationship remained as a secret. He didn't want anyone to know, not that he cares about what people would think of him, but he simply cares about Mikasa. So he made one promise to her, that after the big sick war in a few months, they would retire from the military and live their lives normal. For the first fucking time.

"That would be a great idea, lover boy."

"Can you stop with those names. Use something classy like darling, honey or whatever."

"Okay, 'whatever' grumpy cat. Never knew you were classy and sassy from that potty mouth of yours." She chuckled as she poked Levi's cheeks enough for Levi to roll his eyes.

Indeed, he often used his potty mouth whenever he talks with her. He wanted to avoid it because he respects her, but as much as he wanted, he can never stop saying shitty words. Which is totally fine for Mikasa. (She even love it, weird.)

Levi spent his time just like that, and he never felt contented. Wake, bath, eat, train, meetings, lecturing squad, eat, bath, fuck, sleep (Sometimes with Mikasa, but they should be careful), and repeat. He wanted to admit, that it's kind of exhausting dealing with things like this because he grew up alone, but he decides that it was better this way. So much better than being along.

Happiness was just all along the corner, as he would remember, but there also comes the opposite of happiness. So when sometime Mikasa barged in his room at the middle of the night, he spat the words of how exactly he felt that moment.

"Mikasa, I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose you..."

"Levi? I won't, okay? I promise."

He sighed, thinking that he should be happy, but life is just a temporary fuck that screws him around. He still couldn't make his worry go away. With Levi lost again in his thoughts, Mikasa pulled him by his collar and began kissing him everywhere. She removed his polo, as she also removed his trouser and his black boxer. _This should be enough to kill my thoughts_.

Levi didn't want to use the term 'fuck' because Mikasa wasn't a woman that deserves those words. Instead he used love words such as 'making love and being one' enough for him to think that this woman intoxicated his damned brain for thinking shits like that.

And as what he described, they made love until it was dawn.

-

The war already ended. And both of them survived. There are a lot of casualties, and somehow he was a little bit glad because even though a lot of soldiers died, his dumb squad survived.

With Erwin, Hange, Moblit, Mike, and the others... He thought it was time to go. Time to retire. Time to live a life that was waiting. Time to rebuild family with Mikasa Ackerman.

"Erwin, there is something I must tell you."

Levi spoke as soon as he entered Erwin's office. He wasn't nervous at all, but he felt a little bit of sadness because knowing Erwin, he might not Levi go. But he decided, that it was already time. No more excuses.

"Yes, Captain Levi? The government recognized your efforts during the war. It seemed that the government wants to reward you and Mikasa Ackerman for your outstanding performance and sacrifice to lessen our casualties. We thank—"

"Erwin. I thank you for dragging me out of that hell hole, I owe almost something to you, so it's really nothing. But for this once, please listen to me as a friend."

Friend? What the hell, he never considered Erwin as a friend after all, but now... Maybe he is changing?

"What is it?"

"Just let me retire. I would accept that as a token. Me and," he paused while he looked at Erwin straight in the eye. "Mikasa Ackerman."

Erwin raised his brows for a moment, trying to analyze what he really meant, trying to consider the only token Levi asked ever since his efforts for the SC, and why would he also ask for Mikasa to retire. "I see... I almost get it now."

Levi huffed a sigh, patiently waiting for Erwin's judgement. He couldn't say anything, he couldn't bring his thoughts to Erwin for him to understand it. He knew that everyone was not the dumb to not realize that he and Mikasa have feelings for each other even though it remained hidden.

"Permission granted. If that's the token you and Ackerman wished, then I will relay it to the government." Erwin gave him a smile.

He didn't expect those words. He forgot to breath for a moment, his brain seemed to take another long vacation thinking about another pack of cleaning supply when Erwin tapped his shoulder. "When are you gonna marry her?"

"You knew?"

"I'm not dumb as like you secretly call me 'dumb eyebrows', of course I knew. Even Hange and Moblit. I just don't feel like interfering because the only time you felt genuine joy is when you are with her."

"Erwin, thank you. I'm not sure about the marriage, but I'm gonna call you... Eyebrows."

"Fill out your retirement document and pass it to me once you and Ackerman are ready. I wish you our utmost happiness, Captain Levi."

"It's just Levi. Levi Ackerman." He smiled before he left, leaving Erwin with a confused look about his sudden revelation of his surname. 

Hidden things aren't always hidden right? 

-

Few months have passed, and both Levi and Mikasa have finally retired. A new beginning, a new life. He never felt so much joy in his life.

Before they really left the military quarter, he finally revealed his surname.

"All squad, attention! I, Captain of the Survey Corps, Squad Leader of the Special Operation Squad, have finally adjourn to the military—"

"Captain PLEASE! Don't you fucking go! I'm going to miss you, I might retire also if you—"

"Shut the fuck up, Yeager. What am I? Your husband? You have Jean there, work on your ass alone."

Everyone was laughing while Eren was crying like a stupid fanboy when Mikasa stole their attention.

"I, Right Hand of the Captain of the Survey Corps, Member of the Special Operation Squad, have finally adjourn the military service. I, Mikasa Ackerman together with Levi Ackerman."

Everyone was dozing off confused, why Mikasa would gave Levi her surname. They were all eyes on Levi who gave a sour face as he spoke.

"Tch. Name's Levi Ackerman. That's my full name—"

"Mikasa you dumb, quit calling the captain with your surname! I know you love him but don't act too crazy about it!" Eren was shouting again enough for making Mikasa's cheek flushed into embarrassment. 

"Yeager won't you ever shut up? And oh, everyone. I would like to invite you to a wedding."

"Jesus, Levi? You can't invite us to a wedding without the groom and bride's permission!" Hange squealed that made Levi rolled his eyes, that he was enough of this fuckity good bye speech.

"Hange, I already gave him the permission. You all are invited, so see you then?" Mikasa smiled as she was saying it so cool, like she was just ordering her favorite strawberry cake. She chuckled and she waved good bye leaving everyone dumb founded, trying to think again deeper on what she have said.

Levi nodded as a gesture of his good bye and thank you, then he hold Mikasa's hand. Everyone's jaw dropped as he said: "We're not incest, you fucks. So we'll see you around." 

They bid their good byes to their friends: Eren who is crying like a dumb fuck because his Captain is retiring, Armin who wished nothing but happiness, Sasha who told them that they should treat her into a buffet, Connie who hugged Levi because only Levi treated him as a real soldier, Jean who can't believe why they are retiring the same, Mike who sobbed because he was never the first one to know Levi's surname, Hange who is constantly shouting about Ackerbabies, Moblit who was the normal one that waved them goodbye, and Erwin. Who smiled at them, gave them a snappy salute, and hoped them a long peaceful life.

Everyone showed different emotions about their retirement but they knew and they felt that everyone was happy for them. Maybe not Jean, but don't worry Jean, you still are invited to Ackerman & Ackerman's wedding day. 

-

The rumors spread like wildfire: Humanity's Strongest Pair are getting tied soon!

Levi sighed while Mikasa chuckled. The grumpy cat is obviously not used to things like this as he preferred things to be alone and in peace. So, when it spread like wildfire and the goverment knew about it, they were given another token. A really big house for the both of them.

C'est la vie, it was good. Life is really good. Levi just cannot believe it, after spending some time in hell he thought he could never escape, he was now here... Living the privilege, contented and happy with Mikasa Ackerman. No killings, no fighting, just kissing and fucking— well, making love.

When the day arrived they tied the knot, everyone of their friends was there, partying like a fucking prisoner who just went out of jail. Of course, Levi was still Levi, he scowled even kicking Eren's ass for drinking and puking in his wedding. That was their mistake, well, Levi was a neat freak disciplinarian after all.

"Hey Levi, ever think of Kenny?" Mikasa asked him trying to put the scowling away.

"Sometimes."

"You really are a man of one word reply, huh."

"Yeah." Levi chuckled while gazing upon Mikasa's natural beauty. "But even though he abandoned me, I still can't hate him. He raised me, after all."

"I hope that old Kenny would visit us, what do you think? Sounds okay?"

"Yeah. If that dipshit is still alive. And when he does, it's always unexpected. The least I could ask is I also hope that he already stopped that sick hobby of him."

"Hobby?"

"Honey, pay attention. You know that." He sarcastically scowled while mouthing the word 'killing' enough for Mikasa to see. They both laughed in unison.

-

Levi woke up early in the morning with a sound that's loud to wake him up yet not so loud for him to understand the lyrics. In between shit, he felt chilly for the first time and suddenly noticed that his wife wasn't anymore at their bed. Something's different, he thought because ever since they lived together Levi was always the first to get up.

He shrugged, trying to give attention in fixing their linens before making his way out of the room. But before that, he took a quick trip to their bathroom to gargle mouthwash and lemon.

He swore to himself that he would strangle himself to death once his breath smelled like shit. He really hated it.

When he opened the door, making his way downstairs, his face automatically scowled by the unwelcoming sound of his day.

_Rockin' around, the Christmas tree_  
_In a happy holiday_  
_Everyone dancin' merrily_  
_In a new-old fashioned way_

_You will get a sentimental feeling..._

"Really? Christmas songs?"

"Oh, come on! It's the first of December!" Mikasa chuckled trying to lift the Christmas spirit while gathering the breakfast she made. "Here, a french toast and a beautiful holiday wife for Levi Ackerman." She winked as she made her self dancing way to the loud oozing speaker.

"Jesus Christ, Ackerman. You're driving me insane."

"At least, I'm not secretly obsessing over Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon." She hissed back trying to push Levi out of his shell, trying to get the grumpy cat scowled back at her.

But unfortunately and enough fortunate for her, even though Levi really didn't appreciate the thoughts of Christmas shits, she unexpectedly received a warm hug from Levi.

Despite the twitching in Levi's eyes, (because Mikasa even ordered dazzling christmas lights and christmas socks without him knowing it) they shared their breakfast together enjoying both of their favorites, French Toast and Oranjee Juice.

-

When he was all alone after Kenny left, he forged his own heart to be as sharp as a sword, and as sturdy cold as a rock. He sometimes even wished that his mother never met his bastard father, so he wouldn't be born at all.

But he was. He was even born depressingly at the most magical day of the year, which he despise the most. For almost 24 years of living, never a birthday of his was celebrated— mostly because they were poor, Kenny made him kill during his birthdays, he hated birthdays, he sometimes forget it because of paper works, or just the mere fact he do not really care at all. His constant thoughts of telling himself that he hated and must hate this day, suddenly goes away when he woke up, and their room was filling with an enticing aroma.

 _Bingo, there's a steaming tea set at our so called tea table. Wait, why?_ He realized that for the second time this month, Mikasa woke up first. It was just 6:03 am and it's Friday and it's, "Jesus Christ, what?"

It's Levi's birthday today.

"Obviously, Levi. It's Jesus Christ's birthday today." Mikasa heard the sudden jolt of Levi's realization as his husband shouted the name of the Good Lord. She giggled as she exited from the bathroom leading her way to their bed.

"Funny."

"Well, you are too, grumpy cat."

"I'm not even joking here." As irksome as ever, Levi rolled his eyes but also replaced with an upward curve of his lips when Mikasa leaned towards his forehead, and kissed him. "Happy Birthday, Levi. Let me tell you this straight, I'm glad that _you were born_."

There were a lot of people who already greeted him his birthday in the past— mostly consist of Hange and Eren, but also lies an understatement that Levi didn't take their shitty greetings to his heart. He even rolled his eyes and shrugged whenever someone would greet him plus the accompanying _"Merry fucking Christmas."_

But not this year. This year was when someone greeted him without the company of MFC (Merry fucking Christmas as he said). This was also the year when someone told him for the first time in fucking forever that someone was glad that he was born.

He blamed the blacksmith for not forging his heart enough, that someone he never even thought could melt it that easy just like snowflakes.

"Thank you, Mikasa." He dug his head into her neck as they embraced each other, trying to give her feather light kisses as a gesture of his genuine gratitude. He wanted to tell her more that ever since the day they met, he could finally say to himself that he was also glad to be born.

But, no words were exchanged. And that was okay because they only need the warm of each other to deeply understand the meaning of joy.

-

One year of being together made them more inseparable. Even though Sasha and Jean told them that in the two years of their marriage— honeymoon stage to be exact, this would also be the stage where they would fight more often, mistaken understandings, and might even kill each other. 

Both of them shrugged at the thought, as Mikasa place her soft pinkish lips to Levi's. It's an eye candy to see because the both of them just do everything together in sync and peace.

Of course, they are just humans— super humans to be exact, and they are also not that immune to couple quarrels. There would be times where they would quarrel about small things such as: 

_Where's the car key?_  
_I left it there._  
_Where, and what do you mean specifically by there?_  
_If you learn to look with your eyes..._  
_Nevermind. I'll just fucking walk._

And also big things like this:

_Hey, don't!_  
_What do you mean?_  
_Don't do that... It's disgusting and totally unsanitary._  
_You mean using the linens to wipe our sex culprits?_  
_Tch. Can you just change that mannerism of yours?_  
_Seriously? After poking your dick in mine, you'll ditch me over your shitty OCD?_

Truth be told, small and big quarrels didn't actually matter as if it was to look at it, it's something that always have to deal with Levi's cleaning shit. Just because Mikasa doesn't want to kill her beloved husband, she just learned to accept and adjust with it. More like accepted the fact that she would forever live with an irksome grumpy shorty who has a mistress of cleaning supplies, but his pretty face would be enough of an excuse to make her love him even more.

-

This was one of the days where another hidden mystery, was unrevealed in an unexpected way. 

_No, I'm not color blind_  
_I know the world is black and white_  
_I try to keep an open mind_  
_But I just can't sleep on this, tonight_

The rhythm of the husky, low and chilly voice became unrecognizable when the melody of it hums perfectly, creating a very beautiful sound. It was almost sounding like a whisper, a whisper that's containing some poisonous secret for only one person to hear. 

Just like the sun is setting, as so as the singing voice continues to have his concert for one, Mikasa quietly made his way to the invincible Levi. Not wanting to cause an interruption, she hold everything of her letting herself to hear more of Levi's angelic voice.

_Don't know how else to say it_  
_I don't want to see my parents go_  
_One generation's length away_  
_From fighting life out on my own_  
_Stop this train_  
_I want to get off and go home again_  
_I can't take the speed it's moving in_  
_I know I can't_  
_But, honestly, won't someone stop this train?_

She could feel that underneath the angelic voice, lies a deep tremendous sadness from the past. She was feeling a little sad too, so she decided it was time to break the bone.

"Didn't know you have such a beautiful voice."

Levi was startled of course, not that he wanted to keep his voice all alone, but he rather sleep on the floor than to admit that he was really shy when Mikasa caught him singing. "No, I don't." Was all he said.

"Yes, you have." Mikasa chuckled as he slightly came closer to where Levi was sitting. "What song are you singing, honey?"

"John Mayer."

She laughed because it was clearly not the answer to her question, trying to recall the day when Levi asked her the author of the song instead of the title. "I see that you're in love with John Mayer, Levi."

"Okay, okay... Just don't tell the others about what you heard. I don't really— you know. Sing." He was still a bit of nervous and flushed as he didn't even realize why he said John Mayer instead of the fucking title.

"I won't tell anyone. But... If you would sing to me more often. Deal?"

"Life is so fucking unfair, Jesus, I got a perfect wife, but I also got a perfect negotiator..."

"So no?"

"I never said no. Tch."

With Levi trying to attempt to roll his eyes for the thousand time, Mikasa hold his hands and blushed like a grade 5 student confessing to her crush. "Merci, my love."  
Another thing to add to Levi's short list of the things he love: Mikasa's blushed face. (Maybe John Mayer too?)  
So he was defeated before he even knew it, he can't resist everything his wife does, so he trusted himself— just like killing, he could sing for his wife like it was his normal job.

He gave a faint smile when he told her the song title, and started his newly found career courtesy of his wife.

_Once in a while, when it's good_  
_It'll feel like it should_  
_When you're all still around_  
_And you're still safe and sound_  
_And you don't miss a thing_  
_'Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark..._

Never knew in his life that other than Pink Floyd's out of the world songs can John Mayer add a little bit of hue in his palette. And just like that, John Mayer completely fucked up the strong stoic features of Levi as he sang completely throwing emotions like sadness, happiness, pain, relief, and even the constant twirl of his stomach. Levi closed his eyes with his hand intertwined with Mikasa's, sitting in a wooden wobbly bench at their backyard, while completely indulging in the beauty of the purplish sky. Levi Ackerman was a complicated man, but he only was certain of one thing— to live with Mikasa Ackerman. 

-

Time goes by, and things started to change. The color of their house— from beige to now light gray with black sidings, the furniture, their friends retirement at the military, the tree beside their house now starting to grow, and the quarrel about shitty things. All have changed but except for one thing. Their complete devotion to one another.

They would talk about everything. Everything under the sun, (except for molds and worms) as they would drown their thoughts into beliefs thinking that there's no other person that could make them this happy. Until one time...

"Levi, can you help me pick a name?"

"For the last time Mikasa. We're not getting a dog."

"You old runt, dogs are adorable but I don't want to have them for a pet. I prefer cat—"

"I'm a cat person but that doesn't mean I would allow them to shit all over the place."

Mikasa sighed keeping her efforts to not argue with this irksome shorty. "Levi... Just listen. Will you?"

"What?"

"I'm asking you to help me pick a name. For a baby. For our future baby."

"Huh?"

"At some point in our life, we would need to welcome one in our arms. Unless you are impotent or some—"

"Quit with the impotent part. Mikasa, I..." He paused as his gaze fell down. He felt his stomach tumble as he can't bear to build a thought of having a child, of raising a child because he feared that he was not gonna be enough like the blurred father of his past. "I don't know if I'm gonna fit that role perfectly."

"I didn't ask you to fit it perfectly." With onyx eyes full of hope, joy, pain, and devotion, she buried her head into the crooked shoulder of Levi. "I just want you to be you. Because you are capable of many things, you even love me so much when you don't even know how, how much more will you love our child now that you know how?"

The swirling hurricane inside of his mind and the rumbling zoo inside his stomach automatically stopped once he heard those words. He was her family, and she was his family... And maybe there's nothing wrong to add another fruit especially when things are all getting alright. _Levi, she's talking about your future child not just some child._

So he shook his head, erasing the bizarre shits of his mind, squeezed her hands so gently and spoke. "Maybe we could name the future brat: Theo."

"And if it's a girl?"

"My guts have a hunch it would be a boy. So Theo."

"Alright, grumpy future dad. Theo it is. The name sounds so innocent yet so strong." Mikasa smiled and gently cupped his cheeks while she mouthed the words 'Thank you.'

-

Soon it will be two years of their marriage, and still... No child. For Levi, it was really okay. Just the sound of Mikasa's angelic snore in the morning kept him alive, kept the idea of family, and kept him telling that this wasn't some fucked up fancy dream but instead he was living his reality— a very beautiful peaceful reality.

Of course, at some point, he would wander what would it feel to have a child? To have someone bear your surname, to have a miniature someone of you love, to play and teach them the good life he has now been living, to go on groceries with a brat holding his hand, and to see the brat grow and carry on with life along. The thoughts of it made him happy, excited, but still somewhere scared. 

_"You're too afraid to love that child because it would make you feel like dying."_

He clung unto the words Mikasa told him that night when he was uncertain of bearing a child of his own. Albeit, Mikasa was far different when it comes to having a child. Levi would caught her daydreaming, trying to look at the clouds, trying to find a baby figure. Her cold gaze towards people would suddenly change into something soft whenever she found a baby being held in someone's arm. She was so pure, and she literally took it to the point where Levi was too exhausted to make love with her. Thrice every single night.

She really wanted to conceive a life, and that made Levi hesitant at first, but somehow accepted it— loved it as time goes by. Now, both of them were in love with the idea of adding another Ackerman.

It wasn't easy though, because as they both loved that idea, reality gave them a hard time. She had miscarriage— two miscarriages and by telling it with the look of her face, Levi knew that it was a very painful burden for her to bear. He even remembered when he woke up to the horror of her screaming because their bed turned into a puddle of red hot painful liquid, as clotted blood come running from her thighs. Her pure innocent dream was not only crushed once, but fucking twice.

"Hey, it's okay. You still got me right?"

Levi felt the twitching pain in his eyes as his tears were forming when Mikasa didn't even answer him. She just placed her pillow in her face, and sobbed so lightly. Levi didn't leave her and he stayed wrapping his arms around her.

-

Mikasa was not even certain anymore if she still wanted to bear Levi's child especially to what happened to her twice. It has been already two months since that horror happened to her, and she wasn't really sure about what to think. She was lost in her mind, thinking that Levi was mad at her because they rarely talked to each other ever since the hospital thing. She completely forgot all her responsibilities— being a wife, a friend, and a cleaning agent to Levi. As much as she wanted to talk to Levi, she's too afraid to disappoint him.

However, it doesn't go the same for Levi. Levi understands that his wife still needed time to cope up with reality— this grim reality, and he knew that he should stay with her side even if he allowed himself a little distant. He never told Mikasa how he felt when the sudden lost of her child— their children, came quickly after he loved the idea of being a father. He never told her that it also hurt him, not in a way it hurt her, but just simply hurt him like losing an important part of him. He sighed, shutting down those painful glimpse of memories, and decided that it's time to have a proper conversation with Mikasa regarding everything.

"Mikasa, I—"

"Levi... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." She began to burst into tears not even taking the chance to hear what was Levi's gonna tell. "I lose our baby, for the second time... Please—"

"Shhh. It's not your fault, okay? Listen to me, hey Mikasa?" He pulled her closer wrapping his arms around her torso trying to calm her down. "I was never disappointed or mad or whatever to begin with. Things never changed, we're still family... We can..." He paused, trying to hug her tighter, trying to tell her that everything's gonna be back to normal. "We can try again. And if it fail, we could go try again. We could try again as many as you want, and I will never leave you."

Mikasa was loss for words the moment she heard Levi's promising words. She felt safe, she felt home as she was wrapped in the arms of the man she loved the most. It was a cruel world, a constant grim reminder that everything was temporary, and that made her decide that she should get up from the fall she made, grabbing Levi's waiting hand and move on towards the unfazed future.

She nuzzled into Levi's neck and began giving him kisses that she suddenly missed due to the long absence of their physical touch. After draining all the tears, ready again to face the shitty world, she dragged Levi to their bedroom and you know what.

-

That sunny day, where they celebrated their second anniversary with their fucked up friends, was also the day she found that she was pregnant. For the third time. Let alone her and Levi, no one really knew that she already suffered two miscarriage. Remembering back Levi's promising words to her, she couldn't help the uncertainty of the third conceived life in her abdomen. She was happy, but she was a bit scared, and so does Levi. He again suffered the constant thoughts of I-think-I-can't-be-a-good-father, making Mikasa really worried about their future.

Her bump was starting to show, as well as the little kicks of the baby— her baby, their baby. She had never thought that she would reach this month of milestone, as she somehow expected she would suffer another miscarriage.

But no. There was no miscarriage and the baby is growing fast, making her tummy more visible and round. It made her heart jumped into excitement as a small smile of her would suddenly appear whenever she felt the baby's active movement. _What a stubborn fella just like his daddy_. For Levi, she still can't predict his moods. Sometimes she knew that he feel anxious, happy, glad, excited, nervous, scared, and even pissing himself once the baby would pop out of Mikasa. Levi was really a complicated man, with a complicated state of emotion, and there's nothing he could do but to just obsessed himself about cleaning everything at least two times a day.

Mikasa didn't really care and she doesn't seem bothered because as long as everything is okay, then their lives would go normal. Even if Levi tends to overcome his hurricane of emotions by having an affair with cleaning. Seriously, that made Mikasa giggled.

-

A loud scream in the night woke up Levi for the second time around. He was feeling a little bit of horror as he remembered the first time he woke up in a bed full of blood. But this time, their bed was full of something clear and odorless like water— _definitely not pee, but fuck it's still disgusting_ , and he saw Mikasa panting.

"Honey, ugh, I think I'm gonna pop—"

"Okay, fuck, just hold on. We still need to go to the hospital." Levi quickly moved reaching the baby bag he and Mikasa prepared a few days ago, while also reaching the bag where he put both of their clothes. He was nervous, it was his first time, he even wondered is this how his mom felt when he was about to be delivered in this world, and now he felt an excitement rushing in his mind but then Mikasa's labored scowl snapped out to him.

"Shorty just bring me to the fucking hospital, please!"

 _What the fuck_ , he thought. He still want to snort snarky remarks but he thought that it could wait. His priority was ensuring the safety of his wife, and his newborn brat.

He knew Mikasa could hold the strength of ten strong men, but delivering their baby made her look that she was being kicked by ten vicious stallion all at the same time. He was amazed by the thought, but also scared him thinking that she was about to deliver Humanity's Strongest child, and childbirth is a risky process tending to bury at least half of the body beneath ground.

It was already past midnight, but the moon was still shining so bright. He let his fingers intertwined with Mikasa as he drove their way to the hospital. 

A new beginning awaits.

.  
.  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .
> 
> I know you could imagine it too! Singing Levi is something really precious. And I just really loved the idea that the Ackermans kinda like John Mayer. Heehee.
> 
> Next chapter will still be a little of Levi's story telling with Gunther. Thanks for reading, please comment below. xx


	15. The Lonesome Vampire

**Continuation**  
.  
.

Never that he thought he could hold something valuable— a fragile, new light of hope. Ever since the day he was aware of living, of existence, danger as well as death have been the only one he held tightly on his arms.

He have strangled the neck of so many people using his arms, as well as killed a lot of civilian using his hands. He believed that no scrubbing could clean the shit out of his sin, and he stayed like that for a long time.

But not this time, anymore.

In his arms held a little boy— joy, hope, relief, sorrow, and vague. He couldn't describe the feeling when he once touched a new life, a new life that especially came from him.

He felt that his sin was robbed by some celestial being the moment he finally got to hold his son in those strong arms that once strangle people to death. Akin to that, he felt a new beginning he never felt. So he closed his eyes, trying to savor the new moment, trying to hold the twitching tears in his eyes. Mikasa was right. He never expected that he could love again someone so much.

So when he thought that Mikasa have already rest from the tiring childbirth, he immediately brought the newborn baby in their room. Mikasa was still on drugs, but he knew he could see the same eyes that he had on her. Hope.

So he lay down beside her, he placed the baby in her chest, and kissed her gently in her forehead. No words were exchanged, just tears streaming down from the eyes of the new mother.

"His name is Theo Ackerman."

-

As when the new baby settled in their tidy house, all of their friends visited them almost every other week. Surprisingly, Levi didn't really react sour to the often visit of their friends as long as they wouldn't mess, pour alcohol and wipes, and keep their feet clean inside the house. He didn't want his son to get germs and whatever microscopic shit his friends may bring.

Hange cried the first time he saw Theo. She cried because it was too special, a pure gift from above. Levi rolled his eyes for Hange's never ending overreaction as he jokingly told her he could have the brat once the brat didn't meet his cleaning standards.

"Shit... He's a raven just like the both of you." Eren excitedly hold his nephew in his arms as Mikasa began to scold him for not washing his hands because it still has crumbs.

"What do you shitface expect his hair to be? Brown? Blonde?" Jean spat trying to mock Eren's obvious curiosity which made Levi laugh.

"Sorry Mikasa, I know you did almost 80% of the work, but Theo really looked like Levi. Especially when he frowns." Erwin chuckled as he pat Mikasa's shoulder. Mikasa smiled telling him that it's really okay because a pretty face like Levi's is worth the frown.

Their house was filled with joy and laughter, Levi couldn't deny that he silently thank the gods above for letting him experience this side of life.

-

Months have passed and Theo was starting to learn everything. Mikasa was already patient to begin with, but it took her a real effort to hold her patience because it seemed like Theo was willing to try new activities everyday. And that was tiring for both Levi and Mikasa.

"Humanity's Strongest Child, eh?"

"More like strongest brat. Now I need the both of you taking a bath, because you guys stink."

Levi, of course, still had an affair with his cleaning obsession. And Theo was no exception to that. As much as he loved the baby like Mikasa does, he still needs to do a little adjustment for his standards. 

Their lives were completely different. They also had their hard times but they knew it was also a part of life. But Levi silently told himself that he could do everything by only being with Mikasa Ackerman and Theo Ackerman. It was a family they have build from hardship, love, and devotion.

-

When Theo's first birthday have passed, Theo was already adapting to his dad's sort of list of discipline. It made Mikasa worried because he was still a child, and it was unnecessary to obey Levi's module of cleaning and not whining. Levi just shrugged at the thought of it but told her that it's gonna be fine because it was not just some child, but it was their child. Mikasa still have doubts, but she trusted her husband more than anything in this world.

And yes, from the actively hyper Theo, comes a behave smart Theo. It made Mikasa and Levi proud parents.

One afternoon, they sat beside each other after making Theo sleep. Mikasa closely observed his son's pretty face, as she turned to Levi and spoke.

"Hey, Levi... What will your mama tell you about this?"

"What?" He didn't understand. For a very long time, he even forgot about his mother, about the sorrow and pain, and about how he doesn't want to talk about her. But he shook his head telling himself that it was a new life, a new beginning, and it was not right to exclude his late mother, and even his sick fuck uncle in the picture. He sighed and held Mikasa's hand. "I'm sure she would be happy."

"Mom and dad would be so happy too. They would be so glad because ever since I was young, this is my dream. I just hope... That they could see us now."

"You idiot, don't cry." Levi wiped the tears from Mikasa's cheek as he continued. "Even my mom would be so damn glad about this. About the family thing. It was a luxury for us back then, I also wished she and your parents could see us. You and Theo. I wish I could show her that I finally did something good. I even think of that bastard Kenny." He chuckled trying to repress the sudden sadness. 

They both stayed like that in a while, fingers intertwined with each other, while watching the beautiful sun set in Theo's room.

-

The joyful giggling sound of Theo made the house filled with warm and laughter. The feeling was new— albeit incomparable, because both of Mikasa and Levi realized that none of them ever experienced this when they were young.

As the nostalgia hit Levi, he talked to Mikasa regarding about Kenny.

"Hey darling, this sounds random. But you still have any news of the Ripper?"

"Levi, stop calling Kenny his gruesome alias. He's still your uncle. And no, I don't have news."

He shrugged, not even making snarky remarks about the obvious irritation of Mikasa. He wondered, _where the fuck is Kenny?_ Of course, back when they were at the survey corps, he was hearing news about The Ripper. About killing here and there, about committing homicide and kidnapping. He didn't really care what his uncle was doing but somehow thought what was his uncle really wants. Power? Maybe. 

But as what as he could remember, nobody knew that he has a relationship with the ripper. Only him and Mikasa. He knew Kenny very well, that he would never broadcast their surname, thus almost making it protect them. Huh, protection from a mass murderer. So when he was still hearing news about Kenny's sick hobby, he was offered a job.

"Captain Levi, this would be a different mission. The king wants you to assassinate the notorious—"

"Kenny The Ripper."

"Yes, and a great bounty will be given to you as a reward. You will start three nights from now on."

"No. I'm not taking it."

As he recalled that scene, he left without explanations. He doesn't need to explain. After all, he couldn't bear him to kill his own uncle, even though his psychotic uncle almost killed him with fights, but because that was also the same person who raised him to survive. 

Going back, now that he has his own family, he thought about Kenny. Maybe he wanted Kenny to see him? That he found the girl. That he shared his life with the girl. That they even bore another Ackerman. That maybe he wanted him to show Theo. So many fucking thoughts have clouded him why he wanted to see Kenny even though he wasn't even sure if that old fuck was still dead or alive.

But knowing Kenny, he knew he was still alive and maybe he retired from all the shitty killings he called as past time. And one day maybe, he would just appear boot knocking their front door with his silly fucking fedora hat.

-

Theo was only a half month to being two. Thus making him married to Mikasa for almost four years. Up to this day, somehow, he still can't believe what the fuck did happen and why his gruesome world turned upside down.

The feeling of bliss every time he saw his wife cuddling Theo at the early morning, made his heart to have more room to love. _What am I talking about? There's no fucking way I would want to have another brat—_

"Levi! Hange just called me and they are expecting another baby! She even asked me to help her name it!"

"What the fuck? So they breed like rabbits now?" He scoffed letting his eye twitch upon hearing the sudden news— no, not really sudden. Hange fucking wants to have a battalion of snouty brats.

"Well..." Mikasa chuckled trying to give Levi a seductive look. "When was the last time you touch me, gentleman?"

Okay. Again. He fucking knew what this lady want. The fucking time he touched Mikasa was like two weeks ago, and he knew it was too short because Theo wouldn't stop whining like a caged animal. He was not a saint, so he would likely admit that every time he sees Mikasa luring him, he'd feel like a hungry lion. He missed the intimacy, and there's no way he wouldn't bite his wife tonight. "Later."

"I'll see you then, captain. In bed. Later." Mikasa raise him a brow, put her middle finger in her lips, and sucked it enough to tease Levi. But she wasn't done. She wants to have another agenda, so she continued. "Don't you have any mission tonight, captain? Like gardening and planting seed? We don't want to face extinction, aye?"

"Quit sounding like Kenny, you idiot. But if that's the case, you need to learn to obey." He winked, trying to not think about the gist of whatever Mikasa was luring him into, as he just wanted to have intimacy and a long round of sex with his wife. (Of course, without Theo interrupting them for the nth time.)

Well, that night, maybe the god did do Mikasa a favor. And because of the thrilling intimacy shared with both lovers, Levi planted a seed.

-

It was already December. _The most shitty wonderful time of the fucking year again_ , he thought. Time where Mikasa would go on crazy big fuck sale, buying shits like Christmas decor and gifts for everyone. Yes, everyone. For Levi, Theo, Eren, Armin, Erwin, Hange, Moblit, Jean, Conny, and Sasha. She even bought gifts for random people, especially children. She had a big heart, and even though Levi found her Christmas rituals really fucking vague, he can't help but to smile and fall in love. He really does love her.

He just wished for the Holiday that Mikasa would give her the spinning mop he was eyeing. And maybe some tea too.

As usual, first thing in the morning, he pulled out their linens and threw it in the hamper. He need to exchange shits like this every three days, so that it could fit his standard. After fixing their bedroom, he went to Theo's room to check if he was still sleeping or—

Then he heard an upward disgusting gurgling sound from downstairs. Fuck, no. He checked Theo, relieved to found him still sleeping, then he hurried downstairs. When he located where that gurgling sound was, it was from the bathroom where Mikasa was wiping her mouth.

 _Disgusting_. He could stand gore, but never vomit and other disgusting green and yellow shits. _But, shit, I still need to help my wife._

"Mikasa? What's wrong?"

"Hey... Just a little... Lethargic."

"You're sick. Suffering from an abdominal snow war?" He was confused, trying to remember when was the last time his wife fell sick. Wait, she was never sick to begin with? We eat healthy diet and the only time she vomit like this was— when she's pregnant? He gulped, and tried to think of cleaning materials instead.

Mikasa chuckled. He knew that she can read his mind damn loud. "I just felt this all of a sudden, I was really okay... But then I vomit out of nowhere now I'm feeling a bit of dizzy."

"Did the seed grow?" He said nervously without even thinking what the hell was he saying.

"Huh? Hey..."

"Sorry, just got carried away. You need to rest. Go to Theo's room and I'll brew you some tea."

Just before he lead Mikasa upstairs, his wrist was immediately grabbed. "Look, Levi... I still don't know if I'm... you know, but I'm sorry if—"

He cut her as he placed his thumb into her chin, trying to gesture assurance. "Look at me, hey. There's nothing to apologize. No one's at fault, okay?" He reached for her hand and placed a kiss before letting Mikasa go.

Truth be told, he was again in between of fathering another child. But if that was what made Mikasa happy, then who is he to steal that happiness? So he shook his head, telling himself to not overreact because he still needs to buy the test kit to be sure.

When he was done brewing tea, he included small portion of breakfast for the three of them to share at the sofa upstairs.

"Hey Theo bear, you had a good morning?" He could hear Mikasa talking to the giggling Theo, and it made his heart swells so bad. Fuck, okay, maybe another brat is not bad. 

"Mikasa. I should go out... And I must buy you a test. To be sure."

"It's okay, darling. You could save that for tomorrow. Actually, I'll just buy it. There's a crazy sale I plan to go tomorrow."

"Right. You already made plans without telling me. And you idiot, what if something happens there? You fall and crack you head, or worst, you puke an amount of rainbows?" Levi scoffed while he placed the food tray in the table.

"Hey... I'm doing okay now... Come on, Levi. Please..."

He sighed as he sat with Theo, trying to poke the frowning baby. There was no need to argue. It was just a trip to that crazy fuck sale. "What a troublesome you are. Convince me again tomorrow, assuming that I forget it, and I might say yes." He looked at Mikasa with the defeat on his eyes and continued. "So you need to rest first for today if you really plan on going there."

Mikasa smiled as she placed her legs to Levi's lap. Of course he scowled, but he just smiled afterwards and hugged Theo while watching the shitty Pinnie the Wooh. (That's how Levi call it though)

They stayed just like that until it was afternoon. Completely forgetting all about responsibilities, Levi felt weird because he was a disciplinarian... But this time he chose not to do things because he want to just lay beside Mikasa, to feel her like it was the end of the world. He didn't know what the future hold, so he tightly grasped the moment the present have to offer.

He love being with Mikasa Ackerman. He love being with Theo Ackerman. And he is also learning to love the what-if future Ackerman. He was trying to get lost in his lovely thoughts when Mikasa interrupt his out of the mind session.

"Levi, what are you gonna do when I'm gone?"

"What the hell?" He almost yelled and it startled the baby who was half asleep. "Sorry, I mean is... What worm have gotten in your brain?"

Mikasa chuckled. It was true. It was a question out of nowhere, a question that suddenly creeped into her goddamned mind. She felt stupid trying to ask herself why did she brought that question when they were having a peaceful quality time. Her brows are twitching when Levi sighed as he spoke.

"... I'm gonna follow you."

With confused and followed by a terrified gaze, Mikasa's eyes widened as she unconsciously tap Levi's shoulder. "Levi, no. Levi, no!"

There was silence and tension in the air. She was scared of how Levi's faced remained stoic as like he said something just like bringing up the weather or asking her to scrub the toilet. She wanted to apologize for being dumb— no, she wanted to talk to him that he should not do that because the thought of leaving Theo behind slowly kills her. She wanted to cry but before doing anything of that, she catch her feeling a sour and must evacuate to the nearest bathroom.

She vomits again, and maybe thanks to the disgusting puke, it snapped Levi to his senses again. She let Levi help her clean everything although it was clearly obvious that Levi could collapse any moment just because of seeing her disgusting vomit. She really needed to buy the pregnancy kit.

They were soon back to normal, trying to reject any thoughts of that as she find her rest getting ready for tomorrow's crazy sale.

Levi on the other hand, fixed their bedroom trying to forget whatever happened. I must think of the good times, and I still have the urge to just be with her so better not ruin it again. So when things were done for the day, he jumped into their bed and he wrapped his arms all around Mikasa, placed her a kiss while he snuggled to her, and ask a question.

"Hey, do you believe that there are infinities that are bigger than the other?"

"Huh?" 

"Well, there's always the thought that there are other big infinities. But come to think of it, it's ironic that there are bigger shits when infinity means to have no end."

"And...?" Mikasa raised her brows trying to get Levi's ridiculous statements.

"Nothing. I just want to relate it to my utmost sincere devotion to you. I just couldn't say I love you that simple because you deserve better than that. And if boring shits like infinities would hold accountable just to widen the word I love you... Then here it beats me."

"You're funny. I didn't know you can be that cheesy."

"It's the truth. I'm deeply in love with you. And that's it. You drive me insane." He placed his hand on hers as he intertwined. He could feel that Mikasa's eyes are swelling up as she replied to him with whispered words.

"I would always be with you, wherever you go." She ended the night as she let the dark embraced the both of them as they sleep with their bodies tangled with each other never letting go as if the world would end tomorrow.

-

Mikasa was feeling better the moment she woke up. No dizziness, no nausea, no shitty damn feeling. So she kissed a peaceful sleeping Levi, good morning.

She didn't really feel bringing up whatever happened yesterday, so she played along that it's going to be the first time he would tell him that she was going to the crazy big fuck sale. And she was of course, getting the pregnancy test.

A big part of her knew that she was pregnant already. But she needs to be sure.

_Today's a beautiful day, it's unfair to just sit around and die._

-

Levi woke up feeling refreshed, but he was feeling something tremendous. Maybe it's because he was worried about Mikasa? _Shit, whatever. That girl is stubborn and I wouldn't win for sure._

So when he saw Mikasa doing really fine, he continued to play along ignoring whatever was distracting his thoughts. So she let Mikasa go to that crazy big fuck sale, forgetting about the baby thing, even joked her that she should get him robust because—

\- - -

"FUCK IT I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!" Levi got up on his feet as he paced around the clinic with both of his fisted hands on his hair, stroking it really bad. He was shouting, cursing, and even trembling because he didn't expect the memories to bolt enough to make him shiver with an immense amount of stress. 

While Gunther felt the sudden burst of his heart right into his throat the moment he saw Levi emerging from his sit panting like a cage animal who was freed for the first time. He can't believe what he was seeing, just two minutes ago he was all out in telling story about his wife, and then he just suddenly started acting crazy when he ended his sentence with the word of robust. _Shit, Gunther, this is no time for joke. Levi Ackerman can kill you any moment_. He fished out his phone, checked the time, although he was so tempted to capture the scenery but he was a professional, and he needed to comply to his ethical code. He thought of one thing right to do.

So he tapped the message sign and looked for— not until Levi spoke.

"I need to go home. I need to go back to my wife. She's waiting for me." It just looked like the table turned one second ago as Levi stared into his eyes like nothing happened. His steel gray eyes looked dull— no. It looked worst. It looked dead.

Without even thinking about his composure or anything, Levi grabbed his scarf and left.

Gunther totally forgot to breath, so he let out his stranded breath and tapped his phone fast like playing fucking piano tiles.

**GUNTHER:** Good day, Mr. Erwin Smith. This is Gunther Schultz, your assigned psychiatrist for Mr. Levi Ackerman. As you are the only number I could contact right now, I need to tell what happened a moment ago.

He didn't feel like telling all in one text message. He must make sure he is not busy or what— oh, nevermind. He's faster than a teenager to reply.

**ERWIN:** What happened?  
**GUNTHER:** He just suddenly acted like a cage animal. He was totally okay, but then after a second he started to panic. Even caused him to lose a fistful of hair by strangling it. Sir, I've seen worst but Mr. Ackerman was quite a scene a while ago. In just a moment, he talked to me like nothing happened. He told me that he was going home and that his wife is waiting.  
**GUNTHER:** If you won't mind sir, I need to get his wife's number. So I could call her.  
**ERWIN:** Dr. Schulz... Thanks for telling me the details. I'm sorry but if he still doesn't tell you...  
**GUNTHER:** Sir? Tell me what?

 **ERWIN:** Nevermind. He should be the one telling you. Thanks though, gtg.

What the hell did just happen? Now he's not sure if he could still handle his not so mental patient. He pulled out his scratch where he took down all the notes that Levi told him. He needs to make a report about it, even though he doesn't really know what the hell would be going on. One way or another, he's sure that Levi Ackerman is really acting strange.

-

Eren was busy grocery shopping with Theo when his phone buzzed.

**DUMB HANGE:** Everything okay?  
**EREN THE GR8:** Ya  
**DUMB HANGE:** Don't tell Levi pls.

He rolled his eyes because of Hange's non stop text asking and begging to not tell Levi about the situation. What can he do about it. For once in his life, he tried to think better that Levi was Theo's dad no matter what happens. He all has the right to know what and where was his son. Not that Theo was in danger— because he, Armin and Jean was taking care of the prince. But somehow, this shitty situation betrays his former captain about not knowing about his son. He shook his head as he continued shopping.

"Theo bear, what do you normally eat?"

"Fruits. Oatmeal. Oranjee juice."

Oranjee juice. That fucking juice made her remind of his adoptive sister. It was her favorite juice. He remembered that the first time she tried that orange juice was when they were seven, when one of his dad's patient from the Nether district gave it to them. It was sour as he could remember and he didn't like it. But his sister have a weird discreet taste as she favored and drank both of their orange juice. That thought made him miss her. _Mikasa, if only you were here... Then maybe Captain Levi won't suffer like this... I hate seeing the captain lose his mind like some stupid MPs dealing with the mythical ripper._

"That sucks." 

-

Levi Ackerman was a man of good posture, and his well known neat composure are what made others jealous of it. For the last thirty four years of his life, nobody ever see him sweating over something— even if that something means life or death. He shaped himself as a powerful human, even if that means him shaking and sweating tremendously underneath his blanket whenever he's alone.

But as soon as the memories flashed back like a bitch while having tea party story telling shit with Dr. Quacky shit, he lost the composure he made all those years. He yanked back and left the clinic immediately, trying to swiftly run his hand into his pulled down hair. He held a deep breath, and walked faster than most of the people in the road.

Once again, his thoughts is slowly consuming him. And it was bad— because he has no pack of cigar in his pocket, alarming him that anytime can cause him a breakdown in the middle of a place where he hated the most. He clenched his fist as a sort of his deadly instinct and walked, then leap, then ran when no one would thought of him suspiciously.

But fate happened, and it's been years since he saw this man. Mike.

"Slow down there, young boy!"

At first, Levi didn't recognize Mike because his hair have grown a little longer. Second, he was only holding to his instinct, forgetting that his mind was completely shut for a moment when he tumbled on Mike. With mouth agape, his voice faintly spoke. "Mike?"

"It's so good to see you again, Levi! Or should I say, Mr. Ackerman?" Mike grinned trying to tease him by calling him his so mystery surname back in the days.

But no time for teasing. He was losing his composure and his mind a while ago, and it wouldn't really connect if he would chitchat with some old comrade he even forgot. It was true, how many years have passed when the last time he saw him? He only heard rumors of Mike and Nanaba getting married, but he didn't attend because that was the time when Mikasa suffered her first miscarriage. And oh, he fucking remembered. Ever since the day Mikasa left he shut everyone out of his dark world. If it's not only for Hange and Erwin's constant bugging, he would have been long dead sitting in the corner of his room.

_Room. Right. Our bedroom. I got to go home. I need to see—_

Whatever he wanted to see back in his house, was unconsciously cut when Mike suddenly spoke with a voice of alarm and worry for his old comrade. "Levi, you alright? It's been a while... Sorry for you know, Mikasa—"

"I'll see you again some other time." He didn't want apologies. He didn't want any word as of the moment, especially sentences containing Mikasa's name. He knew that Mike knew, he was never on for short talks. He more have important matter to deal with once he got back home. So without words, he walked past Mike and hurried himself until he cannot see the traces of his old comrade.

For the many time of the year, he wanted to be really alone. 

-

Long days are coming to an over, he thought. He wanted to get rid of the tingly feeling he has been feeling ever since the secret investigation he had been holding— more like betraying Levi for invading his personal life via the records of the people Levi have previously killed.

Thirty minutes into driving, Erwin stretched his back trying to avoid the building spasms his back muscle is creating. He wanted to dine in some greasy fast food, indulging himself to relax before coming back home. So he pulled over once he saw WcDowald's (as Emily would call in her younger years), went inside, and ordered a big burger.

He was half way eating when his phone buzzed, and he thought it was only Hange or Moblit giving updates about his daughter, but he got it wrong and left him agape.

It was the psychiatrist. He had to replied immediately. He knew Levi wasn't really normal anymore, that's why he brought him there, but to think that Levi lost his composure in front of someone he barely even know is a fucking gut-shredding nervousness. He gulped an imaginary air, trying to talk to the psychiatrist as if he would look like calm in his text.

But he can't be calm, he even feel himself pissing his pants once his phone buzzed again.

**MIKE:** Hi Erwin. Got news (:

Mike? When the hell did this monkey texted him. It was so long, ever since. Not like Levi, he didn't cut connection with his old comrades. They still texted each other especially with holiday quotes and queries, but this is new to him. Mike must be texting about news.

**ERWIN:** What's up?  
**MIKE:** Bumped into the vampire like a minute ago. Man, he looked like he was sucked. ):

_Vampire?_ Erwin felt his eyes twitching, trying to gain patience from Mike's childish game of using names and even using the heck of an emoticon. Today's not a perfect day to try riddance. He was tired. He wanted to go home. He didn't felt like replying, not until his phone buzzed again.

**MIKE:** Yo? D:  
**ERWIN:** Who's the vampire you're talking about?  
**MIKE:** Man, it's Levi. He never aged right? Still pretty and mighty. But I saw him a while ago, he looked pale almost like another vampire bit him. But that other vampire was dead, I even apologize for his loss but he cut me off and he hurried himself away like a bunch of vampire slayer's gonna tore him down. What happened? :0

_Can't he really stop the use of mythical creatures and emoticon._ The situation is really alarming but Mike is making the hell out of him laugh and sigh in a combination of grimace and grin.

**ERWIN:** Still don't know. I need to find the vampire's uncle. More like The Ripper. Ttyl. Happy holidays.

He let his face rest into his palm, as he was really getting tired. When he finished his meal, he pulled over the driveway and began driving his way back to Hange's happy home. He even thought about staying for a night— trying to discuss things with the other adult. Plus it's a good way to also take care of Theo.

Maybe it's not a crime to not think about the fucked up Levi. Even just for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I still continue? Comment below. D:
> 
> PS: Kenny Ackerman is French, and he only revealed it to Mikasa. Levi didn't really know if he's French or what, but somehow speaking whatever phrase he saw in French found him easy to speak in tongue.


	16. About Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for the support, especially AkiHams. :) I hope everyone is still into the story, enjoy!

.  
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With his head slumped into the foot of the bed, with his body lying down like a strange fresh corpse, he couldn't make himself close his eyes.

_I can't fucking take it anymore, just please..._

Everything was absurd at the moment. One moment, he feel real. But most of the moment, he feel dead. It was pure chaos. Everything was right, he guessed. He was not normal. He was insane. He was sick. Not like sick in a natural way, but he was mentally sick in denial.

He blinked. _One, two, three._ He steadied his eyes watching his black ceiling, hearing the rage of the rain. It was raining outside already, _how many hours am I slacking inside?_ He couldn't even tell. He was repressing his memories— his miserable memories that it probably caused right now mental damage because he can't even tell how long he was slacking and hearing the rain. He blinked again. _One, two, three._ He can't sleep— no, he was not allowed to sleep, or even close his tired worn eyes. He raised his hand and slick his hair, and finally noticed the fire of his burning scalp which he fisted a handful of hair a while ago. _I'm still alive and it's so fucking unfair_.

As he continued to hear the rage of the rain in his dark chilly room, he realized how awful he took advantage of his mental state, not being able to take a quick shower before slacking himself in his clean bed. _I obsessed cleanliness like a fucking psycho but here am I, with my filthy damn clothes rolling shit on this goddamned forsaken bed_. He grasped his own body, trying not to savor the touch of his own, as he pulled away the filthy clothes he has been wearing since the morning. He wasn't modest, or even immodest, yet he didn't care it was his room anyway, so he strip himself out until his boxers was the only one remaining. He wanted to get rid of his filthy sweaty boxers, more like wanted to get the filth out of himself, but somehow didn't feel right, so he just tucked himself underneath the warm of his blanket.

The warm of the blanket. The warm. The familiar warm. _Mikasa Ackerman_.

He blinked for the third time. He was getting old already and he wasn't getting any better of playing the staring game. But fuck, he needs to. He needs to keep an eye on his own eyelid. If he closed his eyes, the memories would come. If he closed his eyes, the painful strike of a bizarre chaos will soon alter his fading reality. If he closed his eyes, he would just see Mikasa. How he badly wanted to see her, but he must not. It hurts him not to see her, but he must. He must do it because it is the only way to save his remaining salvation out of his sanity— his remaining family he had left right now. Theo.

_"Hey Levi, what are you gonna do when I'm gone?"_

Fuck, just a fucking single phrase. Then the gods beat the hell out of him as he desperately closed his eyes like the same way he shut the door of salvation. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

As he please those words, he couldn't help himself. He could feel it right now that there was something wrong with him, but he can't keep his sanity anymore. There was no going back. He didn't even know what's the point of making arguments for himself of not closing his eyes, when in the end all he does is closed his eyes, and even desperately. He was too apologetic, even lowered his guards because he wasn't a sorry man to begin with, and that was not to himself, but to Mikasa, Theo, and even the baby he didn't even learn because Mikasa had been long gone. 

It hurts him so fucking bad. Better than all the stitches he need to make for himself back in the underground. He didn't know how hot was hell, but since the last four years, he could say he was burning bad than hell. Mikasa didn't come back. Mikasa was dead with the baby he tried to make room for his heart. It was fucking four years ago. And what's hurting is that it still hurts like a salt rubbing thoroughly a fresh bloody open wound.

With his eyes still closed, he welcomed fucked up memories that was winding up even blocking his reality. He can't cry. There's no way now he could cry. Besides, there were no tears left to shred. He is still in denial right? He is. There's no way he could accept it, no way he could accept that the girl he longed for, the woman he fathered her children, the family he build with sincere devotion and admiration has long been gone leaving him and his poor son broke along the way.

_There's no way you could leave me, Mikasa. You're coming home._

He was terribly fucked up. Ever since he was young, all he remembered was being left in a dark corner. He was even fucked up, to think that all he remembered was being alone. And he was fucked up because ever since the day that Mikasa died, he was doing fucked up things anymore. He couldn't help it. He was strong but he was just human. Wait, am I even human? He was on the edge of glory but was even glad embracing the fall on chaos.

When the rage of the storming rain welcomes a loud thunder, he opened his eyes. He didn't really know what the hell was going on right now, his musings can't even tell. He only has his self, but he was longing for a company. Company like Mikasa. So he got out of the bed fiercely, stood in the corner with no trace of nervousness, and locked his eyes focusing the box beside his bed frame.

_"I'll always be with you, wherever you go."_

_Hell yeah. You'll always be with me._ He was eyeing the box, a not so big wooden box but with a number lock that serves a small protection, protection for any threat of crimes and for any threat that could steal his only salvation. 

He slowly walked towards the focus of his eyes, with eyes darting daggers as much as longingness in the dark room, he reached the box and caressed it carefully like some drug or secret possession was hidden there for a very long time.

He remembered the vial of formalin where he used to immobilized that freak Zeke as he killed him. _No regrets_ , he thought. The smell of the flinching formalin welcomed his too perfect nose as he bolted the box slightly open. He was known for his neat and tidy obsessions, known for his ever clean smell, and known for his disgust on things which can relate to dust and other earthly things.

But as he fully opened the box he held on for dear fucking life, he was completely not Levi Ackerman anymore.

-

Hange would be even happier than a winner of a lottery when she hear Levi scowling throwing offensive comments on her right now. But there was no Levi, and she was more severe than a caged wild animal because she can't get her instincts right. Something was definitely going bad. She was irritated, panting, tensed, all those emotions which are the opposite of her optimistic demeanor and it's driving not just only her, but also Moblit really bad.

She fetched a glass of water, trying to gulped— more like trying to drown herself in her constant asking stupidity of why she left Theo to Eren for the last two days. It's not that she couldn't trust Eren, but the moment she break free from Theo's wrist was also the moment she betrayed Levi's trust.

Not that Levi would care or something because his mentally isn't even capable of thinking those stuffs, but it was her who Levi left Theo with. And that thought drove her crazier.

"Erwin?" She was flabbergasted for a second, but she knew Erwin would come any time anyway. And that was good, and that was also bad because there are still a lot of things she needs to know, and Erwin needs to know. 

"Where's Theo, Hange?" Erwin's voice nearly made her yelp. She thought that if Erwin completely forgot that he also have a daughter under their responsibility, and what make him question Theo's location first. But oh walls, this was Erwin and Erwin could turn tables when it comes to dealing with Levi. 

She shrugged, trying to let Erwin guess, or maybe trying to let Erwin completely break off because she could see it in Erwin's eyes that he was goddamned tired and needed a break for at least two straight days of goddamned sleep. "I left him under... Eren. But also with Armin and Jean's company. I sorry, I didn't want to but..." She paused, and she knew that there would be a mouthful of scolding in a few moments. "It's the best, so we could keep him out of this insanity."

To her surprise, Erwin gave a big puff of sigh as he nodded. "Give me atleast a fifteen minutes break, and I will discuss things with you and Moblit. And yes, all will be about Levi and Levi Ackerman."

_Levi? And Levi Ackerman? Isn't that only one person?_ She thought that maybe she wasn't the only one eccentric in the room. Maybe Erwin was an eccentric to begin with. Maybe Levi too. But who the hell damn cares, they were all insane to begin with and it's only this time she noticed because one of them was already in their breaking point.

-

To think of it, it was just one simple problem. His best friend was having a mental breakdown, and was only delusional with a hint of severe denial. If Erwin would look at it, it was completely for normal people. But _fuck the walls_ , it was Levi Ackerman. If he could have a strength of an entire brigade, then how long he could have hold his sanity experiencing out of the world traumas. Maybe he was right— no. Maybe he was wrong. 

Whatever the outcome of his right or wrong judgement, that could wait. But his investigations could not. So after he settled for a fifteen minutes break, he break his stupor and lean against the chair with a posture of a commanding officer. Fearless.

"Levi and Kenny the Ripper... are related. As well as Mikasa Ackerman." He blurted out the words just like a man who gave his subordinates a hell of a command, trying not to react about the sudden widening of both of his audience eyes. He continued. "That's not the issue, I wanted to discuss. Sure they could be related, but we have no news of Kenny Ackerman as of the last six years. I did investigate it because I needed to know the background of Levi's past. And it turned out to be in utter disgust and pain."

"It doesn't make sense... Erwin."

Sure, it didn't make sense. Didn't even know why he went through hell just to dig graves of both painful past for the Ackermans. But it was needed, he need to understand Levi because Levi was not an open book to begin with. He was a book full of covers even locked with the key he swallowed, and Erwin knew that it was only Mikasa who could redeem the key from the lion's throat.

But luck was not in the corner and there's no absolute leprechaun shitting pots of gold because Mikasa was long dead.

And her death was the cause of why Levi was burning out buildings, trying to kill himself without even realizing that he was killing the others too. Lost in thoughts, he shook his head and returned the conversation. "I know. Few details could still help. Maybe that Kenny could help."

He don't know what chances he could bump seeing the Ripper without him getting killed, but gamble is a game he love to play, and he was sure determined to help the person who shown him loyalty. He closed his eyes trying to let Hange understand what he said between the lines.

"By few details, I think I know something could help..." Hange's voice was faltering, he could sense. And it was a bad sense. Erwin has still had his eyes closed but he was listening. Hange spoke again. "Theo and I were talking back then when Levi was still confined. He told me something about the strange attitudes that Levi possessed."

Now he need to open his eyes. His brows were twitching because his instinct could tell that there was something else hidden. "What do you mean, Hange?"

"Erwin. When was the last time Levi visited her grave?"

How the hell should he supposed to know? Levi hated nosy people, and she should know that. Out of all the things that they could talk to Levi, never was a topic that could bring Mikasa Ackerman in the air. But still, he knew that Hange was a nosy person, and that Hange was an eccentric overreacting shit, but Hange could tell that there was something more beyond that. "He doesn't really leave his house."

Now it made sense. Why does Levi never leave his house? Still. He couldn't accuse him of things because he was not living with Levi to begin with. He was just Levi's ex-commander, someone who dragged him in the military to kick sick ass, and someone who's just really a friend. Not family.

"That's something you should investigate, Erwin. Ever since Theo told me that Levi have some creepy rituals, it really scared the glasses out of me. Four years, have passed Erwin. But he still doesn't move on more like keeps mystery underneath his bed. You know all too well that Levi was a man of shitty demeanor but he was never a stupor to begin with." The words out of Hange's mouth made his body hair goose bump. Enough was said. _Something is definitely not right. Just can't get it out of the tip of my tongue_.

But whatever it is, hidden things cannot be forever hidden.

-

For some people, Levi was just a short offensive man. For other people, Levi was just an apathetic street rat picked by a blonde vegetarian cat. For the people he have served, Levi was a hero, an indestructable knight in shining armor. But for the people who truly knew him, Levi was just a man— but a man of respect, dignity, class and even good looks.

That's what Armin Arlert thought of him once Levi welcomed him in his squad a few years ago. Fear was what built Armin during the few years before military, but it was soon replaced by courage and willingness. All thanks to the irksome shorty who he and his friends respect. It was true, Levi's attitude can grip them into edges even cutting their fingers to let them fall into a deep abyss, but that was nothing compared on what they are now. 

Respect begets respect. He knew that even of the offensive phrase the captain had thrown them, he knew too well that the captain had respected them in a sense where he even gave his trust. And he respected the captain more because of that.

He knew before hand that the Captain and Mikasa were sleeping back then before the years, and he didn't really care as he didn't interfere because he respected them in a sense of even keeping their privacy. The look in Mikasa's eyes were the only look she gave Eren and Armin, and he could tell that Mikasa was feeling more than family whenever she is with the captain. The good memories were starting to buzz of his brain and then he saw Eren and Theo walking inside the house.

Theo. The fruit of Levi and Mikasa's adoration. And there was surely another thing he knew, that he never shared with anyone. It's all because of the respect and modesty he wanted to give to his former captain and his late best friend.

\- - -

_**A day after that day. Four years ago** _

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, ARMIN! WHERE THE FUCK IS LEVI?!"

Those were the words that Armin was hearing for the last fifteen hours. With his tired back leaned heavily against the jelly monobloc, his ears were also tired of hearing Eren's never ending loop of shouting. Probably because the fact that Levi was still nowhere to be found, the fact that they can't reach Levi's number, and also the fact that they have already spent fifteen hours in a morgue like some sloppy sleepover. 

Of course, one reason to all of that because the horrible fact that their childhood sibling best friend, Mikasa Ackerman, was seventeen hours dead. 

_You need to stay still, Armin. You can't lose your composure._ As much as everyone, he still cannot believe. He still cannot believe that everyone was happening all the same time and Mikasa's dreadful husband was missing in action— _oh shit, the captain cannot be dead?_ He closed his eyes as he tried to pray for more optimism, composure, and even prayed that Levi still hasn't committed suicide. 

_No time for optimism, can't you see the world in total chaos?_ He gritted his teeth. There's no way he could cry right now, especially that Eren's been wailing like a stupid kid in the hallway cursing and shouting looking for the missing captain. He told himself he could cry later, when he was all alone mourning for the friend who once told him that "Let no emotion interfere the goal."

He have known Mikasa for a very long time and she was also his best friend and his proclaimed sibling, and as he could remember Mikasa saying the phrase all over and over again, his tears have betrayed his eyes as it were streaming down like a heavy waterfall. All at once, he thought that if he and Eren are hurting really really bad, what more does the death of Mikasa have brought the stoic Captain Levi?

Nevertheless, as what he have said to himself, he needs to stay still. The officers are still waiting for a reply if they could conduct an autopsy to the corpse, and he never wanted anything right now but to see the captain handle this mess.

-

_Mikasa Ackerman, 24 F, Room M13_  
_I now again call the attention of the family of the patient. She has been here for nineteen hours. With all respect for your mourn and hazy decisions, we still need answers for her autopsy._

Four hours have passed since Armin's musings have brought him into crying and praying for Levi's sudden appearance in this filthy morgue, but the gods doesn't give favors so there was no luck in the corner. Still no traces of Levi, and what's make it worst is that a fucked up Eren left around an hour ago.

Armin had no idea why Eren made a sudden leave after bawling and wailing and cursing and shouting and everything really exhausting that made everyone in the morgue sucked up. Perhaps, he was too exhausted too... that he took a leave for a drink at some shabby bar. But again, this was not a time to do things like that, as Eren and Levi were really useless right now, and that left Armin all by himself.

"I'm deciding for Mikasa Ackerman, ma'am. Let her have an autopsy but only to the parts where she was hit the most. The abdomen and skull." Armin cannot wait any longer for either Eren or Levi, and he cannot wait any longer to see Mikasa's corpse lying like that like some butchered pig who was about to sold. He held his breath and gave a big huff. Let no emotion interfere the goal.

"Sorry sir, but mind to ask your relation with Mrs. Ackerman?"

"The information was written there, I along with Eren Jaeger are her childhood, adoptive siblings. We all grew together. As you could see, it has been nineteen hours and her husband is still out of sight. As well as for Eren, well... He's not mentally fit to deal with decisions right now." Trying to take out all of his fear and replace it with enough courage, that should be already enough to let them handle his decision.

"If that's so, then we agree sir. The autopsy will be in ten minutes, and you will be granted any information that we will learn. Also to inform you that Mrs. Ackerman will also not undergo cremation as per Mr. Ackerman." 

He nodded even with the excruciating thoughts that Mikasa's bloody corpse wouldn't undergo cremation, and Levi still wants her to bury like that— all bloody with head crack. Definitely not a good thing to be displayed on her casket. But what has been done was already done, and Armin was too exhausted from everything. _Sorry, Levi. I need to make the decision_.

**ARMIN:** Commander Erwin... I made the decision for the captain. Still no sight of him.

He didn't really want to disturb the commander because he knew he was also stressed out just like him, especially that Theo was another responsibility he took. 

**ERWIN:** Sorry Armin. I can't be with you there. As for Levi... He's still in his daydream I guess.

He didn't know what Erwin was referring but he doesn't really care anymore. Maybe Levi was hurting the most, or maybe he didn't really care or... Maybe he still doesn't believe that Mikasa was dead?

Shit, then he remembered how Levi was acting yesterday. _He was fucking strange and stupor._

-

Twenty three hours have passed and Armin was still all alone at the morgue. He still doesn't eat, and only drank a few glasses of water. How he wished that Jean or Sasha or Connie would come, but he forgot that those three are busy wailing like Eren underneath their blankets thinking about all the fun memories they had with Mikasa.

He huffed trying to ignore how long he had been waiting for the autopsy to get done. _It's supposed to be a joyful holiday month, so why does it needs to be like this? Maybe Santa hated Levi._ He shrugged, dead tired of all the clumsy thoughts he had been dreaming about even when he couldn't let his tired eyes go to sleep.

"Sir Arlert? The autopsy is now done, may we request you for the information we gathered? And this would be confidential. Only you and Mrs. Ackerman's husband has the right to know." The lady officer has a tired voice but he knew that he was not just hearing a tired voice, but also a sad pathetic voice. What's more to be sad? The dead cannot be alive.

"Continue ma'am. All info would be only under me and Captain Levi's custody." 

Of course, it was a normal autopsy. Just gonna confirm the actual death, what killed her, what body parts were really damage, and the list goes on. He didn't even get the point why does this needs to be private or even having permission— but of course he remembered. Mikasa Ackerman was a valuable soldier, and her death was a sudden chaos. 

So when one of the head authority of the morgue handled him two letters in an envelope— one for him and Levi, he opened it, trying to read the in-between details of his precious friend.

_I'm so sorry, Mikasa. You never deserved that._

He tried to scan before reading it whole and that's when his eyes widened, mouth agape, and then his posture froze.

**_AUTOPSY DETAILS_ **

_Name: Mikasa Ackerman Ackerman_  
_Age/Gender: 24/F_  
_Death: December 02_

_Driving across an intersection in Trost District, at 16:07, Mikasa Ackerman suddenly encountered a car crash caused by an overspeeding ten wheeler truck, with a still unknown suspect. As per first guard rescue team, Mikasa was already found dead in her car, with head crushed into the driving wheel, front glass shattered that hit most of her head, as well as her abdominal parts. As for the her car report, the driver seat where Mikasa Ackerman was found dead, was soaked with blood— huge amount of blood clots to be specific. However, she was still taken to Trost Hospital, and was announced as DOA. She was reported to be holding her phone, a clear indication of trying to text or call someone._

_As for the result of the autopsy_ ,

_Mikasa Ackerman have obtained a great impact on her skull, resulting a severe concussion, lacerated glass stabs on both her frontal and parietal lobe. An internal bleeding, and an arterial brain damage were also noted._

_Mikasa Ackerman have also obtained an unattached axis and atlas, resulting a broken thoracic vertebra. Explained why her head was leaning heavily in the driving wheels as per first team report._

_Mikasa Ackerman have also obtained a few broken ribs mostly from both equal parts of her floating ribs. As per external view, shattered glasses were the cause._

_Mikasa Ackerman have also obtained a severe laceration on her lower abdominal region, slightly moving to her pelvic area. Shattered glasses and a traumatic impact were the cause of her heavy bleeding. No gut parts were damaged, but an internal bleeding was found present in her uterus. Explained why the driver seat was reported in heavy bleeding._

_Note: Mikasa Ackerman was eight weeks into pregnancy, as observed in the fetal and placental development seen in her uterus._

_Note: Mikasa Ackerman was shown and proved to have also suffered miscarriage alongside moment before death_.

_End of autopsy report_

Armin was shaking when he tried to cover his mouth as his tears were slowly dripping. He couldn't believe. He wanted to shout telling that this cannot be true, that this was too much to handle. He was feeling upset, angry, painful, sorrow— every other adjective he could relate with death. That's right, death. And it was not just Mikasa Ackerman who suffered a horrible death. It was also another Ackerman, who was never given the chance to see the world, all because of one drunkard addicted suspect.

It pained Armin so much. And it pained him more because he wasn't even sure how he would deliver it to Levi— _Hey Captain Levi, what an unfortunate ride of a roller coaster, did Mikasa ever tell you that she was pregnant with your second child?_ Everything was slowly falling into pieces but an unfortunate shattered pieces of glass. That not just only his wife have passed away, but also his innocent child.

_Captain Levi, just... Where are you?_

He folded the paper back into the envelope, he didn't know before that a piece of paper could burn his fingers and even slap his face non-stop. He told himself that he would never want to read that burning letter again, because it was enough to make him miserable. Though it might be unfair, he was convinced to never let Eren know what Mikasa and her baby suffered.

And that left his decision to give or not give Levi the copy of the envelope which he surely assumed can make Levi kill who did it to Mikasa.

_I need to give it to Levi._

_No, I can't... It would just worsen his pain._

_But Levi is her husband, what the hell am I even thinking?!_

With tears still streaming down his face, body freezing as ever as it can be, his shoulder was greeted with a sudden tap of coldness.

"Where's Mikasa?" 

That voice. That low, cold, and unaffected voice. Armin closed his eyes thinking that finally, there was still a silver lining in the middle of a fucked up storm. There was relief and when he finally turned around and opened his eyes... " Captain Levi...?" He can't believe the captain's unaffected demeanor.

"Where is she? I'm taking her home." _Taking her home? What are you talking about, captain? What the hell is wrong with you, Levi?!_

"Captain... She's dead."

"What the hell are you talking? I left her with you and the fucktard Eren having some sloppy sleepover. Now I'm fetching her, we have a cleaning session to do." Armin could see the stoic features of Levi and he could think of a lot of emotions that Levi may be concealing but right now it is clear that Levi was not toying with him. Levi was drop dead serious about believing she's alive.

"Listen to me, Levi," he paused as he dropped the use of his former position, because he needs to shake the hell out of Levi. "I know it hurts you, because it hurts us too. And I know you still can't believe it, because obviously we can't believe it too... But you need to accept it—"

"Armin, I don't need any of your advice. I'm old for that shit and I need my wife right now."

This isn't going anywhere. He didn't even realize that he was holding his dear breath for so long, trying to measure how long the stress was running for show. _No, it's not a show! Levi is clearly out of his damned mind!_ He huffed as he shove both of his hand into his pockets— without even considering crumpling the envelope that still needs to be given to the rightful owner. But he can't take any of it, as any of those scenarios running for the past twenty four hours was indeed a hell of a merry go fucked up round. And it's not just Levi who was driving the ride, but it's also driving them insane.

But Armin needs to get what's done, even if that means he's the last one standing here. So after his brain decided that the short vacation was over, as he pulled the other envelope out of his pants ready to be given to the rightful owner, Levi was gone.

_Another hide and seek game, and may the walls forbid me, I'm growing tired of it._

\- - -

When he realized that both Eren and Theo were looking at him curiously, he spoke right away.

"There's something you need to know, Eren. It's about Mikasa." _It's about time._ Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your comments below! Or should I still continue?  
> Thanks for reading xx


	17. Cabin in the Mountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update. Trying to find more inspiration :< However, it's already coming to an end sooner. Thank you so much for reading!

.

Living a peaceful life far away from the city district has always been a dream for Mike Zacharias. Now married for about six years with his wife, Nanaba, Mike had never been so contented sharing the life in a peaceful cabin near the mountain.

However, for once in a while, he needed to attend some errands back in the city district such as buying rare grocery items for holidays. And maybe at some point, he missed being in the city too.

Then it happened. Only around twenty four hours ago, Mike unexpectedly stumble across a never aging vampire from the past. Well, he's no vampire, really, just that Mike really love mythical shits and the hype of using emoticons really suits him up. Back again, he stumbled upon the mysterious strong but kind Levi. And he never expected to see Levi in such a state like that.

He could recall the last time he saw Levi was on Levi's wedding. Ever since, he never saw him again. Mike recalled inviting Levi on his own wedding, even remembered how Levi turned the RSVP for two, but he never came. He never wrote letters, or even send emails explaining why he didn't attend. It just happened just like that, knowing how Levi holds his own secrets sealed, he just let it. He never really saw him after all of that because that was the time when Mike and Nanaba moved to the mountains.

He heard news about the death of Mikasa, but that was after she was already sent to her grave. After all, Nanaba was also included in that accident and he regretted that he failed to comfort his past comrade.

After texting chitchats with Erwin, he drove back to the mountain slightly thinking about the sudden scene of the invincible Levi before, now looking all like nothing but a pale shit. He sighed as he pulled his pick up car on the facade.

-

"Heya, Nana. I'm just going to take Mickey for a ride. Wanna join?" He gave a big smile to Nanaba as he asked for an obvious permission. It's been a long time since he brought Mickey (his horse) for a long ride in the mountain. And he decided that maybe today, it's the right timing. He didn't really waited for Nanaba's response as he head towards their dirty facade shed as he pulled up a saddle, rope, and his old dark green cloak with the survey wings embossed on the back of it. Feels like back in the old day.

He smiled as he remembered the shared memories. The laugh. The death of their former comrades. The sorrow. And the never ending war that ironically came to its end. He brushed off the thoughts, and waved his hand good bye to his wife.

At first, he rode the horse really gentle, trying not to startle it away, letting it adjust to the nature of the rocky mountain. Once in a while, he would stop and get down to pick flowers, making a scene in his head acting all cheesy when he comes back home. He chuckled as he got up again riding Mickey, even talking to Mickey in horse language making some shitty jokes because he didn't want his horse companion think of him as a boring guy. He was a guy of emoticons after all. 

The trail seemed to be a little off and different for Mike, because this was the first time he saw it. Curious, he trailed a little bit more but then stopped as he soon see a small cabin but with a very big fence surrounding a hell of a lot of chickens. Weird, he thought. Or perhaps, maybe just some oldies wanting to die in peace.

He shrugged, then he maneuvered Mickey while he was feeling a little bit strange. He definitely never been here before. So he galloped a little bit faster, tapping Mickey's hind a little bit more while randomly thinking about Erwin's last text message.

_Shit, the hell does that American Eyebrow means by The Ripper?_

He didn't know why of all the things to be remembered, he remembered that, and before realizing it, Mickey was neighing aggressively. "Hold down, girl! Relax!"

"Ya' should be takin' yer own advice, eh?"

What the hell. Is he now having hallucinations? Because he clearly knew he was alone with his horse trailing down his little adventure in the mountains. But then just right now, there's this man creeping him out like he was some girly teenager wearing short skirts. But damn the walls, he was a tall, big man. He followed the voice and was surprised to see a man wearing a long black coat. He gulped before giving a response.

"H-hey, you know... me?" _Fuck... I could wish right now that speaking verbatim could also have emoticons._

"Dunno. Who the hell are ya'?"

Maybe he could give the old man a chance, maybe he is friendly? So he got down and managed to calm Mickey. "I'm Mike! Nice to meet—"

Before he could even finish his friendly introduction, the man was sticking out a pocket knife into his throat, barely touching it. He gulped for an imaginary air trying to slap himself mentally for giving the old man a chance. For fuck's sake, is this what friendly means in the mountain? He was chuckling but also sobbing for his life. "P-please, let me... go,"

"Ya' ya', just need to get an info from ya' big ass." The old man replied while laughing and he continued. "Ya' tell me where Levi is and I'll spare yer life."

_Huh, what the? Levi? Fuck? Ah, shit! Erwin was telling something, something about..._

"Are you The Ripper, sir? Please I beg you, plea—"

"Oh shut up, you kimpee shit! Ain't gonna kill ya', old Kenny's bored of that already, just tell me where can I see the little runt?"

He was hesitant. Trying to think for a moment if he could offer him his comrade's detail in exchange for his life. He thought for a moment, Levi Ackerman can handle this. But he also forgot that the way he seen Levi yesterday looking like a disheveled sucked up vampire, made him guilty. He got to make a choice.

_Ah, shit! I don't even know the exact address of Levi's house!_

He closed his eyes for a second. He needs to make a quick decision as he could feel the knife trying to go deeper. _I'm sorry Levi..._

"I-I don't know where he lives... But he's in Trost, yeah he is! And he lives in a big house, a really big house and the cleanest house you'll ever see!" He was shaking but he still got the guts to think about whatever imaginary emoticon he could add on his sullen statement. 

"I see. Ya' have more any details?"

Without thinking, he was shocked as he replied. "Erwin... He knows mostly about Levi... Erwin Smith."

"The blonde fuck, aye? Geez, yer one rowdy scaredy ass for a huge man like ya'! Different from my stoic shorty nephew!" The old man started to laugh as he hold down the knife into his pocket. He pushed down the shaking Mike back to Mickey, as the old man walked away. He continued while walking. "Doncha wear that stupid cloak of yers. Name's Kenny by the way. The Ripper as an old alias, Kenny Ackerman if ya' prefer it long." He smiled and pushed forward the chilly mountain trail back to the cabin with a lot of chickens.

Mike couldn't deny he was flabbergasted for a rough three minutes, because he just had an encounter with the deadly notorious Ripper, who happened to be his former comrade's uncle. What's worst is that he gave information about his friends, which he doesn't know if it would lead to destruction or what. Still shaking a little bit with mouth agape, he fished his phone as he texted.

**MIKE:** Hey... :$ The Ripper D: He really is real tho... 0:

-

His emerald green eyes are full of tears. As well as his nose was full of unwanted slimy liquid, when he couldn't bring himself to stop crying. For the love of god, Eren... It's been four years.

He couldn't believe. He really cannot believe. Why the hell did Armin keep it as a secret? He thought he was already over the past four years about his sister's death, but here they are. Digging up wounds and rubbing it with sea salt like an active whitening agent. He felt his heart clenched the same with his fist as he was tempted to punch Armin not until Armin spoke.

"The dead cannot be alive... anymore." Armin said it with words so low and hopeless, with eyes full of despair and tears. His words were stern and sturdy, but his face was obviously betraying his tongue. And if as it feels like it was going all over again back in those years, Eren closed his eyes trying to inwardly speak the collided thoughts he wanted to say but cannot find the courage when.

_Hey Levi, did you know? My sister was pregnant with your second child before she died. It hurts me so much right now, so I bet it must hurt you like getting hit by a damned ten wheeler truck._

_Hey Levi, I just want you to know that I felt a trembling disgust and hatred when I learned that Zeke Yeager was my half brother. To be honest, I didn't feel any remorse when I found out he was murdered. That served him. And I wished it was you who killed him..._

He hated himself so much right now. He hated the way he acted so childish all this time, when there's so many people he could have helped. He was so disappointed with himself because even though despite every shitty things he have done, there goes his innocent nephew still cradling in Eren's lap heavily in his slumber, with a teardrop coming in one of his nephew's emotionless eyes.

Eren knew.

Eren knew that it affected Theo the worst.

With his eyes still closed, he could feel it twitching with guilt and disgust. That was for himself. Only for himself. He asked himself, he asked if he should also do what Armin does, not letting the truth to be spilled on Theo. He thought to himself, that maybe, if he could hide it, it could lessen the damage.

But God knows how much he was hurt when he learned about the truth just now. And maybe it was going to be the same for Theo. A child who never learned his mother, or his sibling. A child who was under the courtesy of him, but not his own dad. 

In other words, a child who doesn't have a loving home.

-

The rowdy cock-a-doodle-doo, and the loud chuckling and clawing is what Kenny will miss the most on his two to three days adventure out in the city. He smiled sheepishly, while he filled the automatic chicken feeder full of grains and nutritional feeds. The farm cabin was his haven, a favorite place of his, a place he could call mine.

If he would be lucky, maybe some day, or sometime. He could bring Levi and his grandson here.

But Kenny was a damn believer of luck and fate, and his overly abused hard work for power gets to trigger him on his way. Now that he thought of it, he was more determined to get Levi and show him what he was missing. Well, and the little runt of his.

The sun was almost setting, the never ending glory of the sky was now turning into a purplish dark red, full of shiny little rocks. Kenny hated poetry and shits like that, so as much as he wanted to describe the beautiful scenery, he won't. Instead, he would loudly cuss something in his native tongue. _Putain._

He chuckled at his idea while closing the canister that belongs to the army of chickens he gathered before he sarcastically bid his Mi Ultimo Adios. He was leaving at dawn tomorrow, and he obviously treats his army of chicken like his own successors, and for the mere reason he doesn't want to wake up his chicken early at dawn while having his rowdy temporary speech.

_Aye fuck. Old Kenny forgot these fuckers wake earlier than me. He he he_

He went inside as soon as the sky went dark. Inside, he heated a little of his mashed potato, and a corn he managed to steal from Mike's satchel when he was busy pissing himself from horror. That would serve his dinner, plus pairing it with an old pig piss called ale. He grinned funnily at the thought remembering Levi scowling and throwing offensive insults at him while he was too drunk having an affair with his ginger ale.

After dinner, he packed his belongings, more likely only two sets of his business attire a.k.a. his ripper attire, and he rolled a pack of tobacco, thinking to himself that it should be the only thing he need aside his keys and wallet. He didn't want to hold a heavy briefcase, and for the first time in his deadly history, he was attending to a family matter step aside killings and hobbies.

He shrugged, and with his old pair of steel blue eyes gazing around, he found his old companion sitting atop his old mahogany mirror table.

He marched towards it, heavily but not hurriedly, and when he soon reached it, he grabbed it, caressed it gently like a father who was about to let his daughter taken by another man.

But it was no person, instead it was a butterfly knife— his favorite knife which killed hundred of people, which slit throats of a bunch of stupid MPs. It was one of his many knives who literally helped him attain his utmost desire, thus making it more memorable for him. His old steel blue orbs lingered for a few more moments until he fold the knife, and placed it neatly like a nest in one of his drawer. He gave it one last gentle touch as he closed the drawer, returning back from the frizzy maroon couch with his briefcase still unpack.

He gave himself a warm smirk, reminding himself again that it was a family matter, and he was sorry that his old companion was not invited. He knew and somehow felt new, because he could tell it by himself that he was doing it not for himself— a thing he didn't really do in his lifetime, but for Levi.

He let his lanky body fall into his soft, creaky bed and let himself be consumed by the dark abyss of dreams and carcass he crazily enjoy.

Before dawn, he was ready, as he reached for his black fedora hat and his silver briefcase, exiting the threshold of his cabin. He left a sign of 'The Ripper lives here, you shit' before addressing himself another temporary good bye to the army of his so called successors, the wobbly fuzzy chickens.

And an opposition when the dawn arrived, Kenny left.

-

He could tell that he was never fond of corpse, blood, bones, and other shitty things that could connect to death and whatsoever bloody things. Despite of all the killings, torture, survival, freed, revenge, and shits that aren't need in mention, Levi Ackerman will never get used to those stuffs not like his uncle.

But as what as the story was told, when he opened the box he held on for dear life, he was not Levi Ackerman anymore.

More like a different Levi Ackerman. More like Just Levi. Or perhaps, more like a man with no name, no sanity, and nothing.

_Well, I don't have everything to begin with_.

Inside the box lies a fragile unhealthy obsession Levi keeps from the world. He slowly reached for it, with his face undisturbed, as his fingertips slowly felt the cold ivory bones he was keeping for so long.

He grasped it, slowly letting his hand embrace the long femur, as he begun caressing it gently like some old trusted companion.

Indeed, it was an old trusted companion. It was his only love, it was the owner of his heart.

He didn't realize the tears that were falling from his tired steel-blue orbs, as he reached for the cracked skull instead. He placed the fragile skull right into his hands, even massaging the temple slowly into circles as he murmured. "You are still beautiful, your bones are like your skin, white as porcelain. I still love you like before, and that won't never change."

He stayed like that for a long time. The rain have already stopped, but he doesn't know what time it is. He doesn't know if the sun was shining, or if the moon was beaming, for all he knows that he was trapped in a never ending oblivion of abyss.

Or should he say that he kept all of his doors and curtains of his house shut like the way his heart was shut for a very long time. It was so hard defending himself, trying to make himself better with a fucking pack of disgusting cigarettes when he thought he couldn't go anymore, when he thought that ending his life would be the better option for redeeming his happiness.

But this life was cruel and unfair, and every time he embraces or even invite the angel of death to come get him, he would just get ignored just like the way happiness ignore him. 

His hand involuntary wiped his tears, as he leaned closer to the ivory bones that was peacefully lying inside the box, trying to give it a gentle but genuine kiss. Was it really peaceful?

He doesn't know. He didn't want to know. 

And just like that, he couldn't think for more words to say to Mikasa Ackerman, because he was sure she heard every little thing he said from morning to evening, listening carefully like a loyal audience but the fact that this loyal audience was only bones— not a skin and remnants of an organ intact, not even decaying because its artist have an exceptional hand when it comes to using scalpel.

With last final look, he closed the box and placed it neatly beside his bed. There were no whispered words, there were no thoughts and commotions running in his head right now. Everything seemed to be in peace, in silence, and in oblivion. And for a very long time, he felt relieved.

He left the discarded bed and decided to take a steaming hot bath. He passed by his walk in closet, finding a new pair of clothes, a new towel, and hoping to find heroin in the reeking old abandoned drawer.

-

He often remembers hearing some of his classmates say that he was lucky because he is the son of 'Humanity's Strongest' aka Levi Ackerman. Because it was indeed a blessing, to be protected by a powerful influential father.

But also a curse, because Theo Ackerman still haven't seen his daddy for a very long time.

He woke up suddenly in a rickety bed, from his restless slumber in which he could remember he fell asleep in his uncle Eren's lap while talking with his uncle Armin something he couldn't understand— he shouldn't understand. 

When he woke up he was gasping, he was weeping. He didn't understand why there were tears, because for god's sake he was only an innocent small boy at the age of five, who was forced into aging at the speed of light. He wiped off the tears hastily from his eyes as he could remember his daddy saying that crying will always be a form of weakness.

_But daddy's not here? And he would never know that I would cry._

Still, he prevented himself from crying, whispering himself akin almost deceiving himself that his daddy would still be his daddy, and he wanted to respect and obey the philosophies and rules Levi implemented in both of their lives. He knew that he could never hate his dad, he knew that it felt wrong because even though his dad was a strict disciplinarian who almost appears impassive, he was still the man who gave him shelter and food. And that was enough. Enough for Theo to love and understand Levi.

The day he remembered himself living was also the day he was already under Levi's custody. He could not really vividly remember every little details, but he knew that there was something wrong. He knew that it was perhaps abnormal, because his classmates have parents— mom, dad, and maybe a sibling like Keith, but he only has a father. His teacher would often ask him about the name of his mother, or where was his mother, but to no extent, he would just looked away and tell whoever was asking that he never really had the chance to know his mom. But even though his curiosity about his mom which was also a big part of him, he never bothered asking Levi because he knew how much his dad hated nosy brats. Simple as that.

He remembered the day when his daddy surprisingly talked about his mommy, that for once he felt the happiest kid alive when he heard that he had a mom. That he was once also like Keith, Emily, and all his other classmates who can't keep their mouth shuts asking where his mom was. He felt giddy, warm, and joy, especially when his dad told him to look at the mirror because he also resemblance Mikasa. Especially his eyes. His dark gray orbs which he knew that Levi adores the most. 

He knew that there was something missing, that there was something his dad cannot fulfill, but he knew that his dad was sad and trying and that was enough for him to understand the sensitive issue about his mom. At least he knew that he had a mom.

Even though his mom was a dead mom.

He stood up, fixing impromptu his discarded bed, and walked away from the room. He was still holding back his tears when he went downstairs, trying to find some oranjee juice in the fridge. Maybe an orange juice could help him be strong enough to fight off the tears.

"Theo bear?"

He was not really shocked, as he was also expecting someone to find him out. He was just afraid that someone might find him sobbing. So he replied nonchalantly. "Hm?"

"As expected, you just don't look like your dad, but you also act the way like him." Jean chuckled while he followed Theo to the kitchen. Jean asked him if there was something he wanted help, he nodded in return and mouthed the orange juice in which Eren bought them a little earlier. Theo said thank you and quietly sat in one of the misplaced couch set that was in the kitchen. He knew that he could trust his uncle Jean, and that's exactly how his tears fell like waterfall.

"Hey, buddy, what's the matter?"

"It's nothing, uncle Jean. Never mind me." He wiped off his tears, while sipping his orange juice gently. He knew that his dad would tease him or even scold him because he just cried in front of someone.

Jean sighed. Then he wrap his arms around Theo's shoulder. Jean knew that there was something wrong, even if he didn't really bother listening on whatever 'dead Mikasa topic' Armin and Eren were discussing a while ago. "Something about your mom?"

Theo shrugged. Well, he didn't even really knew if he was crying because of his mom, or was he crying because he missed his dad so much. "It's okay, uncle Jean... I'm fine."

"Now you sounds like your mother." Jean paused as he sighed, trying to repress the memories of the good old times. He continued. "Theo, I know I'm not in the position to tell you this... Especially I'm just your mother's friend," he paused once again while he looked straight in Theo's clouded eyes. "But Theo, she loved you so much. You and your daddy."

Jean knew he hit the right spot because Theo was sobbing a little heavier. "I just miss my mommy and my daddy so much, uncle Jean. It's not that I'm not happy living with you, Uncle Armin, and Uncle Eren right now but I want to see my daddy really bad."

It was already close to midnight and Eren and Armin are already jetlagged in their slumbers. It was only Jean and Theo down the stairs, and truth be told... Jean was lost with his words, lost with his thoughts, and this might be the first time he wished that Levi was there. Jean loved Mikasa so much back there before, and he even doubt himself that he could accept Theo because it somehow hurt him, but here he was. 

Wrapping Theo around his arms while patting his raven hair, letting the tears of an innocent child soak his plaid polo, because the world was unfair and he was sorry, so sorry because there was nothing he could do.

He also felt his stinging eyes as he could hear Theo murmuring the name of his daddy _countless times_ , and it sounded like a boy who was drowning in an ocean with no one to help. 

The scene was helpless, somehow morbid because he knew that Levi was not okay, that Levi was still battling with his inner demons, and the worst was that Levi could even forget all about the world including them and his son. Jean let the moment fall for a couple of minutes before he settle Theo one more time.

And just like the very good and disciplined Theo he was, he was already on his nonchalant demeanor facing Jean, mumbling the word 'Thank you.' He hugged Jean one more time and asked him if he could keep it as a secret because he doesn't want his daddy to worry about him. Jean nodded and sighed wearily, trying to think if there was something he could do to make the young raven boy happy.

"Theo, how about let's visit your daddy? Is it gonna make you feel happy?"

Theo's narrowed eyes began to widen, with his mouth agape, but only last for a second because he was still puzzled not really knowing the fact of his dad's condition. "Is it okay, uncle Jean? Do you think my dad's gonna be happy to see me?"

"Of course he will. He misses you too, you know?"

"Okay, okay! Thank you, uncle Jean! I promise to clean your car and polish it until it goes spotless just like my dad taught me." Theo smiled at Jean and hugged him for the third time.

Jean smiled back, inwardly laughing about Theo's comeback cleaning gift and he thought to himself that maybe someday, Levi could finally wake up from the never ending nightmare he was having.

If he still wakes up.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATION:
> 
> Putain - Fuck
> 
> Thank you for reading guys! Please comment below your thoughts, your comments literally make my day happy. :) And a gentle reminder... The story is coming to an end.


	18. Story of The Lone Pigeon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I dedicate to my little aviary friend who bit the dust. The Story of The Lonesome Pigeon.

__

_There once was a pigeon who was wandering around the city. With no flocks to dwell, with no company or a two. The lone pigeon was alone, maybe abandoned, but he was surely not lost. As the lone pigeon wander through the years, tragedies were inevitable, and the lone pigeon found one of his wobbly legs severely damage thus resulting him an amputation._

__

_Now he was not just lonely, but he was also an amputee._

__

_The lone pigeon have obtained scars— too many, and too heavy. It was a rainy day, and the storm was preventing his wings to soar high, making him fall and crashing in someone's roof. With the rain still falling from the sky, the lone pigeon closed his eyes thinking it was time to say good bye._

Erwin called Dr. Gunther Schultz asking him if he has an appointment with Levi today. But to his surprised, or should he say that he shouldn't be surprise because he knew that it was evitable to come, learning that Levi wasn't responding to the text and calls Gunther gave him for the last thirty six hours. In both lines, they gave one tired sigh.

After contacting the local psychiatrist, Erwin asked Hange if they should visit Theo or they should retrieve Theo from Eren because of the obvious fact that Levi might kill them because he knew how much Eren was of a slobber, filthy, reeking person. Levi might not be in his best condition right now, but if there was one thing that Levi could think clearly, that was his deep hatred for dust and mildew.

"I'm going to Eren." Erwin notified Hange who was busy preparing the kid's snack and other things that could keep her busy. He knew that Levi's condition affect everyone, and he knew how much guilt Hange was having because he left Theo under Eren's custody. So he picked up his car keys, kissed Emily on the cheeks, and then left.

While he was driving in the car, he couldn't stop thinking about Levi. He obviously knew that everything was not really normal, but this time it was like, not really really normal, and just the memories of him finding Levi in a puddle of his own puke made him more tensed than ever. He thought to himself that maybe he should check Levi after visiting Theo.

_Fuck_ , he hissed. Erwin almost forgot to check his emails, because he didn't bother scrolling shits yesterday more likely for the reason of _I'm-done-with-all-of-you-ah-shit-just-fucking-kidding_ and exhaustion from all the drama he could take. So he scrolled down and found one lonely unread email that was sent from Mike.

He could just see the beginning of the text email, with a readable 'hey' plus another of his sulking corny emoticons. Erwin rolled his eyes as he mentally noted himself that he should read it later when he make a stop at the convenience store. 

__

_The lone pigeon woke up warm and fuzzy. The rain have already stopped, and he found himself not in the streets anymore, but in a cozy room with crumbs of bread in his side. Although he was a lone street pigeon, he could say he was picky because he nimble the crumbs first, trying to check if there was a speck of mold before eating it._

__

_The flickering candle was the sign of the heat, and also the sign of someone lives here— a person, perhaps a good one or maybe someone who just wanted to devour a lonesome pigeon for dinner. He pecked on the crumbs as he sipped a few drops of water that was also offered beside him._

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_Just a few moments have passed, and that someone became real, as the person walked towards the room. "Well, hello there! I thought it was the end for you..." The lone pigeon knew that the person was talking to him, but he didn't make an effort to analyze as he was already figuring ways how to escape the house and free himself from possible danger. The lone pigeon sensed his gratefulness, but somehow his instincts were always ahead of him._

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_Not until the person talk again. "You're a fighter. A survivor. You could stay with us if you want, there's another lonesome pigeon here."_

_Are you fucking kidding me?_ Erwin choked on his own saliva while waiting for the cashier to finish barcoding all the goodies he bought for Theo and company. He couldn't believe what he read, or what Mike just hilariously admitted through a variant of dumb silly emoticons revealing an important message about a person he was stalking datum.

The Ripper.

He shook his head, as he fished out his wallet, and paid the total amount of groceries he bought. He'd definitely call Mike and ask him about every little detail of their encounter, and how the hell was Mike still alive despite of the grim encounter with the mass murderer who kills people as his way of saying hello. 

_But not now. Not fucking now._

He pulled out his van as he stirred the wheel fast towards Eren's house. There might be more important things to discuss, but not at the moment because Theo was a different matter and that was a special case he must attend. For Levi.

__

_Few days after, the lone pigeon found himself in a not so close cage with another lone pigeon. The feeling was weird, uncomfortable, and bizarre. But what the lone pigeon didn't understand was that he felt something— something he was craving, he was seeking, something like familiar warm._

__

_He gave the person a chance, so he tried to settle himself with the other lone pigeon for a few days. At first, he was irritated, not really adjusting at his new place, still trying to keep his personal bubble larger, and preventing himself from unwanted visitors._

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_And another thing he didn't understand was that the other lone pigeon, was a wanted visitor he was longing for his whole life._

Erwin knocked at the door and was surprised to see Armin answering him. "Oh, hi! Commande—"

"Armin, it's only Erwin." He smiled as he see Armin nodded and invited him inside. His nose instantly wrinkle because of the disturbing smell of pickles, onions, mustard, used socks, sweat drench clothes, and maybe a week old underwear as he followed Armin through the hallway leading to Eren's living space. "Uhm, sorry for the nasty smell... You know how Eren secretly enjoyed being dirty..."

He nodded as he sat down. He waited for Armin to call Eren, notifying Eren that there was a sudden visitor he would enjoy from the past. Erwin could hear Eren's squeaking voice that sounded like 'I'm gonna kill you Armin if you let Hange inside!'. He chuckled, trying to idealize what kind of ruckus did Hange do to Eren once again.

But aside of all of that, where the hell was Theo?

"Oh, oh, hey! Erwin! Shit. I thought it was Hange again." Erwin could see Eren limping around with his loud stomp wearing his 'I'm gonna fucking kill all the titans' shirt with his stupid low-rise orange boxers. The sight was an absolute grimacing scene.

"Hey Eren." He stood as he picked up the small grocery he bought as he passed it unto Armin. He continued. "Bought these stuffs, and where's Theo?"

"Uhh, Theo's gone."

His bushy brows suddenly raised while his mind was shouting _WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU GUYS DO, LEVI'S GONNA KILL US AND OUR FAMILIES_ but nonetheless he shook his head as he calmly said. "What do you mean?"

This time, Armin chuckled and replied. "Sorry for that... What Eren mean is that Theo was gone for about ten minutes before your arrival. He went out with Jean."

Good grief. He sighed with a relief, then wondered when the hell did Jean become close with Theo? But it was none of his concerns. "Where did they go?"

Eren and Armin gave him a shared look. Oh fuck you two, don't give me that look. Don't tell me you don't—

"I, uhm, damn. Why didn't I ask Jean? Fuck..."

"But Theo was mumbling something before he left... Like something about excited seeing his daddy?" Erwin could see the tensed look in Armin's face.

Well, there was no way in hell they should now go to Levi. He haven't even inspected Levi for himself. The local psychiatrist haven't even heard from Levi. And he haven't called Mike yet for some details about the Ripper. Total mayhem right now, he even regretted that why he kept a lot of info to himself. Of course, Theo didn't know what was happening, assuming that Jean and these two hooligans only know about ten percent of the story. He gave a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

__

_Few days, turned into weeks, then months, then years. The lone pigeon was no more of a lone pigeon, but only a pigeon. He found himself still staying at the place in which he crashed a year ago, in which he thought the place he bids his good bye._

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_But here he was, swinging happily beside the other lone pigeon— now also 'just' a pigeon anymore, because they have found each other's home_

.

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_His instinct may have been ahead of him before, but right now he was contented. He never wanted to leave, never wanted to seek company but just the company of the other pigeon. They nestled each other and through the years of having each other, they lay two beautiful eggs at the winter._

Erwin was frustrated. So does Eren and Armin when they finally learned about the condition of Levi, plus the mystery Ripper who was once a part of Levi. But shit be damned, there was no way to waste time again. Erwin contacted Mike before contacting Hange for updates, while Eren and Armin tried to contact Jean.

**ERWIN:** Hey Mike, sorry for the late reply. I see that you have a recent encounter with Kenny. Are there any details you want to share?

He opened another thread tab as he texted another message to Hange.

**ERWIN:** Hange, you done taking your lovely shit guilt? I would like to ask Moblit another favor of looking the kids.

He looked up towards Eren and Armin, giving them a you-know-what-to-do look when his phone buzzed.

**MIKE:** Shit, Erwin. I almost shit my pants yesterday D: He was damn scary and tall. For a second I thought it was the end of my life X:  
**ERWIN:** Ok, Mike. Then what happened?  
**MIKE:** He was asking for the vampire! ): Erwin, I'm sorry but... I'm saving my life so I told him where Levi lives. )':

_Huh. Fuck._

**ERWIN:** Why? That could be dangerous. Even if Kenny happened to be Levi's uncle, still...  
**MIKE:** Sorry, Erwin. I was on the brink of pissing myself 0: I do not know where Levi lives, so I described him his big and clean house, then I told him that you know mostly about Levi. Erwin, shit, I'm so sorry. You know I love you as my dear friend but the Ripper must be coming for you D:

_Oh good, now more fuck._ Erwin mumbled to himself as he read the other thread where Hange's reply are waiting.

**HANGE:** What's wrong though? My lovely Moblit said yeAaAh, he could watch the kids over. Do you want me to come to Eren?  
**ERWIN:** Shit, wear a disguise alright. A little hunch, we might be dealing with the Ripper. Go directly to Levi's house. Theo is not here.

He slid his phone back to his pocket, ignoring the double buzz because he knew that it was only Hange or Mike freaking out so damn bad, that he somehow thought that if he would read that he would definitely freak out too like an overdosed lemur drinking coffee for the first time.

"Armin, got any news from Jean?" He asked, fishing out his car keys, trying to tell them mentally that he was about to leave.

"Sorry... Jean's phone cannot be reached. He might be at Zachly's Diner before going to Levi's house, because they haven't eaten anything yet so—"

Before Armin could even finish his sentence, they both could hear Eren shouting and pacing like a cage animal who's constantly seeking for freedom and the scene was totally annoying because Eren's behaving like a five years old. "Do you have to be like that all the time, Eren?"

"I just fucking, ugh! I'm fucking dumb! Why the hell didn't I ask Jean, and now we can't contact them!"

He sighed as he went towards the main door, making himself exit Eren's house. He gestured his hand as he was trying to invite over the two hooligans. "You coming or what? I'm heading off to Levi."

Eren didn't bother putting up pants, and ran towards Erwin's van leaving all the locking and safety measures to Armin. Erwin shook his head thinking how stressful it is, and mostly because of Eren's bottomless outfit. He waited for Armin as they both charged into the van.

__

_Winter was at the peak of its end, and so was the two pigeons. They lose the two eggs, under some harsh condition of the environment._

__

_There was nothing the pigeon can do about his partner, they were both overfilling with sorrow. He cannot fly anymore, they forgot how to spread their wings because they settled down thinking if they both got each other, then everything's gonna be alright._

__

_One day, the pigeon woke up. He asked himself, if he was a lone pigeon again? If the world was too terrible, or maybe that was just the world that he only forgot because he was drowned with joy for the last years. He chirped a little singsong, but to his shock, his partner was nowhere to be found._

__

_He spread his wings once again, his black beautiful wings, trying to adapt to the breeze and the aching wings because it might be the first time that he will fly again. He wanted to see his partner, that's why._

__

_He tumbled, fumbled, his black wings now drenched with a little bit of snowflake, then he founds his partner looking all sad and hopeless._

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__He chirped a light, gentle sound, trying to notify the white beautiful pigeon that he was there, that everything's still gonna be alright, that they could do things together, as long as they are together.__

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__The beautiful black pigeon, and the other beautiful white pigeon flew back side by side.__

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Erwin knew that Levi would be laughing out loud right now, or maybe scoffing or cursing whatever shit from his crude mouth because there was no use in Erwin calling Levi... Fourteen missed calls, and not one did Levi respond to his twenty six text messages.

__

He turned the radio on, switched it to the FM station, hoping to find some good music vibes. There was nothing he could do right now but drive safely and listen to the music, instead of listening to Eren's never ending rants.

__

"Will you please, shut up?!" Armin shouted as he lightly punch Eren in the shoulder. "Erwin and I are trying to find some good music here, and you better compose yourself a good reason to your brother-in-law why Theo is around with Jean!"

__

Erwin inwardly chuckle, the fact that Armin was a real genius and he really know how to shut the hell up of Eren's shitty mouth. Then his phone rang.

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**INCOMING CALL: HANGE**

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__

He accepted the call, and turned into loud speaker so everyone could hear it.

__

"ERWIN, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU ENDLESS TIMES. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU NOW AND WHERE THE HELL IS THEO AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THE RIPPER—"

__

"HANGE YOU SHIT, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THE RIPPER WAS LEVI'S UNCLE?! NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND READY YOUR DEATH WISHES BECAUSE LEVI WOULD KILL THE BOTH OF US!" Eren screamed, furious about Hange's loud wailing over the phone.

__

It was now Erwin's turn. "Fuck, okay, both of you please shut up. I'm driving first to Zachley's Diner. And yes, Hange, I suspect we are being followed by The Ripper, and Eren will you please stop throwing tantrums everywhere?"

__

Dead air was now in the middle of them all. Erwin heard a small 'got it, see you, I guess' from Hange's line, while Eren gulped his bulging saliva and properly attended his seat. He drove faster, trying to get a hold of Jean and Theo in Zachley's Diner.

__

When he parked in front of the diner, Eren snorted 'Bingo!' while he hastily opened the van's sliding door. And yeah, before Erwin could scold him, he was running outside with his orange boxer sticking out of his ass.

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__The small cage served their nest for a few years, and neither any of the both of them have complaints over it. They were happy, have overcome the sorrow of losing their eggs, and they are still side by side._ _

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__The pigeon thought to himself, that if he would ever lost his partner, then it means he would also lose himself in the process. They were monogamous, and it made sense, because after all they were the only one who knew themselves hard enough._ _

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__Seasons changed, and the white pigeon laid another egg, and to their surprise, the egg hatched revealing a small, gray, innocent pigeon. They chirped with joy, as the black pigeon nuzzled into his partner sending her a kiss._ _

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Erwin almost choke out his drink when he saw Hange approaching them. "What the fuck are you wearing?"

__

Hange looked quizzed, raising one of her brow to Erwin's obvious question. She obviously had her hair frizz, making it look like she was electrified so bad that it damaged her brain for her to wear something like that. Something like her old halloween costume, in which she dressed like a crazy scientist who's lab coat is very dirty sprinkled with green goos, and a mismatched high heel on the other foot, and a sneaker on the other. She looked shit, as Eren described it.

__

"I'm wearing a disguise! You texted me, right?" Hange argued, while limping because her mismatched shoe is a total dumb idea. 

__

"You fucking look hilarious, Hange. Really. I bet Levi's gonna kick your ass out of his house. Or worst, the Ripper would have shit his pants just by seeing the way your hair looked like a cow stick it's tongue." Eren butted in, while trying to find Jean by overlooking at the windows of the diner.

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"Geez, Eren. Says your sticking ass out of your orange boxer. You looked retarded." 

__

Erwin would usually try to stop the arguments, but right now, he couldn't care less if Hange and Eren would wrestle and kill each other in front of the diner, because he was obviously frustrated and tired. He shook his head while doing the optional face palm, then asked Armin. "Any sight of Jean inside?"

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Armin shook his head no. Maybe Jean was already driving towards Levi. "Quick, let's head back towards the van. Hange, just leave your car here. Go with us."

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__The pigeon taught the small gray pigeon how to eat, how to live, and how to fight. He was happy, even chirping every now and then, making coos to his partner. They were happy. Even the person who took care of them was happy._ _

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__They never wanted to leave the place. He chirped once again, embracing the warm of the rising sun._ _

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Erwin fished out his car keys out of his pocket, then he beeped making the van unlock. He waved his hand over everyone, gesturing them to go inside quickly because they the day was still ahead of them and he needed to go to Levi's then—

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"Erwin Smith, how ya' doing?"

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Puzzled face, numbing nape, beads of sweat now tingling his forehead. He could hear the voice approaching from his back, as he could see the faces of Eren, Armin, and Hange inside the van now looking like leaking shit. "I'm fine..."

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He turned around, expecting to see the one he was stalking for the few days. He shouldn't be surprise or what, but it seemed when he got a clearer look of the man in front of him, his mouth involuntary dropped. _It's Kenny._ Kenny fucking Ackerman.

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"Fuck, why do ya' survey corps looked like pale turds? Be fucking presentable, just once aye!"

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"Kenny Ackerman, what do you want?"

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__But tragedies were inevitable. His amputated leg was a living proof, a proof that he once denied._ _

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__The gray pigeon was now a little bigger when the black pigeon's partner flew to find some berries in the neighborhood. But it was about twelve hours since his partner left, and it's driving him crazy._ _

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__So once again, he spread his wings. Tried to fly even if it's hard, even if his death would be inevitable for trying all for the sake to find his partner, his companion, his home._ _

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__But tragedies were inevitable, and so was death._ _

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__He felt his warm body freeze the moment he saw the beautiful white pigeon in the ground, covered with crimson blood while her guts were violently torn._ _

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__He fall from the sky, unable to spread his wings._ _

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Erwin wished that the people on the back of his car already took their shits back at their own houses, because there was no way he would clean out their shits once the Ripper did anything amusing.

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He started the engine, buckled his seat belt, then carefully put his hands steady on the stirring wheel. He was shaking though.

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And he was no psychic but he knew and he could read the screaming and cursing mind of Eren, Armin, and Hange at the back of his car. He had no idea why he even put up with this ridiculous idea, letting Kenny Ackerman join their little field trip. 

__

Damn be the walls, for Kenny the Ripper was also sitting shotgun.

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He drove as steady as he could, to avoid further accidents, but he was so tensed and he could feel the hot stinging looks of Kenny Ackerman. He gulped his even tensed saliva, trying to recall the last five minutes. He now wondered why Mike used him as an accidental bait, then he soon realized that that was what exactly also happened to him a while ago. It was like he was hypnotized, that for ten seconds he felt like a stupid dog sticking its tongue out, carefully obeying its master's demand. With just a few crude phrase from Kenny Ackerman, there he was. Inside the van, even turning on the radio.

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"Oi. Ya' blonde fuck. Aren't ya' gonna ask me anything?" He soon realized that the Ripper was talking to him.

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"No. I mean, yes." He glanced sideways, confirming if Kenny was seriously gonna answer his questions. It was the first time he saw the Ripper so close, and he just looked like an older drunk version of Levi.

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"Then ya' ask yer question. Don't waste time." Kenny replied nonchalantly as he turned his head around, studying the leaking shit faces of the people at the back.

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Erwin thought for a second, Kenny made sense. For a while, Erwin viewed Kenny as a psychopath who enjoyed killing and treating it like some comedy bar, but then it suddenly changed when he spoke seriously. He took a deep inhale, held his breath for a few seconds, then exhaled. "Why are you looking for me? For Levi? What are your business? Why didn't you kill us?"

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Kenny suddenly found the questions too many, and too amusing. He grinned, as he chuckled, putting one of his hand at Erwin's shoulder. They could hear the short gasp of their three audiences. "My nephew's the only business. Old Kenny's past that killing hobby, bored of that shit. But do ya' want me to kill y'all?"

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"SHIT NO NO NO PLEASE NO PLEASE SPARE ME, TAKE HANGE INSTEAD UNCLE KENNY!" Eren shouted as he pleaded for his life while pushing Hange towards Kenny's direction.

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"Hah? Uncle? Ya' shitface doesn't even look like Old Kenny! And geez, why the fuck does that crazy woman dress like that? Ya' bounty hunting for candies?"

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Eren was amused by Kenny's insult. He took the moment to calm himself, trying to think for words to impress Kenny. "Well, uhm, Levi's my brother-in-law so you're my uncle now. And yeah, Hange is fucking stupid bounty hunting for retarded fucks." 

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Hange smack the back of Eren's head as she butted in. "Well, Mr. Kenny, nice to meet ya! I'm Levi's best friend! I hope you are impressed by the disguise that I—"

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"Guys, enough. This is not an impression contest. We can't still trust the Ripper." Erwin scoffed.

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"Says the one who let the Ripper inside of his van. Whatever, Erwin. Now, uncle Kenny... You heard about Theo bear?"

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They all freeze in shock. Eren was getting ahead of his senses, not thinking logically again. Erwin was about to say something more likely scold Eren, when Kenny gave a big sigh. He watched Kenny carefully, waiting to speak out his thought and agenda.

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"I supposed yer Theo bear might be Levi's little runt." Kenny sounded sad for a moment, he sounded like a complete person from the Ripper. He was still human after all.

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"Now Kenny, what's the deal about Levi?"

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Kenny sighed. Then he chuckled. Then he smiled a little. Then finally, Kenny replied. "No deal, aye. Just wanting to see my nephew. My grandson. Just heard recently that my lovely Mikasa was dead," he paused as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "and it would be a pity if old Kenny let that bastard drown in his shitty pile. Mikasa was the only person that Levi loved so bad."

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No one was speaking. Erwin was correct. His gamble have paid off, because that this Ripper, Kenny Ackerman would be a big help. He knew Levi more than anyone right now. But the question is, would it be a solution to help Levi's up and down mentality? He shrugged as he patiently waited for the traffic lights to go green.

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"Y'all happy? I answered your fuckity questions aye. I guess it's my turn, heh."

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Erwin simply nodded. Eren and Hange also nodded. Well, Armin, uhm, let's just say he is too afraid that he kept on scrolling his phone looking all over cat pictures.

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"The hell is happening to the bastard? Why y'all looked like constipated shits?"

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Erwin glanced at the front mirror, trying to give a sign mentally to Hange then once again Eren stole the spotlight. "Oh, uhm, shit. Levi's insane."

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"Ain't joking ya' shitface! We all knew that midget was abnormal from the start, he even tried to kill old Kenny!"

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Erwin cleared his throat. Maybe it was time for him to speak up, because obviously they are running out of time. "Kenny, Eren's right though. Levi is not mentally stable. He is under a psychiatric therapy. He is still dealing with the death of Mikasa. We think that he still believes Mikasa is still alive."

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__Testing the waters was not really a thing for the pigeon. But this time, he must do it._ _

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__When he fell down, he embraced his falling momentum. It was the end, it was the end for him and for the both of them._ _

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__But the moment he landed alive and breathing right next to his crimson covered partner, he was lost. He didn't know what he was thinking as he looked around, catching sight of predators, then he tried to maneuvered the corpse of his partner right next to his back. There was no way he would be leaving her. There was no way he would be leaving his home._ _

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__Struggling to fly, he did it. He took all of his must, his strength, his sanity, and kept all of his tears inside._ _

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__He thought to himself for the last time. "My partner is alive. And we're coming home."_ _

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To Erwin's dismay, Kenny fished out a roll of his tobacco, then he lit it, put it in his mouth and asked Erwin if he would like to have some. Erwin glared at him for a second, mentally saying 'no smoking at the van' but who knows. Kenny might actually shove his cigar at the back of his throat, while shredding it apart. So he calmly said no.

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Kenny was utterly silent after he told him that Levi was still obsessing about Mikasa, in which also reflect their back audiences to be silent, while looking sorrowful. The traffic was lit, and Jean was still missing in action.

__

Kenny let his cigar dangling at his lip, while he struggle to talk preventing the cigar to be chew. "The midget was so small when I first found him. Lil' runt was starving to death, and I wasn't that heartless if I let that bastard die." He paused, looking at the traffic jam while huffing a puff of smoke. "Trained that midget to kill and kill and kill. That's the only way how to survive the underground. And when I found about Mikasa, when she was five years old—"

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"Wait, you knew her since she was little? But she stayed with us and haven't told a single thing!" Eren interfered, his ass sticking to Hange's side.

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"Ya' must be the doctor's stupid son." He turned his head around, carefully observing the face of Eren. He scoffed then continued. "Of course I knew her, she was family. Levi knew her too. Back before, that was his goal. To find Mikasa. Didn't know that those two would be reeking shit at the Survey Corps. What a stupid fate."

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It was Erwin's time to interfere. "Sorry, but uhm, so you guys are... Incest?"

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Kenny snorted out loud. He laughed while shaking his head. "Ya' sure are a dumb blond fuck aye? He he he, no. We're distantly related. But she was sure my blood family, because she's invincible like us. Finally got to meet her when she was a teen, then told her about us being relative, about Levi without saying his name, and she figured it out that I was the Ripper! My lovely Mikasa, she's fucking smart like my cute nephew." Kenny glanced at Erwin, letting him know that _ya' are fucking really dumb_ , while he continued. "It was surely my fault that the midget became a ruthless killing machine. But ya' know... When I was about to claim Mikasa to maybe teach her about my killing tactics, Levi opposed me. No wonder why the mini runt going fucking insane about his wife's death. Death and abandonment is a constant companion of him."

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__The flight home was lonely. Even lonelier when he remembered about the gray pigeon, chirping so bad because he was hungry._ _

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__But he was still out of his senses._ _

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__So he settled the corpse of the white pigeon back into their nest. He shove a lot of hay to the corpse thinking that she was cold and she needed to be warm._ _

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__Time went by, he let the gray pigeon grew with the rotting corpse under the nestled hay. He still believed that one day, the white pigeon would wake up._ _

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__Or maybe, he believed that he was just dreaming a nightmare. And someday..._ _

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__He would soon wake up to find the white pigeon nuzzled in his neck._ _

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Armin's phone rang that startled everyone. The ringtone was irking, causing Kenny to curse shit telling to get that thing over or I will slit your throat out, making Armin react in just a millisecond shouting hello.

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"Jean?! Where are you?!"

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Everyone finally found little relief when Jean was now in action. Erwin gestured Armin to continue. "We're on our way to Captain Levi! Where are you and Theo?"

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Armin turned the loud speaker on so everybody could hear Jean. "I'm at the captain's facade. Well, Theo fell asleep on our way here, so I just left him inside the car while I'm knocking at the door. Levi seemed not to be here, I was knocking for about three minutes."

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"Copy that, horseface! We're heading to Levi! We also have a guest coming, shit shit shit, I'm fucking excited!"

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They ended the call while Erwin drove faster, avoiding and overtaking any slow poke cars. Now that he was settled about the Ripper, his mind went back again thinking about Levi. Everyone knew how Levi hated unnecessary noise, unnecessary knocks, and whatever noise and dirt and clutter that an ordinary people can handle. So... _what the fucking hell happened to him if he is not answering the knocks on the door?!_

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"Hange. You heard that Levi... Is not answering again."

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He glanced a quick second at the front mirror, finding a tensed nodding Hange. He doesn't want to think the worst, but he couldn't help it that maybe it could be the brink of everything. He hit the gas one more time, trying to think to himself that they will get on time.

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On the other hand, Kenny was utterly silent. Looking like he knows what the hell was going to happen.

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__The person who found the lone pigeon, have come back again after months only to found out that the other pigeon was dead._ _

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__And was sitting beside the black pigeon. The person grimaced, as he could tell that the white pigeon have been dead for months, and what was more disturbing is that the black pigeon was pecking and feeding berries on its revealed skull._ _

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__The black pigeon was so thin, and disheveled, and literally out of sanity as he was pacing around and around._ _

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__And to make things worst, the gray pigeon was nowhere to be found._ _

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Finally, Erwin pulled his van filled with bizarre people. Never imagined that once in his life, he'd be having a field trip with a notorious mass murderer, a crazy scientist, a bottomless fuck, and a scaredy cat. He parked it hastily next to Jean's car, making it sandwiched in the middle between Levi's dusty car.

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_Shit, why the fuck does this car have dust?_

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Fuck comes to fuck, he could assume that if Levi has mental cancer, he was already at stage four. Because when the hell did Levi Ackerman let mildew and dust touch his things?

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Erwin ordered everybody to get out of his van, even ordered Kenny to stop smoking because of the fear that Theo might inhale his cigar. To his surprise, Kenny threw his tobacco right in the bin present near the house. Kenny walked towards the pavement, then turned his face towards the house, assuming that he was carefully observing his nephew's house. 

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Eren was already running towards Jean's car, almost ignoring Jean's shouting asking him "Why the fuck are you not wearing any pants you shitface!?" As Jean also hurriedly followed Eren. Jean grabbed Eren's shoulder telling him to shut the fuck up because he might wake the heavily sleeping Theo.

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With a final glance before he left the car, he asked Hange. "What do you think. Should we call a police, rescue, or an ambulance?"

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Hange shrugged. Then she turned around looking Kenny in the far distance. "If we call a police, Kenny would be caught."

__

Erwin nodded, realizing how stupid was his question. It was fucking comical, thinking that they are now here, here in Levi's extra super clean facade with no growing weeds but only with a dusty car, and he was thinking absolute nonsense. _What the hell should we do now, is Levi playing hide and seek_ , he thought as he fucking realized that he sounded like one of those penguins in Madagascar.

__

He could see that while Eren and Jean are again at their never ending arguments but right now it looked much more like a charade, both holding their loud voices, Armin aggressively fished out Eren's cell phone from the small back pocket of his orange boxer. Erwin assumed that Armin was already calling Levi's number.

__

So he motioned Hange to followed him. Then he stopped midway, as he called Kenny's attention telling him that he should follow them towards Levi's front door.

__

Erwin wasn't a shouting person to begin with, and when he does shouts, everyone got the feeling that there was something obviously not right. So he shouted, "Levi!" Then aggressively knocked the door three times.

__

But there was no response. And he could hear no traces that there was still a person inside. A living person he means.

__

He shouted another call, then knocked five times. But to no avail, still none. He could hear Jean's talking 'I told you so' and could see Armin's disappointed face looking at the unanswered calls. If he was given one adjective to describe the situation, he would sexually abuse the word hopeless.

__

Then finally, after a long time enjoying the shitty view, Kenny walked towards them. He stop in front of the door, with Erwin beside him, waiting him to do something. Erwin thought that if Kenny would go crazy maniac, playing comedy lunatic like Freddy Krueger, well now is the time.

__

But when Kenny raised his fist, attempting to knock, he hesitated and sighed. Instead, his fisted hand reached his fedora hat, slicking back his raven-gray hair.

__

"What the hell are you waiting for? Break his door! He's not answering!"

__

Kenny gave Erwin a glare, not a death glare, but a sorrowful morbid glare. "Too late, I guess..." He paused as he walked slowly away towards Eren. "Y'all could try and prove my hunch is wrong. But now, just let me see..." He reached Eren and Jean in front of Jean's car while he pressed his face leaning the car's window to precisely see the sleeping kid. "Theo Ackerman."

__

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__The corpse was unbelievably clean. And it doesn't stink. Most probably because the person suspected that the black pigeon have pecked a lot of its decaying parts. The person grimaced as he could imagine the turmoil scenario of why should the other pigeon do cannibalism._ _

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__

__

__The person carefully observed the last pigeon remaining in the cage._ _

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__Duty is the death of love, and love is the death of duty. But there was no duty anymore, because you can't serve a dead organism. The person felt a melancholic vibe as he motioned that it was time to clean the cage from the bone-neared corpse, the sorrow, and the pain. Time for moving on._ _

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__But the black pigeon was aggressive. He didn't want the person to take away the corpse. He didn't want to lose his companion. He didn't want to lose his only home, his family._ _

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__Right when the person took a hold of the corpse of the white pigeon, the black pigeon hastily flew away._ _

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___Then the clouds appeared darker, and the clouds started weeping. Tragedies were inevitable as the person shook his head when he heard a thunder roar.__ _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm obviously sulking because of the leaks of Chapter 134. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Still no Ackertalk and it's driving me fucking crazy. Sorry if the edits and italization turned out like this. But thank you for reading! End is near though. Hope you all enjoy. Leave a comment below, xx


	19. Père et fils

It have been almost two decades since Kenny saw Levi personally. He could still remember the youthful face, the ever scowling stoic face of the boy he have taken under his wings. If Kenny couldn't remember his kill counts, then Levi must be really special because how can Kenny forgot the face of his protege?

Fine jaw lines, a small pointed nose, the narrowed eyes in which it is hard to determine if he has blue or gray orbs, his heavy eyelids, his frowning brows, his almost perfect cheekbones, and the permanent undercut styled with his curtain bangs. That's the face of Levi Ackerman...

And he almost laughed when he saw Theo for the first time.

As if he was seeing the young Levi again. Except that Theo doesn't have an undercut, and doesn't have a curtain bangs. He wondered, who the hell styled the little runt's hair? He chuckled, as he took more of his time to look and observe his grandson.

He could see that the kid inherited most of his father's facial features. Kenny grinned when he realized that Theo was frowning in his sleep, and when he mumbled "Bad dreams, aye?" Eren replied that it was just Theo's natural sleeping face, and he even frown much more when he is awake. Kenny couldn't deny that he was smiling so bad, that he doesn't really like kids but this boy was a total exception, that he even wanted to touch at least the sleeping boy before he go.

_Ya' little runt like your father... I hope I could make ya' see my chickens._

With last one look, he gave a genuine smile and took a deep breath. _Je devrais y aller. Ça devrait suffire_. He pulled himself out of leaning, then he took a step away.

-

From the beaten front door of Levi's elegantly polished two story house, Hange was observing Kenny's quick changing demeanor just by seeing Theo. The scene was absolutely tear jerking for Hange, because Kenny might be a mass lunatic murderer, but he was still human at some point.

She patted Erwin's shoulder, trying to calm the nerves of Erwin because of what Kenny said. She could see the red swollen knuckles of Erwin, because Erwin was so desperate knocking the shit out of Levi's house, that he would even beat Levi's mahogany door just to let him come out. 

Well in fact, she couldn't also stop thinking about Kenny's words, about that how it became too late? Is Levi dead, or alive? What the hell does he means? Then a quick idea comes to her mind.

"Erwin... We could use the backyard door... Just like before."

Erwin's tired eyes suddenly look at her, then he shook his head no. "It's obviously lock, Hange..."

Erwin could be correct, but as what as Levi would describe her, she was an eccentric optimist who views a half glass water as half-full rather than half-empty. She could assume that Erwin could be right at all the time, but right now, given their slight chances of hope, Erwin Smith could be wrong.

She was about to ask Jean if he could give her a lift, so she could have access to the gate leading to the backyard when she noticed Kenny walking away. 

"Kenny! Where are you going?" She began to catch up to Kenny who was striding more steps than earlier. No, no, no, he cannot go. Not just yet.

"Going back home, missy."

Hange became furious. She cannot understand that why was Kenny just like that, that Kenny was just really fucking awful and comical because this was death and life situation of his family member, yet Kenny walks out like he just walked out after killing someone out of hobby. "What? How about Levi? You didn't even want to know what the hell happened to the midget? And how about Theo? Just gonna leave him there? How the hell could we explain to him that he has a pops who is a mass murderer?"

Kenny stopped. He scoffed before turning around. "Was." He fished out another roll of his tobacco from his trench coat. "Was a mass murderer, missy. I'm done with that ruckus. Now let me go, will ya'?" 

Now, she could tell that Erwin was walking towards her. So she continued conversing with Kenny, trying to persuade him that he must not leave. Not yet. "No. You're not going, Kenny The Ripper. The midget still needs you. He could be just rolling his eyes somewhere in the corner of his room, listening to us, ya' know?" She paused, obviously imitating Kenny's scrawny accent. "You of all people should know that, Kenny Ackerman."

She couldn't tell if Kenny was listening or what, but she could see that Kenny lift his tobacco role in his lips, even before lighting it up. If Levi was so hard to read his senses, then Kenny must be another difficult level of uncertainties. Now they both enter a game, a staring game.

Few minutes have passed when Erwin butted in. "You both done yet?" Erwin said as he cleared his throat, while ordering Jean if there was something he could do with the backyard gate's lock. 

She nodded as she raised one of her brows to Kenny. "You gonna help us, or no? At least make yourself useful here, Kenny."

"Whaterr, ya' stupid fucks. Just don't fucking cry like weenies once you see the midget rotting in the corner." Kenny scoffed while taking back his steps towards Jean. Well, now Jean's a different story because Jean's face expressed clearly _who-the-fuck-is-Kenny-and-the-hell-is-he-here-for?_ Sorry, Jeanbo. Maybe they will explain it to you later, for now, focus on Levi.

The air was dead when they heard a crack from the inside. 

From the inside of the house.

Everyone's eyes widened. Erwin shouted, "Quick, quick! Shit, maybe you're right Hange! He could be just rolling his eyes listening to us!" then he motioned Jean to help assist Hange figure how they could slid into the backyard gate. While on the other hand, Kenny remained leaning at the front door with Erwin just a few steps from him. They would be guarding the front door just in case Levi was done with his jokes, and have decided to have a lovely tea party with them.

"Uhm, guys? What the hell should we do?" Eren asked while he was trying to calm the tensed Armin. Shit and damn be told, he and Armin were almost forgotten. He continued. "Should we uhm, scream for Levi?"

"You guys could try. Just don't try to alert the neighborhood. You can be arrested." Erwin replied glancing sideways to Kenny because fucking hells, Kenny could die out of laughter.

-

Theo woke up to the sound of someone screaming his dad's name. He thought it was just another bad dream, because as much as he remembered... He has been having bad dreams since the day he has been out of his house.

He remembered Puss-in-Boots, how was that cat doing? He felt lonely for a little, assuming that Puss-in-Boots might have been also lonely and might have been forgotten about him. He was still slight sluggish, actually half mentally awake, when he decided to positioned himself to sit in Jean's car.

He rubbed his eyes for a moment when he realized where Jean have taken him. Home.

He was actually excited to go down, completely forgetting the screaming Eren when he heard another unfamiliar scrawny voice saying: "That midget sure is such a hard-headed runt. Tch."

_Midget? They can't be talking about my daddy._

He couldn't see that person because he has his back on him, but he could see that his uncle Erwin was talking with him. He stopped for a moment, thinking _why is Uncle Erwin here? And Uncle Armin and Uncle Eren?_

Nonetheless, he wanted to know. So he unhinged the door of Jean's automatic SUV Toyota Cruiser, then walked towards Erwin and the spooky tall man.

He felt that everyone was in the middle of a serious conversation because no one actually noticed him walking out of the car until he gently asked the word that lingered his mind since last night. "Daddy?"

Theo felt tensed a bit, seeing all eyes were on him, as if he does something bad, as if he said something bad. So instead, his eyes were searching for a safe haven as he looked around Erwin, Eren, Armin and the spooky man. Then his eyes landed exactly on the tall spooky man.

He could see that this tall spooky man was old, his face has already obtained wrinkles, and his somehow raven dark brown hair has already a lot of gray strands. But what he wouldn't forgot is how his eyes look. The familiar steel-blue orbs in which he cannot determine if it was gray or indigo or black or whatever. The eyes which his dad wore the same.

However, he thought for a moment what month was today, because the tall spooky man appeared to be wearing something for halloween. Are they trick-or-treating at our house?

Theo stood there nonchalantly, his lips pouting due to the frowning face of his. He raised his brows as he could see the spooky man gave him a small grin. He was about to take a stride forward to Erwin when Eren hugged him from behind.

"Theo bear, ah shit! When did you wake up?" Eren asked, but he could feel the trembling hands embracing him.

Not breaking down the gaze from the spooky man, he replied. "About five minutes, Uncle Eren... Uhm," he paused, trying to find the right words to ask. He didn't want to sound demanding but it was obvious that he needed answers. "What are you guys doing at my house? And where is Uncle Jean?"

He broke the gaze from the spooky man, now turning his gaze on Eren's unidentified flushed face. He was bothered, because he could feel that something was not right, that his daddy might not be okay.

Eren was mumbling something like uhhh, uhm, err, then he heard the spooky man chuckling like one of the cartoons he watched in Looney Tunes. Like Daffy Duck? So he turned back to see him again.

"This boy, ya' know... Much smarter than the midget. Now I wish ya' runt grow taller than him." The spooky man continued chuckling as he took a step closer to Theo.

Confused, he replied with brows furrowed. "My daddy is not a midget. Midgets are like 150 cm tall, while my daddy is 160 cm tall."

Everybody's jaw involuntarily dropped while their eyes widened like watching Avengers for the first time except for the spooky man who just grinned a little wider. "Yer a smart kid and a snarky one. Bet yer dad taught you that... Well," the spooky man took another step while he kneeled one of his legs, then put one of his hand in Theo's shoulder. "For starters, the name's Kenny. Kenny Ackerman."

"Ackerman?" Theo's confusion grew a bit larger as he studied the nameless spooky man, now named Kenny.

"Theo, what the fuck? Go hug him, Theo bear! That's your grandpa!" Eren shouted still looking totally amused and giddy. Armin slightly elbowed him mentally saying that he should not curse in front of the kid. 

"But daddy never told me he still has a dad. I just knew he was an orphan..."

"Well that runt never had a father, he was an illegitimate son of my sister. I'm just his uncle. And maybe his mentor." Kenny said as he cupped his fedora hat, openly revealing his hair full of gray strands. He gave a sigh, perhaps a lonely sigh as he hatted his old fedora hat into Theo's head. "Now ya' look like The Ripper!"

Theo could actually see Erwin's face grimacing shaking his head no obviously because of the last phrase Kenny said. Theo shrugged as he nodded, not really knowing what Kenny meant. Well, he doesn't really know what the hell was happening and his uncle Jean was still missing in his sight. "Uhm, Uncle Erwin... Where's Uncle Jean?"

Erwin cleared his throat looking tensed at Eren. "He's with Hange," Erwin pointed out the gate leading to the backyard. "They need to go to the backyard to unlock the door. The front door is uhm," Erwin paused as he struggled to find the words that wouldn't shock Theo then Kenny cut him.

"Ya' see, kid. The front door is locked. Levi's playing hide and seek with us, seemed like the runt doesn't want to see his uncle right now. Then we got the crazy shit Scientist and Pinkie Pie unlocking yer backyard door." Kenny said as he stood up, still leaving the Fedora Hat on Theo's head. "Ya' look like yer daddy, kid. When he was still a shitty little runt, right when Old Kenny picked him up from the hell hole. But yer eyes..." Kenny paused as he observed the glimmering eyes of the young boy. "Yer eyes are indoubtfully like Mikasa. Gray and full of passion."

"Is... My daddy gonna be alright?" Theo asked as he soon felt the stinging pain of his eyes. He couldn't cry, not now. Not in front of his house.

-

A year of retirement from the military made Jean's body completely like a dead horse. He has a tall, muscular build of body purely because of his strict military diet and exercise. But that was before, and his body right now looked like Thor's Endgame body. He instantly regretted hanging out with Eren because Eren's a total dimwit junk, and now that Jean got Hange on his back trying to let her cross the gate leading to the backyard, he felt instantly useless and sluggish. Perhaps, Hange might have weigh now like porky pig.

He shook his thoughts as Hange motioned him to follow him towards the backyard door. 

Levi's backyard is surprisingly clean... Well, it should be unsurprisingly because everyone knew that Levi has an OCD, and he is the king of neat freak. But due to the circumstances of his mental illness, Jean can't deny that his captain could maintain the weeds growing out from his backyard lawn. Jean strode forward, observing the crying lawnmower from the walls of Levi's house, plus seeing the ten gallons of bleach perfectly arranged in a descending line of which was opened first.

_Why the fuck am I even observing his cleaning agents?_

Levi's backyard was completely big, one that he didn't noticed in the past when he would visit here back then. Perhaps, he must not have been paying attention. He followed Hange striding down carefully and silently, as he walked past by a different collection of potted flowers and leaves. There was many, too many different kind of flowers in which a stranger could actually think that a woman might live here, but then he suddenly remembered that Mikasa loved flowers and he actually felt sad thinking Levi's sorrowful garden duties just to maintain his wife's favorites.

"Shit, Jean, hey look at Levi's boxer briefs." Jean wasn't paying attention when Hange called him to look at Levi's monochromatic set of undergarments in which was neatly placed in a variety of hanger hooking in a metal cloth line. Jean was about to roll his eyes when Hange touched it.

"Don't fucking touch that Hange!" Jean shouted, completely disgusted by Hange's weird shitty attitude.

"Don't worry, it's newly washed! You could touch it too, and it's not that Levi has STD or what—"

"Jesus Christ, Hange! I'm much worried about Levi killing us once he knew that you are touching his undergarments with your filthy hands! And can we please, ugh, goddamn it." He pulled out Hange's wrist from Levi's meticulously placed undergarments. "Can we just go open the backyard door? Theo might woke up soon."

Hange nodded as she strode faster. She replied. "Jean, I touched that because—"

"Hange, please. I won't tell Moblit that you did touch Levi's boxers. Now—"

"Listen Jean. I am not a pervert. I touched that because it feels completely strange. His undergarments looked like it's been out there for god knows what, four days? We all know Levi! His laundry are the first thing that would be burn at the back of his mind!"

Jean stopped. He realized that Hange made sense. The undergarments looked like it weren't left untouched for the past few days and knowing Levi, he never left anything of his clothes totally exposed to open air like that due to the fear of mildew. So something is off. He nodded as he followed Hange that lead them to the backyard door.

But the walls be damned, the once door that Erwin broke was already fixed with a couple of palochino wood, that would make it even harder to break. He triggered the doorknob. "Fuck, it's lock!" He circled it once more as he shook the door revealing another noise. "Shit, it's double locked! What the hell are we gonna do now?"

Without missing a beat, Hange replied. "We could use an ax." 

"Are you fucking out of your mind?! Let's have it first relay to Erwin and the others. And no— we can't use an ax, Hange! I don't want to have an early death wish."

They both gave each other their raising brows while Jean took the first to walk back.

-

Kenny could feel the stinging eyes of Theo. He could also feel that the young boy was trying so hard not to cry, trying to suppress his emotions just like the younger Levi he remember. _So this where stoicism was born._

It's true, Kenny actually assumed that Levi must have been in the corner, waiting to be worm fodder by the time their countless knocks at Levi's poor door were left unattended. Back before in the underground, Levi's temper is so short, shorter than his own stature, and he bet that the irking temper of Levi was already permanent. So it was still a question of mystery why Levi isn't answering the knock and doorbells.

In which he could see that the doctor's stupid son have already raped the doorbells numerous time while screaming "Levi!"

He could deny it anytime that he felt sad... And remorseful. But now is not the time to deny it, and truth be told, he didn't feel that much remorse for his nephew. He felt most of his remorse for the lonely Theo Ackerman.

Now he could remember the day he left Levi on his own. He felt sad of course, Levi was his protege. His family. Like a boy of his own. But Kenny wasn't fit to be someone's father because how can a child want a mass murderer who kills out of a hobby to be his father? He scoffed at that bitter thought. But he thought, that Levi was different. Levi may be a killing machine, but Kenny knew that Levi still has a warm heart. If he doesn't have a warm heart then how the hell did he act so insane upon losing the one who owns his heart?

Perhaps, Mikasa was the one who made Levi's heart warm... And without Mikasa, his heart should be freezing.

Kenny shrugged, shooing the constellation of thoughts about his nephew and niece's tragic love story. He will never knew the feeling because he was fucking single since the day he was born. He never even knew if women could be shitting or what.

He was brought back into reality when he felt a warm feeling hold his hand. His eyes widened as he saw Theo, cupping his wrinkled hand with his small hand. At first, he wanted to avoid it— to shake it off, or to remove it. He was new to this, cause the last small hand that held his bloody hands was a small hungry Levi. But today, it was different. His sin stained hand was held by a young boy without hesitations, purely trusting and seeking Kenny for comfort. He was in awe as he held tightly the small warm hand. "Ya' love me already, little runt?"

"No." Theo replied without missing a beat causing Kenny to be awfully amused, trying to hold his laughter.

"Ya' small fucker. Yer really the son of yer cute father." He couldn't hide his smile, so he smiled as he picked up the young boy and carried him into his long arms.

"Not yet, uhm," Kenny could see that Theo paused, trying to figure out what he should call him. So he replied. "Kenny. Or old Kenny."

"Grand Kenny should be better though... Since you are family." Theo paused once again as he looked at Kenny's old steel-blue orbs then gave a little smile. Theo continued. "Maybe now I kinda like and love you, Grand Kenny."

Their shared moment totally made everyone seeing them in awe. He could even say that the blond gay son of Erwin (he was talking about Armin but he doesn't really recall his name) was in the brink of crying, while Eren has his mouth agape mumbling something like 'Shit shit shit shit, Levi get your ass down here before you fucking die', and the last reaction that want him to throw up his luxurious breakfast was Erwin's tensed smile looking like one of the MP's he killed who wet their pants. 

If Kenny was still a fucking mad man who snatch everything away, he would surely and gladly snatch Theo away to his mountain cabin letting the young boy enjoy his army of chickens. _Damn you, Levi. Yer boy is now mine, ya' dimwit._

But fun time's over just like any other fun killing times he have. He could hear Pinkie Pie's announcement as he leaped towards the gate leading to the backyard. "Shit, Eren! Backyard door is double locked!"

"What do you fucking mean, horseface?! Where's Hange?!" As usual, Eren's screaming again. Kenny instantly regretted that he left his butterfly knife.

"She's still there observing Levi's meticulous lawn, and uhm, his—"

"WHAT? HIS WHAT, HORSEFACE? Can't you see we're fucking running out of time?"

Kenny could feel Pinkie Pie's flushed face as Pinkie Pie screamed back at Eren's never fucking ending of screaming. "For fucking sake, Hange is experimenting Levi's boxer briefs! Why is everyone here insane?!"

Erwin snorted. _"Jesus Christ."_

All his life Kenny thought that he was the craziest of all people who live and died in the Earth... Not until he met the people surrounding his nephew. He wondered if this might also be the reason why Levi couldn't hold his sanity. He glanced to Theo as he could see the young boy grimacing over what Pinkie Pie said. 

But nuff said, Eren was right. This was no comedy bar or boxer briefs turning into lab rats because they are running out of fucking time.

As he could recall, the cracking noise they all heard earlier was a sound of a cracked skull. Kenny knew this very much thanks to his wonderful experiences.

He placed Theo down as he turned to talk to Erwin. "I'm gonna climb that balcony. Ya' dumb fuckers didn't figure it out that he might be swimming in his room."

Erwin nodded. "You might be right, Kenny. Behind the glass walls, is his room. I don't really know the interior inside, no one has ever been on his room."

Kenny raised his brows as he glanced a curious face at Theo. "Howboutya' kiddo?"

Theo shook his head no. "Daddy have rules inside. He would scold me for entering his room..."

Kenny gave Erwin an intriguing look. Of years he have known Levi, he could actually smell that Levi was hiding something. Something that the world's forbidden to see, but only for Levi to see. He ruffled the fedora hat resting on Theo's hair before he could ask for assistance.

"Oi, _Pinkie Pie_. Give me a lift." He pointed his finger to Jean, seeing Eren's building chipmunk cheeks. "Blonde fuck, ya' too."

"What did you just call me?" He could hear Pinkie Pie, oh, he mean Jean's furious reply when Eren butted in. Geez, this shitface is somehow a blessing and a... double curse. "Uncle Kenny just called you Pinkie Pie, horseface!" Eren snorted his laughter totally forgetting that he still need to rape the doorbell countless times.

_These stupid ruckus can't fucking keep their mouth shuts. Tch. Is this what is called the calm before the storm? Je ne sais pas. J’ai besoin de le voir, peut-être._

Erwin was discussing something when Hange called Jean for some leaping assistance when Erwin replied that she should just stay there in the backyard commanding to not do anything stupid that would make all of them have their early death wish. Erwin spoke to him that he should have someone who will go sneak with him in Levi's room.

At first, Erwin volunteered so that he would be quick to respond on whatever thing they would see. But Jean refused telling him that he would be too heavy for him to carry. Jean actually pushed Eren that he should go instead because Eren was a Levi fan-boy, he was a brother-in-law, and he was just as crazy as Kenny. Kenny could see the glimmer in Eren's dazzling emerald eyes but then Kenny said no, totally crushing the detective dreams of Eren. "I can't fucking handle screaming adults, aye!"

So the choices were left to Armin and Theo. Which obviously crossed out Theo because he was a child, and that Hange was patrolling the backyard and whatever. Kenny hoped that Armin was already an adult enough not to shit his pants. It was already decided before Armin could even protest or drink water to shake off the tense.

Kenny walked towards the gate leading to the backyard then called Hange and asked her for some bobby pins. He wasn't really surprise when Hange handed him two and immediately retreat before Hange could utter 'good luck' or 'break a leg'. He scoffed, putting past away his thoughts why the hell did ordinary people enjoy weird idiotic idioms. He motioned Erwin and Jean to give him a quick lift.

"Grand Kenny, please take care of my daddy. I wanted to see him... Really bad." Those were the last words he heard before fully emerging from the ground floor. He waited for Armin to reach the balcony before decoding the lock of the glass sliding door using the bobby pin.

He never felt thankful of his eighty percent criminal life and tricks as he heard the swift clank of the glass sliding door, unlocking the lock. He inwardly grin but then frown to his dismay, obviously catching Levi's security off guard. If there was one thing he taught him, was that never let emotions ran past you, and keep your fucking door locked three times. He gestured Armin to go first.

Just as what Erwin said, beneath the glass walls was Levi's bedroom. The interior wore a very minimalist design, with light gray painted walls. It was fucking big, enough for Levi to store all the women he wants. He let Armin lingered for a minute, letting him to analyze the situation.

"Where the hell is that midget?" 

Kenny turned to look at the tensed Armin, while raising a brow. Armin shook his head, nervously pin pointing both of his pointer fingers, while trying to look around for another round.

"Ya' take downstairs, I'll take it here. Observe everything clearly, before opening the front door. Got it ya' lil blonde?" 

Armin nodded. "Yes, sir..." Then left the room immediately. Now it was just Kenny in the lonely room.

He observed one more time. A big 72" LCD flat screen, a polished split type inverter, a glass coffee table, and a Cleopatra type of sofa at the end of his queen sized bed. Everything was in gray, white or black. If Theo didn't plead him to look for his daddy, then maybe Kenny might have take a day vacation in his nephew's luxurious room.

Then he noticed something odd. Everything was placed meticulously, except for one thing. A big box?

Kenny scoffed, as he walked towards the box. Seemed weird and shit, why would Levi put a big box beside his bed? He shrugged curiously, as he touched the box.

He was about to open it when he heard another sound. Clank.

"What the fuck? Stop playin' around ya' fucking dimwit!" He mumbled as he cursed, following the lead of that mysterious sound. Then he noticed that there was another door, it must be the master's bathroom or the master's killing room. He chuckled inwardly, as he placed the unopened box to where it was placed. Then he walked towards the door hoping to find Levi playing with his stupid jackstones.

His hand circled the door knob, and when he motioned it to open. It was fucking locked.

"Putain, pas maintenant, petite merde. Tch!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pinkie Pie - It's a nickname which Kenny endears Jean
> 
> French TRANSLATION:
> 
> Je devrais y aller. Ça devrait suffire. - I should go. That should be enough.  
> Je ne sais pas. J’ai besoin de le voir, peut-être. - I do not know. I need to see it, maybe.  
> Putain, pas maintenant, petite merde. Tch! - Goddamn it, not now you little shit. Tch!
> 
> -
> 
> Hey, 2 more chapters then I'll be ending it! Thank you for the awesomesauce kudos and everything. Please leave a comment. :)  
> Thank you, AkiHams for your continuous reminder. xx ;)


	20. Rêver Avec Un cœur Brisé

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do listen to Howl's Moving Castle soundtrack: Merry Go Round - Joe Hisaishi
> 
> Enjoy! xx
> 
> .

_If this was the end of my poor life, huh..._

The tiny echoes of liquid dripping was the only sound audible to Levi right now. He has his body in an ivory bath tub filled with hot water— now turned to cold, for who knows how long he has been pondering inside.

Hypothermia should be the case of the little chills touching every part of his near dead body.

_Shouldn't take it long now..._

Beside his ivory bath tub, stands a small brass side table in which he has his dead batt phone lays... In which he also had his pocket knife and a small pipe like paper rolled at the top of the side table. The brass side table, in which he got a few years ago, has one of the distinct features like having two sliding drawers at the mid bottom of the figure. He was not a fan of clutter and small things, so he had really no idea what to do or what to put in those drawers.

Not until Mikasa suggested Levi to place his emergency pistol in one of the drawers just in case a chaos would happen. He didn't like the idea at first, but somehow right now it seemed like the perfect idea.

_Heh..._

He drowned half of his face in the cold water. It was really cold though, his nape was numbing as he could feel the chill in his spine. Funny, he thought. The effect of the drugs didn't really seem to affect his demeanor. He still feels like fucking Levi all along the way.

When he only wished he could be high at a time when he was feeling so low like an earthen termite.

_Tch._

He scoffed as he got up from the chilly bath tub, as he clothed his naked body with a pair of boxers and a crisp clean white shirt. He drew the pipe like paper to his digit, holding it like it was a cigarette roll. Then he slid his hand on one of the drawers to pick up the discarded plastic that contains white like crystal. Heroin.

He tore it with full force, allowing the crystal to spill in the top of the brass side table, giving him an indication that the only thing that was left for him to do was to inhale it again using his pointed nose.

_Shit_ , he muttered. _Lucky, lucky, lucky._

Or unlucky. He doesn't give a shit about everything as he shovels the pipe like paper to his nostril, inhaling forcefully, letting the crystal Heroin rummage his olfactory nerves, never giving him a chance to hesitate his earlier actions.

He didn't know why he was doing all of these things. He didn't even understand why the hell was his phone beeping and buzzing endless times that it felt like it was fucking forever that caused his poor phone to die out of battery. He didn't know where his son was. He didn't know what the hell date and time was. He didn't know. He didn't really know. 

And he didn't want to know those things anymore. So he leaned his back against the brass table as he aggressively banged his head causing it to have a loud banging sound.

As a force of habit, he swiftly ran his hand all along his raven hair.

The pale crimson color in his hand was the last thing he saw before he finally found himself dreaming.

-

_"Levi, do you love me?"_

_He scoffed as he rolled his eyes. He thought that Mikasa surely sounds like a retarded rat who has finished dozing of a few illegal drugs in the lab. He always found Mikasa like that, full of questions about love and love and love._

_He leaned in closer, only an inch away from her lips, before slightly opening his mouth for a reply. "I don't."_

_He didn't fail to notice the furrow in her brows as she pulled her face away from him. He was sure that he was about to get whipped with a snarky remark from Mikasa's unmistakably witty mouth when he took the chance to cut her off._

_"But I do love everything about you," he paused as he reached for her ebony raven hair, "And I do know that you are everything that I want," as he cupped his free hand to her cheek, "You are everything that I need," he pulled her closer again leaving an inch open, "And you are what it takes for me to breath alive." He finished off his sentence with a kiss burning off with passion and devotion._

_He pulled away after a moment, with hot breaths heavy, hand still calm, as his low voice mumbled which took Mikasa's mind. "You... You don't know how much I love you."_

_"Then why do you say you don't?"_

_"I don't know. I'm a complicated man, Mikasa. I might be insane, who knows."_

_"I know that, Levi."_

_He purred, slowly reaching to nimble her ears. He licked the lobe of her ears, enough to send her goosebumps in her whole body, as he spoke darkly, chills sending the axis of her spine. "Then you'll be the death of me."_

-

The sound of his name was now a little bit audible for him. He could hear his name being shouted, screamed, wailed, screeched, and god knows the never ending calling of his name is probably someone he knew.

But he was drugged like a stupid junkie, totally ignoring the calling of his Hebrew name. He couldn't care at the moment, couldn't give a damn shit about the wonders of the world, as loud knocks abruptly rummaged his front mahogany door. 

There was a slight confusion, a question, a ball of stupid hesitation, as he waver his damned mind playing blind justice. He was drugged, slightly not feeling his true self, but from a very far point of view he could still hear himself cursing shit faintly in his ears.

_God fucking damn it, Levi! Are you gonna let those fucking idiots beat your polished door?_

"Shhh, just let them."

_What kind of worms have rotten your mind?_

"You talk too loud. Be quiet, will you?"

_Oh, good. Now you are shitting me. For fuck's sake, have you forgot how much of a proper person you are?_

"Huh...?"

_Could you really endure the rowdy brats? The fucking knocks? Shit, shit, they may have gone into the backyard!_

"Then let them, you idiot. You sealed it with a wood, right?"

_Tch. Fuck myself._

"True enough."

_I don't know why I'm talking to you, you are me. Myself. Levi. Levi Ackerman. Am I really that insane? Are you?_

"I don't know. I'm drugged, so half and half..."

_Just look at yourself Levi. I mean, look at my fucking self. The worst._

"Fucking keep your mouth shut."

_What would—_

"No."

_—Mikasa, say?_

"Shit, shut up!"

_What would Mikasa say? Huh, what would she say? How about Theo? You—_

"I said shut the fuck up!"

Just like as he commanded, the voice— his own voice, wait, was that his? Maybe, it is. _God, I don't know_. The mysterious doppelganger of his voice suddenly faded out. Drugged and lost in his shivering thoughts, his state of mind right now seemed to be faltering too.

The screaming of his name was now accompanied by a thousand rings of his door bell. But the sound appeared to be so far away, so out of reach from his person, like tidal waves carrying him out from the sinister bay. Even if he wanted to pay attention, and give his superego a chance, that seemed too much to afford in his mental state right now.

He finally opened his lids, heavily and sluggish. His long eyelashes seemed to be so wet and moist, so shitty and impeccable, but once remembered that his wife used to adore every strand of it. When he rubbed his crimson stained hand to his eyes, that's just when he realized he was actually crying.

But too comical yet truth be told, his confusion about his crying strays him far apart. He can't even remember why he was crying in the first place.

Then the side shitty effect kicks in. Junkies are people which Levi fucking hate the most. Didn't found himself he fucking be one even in one time of his life, but here he was now. His mind started to feel so heavy and dizzy, like playing Need For Speed in a looping 100 meter circle track. His visions became really blurry, he cannot determine if he fucking bought a pink bulb, or a warm colored bulb for his antique goose-neck lamp. His body was shaking, confused him enough if it was from the crystal stones, or the cold floor his bathroom has to offer.

Then he puked.

_Oh, shit, fuck the walls._

If he has a single brain cell alive and functioning normally and well, he would definitely regret the things he did that lead him to puke again. But luck was nowhere to be found as he slung back his head after giving a massive show of _'throwing up the parts of your guts because there is no meal left to be thrown'_ that caused his poor head to hit the edge of the bathtub.

The throb of his brain arteries forced him to shut his eyes. Sending him to another dream, who knows?

-

_"Levi, please wake up..."_

The sound of her voice is what pulled him into the abyss of his black lulled dreams. Her voice— Mikasa, his Mikasa. Her voice sounds like the chirping of a sweet robin in the early morning, her voice which sounds like praise and worship in a cathedral church. How he misses that voice so much, so so fucking much that it didn't even hurt like before.

His eyes are still sealed, wincing every part of his body because it ached like hell. Just like before, he couldn't give a damn shit about what the hell was happening in his reality, wishing that the voice he heard was still also a part of his reality. His lonely, wrecked, shitty reality.

Then out of nowhere, a switch, a static, something like his vintage radio was dragged out of life. He was still out of focus, not yet, not yet time to open his eyes. Then the vintage radio was playing a song.

A song from his favorite fucking artist.

_**You roll out of bed and down on your knees**_

_John Fucking Mayer. What the actual hell are you doing in my bathroom?_

_"Levi... Honey, please."_

That again, Mikasa's angelic voice. Accompanied with that shitty song. The voice was now a little bit quiet, making it sound like a whisper. Yes, a whisper. The point and seed and roots and whatever goddamned hell that started off his fucked up sanity, the insatiable insanity he struggled to get out.

_**And for a moment you can hardly breathe** _

_"Levi, hey, listen to me."_

This time, he opened his heavy eyes. Head still bobbed down, due to the throbbing headache his head has to offer, he took every last piece of his strength to alter back a moment of reality. On the contrary, it is not what he was expecting for.

_**Wondering was she really here** _

"Mikasa?" His rasped voice echoed his polished bathroom walls. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

_"Levi..."_

_**Is she standing in my room?** _

"Mikasa, how— ah shit, but how?" Still confused and misleading, the tone of his voice faltered as he carefully observed the woman that was in front of him. It fucking seemed so unreal, but she is so ethereal just like the way before.

_**No, she's not  
_**'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone** ___**_

_****____ _

_____ _

She shushed him just like the way he does. Levi couldn't bring himself to do anything, let alone think crucially. He was suffering so much, being under the dirt of dread and disdain since the day Mikasa was taken from him. He could remember that day, that miserable fucking day, but he also does remember two things. He never cried and he never bid his good bye.

_____ _

_"I miss you, you know. Not a single day I haven't thought of you. You, and Theo."_ Mikasa leaned forward to him, cupping his cheeks, gently caressing it like some kind of fragile chinaware. 

_____ _

_____ _

_**When you're dreaming with a broken heart,  
_**The giving up is the hardest part**_** _

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

Levi didn't hesitate as he pulled her closer, brushing his lips against her lips, tasting it like wine that was seized from the heavenly stars. It was needless to reply, making him grab a chance he assumed that would falter again just like the never ending abandonment of his miserable life. He kissed her deeply, ensuring that he ensnared her lips, never letting her go. It was Mikasa, his Mikasa, his ethereal never fading Mikasa. _Now, how the hell did you get in my bathroom you brat?_

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

_**She takes you in with her crying eyes** _

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

But he needs to break the kiss. He needed to tell her something before anything else fuck and steal the moment. "Please, Mikasa. Please don't go. Please don't leave us. Please don't leave me."

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

_**Then all at once you have to say goodbye** _

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

He could see, he could feel, he could surely use all of his senses to describe the pain and awe in Mikasa's eye upon hearing him converse like that. Levi was not one for a pleading person. He never asks, never please, never talks about things that would make him feel so small, pitiful, and in vain. The words he said just right now, make Mikasa see how much he was so desperate, so fucking desperate for a lifetime she could never give anymore. 

____****_ _ _ _

So she placed her hand in his disheveled raven hair, stroking it so gently, avoiding the deep cut of concussion in his parietal lobe. She whispered, so quiet yet so soundly. _"Hey, Levi... Just so you know, I love you."_

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

_**Wondering, could you stay, my love?**_

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

Tears fell down like waterfall, streaming hot foreign liquid in his cheeks. He was not used to this. He was always told to never let emotions interfere because it will caught you off guard, but then fuck the walls, fuck the queen, fuck everything as he only needed those whispered words to hear. He pinched the bridge of his nose so bad, as he struggled to reply. "So don't you fucking go, please. Not now, not ever..."

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

_**Will you wake up by my side?** _

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

He could feel her closing the screaming chasm between them, hugging him in her warm, porcelain arms. Warm like home, warm like peace. Mikasa has never changed, her touch was still her touch, her person was still her person. _"But I'm sorry, my love. I need to—"_

____****_ _ _ _

"Please, don't."

____****_ _ _ _

_"We still have an angel waiting for me,"_

____****_ _ _ _

"What do you mean?"

____****_ _ _ _

_"An angel that has the exact carbon copy of his stubborn dad."_ Feeling his hand clawed at Mikasa's shoulder blades, he subtly widened his eyes in confusion. _So it was real, truly real._

____****_ _ _ _

Mikasa smiled at him, continuing the hanging sentence. _"His name is Leo, Levi. Your second son. He got his everything from you, especially your beautiful steel-blue orbs."_ Mikasa paused as she wiped her cheek now filled with hot tears. _"It hurts to see him because he reminds me of you... But what would hurt me the most, if I would never see him again... The way I suffer not seeing you again in that world."_

____****_ _ _ _

"Mikasa—"

____****_ _ _ _

_"Levi, it's hard. I know... But please,"_

____****_ _ _ _

He gripped her harder than ever, even closing more the surreal empty space between them as he closed his eyes, lips touching her heavenly ear. "Mikasa, I can't do this anymore, I can't continue like this—"

____****_ _ _ _

_"You need to trust me, Levi. Listen to me—"_

____****_ _ _ _

He shook Mikasa's shoulder a little bit tighter than he intended as he argued. "Mikasa, just look at me! Just look at my state, I am— ugh, fuck, I am miserable without you!"

____****_ _ _ _

The tension filled the dread air surrounding both of the star-crossed lovers. Levi breathes, heavily and pained, while looking Mikasa straight in the eyes. The eyes, the gray eyes of her which doesn't lie, is what Levi could hurtfully read beneath those orbs. _'You need to let me go, Levi.'_

____****_ _ _ _

Before anything could happen, before he could slam his drugged head again, Mikasa spoke while cupping his cheek for the thousand times. _"You still have the young, pretty looking face of yours. Don't you ruin it, please..."_

____****_ _ _ _

"Just please!" Levi soundly muttered as he pushed her back unconsciously, so fucking tired of the drama this makeshift reality has to offer. He didn't mean to hurt her, but he cannot bring himself to apologize as he finally reached towards the drawer of the brass side table. _Enough of this bullshit, enough. Just fucking enough_.

____****_ _ _ _

He pulled the drawer, revealing his emergency pistol in front of both of them. He didn't dare to look at the face Mikasa was making, as he reached the pistol that fit perfectly in his hand. He had to end this right now.

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

"Levi, do you love me?"

____****_ _ _ _

_Oh, for fucking sake. That question again? I already dreamed of that a fucking countless times._ He mentally shut his ears as he fidgets the waiting pistol in his hand.

____****_ _ _ _

A whisper. Again. And again. "Levi, do you?"

____****_ _ _ _

He wanted to answer. _Yes, yes, yes, I do love you. I really do fucking love you, now let me fucking go with you!_ But he kept in mentally, his mouth too tired to open, too tired to vocally express his constellation of stuttered words.

____****_ _ _ _

Another whisper. _A whisper word for you._ "Levi..."

____****_ _ _ _

He scoffed, now his hand trembling into the trigger of the pistol. He could blow his goddamn self right now, if Mikasa's stupid whispered words aren't a disturbance.

____****_ _ _ _

Using his free hand, he reached his numb shit nape, massaging it aggressively as he wanted to rid the building tension of his person and surrounding. Then a cold, dead-like hand reached for his cheek, then another at his pistol filled hand. He shivered.

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

_**No, she can't  
_**'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone** _ ** _

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

But as much as he wanted to save himself, there was no salvation available. It was done, it was empty even before he knew that there was. He cannot save him, let alone anything. With a tension filled stature, he emptied enough strength to yank that cold stopping hand from his deadly hand to point the pistol in his temple. _This is goodbye. Please forgive me, Theo..._ He could feel the impatient pistol ready to bite and describe the color of his brain, when he heard a silent whisper, almost uttering a prayer.

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

"If you love me, then you need to let me go."

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

The lone dripping water from the unnoticed faucet of his perfectly polished bathroom was now not alone, thus accompanied with a loud silencing bang. 

____**_****_ ** _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, so I hope you did understand the transitions of the italicized shits (Italicized could mean inside thoughts and dreams) and I hope you did understand why I chose not to italicized some of the words Mikasa said in the near end. D:
> 
> -
> 
> Dreaming With A Broken Heart is definitely the title of this chapter in French. Song well written by John Mayer, I just included some of the lyrics because it really fit the scenario of Levi in here.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, one more chapter left I guess?  
> Please comment below your thoughts. Thank you for reading and supporting!


	21. Whispered Words

_**Five Years Passed** _

_Tch._

Theo couldn't help but scoff whenever Kenny's stupid-yet-smart-but-surely-a-hat-ass chicken would start to run after him. The hot weather was already pestering him early in the morning, let alone Kenny's loveable chickens. 

He sighed, giving himself in defeat, as he scattered the grains for the other chickens to feed. He fetched the water pail then started pouring some water to the chicken bowl. He wiped off his sweaty face, making sure to leave no sweat sticking up his permanent scowling face.

"What's the matter, dork?"

He heard Kenny approaching him from the back, still wearing his stupid fedora hat, but to his demise about the hot weather, Kenny was wearing an oxford shirt. And it was neatly ironed.

He was curious about Kenny's not-so-common party outfit. "Where you going?"

"Tch. Stupid dork, I asked you first, ain't gonna reply?" Kenny was now sitting in his rocking chair, slowly rocking it sideward which caused to have a creaking annoying sound.

Theo rolled his eyes. "Your chicken is just pestering me. Won't give me a damn break, Kenny."

He could hear Kenny's subtle chuckle, as he grinned and raised his eyebrows. "The hell ya' called me, ya' fucker? Just Kenny? And when the hell did ya' learn how to cuss?"

This time, Theo meticulously placed the water pail in the shed. He walked towards Kenny with his face bored, trying to make a beeline, simply trying to avoid Kenny's question. It was a hot hot morning, and Theo isn't having Kenny's snarky arguments.

Well, they have always been like this.

Theo started living with Kenny the last four years ago. He could recall, it was shortly after his sixth birthday, that he decided to live with Kenny. He was young, very young, but he knew he wouldn't forget his three hooligan uncle crying as if he was some man about to get married. The looks of Eren, Armin, and Jean with their faces full of tears made Theo's heart well remembered.

At first, Erwin and Hange were not in favor of the decisions and custodies. Erwin would admit that he does love Theo like his own son, and he sure was gonna miss him the way Emily complained about why is Theo gonna live with some mythical terror man. But it was not for them to decide, but it was for Theo. And Theo did agree to live with his grandfather Kenny.

After some time when he settled with Kenny in his cabin, Theo asked Kenny if it would be okay if he could get Puss-in-Boots from Hange. Theo felt a little sad for Puss-in-Boots just for the thought of leaving him completely behind when Puss-in-Boots was the first pet he made. Kenny said "Ayt, just don't get angry if I crave cats and make a feline soup" but Theo knew that his stupid old grandfather wouldn't dare touch his cat. Kenny wouldn't admit but he loves Theo like a son.

Now at the age of ten, Theo couldn't really remember most of the details of his past life. It was blurred, vague, boring, as if someone was preventing him from remembering any bad moments that have happened to him. He only remembered a few details, in which he was happy and satisfied.

But those happy moments are rare, which leads him to remember only a few.

At the end of his beeline trail, Theo swiftly ran a hand to his raven hair, rattling it to be disheveled. His hair has grown a little longer, making him look like one of those cartoons he watched in Kenny's flickering television. He could now see Kenny, still rocking the chair impatiently, waiting for a snarky response.

"Sorry, grand Kenny."

He could see Kenny throwing his head, while giving him a big snorting laugh, causing his foot to stomp lazily on the wooden floor. Theo impatiently waited for Kenny's self-amusing moment before he asked. "You done, you old man?"

"Ya' ya'," Kenny chuckled once again, "Yer not the type of a sorry boy! What worm—"

"Have gotten in my brain? Well, let me check it, Grand Kenny. It seemed like I went to dine with your mad chickens, trying to peck worms beneath the ground. I guess I got an earthworm this time." Theo nonchalantly cut the never ending statement of Kenny's 'what worm has gotten in your brain?'

"Shit, that's—"

Twice the stone, Theo cut Kenny off again. "Awful right? But I do, old man. I now love devouring a feast of worms. Once heard that they taste like bacon, but a cheaper version. Wanna try it? Let me call Mrs. Chicken for you." 

"Ya' fucker. Ya' fuckin' serious?" 

"No." Theo crossed his arms, giving Kenny a look of disgust. He brushed off an imaginary dust in his arms before he replied. "I hate dirt, you know? So the irony if I would eat worms. That's just disgusting and lawful." 

Before Kenny could reply, Theo walked past him, removing his now dirty boots, before completely going inside. Kenny could tell that Theo has a sour mood today by the way he abruptly banged the front screen causing the little bells to swing and rang like deck the halls.

Inside the small but clean cabin of his grandfather, Puss-in-Boots was lazily grooming himself. Theo winced, looking sourly at the fat grooming cat. "Geez, PIB. Don't you have any cleaning philosophies? Wipe your ass with tissue, not with your tongue..."

He sighed, as he moved upstairs. It was summer, and luckily that he had a summer break in class, and he decided that he wasn't having any of Kenny's dorky excuses. He was done with his job of feeding his enormous chickens, and just for today he wanted to rest. He found his room as he threw himself on his bed. _Off to bed, I guess._

-

It was mid-afternoon when Theo woke up. The sky was still bright, making his gray eyes hazy and vague. He stood up, walking sluggishly towards his bathroom. Weird because he wanted to check his facial features suddenly.

Must be the dream.

He shrugged, with eyes half-asleep, trying to not really recall whatever that blurry dream he had. All he could guess was that there was a feminine voice telling him to wake up. He reached the small mirror as he leveled it to his face, slowly studying his features.

_Damn, I do look like shit._

He could say that Kenny was absolutely right. He looked like shit and his hair was not really helping it. He hated it when Kenny's undeniably right, now that he would admit that he really looked shitty and pale, there's a big assurance that Kenny would shove his razor in Theo's hair, styling it in an undercut.

_Where the hell could that old man be?_

He turned off his fan, as he closed his bedroom, making his way downstairs. There he could still see Puss-in-Boots still grooming his balls, while he continued to check all the rooms playing hide and seek with his old man. Weird, he thought. Kenny was nowhere.

He went to the backyard to check if he was smoking, then went to the facade to see if he was still dozing off in his rocking chair. But Kenny was nowhere, he was already actually thinking that for some reason, an alien from the sky abducted his weird grandfather. 

_Ahh, no, no, no. If women can't stand Kenny, then how could creatures with no genitals actually like him?_

He sighed, with his stupor tired, involuntarily stomping his foot on the wooden planks. He looked around one more time, trying to find a glimpse of Kenny, asking himself if he should bite his sanity by trying to talk with Kenny's mad chickens. To his surprise, he saw the sign which Kenny left hanging in his front door.

_"The Ripper lives here, ya' shit."_

Theo shook his head, recalling that Kenny would only hang that stupid scaring poster whenever he or they would leave the cabin. His nose wrinkled, thinking how corny Kenny can get with his dumb boring poster. So he was alone, and Kenny did actually leave.

He sat himself in the wobbly rocking chair, silently observing the green rustling forest. Theo was a young boy, he was just ten years old, but he would deny innocence of him. He let himself swing under the momentum, holding a gaze to the view of the beautiful peaceful mountains.

It was true, he was a young boy, even short for his age, but his wits and understanding have surpassed his age and height resulting in his innocence to be stolen. The creaking sound of the rocking chair stole the quietness of the cabin, metaphorically and figuratively speaking of his inner peace. He found himself lonely, thinking about his Uncle Eren, Uncle Armin, Uncle Jean, Uncle Erwin, Aunt Hange, Keith, Emily, his mommy...

And his daddy.

Theo shifted his thoughts back to Kenny's cringing poster, trying to avoid the thoughts of his father, Levi Ackerman. If Kenny was the Ripper, and his dad was the invincible soldier, then who was he really?

He shook his head, pinching his nose, and lazily closing his eyes. He could never really understand why Keith and Emily could express themselves freely, without even thinking if they could offend another or whatever. He could never understand what being young and careless means, as he never actually tried those things. He would admit that he found himself insecure and jealous whenever he saw his classmates being fetched by their parents. He was just a young small boy, yet forced to age and understand the dilemma of his crappy world. 

Sometimes he wished he wasn't an Ackerman. So he could be free, so he could be normal.

But this was his world, this was the world that the gods have given him and it would be rude to not live it well. After years of a lot of hard time and adjustments, Theo has already controlled his emotions, putting up a mask in almost everything—everyone. 

He gave a big deep breath, reminding himself that he was alone right now, that it was okay to feel anything, that it was absolutely alright to put down the mask. He was just a boy, a small young boy.

He continued to rock himself in the wobbly rocking chair, counting and reminding himself the falling tears from his eyes. He knew that it was petty, letting himself cry for the mere reason just because he missed someone far away, but he reminded himself again 'Just this once.'

Theo was never religious and prayerful but this time, he prayed that Kenny would take a little longer before coming back.

-

_He could hear the loud bang coming from the room— his father's room. Eren was holding his hand, but Theo felt the pressure of Eren squeezing his hand so tight when they heard that loud band. Please, Grand Kenny... Please... Please save my daddy._

_"Shit, shit, shit. If anything happens, cover your eyes and hug me, okay? Theo bear?"_

_Theo didn't want to understand what his uncle was saying, but under the circumstances, he should be prepared and he should know better. So he just nodded, acting like some marionette have put rope in his neck and limbs._

_The front door of his house suddenly opened, revealing his Uncle Armin with wide eyes opened. Before he could ask childishly what happened to his daddy, Erwin and Hange jolted in, making their way upstairs with both faces soaked with sweat and tears._

_"Pinkie Pie! Should we go?"_

_"Eren, can you for once think for yourself?!"_

_His two stupid uncles were still arguing and that made him have the opportunity to yanked himself from Eren, running hastily inside his house. Theo was a disciplined boy, always obeying orders from adults without the need of questioning. But today was different, he didn't care if his uncle would shit their pants or would stumble in the stairs just by running after him. He needs to know, he needs to really know._

_He ignored the shouting, clenching his fist so tight to prevent the rising tension in his guts, as he went upstairs following Erwin and Hange to his father's room until his gray eyes couldn't believe what the hell had happened this very day._

-

"Oi! What the hell are you crying for?" A smack abruptly welcomed and woke Theo's head. He accidentally fell asleep, dozing himself off like he was under the influence of an illegal drug. He couldn't see the person who smacked his head, assuming that it was standing behind him. He gazed for a moment beyond the green scenery that now turned into a dark abyss. It was dusk already, and he couldn't see the surroundings clearly.

Annoyed, he answered with vex in his tone. "Hello, to you too, Kenny. At least tell me one of your adventures today, old man." Still being consumed by his dark surroundings, he hastily wiped off the moist from his eyes. He was too lazy to stand up, let alone opening the lights on the lawn.

"Alright. I'll tell you my adventures. Let's get inside, shall we?"

Theo froze. 

Kenny's voice was never like that. Kenny has either a scrawny gargling rat accent, or a French classy accent. But the person he was talking with has a low, dead, husky cold voice. There was only one voice he was remembering...

"Dad?"

Levi chuckled as he patted Theo's head. "Yeah. We have a lot of catching up to do." 

-

_"Aye, Erwin! Help me out, ya' dumb blonde!" Theo froze as he stood there, all ears listening on what Kenny was shouting. His eyes have widened, analyzing what in the world happen in his father's room. The bathroom door was wrecked and beaten, and he could see clots of crimson blood dripping everywhere. There stand Hange, trembling in the fear of Levi's death._

_"Is he dead?" He could hear Eren's shaking voice, followed by the footsteps of Jean and Armin. Now the once lone room of his father was surrounded by them, almost looking like a party reunion._

_"No." Kenny replied. "But he was at the edge of being dead." Kenny sounded serious, not even having a tone of his gargling accent as he dragged Levi's half-conscious body to the bed. "Erwin, call an ambulance. He sure is suffering from a concussion. His head is heavily bleeding."_

_If it wasn't for Kenny's beating the bathroom door, Levi would have bit the dust allowing Kenny to see the color of his brain. Kenny doesn't want to elaborate the details of the stupid show Levi act when he put the gun in his coat._

_"Why... Are you with a gun...?" Theo asked, his face looking like a dead man resurrected by an angel. He walked closely to his father as he grabbed his hand fiercely, almost blaming his father instead of pleading him to live._

_"Liar."_

_Levi stayed in the hospital, but Theo never visited him. He was with Eren, then Hange, then Jean, then whoever was free to accommodate him. He was a free-loader, having no home to go every night. The thought of that made him furious, yet still trying to understand the condition of his dad._

_"Theo, you can't be with your dad... We need to force him undergo therapy at a certain institution—"_

_"I know. And it's okay." Was all Theo could say, ready to accept the situation because he had no right to say, he was just Levi's son by the way. So he listened as Erwin tried to talk to him that his dad will stay in that institution until he got cured, until he stabilized his sanity and emotions. Theo couldn't understand what was the meaning of Erwin's words but one thing he knew for sure._

_He was going to be alone in a very long time._

_Then Kenny happened. He decided to live with Kenny first in his house, then when Kenny got bored, they moved in the mountains telling him a bunch of excuses about his shrilling chickens. Theo never visited his father and Kenny respected that. They left the house under the custody of Erwin. Theo was grateful that Kenny only pry him down to his nerves, but never had the balls to question him about his feelings._

_When Levi was coping up a year later, Levi would send handwritten letters to Theo. But then again, Theo never read or respond._

-

Inside, he could see Kenny wearing a plain shirt that matched his stupid striped pajama. Kenny was dumbly staring at him, while moving his foot lazily to pet Puss-in-Boots. Theo was about to speak when Levi spoke.

"That damn cat is still alive?"

Theo shut his mouth. Kenny chose not to reply as he hastily walked towards his handsome cabinet, getting plates and utensils to serve the reunion dinner. Theo was still shocked as he was, trying to find answers in Kenny. It was not a pleasant evening to begin with.

Theo could feel the tension in the air, swirling around like some poison that was about to intoxicate them any minute. Levi pulled the dining chair, as he motioned himself to sit, gesturing Theo to do the same. Theo couldn't still realize his feelings yet obeyed because even if the world would be upside down, Levi was still his father. Out of nowhere, his voice suddenly appeared calling Kenny out of the blue.

"It looked like you've been hanging around with The Ripper for a long time, Theo." Levi cleared his throat, trying to clear the awkwardness away. And with that, Theo didn't know how to respond. So he just nodded, not looking at Levi.

"Look, Theo..." Levi started talking again, trying to have a hold of his son's gaze. "I know, five years is a very long time. You may hate me or even disown me for leaving you completely behind... I totally understand that. But that won't stop me from apologizing to you." Levi silently averted his gaze to the grooming fat cat.

Theo knew that his dad wasn't a person to beat around the bush. He admired him for his dauntless act of saying how he really felt. In response, Theo's tongue was a traitor, moving itself alone. "I, I just don't know what to feel... I can't even form words to say, dad." The word dad seemed so foreign, seemed so forbidden that he could guess that the word had died a long time from his tongue.

"I'm sorry Theo. Please forgive me." Six words that Theo might have been waiting to hear. His eyes are stinging, looking towards his father's face— the youthful face was still there, his raven hair styled in an undercut, his small pointed nose, his thin flat lips, his angular jaw, and his cold steel-blue eyes. If Theo's eyes weren't gray, then he could say he would be looking at a mirror of him. His eyes swell, forming beads of tears at the edge of his lids. He won't vocally say it but he really missed Levi so bad.

"Oi, oi, oi! Ya' two fuckers, help the old man carry the fucking dishes ya' midget requested!" Kenny's head was popping from the kitchen, looking like he just scavenged a meal from garbage bags. It was enough to break the drama from both Levi and Theo, making Levi scoffed so loud.

At the table, Theo forced himself to stay put, constantly avoiding the tapping of his finger in the dining table. He was still processing the six words his father had told him sincerely. He was angry, furious, insecure, lonely, sorrowful, pained, delighted, amused, and a lot more things that he cannot name. In fact, he should hate his dad for not being a father for almost what? Nine years of his life? But hate was something foreign to Theo, and he knew himself well that no matter what happened, he would always forgive his father.

-

_Levi was a little lonely. Given the fact that he had his never ending session with the box-headed fuck psychiatrist Dr. Gunther Schulz, talking only about his lowlife, his problems, his nightmares, his OCD about cleanliness, and his late wife. Levi couldn't help but to feel a little lonely, bringing the fact that he was coping up with his sanity. It has been two and a half years since the bathroom encounter with Mikasa and the impatient gun, and not a single day has he heard from those two bathroom companions._

_He sighed. The last whispered word that Mikasa left him was to let her go. At first, Levi cannot bring himself to accept it, acquiring it like some fun fact from shitty zoos, because he doesn't know how much he can stand the feeling of being alone. But shit happened, he undergoes shitty therapy, with the constant visit of Erwin, Hange, Eren, Jean, Armin, and whoever the fuck brats who wished to see his long raven hair. He was actually pissed because he can't shave himself due to the abstinence of sharp objects inside the institution._

_He realized that he was slowly recovering up when the absence of his own son was bothering him, making him feel a little despair... and longing. He was thankful for his friends, updating him from time to time about the condition of his son, of how his uncle had Theo under his custody. At first, the thought made him wince, still not sure if he could trust Kenny to not make his son a protégé of mass murderers. He was tired of that shit, let alone tired to be in the hell of an institution which tortured him everyday asking questions that would make him miss his family._

_He has written a lot of letters for Theo, asking his friends to deliver it to Theo. But to his desolation, none of the thirty six letters have gotten any reply. He thought to himself, Theo must have hated me, and he knew that he doesn't have any of the right to feel mad or betrayed, or to even feel anything. What he did the past few years was a mess, something unforgettable, unforgivable. With a heavy heart, he struggled himself to defeat the civil war in his brain, to have the courage to move on and let go of her. To let go of Mikasa Ackerman._

_Three years have passed and when he took another exam of Rorschach shits, and Depression shits, he was relieved that the result turned out fine, making him able to go home. He wondered, bringing the memories from the back of his mind, What the fuck have happened to my house? And I hope that Erwin did maintain a clean Levi standard house. He inwardly smiled as he drove his way home. Everything seems to feel like the first time. Except the fact that he was going to an empty house, which caused him to feel a little lonely._

_Months after he settled back in his house, he still hasn't heard from Theo. He now knew where Kenny lived, but he would never force himself to go there, respecting the decision of his son. If Theo has chosen not to see him, then it should be okay for him. Although it hurts, Levi was a complicated person who's pride has the weight of an elephant. He sighed, looking around at his minimalist room, throwing short glances towards the box._

_"I'm sorry... I should have let you go." He reached for the box as he found himself being creeped out, mentally asking him if he was the one who really did this grotesque dejection of the corpse of his late wife. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he told himself that he was now okay, that this would be his last final moment with her. So he opened the box carefully, his nose wrinkling about the bad odor, then he laid his eyes upon the dusty bones. Levi wasn't really an affectionate person, but no one can deny that the only person he loved insanely was no other than Mikasa Ackerman. He spoke, voice like whisper, silently uttering his affection. "This is the end, I hope you could still forgive me, Mikasa. No matter what, it's always you who I fucking love the most."_

_That night, without any burden, he went to her grave as he brought with him the box and those freshly picked flowers from his lawn. He didn't care if someone would see him as he shoveled the dirt, making a way for his wife's final resting place._

_When he got into bed, lights off, he dreamed peacefully._

-

The three Ackerman ate silently their dinner. Often, at times like this it was Kenny who would be breaking the tension by spitting out his corny shit jokes. But no one was attempting to say anything, making the tension as an elephant in the room. 

But there are words in which cannot be forever silenced, words that are desperately needed to be said. 

"I forgive you, daddy."

Levi felt his body tense, making him drop his salad fork as his narrowed eyes widened at Theo's calm demeanor. It was too quick, too real, he even mistaken himself as dreaming. "That fast?"

"Aye, ya' stupid midget! Of course my kiddo o'er there doesn't hold any grudge from his stupid daddy!" Kenny interrupted the moment, happily shaking his head, watching like this was some circus show.

"Shut the fuck up you old man. I don't need any of your snide remarks."

Theo nodded as he continued to eat his dinner. He was being true to what he felt, not trying to impress Levi or Kenny. He wanted this over, he wanted to be with his dad and Kenny. That's what was important for him, and he couldn't take any chances to slip away. Very simple as that. "Can the both of you stop arguing?"

Kenny and Levi exchanged glances towards each other, as they grinned heavily, the tension was now filled with joy. They both replied in unison. "Yes sir."

-

_Levi was cleaning like the usual self he was. With both hands and knees on the floor, he was scrubbing meticulously, making his house spotless and dust free. He thought to himself that he would never get rid of his OCD, making his love for cleaning as his second wife. He laughed while he fixed his bandana._

_"Oi! So you've been a maid all this time, ya' dimwit." Out of nowhere, Kenny was suddenly stepping inside his house like he was summoned from hell. Of course Levi was shocked, but also irritated when he saw Kenny's dirty boots kissing his spotless floor. Shit, I fucking forgot to lock the front door. Levi thought as he stood up facing Kenny with his furrowed brows._

_"Ain't gonna give yer uncle a hug ya' midget?" Kenny was laughing, obviously annoying Levi, while eyeing his goddamn maid costume. Levi couldn't care that he was wearing a pristine white bandana, a facemask, and an apron while holding a scrub and bleach making him look like he was hired to terminate all the germs in the world. Levi sighed, giving Kenny his sour look as he proceeded to reply. "What the hell brings you here?"_

_"Reunion. Old Kenny missed his nephew! Àin't ya miss me too?" Kenny chuckled as he removed his muddy boots, making himself comfortable inside the living room. To Levi's demise, he pinched the bridge of his nose thinking about all the time he would waste redoing cleaning just because Kenny scattered unforgivable dust inside his house. "Kenny, where's my son?"_

_"Killing people like the best of him!" Kenny looked amused which caused Levi to get frantically scared, then Kenny continued. "Just kidding. Lil' runt is busy with my chickens. The runt looked like a pale turd, his hair is messy, a smart clean freak, his temper so short, shit ha ha! He's also fucking short like ya' midget!"_

_Placing his cleaning agents back at the basket, Levi couldn't stop to inwardly smile. He was glad to hear good things about his son. He was not really expecting to see Kenny, let alone he didn't really want to remember the last time he saw Kenny, in his bathroom, saving him from his stupid suicide for the second time in his life. It could be a relief, a sudden spark of peace in his mind. "That's good to hear." Was all he needed to say, because that was what was enough for him to know._

_But Kenny was unpredictable as always, let alone a mad fucking man. Levi didn't even know why the hell he was admitted in a mental institution when Kenny was also mad like him. Levi sat down at his couch, facing Kenny, waiting for him to say something. He reached for his mask and bandana, folding it neatly in place._

_"It's been five years, Levi."_

_"It has."_

_"Ain't longer a slave to her?"_

_Levi scoffed, but inwardly he felt a pang in his chest. He was again at this point, constantly arguing shit in his mind. He was convinced that he had moved on, but still... He still loves her. He closed his eyes as he ran a swift hand to his raven hair, thinking for words to reply when he didn't really have a long list of words to reply. "Kenny, I love her."_

_"We all know that, and that's okay. But Levi, duty is the death of love, and love is the death of duty."_

_He wanted to fucking laugh because he cannot believe he was talking to his stupid killer uncle. Those words were just like the words of a poet, and he didn't expect that the nasty mouth of his uncle had stored some phrase like that. Of course, Kenny Ackerman was always unpredictable. "Yeah, I guess."_

_"Ayt, then fucking come with me. That fucking Theo must be waiting. I didn't leave any food for that vegetarian slob."_

-

Theo helped Levi with his suitcase, as he led Levi to the rooms. Kenny has only two rooms— Kenny's room and Theo's room. So Theo teasingly let Levi make the decision, of which room he was gonna stay. "Hey dad, Kenny has a big bed—"

"Over my fucking dead body. No."

Theo chuckled as he made his way towards his room, switching on the lights, putting down his suitcase at his organized table. As usual, Levi checked the room first, looking around twice, judging if the room was livable for his standards. Levi felt his lips slightly turned upward, amazed that his son did a great job maintaining cleanliness and order. He observed again, familiarizing himself over the shelves and other stuff of his son.

"So you read a lot."

"I do. And yes, I don't really play games like Uncle Eren and Uncle Jean."

Levi chuckled as he sat on the neatly tucked linens of Theo's bed. "That's good. Guess we have one common enemy, huh?"

"Yeah, germs."

Theo smiled as he sat beside his dad. The scenery was like a dream, and Theo wished that this dream he was having would never end. The not so pleasant evening before turned out to be great. He was relieved, he felt satisfied, content, and happy. He was sure Kenny felt the same too. And he was sure his mother would be feeling the same way too. They both sat in silence, as he let his dad linger around his room.

"So... How's my son?"

"Fine..."

"I heard Kenny said you're snarky."

"Goes the same for him."

Levi laughed, his eyes twinkling, wondering where Theo got his sassy attitude. Mikasa, you're missing the fun!

"Don't laugh dad, you're just the same." This time, Theo laughed.

A loud sound was thundering all over the cabin, making a lot of beats coming downstairs. Theo shook his head as he sighed, making Levi raised his brows as a form of curiosity. Before Levi could ask or say something, Theo took the spotlight. "Ignore that dad. Grand Kenny's pastime is playing karaoke every night. He sings French all the time."

"French? Huh?"

"French fucking fries. He's French dad!"

"Don't swear in front of me, young boy."

"I could say the same for you, old man."

They laughed in unison, overhearing Kenny's gargling singing background. Levi couldn't stop seeing the similarities between him and his son, getting annoyed at his past self thinking why the hell didn't he actually enjoy the milestones of his son before. He was a mess, but so was everyone, and this time he told himself sturdy that he would make everything right. He now understood the purpose, the whisper words of his late wife, the efforts of his friends, the sullen drank words of Kenny. Levi was not a perfect person, and he was thankful that there were still people who would accept him and love him just the way he is. Somewhere back in time, he thought that the only Family he could feel was Mikasa, but everything was different right now. The night was still young, and so they were. 

Levi learned it in a hard way, he suffered a lot, took the wrong road, but all of those things taught him the simple contentment he was enjoying right now. If there was one thing he would now regret, is that he left his floorboard dirty with Kenny's boots. He actually liked it here, the thought of living with his own family wrinkled his nose with gladness.

Levi broke the silence as they could hear the song Kenny was singing was about to end.

"Want to visit your mother tomorrow?"

"I really do. I heard she's with my sibling too!"

Theo didn't hear Levi replied but that was enough for him to understand the hidden words his dad won't say. Theo knew that there are wounds, but he knew that wounds only leave beautiful scars. He was thankful for the night, content with his life.

As for Levi, he finally felt the warm his heart was looking for. After a very long time, he felt his ear chilly, as he felt a warm breath touch the lobe of his ear again for the last time.

He listened silently as he heard a whisper from a voice he was so familiar with.

"Thank you, Levi."

**_End_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING UP WITH WWFY! And thank you to: @ackersquad37 for this lovely artwork for WWFY! Awesomesauce!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed my very first fanfic. For the mean time, my focus will be diverted to ATW before cleaning the cringe and mess of this fanfic. I might add some few series relating this story (Like what happened to Mikasa's funeral, and so on). But I can't promise that, yet I will try to uncover the hidden stories and such. Thank you once again for the supports and everything.
> 
> This is also for you, ackersquad and akihams! (:


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